It’s Crappy Summer Programming Time! How Awesome is "True Beauty?!"

Must stand here and look important…

June is upon us, which means that the reality show season finales have passed. We know who the Biggest Loser is, we have a new American Idol and another America’s Next Top Model (who you’ll never hear about again) has been announced. Time for crappy summer programming!!!! 

The Ashley loves her some bad summer reality shows. In a desperate attempt to capture some of the Idol-loving zombies who are wandering around TV land looking for something to watch after they eat their dinner, the networks put out these crap-tastically bad reality shows for us to feast on! 

This year is extra special! The Reality Gods have smiled on The Ashley, bringing back one of her favorite bad shows from last year: True Beauty!

“Bitch please! There’s not a chance in hell that I’m a good person inside.”

You remember this one; this is the show where Vanessa Minnillo acts as the “secret” host, tricking shallow and appearance-obsessed nitwits into thinking they are on a reality show competing to be America’s Most Beautiful Douchebag or something. 

But— not so fast, friends. Here’s the kicker: these creep-nuggets are not being judged by how pretty they are on the outside, they’re being judged by how pretty they are on the inside

Last week we were introduced to the crop of contestants, who now think they are competing to be “The Face of Las Vegas.” Ironically, not one of these people is actually from Vegas, but I guess that’s not important. 

“True Beauty” starts to deliver the crap right away, starting when each contestant is announced on a stage in downtown Las Vegas (the Strip is reserved for movies and TV shows with actual substance, I guess.)  

Anyway, the first challenge is for the contestants to go to the vintage store, The Attic and pick out an alter-ego Vegas look for under $200. These contestants certainly won’t win any points for originality: there’s the token Vegas pimp, the Vegas cowboy and  the girl who wants to be Lady Luck. The only one who thinks “outside the box” is JD, who decides he wants to be a drag queen (this is true probably in life as well.) 

Those sneaky judges set up the contestants with a fake stylist, who is actually less concerned about their outfits, and more concerned with getting them to steal some piece of overpriced garbage to complete their look. A few of the contestants take the bait and steal something from the store….uh, oh, this will anger the Almighty Vanessa Minnillo. Apparently, if you fall for a stylist’s trick one time, you are a bad person. 

So, blah blah blah, one contestant (I won’t tell you who in case you haven’t watched it on your TiVo yet) is chosen to leave. But, before that person goes home, those sneaky judges have one last surprise for him/her! The Almighty Vanessa Minnillo steps out from behind the curtain to tell them the truth about the show, and then let them see what a truly revolting and disgusting person they really are!  

This show is amazing!! You must watch it!

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