‘Teen Mom 2’ Season 7B Episode 8 Recap: Bachelorette Party & Battling Ex-Boyfriends

As you do.

Howdy trash TV lovers! It’s time to take a peek back into the lives of those wacky gals from Teen Mom 2! With baby daddy drama brewing, uteri swelling with illegitimate babies and divorces looming, you’d think we’d get a more interesting episode than this but…hey, The Ashley did the best she could with what she was given.

Let’s get started!

We kick things off with Kail, who is going with Jo to drop Isaac off for his first day of first grade. After some pretty heartwarming father/son school prep footage, Isaac heads off to school with both his parents. They bid Isaac (armed with a Lunchable, naturally) adieu, and then drive off. They soon realize that they’ll still be in their thirties by the time Isaac enters high school.

Next, we check in to see Chelsea chatting with Other Chelsey (who is quickly morphing into someone who  looks like she would be playing Bunco with Chelsea’s mom, South Dee-ko-tah Mary).

“No, but for reals– can we play Bunco at the Bachelorette party?”

Other Chelsey brings up Chelsea’s upcoming bachelorette party. Since Chelsea is in a delicate condition (i.e. knocked up), the bachelorette party will be sans keg stands and men helicoptering their naughties in anyone’s face. Instead, Chelsea and her friend will be heading to the Houska family cabin for a weekend of low-key fun.

The next day, a few of Chelsea’s pals arrive, armed with bagged goodies for Chelsea. One of these goodies is a blowup doll of a naked man. (Hmm…I wonder if he knows Farrah’s blowup doll?) He is fully “equipped” which makes Chelsea really excited.

“He’s just like Adam: nothing in the head and full of hot air!”

The girls are busy blowing up the naked man as they shuttle Aubree out to the car. Chelsea reminds her pals not to say anything regarding the gender of her baby, because she doesn’t want MTV to know what she’s having yet. The girls load up and head off to the cabin, with the naked man sitting in the center seat, wing-wanger pointed toward the heavens.

Meanwhile, down in The WV, the twinseses are starting school! Now, as we all know, the schooleses isn’t well in West Virginia, but Leah still piled the girls onto the school bus bright and early, with a lunchbox that was surely full of snack meats and the biggest Thermos of Mountain Dew you ever did-dang see! (Hopefully Leah also remembered to pack a bounty of Sweet ‘n’ Low packets in each lunchbox. I’d imagine kids ’round these parts trade “them packets” like trading cards at school!)

“All y’all kids best not be smearin’ nuthin’ on my ding-dang seats now!”

Later that day, Leah fetches the twins from school and makes sure to tell the kids that they better not be leaving any sort of trash in her car. Because, as we all know, Leah is such a stickler for car cleanliness! (I am glad to see that poor Addie is no longer being used as a coat-and-crap rack, though. #ProgressYall)

Aleeah regales Leah with tales from the school bus. Apparently a couple of girls on the bus were telling other kids to shut their pie holes. Leah is alarmed and advises her daughter to stay away from “kids like them,” what with their anti-Christ attitudes and whatnot.

The youngins are “all riled up,” and eventually Addie lands herself a punishment of having to “set” in timeout. Well, you would have though that Duncan Hines just announced that they were no longer making canned frosting. Addie goes crazy, kicking and screaming.

Um…is this where the local hillbilly hoodlums go to smoke their meth or…?

Leah marches Addie and the twins into the house (past an ominous-looking area labelled the “Smoke Hole”…yeah) and plops Addie into timeout. Addie screams the whole time she’s forced to “set” in timeout, but Leah handles the situation well. (She didn’t even have to squirt no dye into the baby’s head or nuthin’!)

In North Carolina, Jenelle is visiting Fat Tony’s. Although “Fat Tony” may seem like the name of one of the many, many local street hoodlums that Jenelle has dated over the years, it’s actually the name of a restaurant that Jenelle, Lurch, and a smattering of their offspring are having lunch at.

