The Ashley's Handy Dandy Guide to Upcoming Reality Shows…

"My name's Brad and I'm just going to lean up against this wall until you let me come back on "The Bachelor." Thanks.

It’s almost New Years Eve, which means many of you will be spending this Friday night in a cheap vodka-induced semi-coma (you know AMBO will be!)

It also means that a whole new season of crappy reality shows will be premiering at the start of the new year!!! The Ashley is so excited she feels like she’s going to pee her Hanes Her Ways! (Just for the record, I don’t actually wear those. I think I had a pack in 7th grade though!)

Moving on…

The Ashley has had the dates of the premieres of all of her favorite reality shows swimming around her head. It’s time to get them all nailed down in one place so she doesn’t forget to tune in!! As a courtesy to my fellow crappy TV fans, I’ve composed this list of start dates of all the good shows!!

Here’s what The Ashley will be watching this season….

The Bachelor – premieres Monday, Jan 3

Apparently ABC is going green for this season of everyone’s favorite cheesy lovefest. They have decided to recycle former Bachelor Brad Womack and foist him on another batch of women. (‘Member he was the one that ended up freaking out at the proposal and ditched both girls. It was freaking awesome.) The only problem with bringing Brad back? I thought he was a snoozefest the first time; I can’t imagine how boring he will be for round two. But of course I’ll be watching and making fun where appropriate!

The Biggest Loser – premieres Tuesday, January 4

This season of The Biggest Loser will be the best yet, because The Ashley has inside connections to one of the contestants on the show! She has been promised exclusive interviews so hopefully there will be lots of good stuff to come.

You’re Cut Off – premieres Monday, January 10

The VH1 Gods are shining down on us! They’ve decided to bring back the World’s Most Horrible Show (and world’s most staged show, might I add.) Expect another batch of spoiled rich girls with screeching loud voices and even more annoying habits. Of course most of it will be fake, but it’s good for giggles.

Teen Mom Season 3 premieres Tuesday, January 11 (Which is The Ashley’s birthday!!)

What a wonderful birthday gift for The Ashley! A whole new group of white trash teens is going to be featured on the new season of Teen Mom. Most of them will yawnfests, but we can expect great things from one in particular, Jenelle. The show hasn’t even premiered and already Jenelle is doing entertaining things, such as screaming and physically fighting with her mom, dating creepy guys and shaking her ass and lip synching badly in YouTube videos. I can’t wait to see what other joys this girl brings!

American Idol– premieres Wednesday, January 19

This is the day that The Ashley’s world pretty much stops. She will become obsessed with American Idol (sorry, I can’t help it, I’m pathetic and I don’t care.) No more social outings on Wednesday and Thursday nights for The Ashley. Grandma’s 90th birthday? Nope, sorry, I can’t; I’ve got to watch some crappy singers belt out “I Will Survive.” Ski weekend with friends? Nope, I can’t; I must spend my weekends Googling creepy stuff about the Idol contestants. Again, I’m sad and I know it. Fuck off.

The Amazing Race – premieres Sunday, February 20

This season is called “Unfinished Business” because they are bringing back all of the ‘favorite teams’ that didn’t win any money. On the preview shown during last season’s finale, we saw a hodgepodge of teams who could possibly be on the next season. The Ashley has confirmed a few of the teams that will be on the show next season for sure and will be releasing those very soon. (One hint, yeehaw!)

1 Comment

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