Look Out, Gary! ‘Teen Mom’ Amber Portwood Says She Wants to be an MMA Fighter

Domestic violence isn't funny...but this is kinda funny.
Domestic violence isn’t funny…but this is kinda funny.

Since we first met the destructive duo that is Gary Shirley and Amber Portwood on 16 & Pregnant, they’ve done nothing but fight, break up, get engaged and eat. Of all the couples featured, they are definitely the most physically aggressive toward each other.

For whatever the reason, Amber feels that Gary deserves a beat-down via her orange-colored fist whenever he does something that she doesn’t like. Gary didn’t take the trash out? Better hit him in the face with a frying pan. Gary forgot to put the baby’s car seat back in the car? Time to run him over with a Mac truck!

Although she cried at the ‘Teen Mom’ Season 1 Reunion Show about how sorry she was that she attempted to beat up Gary, she’s back to her old domestic violence tricks again. Um…isn’t domestic violence illegal?

In addition to her beat-downs, Amber also dishes out plenty ‘o’ insults to the Gar-Bear, hulking around screaming mean things at the poor guy. She frequently calls him an idiot, which is true, but only because he’s stupid enough to stay with her Ompalompa’d ass! Sure, he makes poor decisions, but the man dressed up as a rabbit for his daughter on Easter, for God’s sakes! That has to win him some points! I’m sure that skank he met at Wal-Mart would appreciate him!

Anyway, The Ashley was thrilled to see our favorite teenage trainwrecks on the cover of Us Weekly this week. Farrah and Macy were featured on the cover, but inside, there were interviews with all four girls. There were lots of fun tidbits in the article, but one quote from Amber stuck out.

Lineman camp never prepared Gary for this, sadly...
Lineman camp never prepared Gary for this, sadly…

When she was asked what her career aspirations were (Wait…you mean peddling tanning products for $8 an hour doesn’t count as a career? If only she had gotten that pesky GED that we heard about endlessly all last season), Amber said this:

“I always wanted to be a cosmetologist, but now I’m leaning toward being a mixed martial arts fighter. It keeps me in shape, keeps my head clear and I think I should wake up every day doing something I love.”

I’m sorry, what?!

A mixed martial arts fighter? Like a UFC fighter? Seriously? I know she clearly enjoys terrorizing people, but where the hell did this come from? It’s like me telling people when I grow up I’d really like to be a snowman. WTF?!

The one good thing that will come of this is that Amber won’t be corrupting the hair of Indiana’s women any more than it already is. Click here for an example.

If Amber’s going to become a trained fighter, Gary, buddy, you need to invest in body gear– and a giant can of mace…just sayin’….

(Photos: MTV)

3 Responses


  1. Holy crap, this had me laughing hysterically!!!! Wow, she is truly a train wreck and he’s a broken down, no confidence having, sloppy whipping post. I really do feel sorry for him-thinking that she’s the best he can do. I do believe the WalMart skank is a far sight better than that angry animal he thinks he loves.

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