Bring on the Bad Hair! It’s Makeover Day on America’s Next Top Model!

“This won’t hurt a bit…except for the excruciating pain you’ll feel when all that bleach starts to burn your scalp!”

If any crappy reality show has gone down-hill (I mean, further down-hill) in the past few seasons, it’s America’s Next Top Model. What was once an edgy and fun show has now become a weekly, hour-long homage to Tyra Banks’ former modeling career. Seriously, must we look at a modeling photo of Tyra before and after every commercial break? And before the girls do a shoot? And after the girls do a shoot? And during judging? And all over the walls of the house? Good Lord!

This photo pretty much sums up ‘makeover’ day perfectly: horrified girl with bad hair, the Jays laughing at what they did to her, and the girl in the background silently smirking at how bad her competition looks. Love it!

Anyway, ANTM used to be one of The Ashley’s all-time favorite shows. But for the last five seasons, the show has really taken a nose dive, causing The Ashley to use the time she formerly devoted to the watching this crapfest to watch other shows.

One episode, however, stands above all of the rest— makeover week! This episode contains everything that gets The Ashley excited: crying girls, bad hair and makeup and people having to pretend they like their ‘new look’ so they don’t anger the TyMonster and get kicked off. (“Thanks, Tyra. I was just telling my friends that if given the choice to look like a celebrity, I would choose to look like Larry from The Three Stooges. Thanks for making my dream come true with your crap-tastic makeover.”)

Another satisfied customer of the Tyra makeover factory!

Each season, the girls receive these makeovers in attempt to make them look more “high-fashion.” However, most of them end up looking like they plunked a bad Halloween wig on their heads. Tyra may have been a great model, but she sure sucks at giving makeovers. She totally disregards face shape, skin tone and the girl’s personality when choosing their new looks, causing them to look like a not-even-close-to-hot mess!

The girls that end up looking good are the ones that Tyra more or less leaves alone. However, each season several girls are sacrificed for shock value; their hair shaved off, bleached to the brink of destruction, or cut to resemble strange tropical birds’ feathers.

Sometimes I think Tyra simply enjoys making pretty girls look bad, in an effort to satisfy her own enormous ego. Oftentimes she even goes so far as to make FUN of the girls whose hair she brutalized. For instance, she called Lisa from Cycle 9 a “little poodle” after she gave her a short, cropped hair cut that made her curly hair resemble a poodle’s coat.


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