When you’re trying to figure out if the kid sitting next to you belongs to you or your soulmate…

Jace looks mildly horrified when Jace informs him that it’s “family time.” When Jenelle reminds him that it’s a good thing for him to get to spend time with her and her Creature of the Month, Jace looks at her like she’s crazy.

“It’s a bad thing!” he tells Jenelle as he looks at Lurch.

Well…yeah, you really can’t blame the kid. I mean, would you want to log time with Lurch and Jenelle?

This is a very special edition of “family time,” however. It’s basically just Jenelle and Lurch bashing Nathan. (Now, don’t get me wrong: Nathan is certainly bash-able. I mean, those muscle tanks alone give me years of ammo, but the bashing shouldn’t be done in front of the kids or cameras.)

“Why don’t you show us one of your W-2s, Ma?”

Jenelle is angry that Nathan failed to text her back when she texted him to see if Kaiser was still alive.

“I mean, what was he doing?” she said. “He doesn’t have a job.”

Well…that makes three of ya then, Jenelle!

All of a sudden, Nathan texts Jenelle back. (What a coincidence!) He tells Jenelle that she basically sucks at parenting Kaiser as much as she sucks at being a poster child for pregnancy prevention.

Nathan says that Kaiser acts crazy the whole time Nathan has him, and that it’s Jenelle’s fault for not disciplining the kid when he’s at her house. (To be fair, Jenelle probably doesn’t even remember that she’s supposed to be taking care of Kaiser most of the time.)

“No fair! I put a baby inside you, so that means you’re mine for the next few months…at least until we both end up in the slammer!”

Lurch gets angry, saying that Nathan should allow Kaiser to do whatever he wants and that the kid has no discipline problems whatsoever when he’s with them. (Um…isn’t this the same kid ol’ Lurch was screaming at last season and calling a “little bitch?” Just sayin’…)

Nathan asks Jenelle if they can discuss Kaiser, but Lurch quickly shoots the idea down, leering at Jenelle as he tells her that she has nothing to discuss with the father of her child.

“I mean, how could he not wanna get with this?”

Jenelle, who has just got her eyebrows all freshly smeared on, must be feeling fancy. She assumes that Nathan wants to speak to her because he’s trying to get back together with her, now that he’s ditched Jessica, (aka 2017’s answer to Ashlee Simpson).

Well, Juh-nelle! I see ya certainly do think highly of ya self, don’t ya!?

“He’s just like, trying to like, suck up to me, like, all the time,” she says.

Or perhaps Nate is trying to secure a lesson in phonetics from a grammatical wizard such as Jenelle, who, like, knows?

Jenelle assures Lurch that she only has eyes for him, and that she is no longer trying to inhale the sweet smell of sweaty manbun a la Nathan.

The next day, Jenelle is sick (and perhaps “seeing molecules” again) so Lurch is charged with dumping off Jace at with Barb and picking up Kaiser from Nathan. On the drive over, Jace tells Lurch that Barb’s house is sometimes boring, so Lurch uses the opportunity to try to once again sell Jace on coming to live with him and Jenelle and their menagerie ‘o’ children. Lurch is telling Jace that he can ride dirt bikes every day and eat ice cream for dinner and basically have a roller coaster in his bedroom, if he can convince The Barb to let him come live with them.

“Oh no! Not the big, dumb oafy one again!”

Of course, Jace is seven so he has absolutely no say in where he lives, so it’s kind of cruel of Lurch to say those things. Soon, they meet up with Nathan to fetch Kaiser. The kid starts crying the second Lurch puts his big meaty paws on him. Nathan drives off quickly, hoping to make his 5 o’clock Jazzercise class at the gym.

The kid-exchanging isn’t over yet. Next to pull up into the swamp marshland is Babs, who is there to claim Jace.

“Kaaaaisa!” Babs bellows as she gets out of her car.

