American Idol Top 10 Guys: Music to Clean your Kitchen to…

Well, last night’s performance was another snooze-fest. A last minute change caused the boys to go first, with the girls performing tonight. Crystal “Lillith Fair” Bowersox apparently went to the hospital last night and therefore Idol changed its lineup. Crystal is clearly a front-runner for the girls (and rightfully so, she’s good), but it make me wonder if they would have changed the whole lineup if the sick girl had been…say Paige Miles…(who?! My point exactly.)

Anyway, the boys had a less-than-stellar performance overall, so much so that I spent most of the episode listening while cleaning my kitchen. A few performances made me pop my head around the corner, but let’s face it, I didn’t drop the sponge and go sit down to watch for any of them. Oh, Adam Lambert, where are you when I need you?!

"You want me to do WHAT?!" Poor Toddy...

I also must critique the judges. They are all over the place this year. Last week, some were told to do something, and when they did it this week, they were told to go back and do what they did before. For instance, poor Todderick Hall doesn’t know WHAT they want him to do. In Hollywood Week, they told him “don’t be a sound-alike.” So for the last 2 weeks he takes their advice and puts a unique spin on two well-known songs. They pan him and tell him “Just sing the song.” Last week, they told him “don’t dance. This is a singing contest.” So he doesn’t dance and they say “You really need to move out there.” Um, Toddy, along with everyone else is thinking, “What the hell do you people want me to do?!”

My feelings on last night’s contestants. I am still learning their names, so forgive me if I don’t get them all.

Big Ol’ Mike: As much as it pains me to say, because I think the last thing this guy needs is anyone else feeding his enormous ego, Mike did good. He showed that he had a big voice to go along with those big ol’ biceps. But oh, how it hurts me to say it.

John Park: the cure for insomnia?

John “Sleepy Time” Park: John Park, once again, proved to be a drug-free alternative to Ambien when you need to go to sleep. His performances are so forgetable, I can’t remember what song he sang. This is unfortunate, because this guy actually has a great voice. (Ok, who else thinks it’s creepy that English is his second language and he speaks it completely unaccented and better than me?!)

Jermaine Sellers: This guy just irks me. With an ego as big as Kanye’s but half the talent, Jermaine needs to go. He talked about how he likes to wear footy pajamas. To be honest, I would have rather watched Jermaine sit on stage quietly in his footie pajamas than have to hear him sing. Please go home.

“Toddy” Hall: The Toddster is one of my favorites, and I like his take on “What’s Love Got to do with It.” It was strange at points, but at least he’s trying to be interesting. I’d rather have strange than a snooze-fest.

Casey, the Long-Haired Brad Pitt: Casey brought out his guitar, as well as his yummy good looks, and delivered a song that’s been done waaay too many times on Idol. (Ryan even mentions it). It’s some Nickelback song or something that they overplayed on the radio in about 2005. The judges didn’t like it but I thought he was one of the best.

Aaron Kelly: Ten Years Too Late

Aaron Kelly: Everyone’s favorite lil’ singer did a good job, although he got panned. His country-flavored version of “My Girl” was a good effort, but I just can’t stop thinking about how much he reminds me of a member of the bad boybands of the late 1990s.

Mexican Guy With Neck Tattoo: The guy from Moreno Valley (I can’t remember his name, but I know where he lives, go figure) did a stand-up-and-sing performance and got shuffled into the crowd. I still really like his voice and predict that him and Casey will go Top 6 this year.

Lee D. Weazel: The best performance of the night…Lee has a husky, David Cook-eque voice and seems to pick the right songs. I predict he also goes Top 6 this year.

The rest of the performanes were either so forgettable, (or so painful that I’ve managed to block them out of my head) that I don’t even have enough to write about. I do know that Tim, the Cabbage Patch Kid and the mullet kid will probably go home tonight.  I just hope they take the vomit-inducing Jermaine Sellers with them.

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