Survivor Finale: The Leprechaun Didn’t Get the Pot of Gold This Time

Russell, seen with a list of his next required court dates.

I guess you could say the lesser of two evils won this season of Survivor.

Parvati and Russell were infuriated as they watched the sneaky and useless Sandra managed to steal away their million dollar paycheck last night. Meanwhile, the voted out castaways that pulled the puppet strings to make this happen all laughed with glee as the cool ‘mil was awarded to probably the worst physical competitor Survivor has seen in years.

Was it Sandra’s “lippy” and “feisty” personality that enabled her to steel the title of Sole Survivor and giant check away from Parvati and Russell? Hell no, it was the fact that every single person on the jury wanted to kick Russell and Parvati’s face in. And as typical with her, Sandra didn’t do much, and therefore was awarded the money.

The best part of the whole night was watching Russell sit there with the final three at the reveal, knowing full well that he wasn’t going to win. He probably didn’t care that much about getting the money (him being a ‘big oil tycoon’ and all…) His ego just can’t stand being beat by a useless girl— twice!! He was practically shaking with anger when Jeff was reading the votes (none were cast for the creepy little leprechaun, btw.)   

A quick recap of what happened to get us to this point, in case you haven’t watched the episode on your TiVo yet and you’re too lazy to watch it:

Sad little Colby limped along the entire season, the whole time looking like his best pig had died (maybe he did, I don’t know.) After somehow squeaking by week after week, he was mercifully voted out, leaving four villains to make up the Final Four.

The Final Four Challenge is a maze where the contestant walk around blindfolded and proceed to grope around (and each other) looking for a series of four medallions. After they found them all, they were able to look for the immunity necklace, saving them from the elimination guillotine and putting them in the run for the million dollars. While Russell got the necklace, while Sandra just got lost and ended up wandering around blindly like Sammy Davis Jr. the rest of the challenge. LOL!

So Russell pulls a typical evil leprechaun move and votes out Jerry, his faithful puppy-dog sidekick from way back, leaving Parvati, Russell and Sandra to battle for the jury’s votes at the final tribal council.

So then they wheel in the jury, which includes Coach, who has dressed up like Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell for the occasion, as well as the over-makeup’d Courtney and Danielle. (I guess if you take a girl’s Maybelline away for 30-some days, they feel the need to double layer it for awhile when they finally get it back.)

"It's true, dawg. She called you her pet."

Typical “I’m the best. I’m the most honest. I did the most” bullshit ensues, with the only remarkably funny moment being when Parvati says that she kept Russell as her pet. Double LOL! The look on Russell’s face is priceless, like he wants to take out one of his teeth and throw it at her eye (maybe that’s why he’s missing that tooth!)

One other notable thing: what the hell was up with the fur on Parvati’s face?! Did anyone else notice that her entire face is freakishly covered in peach fuzz?! WTF? Maybe that jungle air does wonders for hair growth, but it really freaked me out.

This season they showed practically all of the jury’s votes, which I didn’t like because you know by the end of the episode, Russell isn’t mathematically able to win. That kind of kills it. Russell also knows at the end of the tribal council that he won’t be getting the million. (I’ll bet he was super-pissed that he still had to show up at the finale special, knowing he would probably not get any votes at all.)

So, obviously, it comes down to Sandra and Parvati in the finale, with Sandra edging Parvati for the win. I was voting for Parvati, as she played just as aggressively as Russell. However, unlike Russell, she is a master of screwing people with a smile.

The Survivor Reunion that followed (which I had to postpone taking my shower to watch) turned out to be a complete yawn-fest, with no catfights, no screaming matches and nothing new being revealed, except that the next Survivor will take place in Nicaragua.

Russell was, however, awarded the $100,000 fan favorite prize, once again beating Rupert. Surely, Russell will be using that money to pay for his upcoming court appearances….

This season of Survivor was great! Here’s to finding someone even more evil and annoying than Russell for next season so I have something to blog about!

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