“Stay strong! I’ll come back for you, Kaiser, I promise!”

Kids are running all over, and no one seems to know which offspring goes to which parent/pseudo-parent/almost step-parent/random hobo sleeping in the marsh. (Oh hi, Kieffa!)

#BlendedFamily

Meanwhile, Leah is headed to the big city to take Ali to her doctor’s appointment. Apparently Mama Dawn and Granny Sandy weren’t able to go (they must’ve been having a sale up there at the Walmart or something), so Leah is taking Ali alone.

“I only packed one can of soup and 2 cans ‘a’ ravioli. I hope that’s enough for the trip!”

They arrive at the hospital in Columbus, and Ali is put through a series of tests to gauge her pain and progress. Soon Dr. Tsao arrives, ready to ruin everyone’s good mood because, well, that’s what Dr. Tsao does.

The doctor is happy to report that Ali is progressing well… but quickly reminds Leah that Ali will probably get worse after a few years.

“Hey MTV, when you finally ditch that hack, Dr. Drew, you call Dr. Tsao to host the reunions!”

He then tells Leah that he wants to get Ali’s twin Aleeah tested to see if she’s carrying the same gene for muscular dystrophy that Ali has. Leah is understandably nervous.

After the appointment, Leah calls up Corey to give him an update on Ali, and tell him that the doctor wants to test Aleeah. Corey agrees.

At the Houska Cabin ‘o’ Conception, Chelsea and her friends are running amok with plastic penises on their foreheads (as you do). Chelsea is throwing rings at them (but not, you know, Nuva Rings because this is ‘Teen Mom.’ We can’t have any of those up in here!)

The next day, the gals head to a mystery house. The tour guide warns Chelsea that she will feel strange things happen to her body for short periods of time.

So…it’s probably a lot like having sex with Adam, no?

The house is all wonky, so the girls are able to do a lot of weird things, like roll balls backwards and stand on the walls and stuff. After they finish at the mystery house, Chelsea & Co. load up into the car and drive to the next location. During the drive, one of Chelsea’s friends says something about the baby.

When your friend screams at you to shut up and it gets all weird…

“Shut the f**k up you guys!” Chelsea barks, obviously mad that one of her friends gave the show’s producers a hint about the baby’s gender. Producer Mandi picks up on the hint and figures out that Chelsea is having a boy.

Over in Delaware, Jo is talking to Vee about how well he is getting along with Kail these days. Vee brings up the idea that Jo should file for 50/50 custody of Isaac, and Jo looks like he is about to crap his Calvins just thinking about having to go up against Kail again.

“Ok I’ll go… But I’m wearing a cup when we have that conversation! Safety first!”

Vee reminds Jo that Kail is constantly depending on him to take Isaac.

“I’m content with the way things are going,” Jo says, making it clear that he’s not trying to get into another sweatpant-fueled brawl with Kail any time soon.

Vee says that she’s kind of tired of having to plan their lives around Kail’s Starbucks trips and vacations.

Well…the good news is that it appears that we’ve finally found Waldo…

In North Carolina, Jenelle informs Lurch that her friend “Jelly” (yesss) recently called her up to let her know that Nathan’s been ringing her, trying to see if there’s any way that he could still get into Jenelle’s pants. “Jelly” says that Nathan thinks it’s weird to see Jenelle pregnant. (Um…really? It happens every two to three years so.)

Jelly also reveals that Nathan thinks that he will once again be Jenelle’s Soulmate someday.

“David angry at Nathan. David punch Nathan. Nathan no take Jenelle.”

Lurch is not amused. He looks like he wants to grab Nathan up by the man-bun and use him as a tetherball.

Speaking of Nathan, he and one of his random beefed-up buddies are sitting around Nathan’s apartment.

“I feel like y’all film on these couches too much,” the friend says.

The best line uttered on a ‘Teen Mom’ show since ‘Is Kyle slow?’

