Jake’s a “Bachelor” Again! Vienna Splits With Jake— and She Sells Him Out!

"OMG Mom, and he has on really tight jeans, a phone belt clip and a dorky turtleneck! Get me out of here!"

That didn’t take long!! Less than five months after good guy-turned-famewhore Jake proposed to Vienna Sausage on The Bachelor, the engagement ring is off! (No doubt the tart kept the ring, and is probably in the process of selling it on eBay!)

So they broke up. That’s not exactly startling news. These two had about as much of a chance of making it down the aisle as Kasey and Ali (well…Kasey and anybody, really.) Remember, Jake chose the Sausage over the beautiful and sweet Tenley. (It’s too late to even try to get Tenley back now, Jake. She’s already filming The Bachelor Pad, and is probably currently frolicking in some hot tub with the Jonathon the Weatherman. You blew it big time, buddy.)

Finally, Jake has realized what all the other girls in the house (and the TV viewers) knew all along about Vienna Sausage: she had no interest in him. The only thing she wanted was her SAG card (SAG as in “Screen Actors Guild” not saggy boobs— she already has those!) She wanted to be famous, and if it took jumping into bed with a dorky guy in Dockers, so be it!

So how did Jakey-poo realize that Vienna was not his soul mate? When he saw it published on the cover of Star Magazine, of course!

Surprise, Jake!

In true famewhore fashion, Vienna didn’t tell Jake that their relationship was over. She simply let him find out when he saw it on the newsstands! I keep thinking of poor Jake, running into the 7-11 to pick up a chili dog and a coke (no cigs for Mr. Wonderful), and seeing his future wife’s face on a magazine cover that is declaring that not only are they broken up, but Jake was abusive! I feel bad for him!

According to PopEater:

“Vienna sold the split story to Star for $90,000 behind Jake’s back,” a publishing insider tells me. “Jake was totally blindsided. Not only did he have no idea that Vienna was calling off their three-month engagement, he also had no idea that she would be the type of girl to profit from the breakup.”

(You can read the rest of that article here.)

Um…we all knew she was that type of girl: how did Jake not know?! Naturally, Jake has since sold his side of the story to People Magazine. (Hey, it’s better than simply talking shit on each other on your MySpace blogs— might as well get paid!)

This pic was taken the night after Vienna's "devastating" breakup. Clearly, Greg is holding her hand because he's trying to help her through the pain...riiiight....

However, TMZ is reporting that it was actually Jake that broke it off with Vienna, because he thought she was cheating on him with actor Gregory Michael. (Vienna dating an actor— I couldn’t imagine that happening…she seems like such a private person…) Maybe Vienna selling the story to Star Magazine was her way at getting back at Jake for breaking up with her— she wanted to be the dumpee! This is actually the story I believe, to be honest.

But who really cares who broke up with whom at this point? The good thing is that both of them found out that the other was a lame famewhore who didn’t really love them. I’m just happy we aren’t going to have to watch them suck face at public events and see their fake, smiling faces on any more of those “Catching up with our Happy Couples” Bachelor specials. Wheel out Trista and Ryan, stat!

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