Farrah Abraham got a new job and, for once, it has nothing to do with going on low-rent reality TV shows or hawking replicas of her body parts.
Penthouse magazine has hired the former Teen Mom OG star as their new book critic. In other news, we have just entered The Twilight Zone!
The nudie mag announced on Wednesday that they chose Farrah as their book critic to bring “her unique perspective to reviews of new and classic literature.” Farrah’s first critique targeted author Joan Didion’s 1968 book Slouching Towards Bethlehem.
The Ashley has decided to do her own review of Farrah’s very first book review.
Penthouse purports that Farrah wrote the critique; however The Ashley and anyone else who is familiar with the Backdoor Teen Mom’s signature “Farrah Speak” can see that if Farrah did, indeed, write this review, a team of editors was most likely working overtime trying to translate the “Farrah Speak” into this semi-readable text.
After all, the Ex on the Beach star’s previous “writings” all contain Farrah’s signature misuse of words, ridiculous run-on sentences and general abuse of the English language. (Anyone who has read this “Farrah Speak” Word Salad Masterpiece, which was written by Farrah, can see the difference.)
Whoever wrote the intro to Farrah’s first book review obviously has not watched Farrah’s 16 and Pregnant episode, or Teen Mom, because they described Farrah as “enduring a working-class childhood and life as a single teen mom.”
Did they forget that Farrah’s mother Debra “Debz OG” Danielsen let Farrah and her daughter stay IN HER SPARE HISTORICAL MANSION (where she could burn microwavable pizzas all the live-long day?!) That’s hardly a “working class” upbringing, guys!
Anyway, in her first review of Joan Didion’s book, Farrah comes in hard.
“As a devout reader, I believe women should write their life stories because most journeys teach valuable lessons,” “Farrah” writes. (The Ashley is putting Farrah in quotations because she does not believe that the Backdoor Teen Mom actually wrote that sentence.)
“But if you want consumers to trust you, you probably should avoid starting a book with your gin issues. Journalist and screenwriter Joan Didion apparently never received this message.”
This is written by Farrah— who, mind you, is responsible for the literary dribble that is this series of romance novels, as well as the autobiography called My Teenage Dream Ended (which has a whole section devoted to what her baby daddy’s, um, “love juice” was like.)
“Farrah’s” review continues.
“If you’re looking to find out what not to do as a writer, this is a great book for you. Over the course of twenty essays, Didion describes her life in Los Angeles during the sixties. She jumps from year to year, often for no rhyme or reason. The non-linear structure confuses me. I had to wonder, ‘Was Didion even trying when she wrote this junk?'”
(Raise your hand if you’re surprised that Farrah is confused by “non-linear structure.” Anyone?)
“Farrah’s” review also contains this pip:
“I suspect Didion wrote many half-truths because she prides herself on her diva behavior. At one point, Didion brags about her missed deadlines. Who does that? If Didion behaved this way on a reality tv set, she would be fired for unprofessionalism.”
The only part of this review The Ashley believes Farrah actually wrote is the final paragraph (although it was likely heavily edited).
“If you’re looking for a book that discusses real issues, you are better off picking up my memoir, My Teenage Dream Ended,” Farrah writes. “My life story is closer to the truth of life.”
According to TMZ, Farrah’s next book review will tackle one of Senator Kamala Harris‘ books.
Jesus God Leah.
The money from Farrah’s new gig will probably come in handy. As The Ashley previously told you, a judge recently ordered Farrah to pay Damon Feldman $12,000 after he sued her for backing out of her November boxing match. In addition, the management of the building that Farrah used to house two of her Texas businesses in is suing her for over $100,000 in back-owed rent.
Anyway, to read Farrah’s entire review of Joan Didion’s book, click here!
(Photos: Gregg DeGuire/Getty Images; MTV; Ethan Miller/Getty Images)