Well, come on, bro. Where the hell else are they gonna film– the office where one of these knuckleheads works? Or the hospital where Jenelle is performing brain surgery? COME ON! It’s “Teen Mom,’ so scenes are filmed in one of three places: a big, ugly leather couch; the side of the road; or the hospital delivery room. That’s about it, unless it’s a Very Special Episode where one of the girls goes on vacation…or to rehab. Duh.

Nathan tells the producer that ol’ Lurch has been giving him an attitude lately, and that Lurch basically sent him the text message version of “let’s take this outside.” Nathan explains that he told Lurch that he wants nothing to do with Jenelle unless it has to do with Kaiser, and that he won’t try to stand in Lurch’s way when he and their jumble of offspring one day sail off into the swampland sunset.

“How dare he say I can’t swallow!”

Nathan admitted to Lurch that he once thought he and Jenelle “was perfect” but that they just couldn’t settle on some issues. (Like what color frame to use to hang your matching mugshots?) Nathan offers to go have a beer with Lurch so that they can talk, but Lurch uses that quick-wit of his to try to make a funny at Nate’s expense.

“He told me that I probably couldn’t even swallow a beer!” Nathan says.

Lurch is just being dumb. I think we all can agree that Nathan probably has no problem swallowing anything…

“So, um…this is awkward…”

Nathan is angry that Lurch lashed out, and thinks there’s a lot of jealousy and hormones going around. Nathan assures everyone that he does not want to get back with Jenelle, especially since she is now carrying the Spawn of Lurch in her loins.

In Delaware, Jo comes over to Kail’s place to talk. He has obviously decided to take Vee’s advice and bring up the custody issue with Kail. The second he mentions the word “custody,” Kail’s eyes dart up and she starts glaring at him. She’s not thrilled at the idea of Jo getting more legal custody of Isaac, and Jo looks like he wants to kick himself in the junk for even mentioning it to Kail.

“Note to self: Throw a Starbucks cup at Vee’s head next time I see her…”

Kail reveals that she’s now unhappy with Vee for putting this custody idea into Jo’s head, and Jo’s trying his best to smooth things over.

We check back in one last time with Jenelle. She and Lurch are once again going to drop off Kaiser with Nathan.

Nathan sends his parents to pick up Kaiser instead of going himself.

“I guess he just doesn’t want to see me,” Jenelle says.

“Don’t call Nathan a little bitch…you can only call Kaiser a little bitch…”

“Little BITCH!” Lurch chuckles, until Jenelle scolds him for making fun of Nathan in front of Kaiser.

After Kaiser is taken from the car, Lurch and Jenelle continue to talk about how awful Nathan is. Jenelle and Lurch are both totally convinced that Nate is petting a feather-filled lock of Jenelle’s hair and crying for Jenelle every night.

That’s all for this week! Let’s hope someone chucks a glass at someone else’s head next week to get things livened up in here!

To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous episode of ‘Teen Mom 2,’ click here!

(Photos: MTV)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

36 Comments

  1. This whole Lurch playing baby mama thing with Nathan and Babs is getting old. Wtf is he even involved in that for? Jenelle would be throwing mason jars of freshly made “ice water” left and right at every drop off if Nathan’s girlfriend was acting the way Lurch is.


  2. Does it bother anyone else that Leah and co. (even the Dr.) is constantly talking in front of Ali about how Ali could go south at anytime? This past episode, Leah was talking about how she will basically savor every moment with Ali (saying it right in front of her like she was about to die). Even if it’s true, and I’m certainly not saying it’s not, should they be talking about Ali right in front of her with such specificity? I don’t know. It bothers me. If I had been Ali, I would be depressed and worried all of the time about my health going downhill and possibly dying, if everyone had talked like this right to my face. While I realize Ali needs to be aware and prepared for what could, and probably will, happen… I just think they should spare her a little of thinking about it day in, day out. She is a child and she is alive. Please let her live her life for as long as she can, in the best manner that she can. The people around her need to be a little more upbeat, just so it’s easier for Ali to be upbeat. The child has a difficult life ahead of her.


