Meet the New (Recycled) Bachelor! And His Potential Wives!
Wait…haven’t I met you before?
That’s what any observant Bachelor fan will be screaming when the new season of the show starts in January. (Seriously? We have to wait until 2011 for this crappy show to return?! That’s like over a month and three major holidays away– waaaa!)
The Ashley has to ask…. What the fuck, ABC?! There are probably like 150,000,000 men in the United States. We’ll say roughly half are unmarried or are willing to cheat on their wives for the chance to have a harem of women fight over them. We’ll say probably a quarter of those guys are probably willing to go on a reality show and look stupid. So that means the producers of the Bachelor had somewhere around 1,870,000 men to choose from the be the next Bachelor. Yet, they’ve chosen to bring back Brad Womack as the Bachelor for this next round. (You ‘member Brad, right? He was the one that ditched both girls on the finale and went home and jacked off.)
Well, he’s back and ABC has just released the photos of the gals that will be vying for his heart. Which girl will Brad choose to ‘guard and protect his heart’ this time around? Will he go back and beg the gal he left behind, DeAnna, for forgiveness and offer to rescue her from Double Wedding Hell? Will Brad decide he’s gay and try to seduce Chris Harrison?
No, probably not. But rumor is that he actually chose a girl this time.
Wanna check out the gals he gets to choose from? Guaranteed at least one of them is super-clingy and creepy; at least three of them will list their careers as “Actress/Model/Waitress” and will be trying to get their big breaks, and at least half of them will be annoying tarts. The rest of them may be decent.
Wanna see the ladies? All of these photos came from ABC.com. They posted the photos and then they asked readers “What do you think of her?” How sad is that?! People were commenting about how ugly some of the girls are, how they have creepy teeth or look like “The Ugly Kardashian sister.” How sad.
The Ashley isn’t going to make any negative comments about the girls’ appearances (even though a few of these girls look like they’ve been hit with the ugly stick a few times.) However, their clothes, accessories and interview answers are up for review!
She only makes fun of people once they have had the chance to prove that they’re an idiot, so she will post the pics and then give her opinions on who she thinks will be the best picks for this putz Brad.
On with the show!
Alli, an apparel merchant. (Which means she sells clothes at GAP, ya’ll)
Ashley is a 26-year-old dentist; she’s hot, she has a good career and she’s got a good name!
Ashley S. is a nanny (Seriously, was every girl born in the years of 1983-1986 named Ashley!?)
Britnee is a 25-year-old paralegal. She is very cute
and has a good job, making her one of The Ashley’s top picks!
Britt (does anyone actually go by that name?) is a ‘food writer.’ Never heard it called that before…
Chantal is an executive assistant. You know she’s gonna be this season’s bitchy gal!
Cristy is an attorney….I can’t believe someone who is that smart would be on this lame-ass show.
Emily, a children’s hospital event planner, is super hot and is West Virginia so she’ll have an awesome accent! One of my picks.
J…yah…that’s it. Seriously girl? Your name is J? Can’t you even try to make it less annoying? Like ‘Jae?’ Lame-O
Jackie is an artist. (OK, so Jackie is unemployed.)
Making popsicle stick houses while reading the “Want Ads” doesn’t make you an artist.
Jill is a sales director. You won’t see much of her; I have a feeling she’ll be a “blender.” (AKA one of those girls who giggles in the background when one of the big-mouthed girls make a joke, but never talk
themselves.) Just my opinion though.
Keltie (yah, that’s her name) is a Radio City Rockette who looks a little too much like Trista. Hopefully she doesn’t have her annoying laugh too or I may have to shoot my television set.
Kimberly is in marketing. She was probably a cheerleader at some point.
Lacey is an insurance agent. I can just tell she’s going to annoy me.
Lauren is a teacher. And she scares me.
Lindsay is also a teacher. She looks really nice, like she could be Miss America or something. She is one of The Ashley’s picks!
Lisa M. is in marketing…she looks a little, um, sporty.
Lisa P. is in sales. She looks like she’d have long fingernails that have rhinestones on them. That’s the first thing I thought of when I saw her. LOL
Madison is the token model of the season. People on the ABC website were saying that she was ugly, but I think she’s super pretty. She just took an unfortunate picture. I think she’ll clean up nice and is probably too hot for Brad.
Marissa is a sports publicist. For some reason I feel like she’ll be the ‘background chick’ who lasts a while but you never actually remember is on the show.
Meghan is a fashion marketer. She has poor taste in jewelry.
Melissa is a waitress. She looks like Gwenyth Paltrow.
Michelle’s a hair stylist. She looks super high-maintenance, but she’s pretty hot!
Raichel is a ‘man waxer’ from the OC! She works right by The Ashley’s old office! (BTW- a man waxer is exactly what it sounds like..she gets all up in there and gives men face and body waxes.)
Rebecca is an esthetician (which means skin care, BTW.)
Renee is another nanny. Really?! Two nannies in one season?! Who even has money for a nanny anymore?
Sarah L. is a musical theater performer. I’m bracing myself for her to break into song periodically during the show… (‘Summer lovin’, had me a blast…) Oh, God, help us.
Shawntel is a funeral director. She looks like Shanya Twain but has a creepy job. Interesting….
Sarah P. actually has a job, she’s a real estate broker. She’s also one of The Ashley’s top picks!
Stacey is a bartender, and is ready to make you a cadillac margarita over at the El Torito!
The Ashley is going to make some guesses now:
Most Likely to Creep People Out: Shawntel or Sarah L.
Most Likely to Tackle Brad and Put Him in the Hospital: Stacey or Lisa M. (they look like tough broads)
Brad’s Best Choices: (based on looks, career and answers to their ABC.com interview questions):
Ashley (of course), Britnee (despite the poorly spelled named), Emily and Sarah P. (I’m probably going to be totally wrong though!)
To read the entire story about the gals and see the stupid questions ABC asked them (tattoo count?! Seriously?), click here.