  3. I swear, they should just air these shows with The Ashley doing a running commentary. It is too funny >.< Reading the recaps is 100 times better than watching the actual show


  4. Hey …. Kail and Chelsea …. if you don’t want MTV or the general public to know certain things about you ….. GET OFF THE DAMN show !!!!! No one forced you to sign yourselves away to MTV … but your signatures are on those contracts , so you don’t get to pick and choose what will be discussed / shown or not!!!!


    1. Oh and Chelsea….. YOU chose to have a child with Adam … no one forced you to do that either…. was only a few seasons ago you were crying over that douche


  5. I am not the only one who noticed that. It seems like all of them do but Leah and Corey the most. This season she has had the SUV, a red Pontiac, and the van with the wheel chair lift and Corey had a car, and two different trucks. Kail and Chelsea had at least two different ones. Jenelle and Lurch I have seen them in at least three. Ugh must be nice!!!


  6. Fabulous write up as always 🙂 You are the best, The Ashley!
    Oh my gosh, Leah. Girl needs to get it together, whatever it is. Lmao a thermos of Dew should keep em going strong for the last half the day!
    Can’t wait to hear about Kail’s Members Only/tailored Bugle Boy sweat pants on the next episode 🙂


  7. -Jenelle was reveling in the fact that Nathan said that he wanted to get back together with her…If she weren’t pregnant with Lurch’s baby, there’s no doubt in my mind she would’ve dumped Lurch and taken Nathan back with open arms, and David knows that…that’s why he kept looking like his head was going to explode anytime Jenelle mentioned it. Lurch is SO possessive of Jenelle. He basically hunted her down (he was Courtlands cell mate), trapped her, he is ALWAYS with her….I think he’s obsessed with her…When they break up she better be ready, cuz he’s going to be a STALKER…just look at what happened with his one baby mama

    -Kail looked like she was possessed by the devil himself when Jo mentioned custody. V did make valid points because it does seem like they cater to Kail and when she wants to give them Isaac, but I definitely see where Jo is coming from. It’s his son so he’s going to always be at his beck and call, as he should be. I don’t think their custody arrangement now is bad enough to take to court, so V should probably stay out of it…but Kail needs to stop being selfish and start taking their needs and time into consideration.


  8. I am still baffled as to why Chelsea has to call her Daddy to find out how much child support her ex owes her. Shouldn’t that be her responsibility to keep tabs on?

    And I’m glad I wasn’t the only one that clocked the “smoke hole”. What the hell is that???


    1. I thought that was weird too but…I’m guessing that he is her money handler. Which is probably why she seems like the only one who has been smart with it. She owns her home outright, which seems to be impossible for any of the other girls. She probably has everything set up with an allowance that drops into her account or something. Her Dad is a dentist, I’m guessing he’s not hurting for $$ and probably knows how to properly maintain it.


  9. I don’t watch TM2, but I do read your recaps, because they are hilarious! You did a great job again, but my favorite part has to be:”Stay strong! I’ll come back for you, Kaiser, I promise!” loooool


    1. Yeah, that was my favourite part too (it made me cackle, Babs style), although “Creature of the Month” is a close second! I was wondering though, since I haven’t seen all of TM and TM2 in the past… why is “is Kyle slow?” funny? I know who he is and that Ryan asked that, but I feel I miss the context to get it. Anyone willing to explain?

      Also: Jenelle complaining about Nathan why he needs to go out every weekend. REALLY? Jenelle, meet Jenelle, a “mother” of three who did more partying with her first child than any feeding, changing diapers etc. with all of her three kids combined! What a hypocrite!


      1. I think it was funny because Ryan was being all serious saying Maci he REALLY needed to ask her something, then he was like ‘no I don’t want to just ask, I’ma text you what I want to ask you’ and then asked her… And giggled… It was pretty iconic :p (also some of this might be wrong, it’s been so long since I watched that episode)


        1. Thanks, knowing Ryan asked it with so much preparation and looked so serious about it, I totally get why it would be funny! I always thought people were making fun of Kyle because he wasn’t very talkative and that’s just mean. So when I saw The Ashley mentioning it, I knew I was missing se context, she would not make fun of someone for something he/she can’t help.


  10. Jo is a fool. *Insert Gillbert Gottfried voice*. You FOOL. Take a field trip back to a couple seasons, Jo. Remember how Kail used to dangle visitation in front of you? Remember how she would judge how you used your visitation, and attempt to control your time? Remember when she branded you “sh!tbag dad of the year” because you missed a basketball/soccer game? And now you are Ward Cleaver because she needs you as the babysitter. When (not if) she gets a new steady man (or woman) in her life, you will be banished back to the catacombs where she sends all men she is done using.

    Vee realizes this. Vee knows what’s up. Vee is trying to protect Jo from the inevitable fall that will take place. Sigh….


    1. Dude. You fill up one ding-dang car with kid crap, you have to have something new to film in. I mean, really, PO. The kidses need something to ride in to go get more Lunchables without Addie trying to ward off a brain injury from falling car-crap debris. lol jk


  11. Janelle has morphed in to Sally Jessie Raphael. Who is she kidding with those stupid glasses and all that lipstick? You can put lipstick on a pig, it won’t make it responsible.


  12. Anyone else think Chelsea was a major bitch to her friends? And she was the one to bring up the damn suspenders in the first place! Smh


    1. I totally thought the same thing! Then she called them idiots or stupid or something afterwards. I’ve never heard any of her friends talk to her (or each other) like that


      1. He shouldn’t be with her. She doesn’t deserve him back and hasn’t worked towards even having that be a possibility. Just because she has money and a house, it doesn’t make her a great mom. She just isn’t maternal, like at all. Jace would have had the best chance at life if he was adopted by a nice family far away from this family. As far as Chelsea, maybe if you weren’t filming a tv show you wouldn’t have to worry about your personal info slipping out. Gtfo the show already. Why should she be paid $500,000 a year to eat peanut butter sandwiches, talk in a weird alien voice back and fourth with Cole, and constantly use the words Adam, Custody, and Child Support every episode year in and year out.


        1. Why should she be fired for being smart? Chelsea has the biggest social media following and she’s the closest thing to a role model in this franchise. Not everyone has to be a train wreck. Im sure production likes her because she’s popular and she hasn’t threatened to quit umpteen times like the rest of the ungrateful lot. Leah & Kail have/are both hiding boyfriends from the show. Chelsea only wants a wedding without a camera in her face and a born without a camera in her cooch. So what?


          1. lol Chelsea and smart pmsl

            Her papa is the one in control of her finances, otherwise she would have spent it on pointless crap just like the other teen moms.

            She was dreadful to her friends


      2. Dude. But she’s, like, the best mother she knows. And she’s tired of the woman that took in her kid when she signed over custody keeping him from her. She’s not even kidding, dude.


        1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH yessss. This was perfect. I will never, ever not think of Jenelle as the girl who couldn’t go to court because of Kesha…dude. Like, she had feathers in her hair and everything, dude. Oh my god, dude. Dude.
          Dude.


    1. I do feel for Jenelle, but seriously, if she really loves Jace, she would leave him where he is. Babs has had the child for so long, he is practically hers. Babs is all the child knows, and he is happy where he is at. As painful as it would be to leave him there – and I totally get that; I’m a mother; I adore my children – I would leave him there…Because I LOVE him. Even if it hurt. The child’s well-being should be more important than if *I* felt loved or neglected. Do it for the child, Jenelle. Don’t think about you, for once.

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