‘Teen Mom’ Episode 5 Recap: Pumpkins & Pretending to be Poor

Absolutely. Priceless.

Grab your Dr. Drew masks, kiddies, because it’s Halloween time on this week’s Teen Mom episode!

OK, seriously, MTV? You filmed this in October and you’re just showing it now? Does it bother anyone else that the stuff we are seeing on the show was filmed nearly a year ago, making it almost irrelevant to what’s actually happening currently in these people’s lives? It’s not like the editors are reinventing the wheel here; they’re stringing together various clips of Farrah yelling at her parents and Gary and Amber fighting. It shouldn’t take this long!

"You think this is scary? You should watch Butch trim his rat tail!"

Anyway…Catelynn and Tyler are looking for some Halloween adventure so they head out to the haunted cornfield maze for a night of spooky fun. (Haunted cornfields, eh? Oh Midwest, I heart you.)

After the cornfield hi-jinks, Catelynn and Tyler head home and realize that they’ve got bills to pay. Catelynn says that despite the fact that they have Teen Mom Season 2 money in their savings, they really need to get some jobs. Tyler says he’s actually excited to work (luckily, the apple seems to have fallen far from the tree with Tyler. He hasn’t gone into the ‘family business’ of home invasion like his rat-tailed papa.)

The Ashley would just like to say that she thinks Catelynn and Tyler are the most adorable couple ever. She seriously wants to pinch their cheeks. They are so supportive and genuinely happy with each other. The Ashley wishes all of her readers could have relationships like this.

Meanwhile, Farrah is still gloating about the fact that she has squashed Derek’s mother’s chances of ever seeing Sophia when the phone rings. It’s Farrah’s long-lost sister, Ashley, (who The Ashley loves because she is the only one that calls out Farrah on her excessive bitchiness and downright rudeness. Plus, she has an awesome name, obviously.)

Ashley invites Farrah and Sophia to the local pumpkin patch so they can do some bonding. Apparently, their relationship has been strained (perhaps because of this little incident?) and Ashley is trying to repair the damage. The sisters, Sophia and a couple of random friends head down to the pumpkin patch, and, as usual, Farrah’s being a jerk, only this time it’s to a poor defenseless goat.

Sophia attempts to pet a goat when Farrah screeches, “Ew! Don’t touch that one because it’s weird and it doesn’t even have any horns!” Yes, the goat was sans horns, but it’s not like it had leprosy. (I’m not the only one that felt really bad for that poor little goat, right?) I was really hoping that the goat would take out its aggression by peeing on Farrah’s shoes. No such luck.

I love the look on the girl on the right's face when Farrah talks about opening her restaurant.

Anyway, they head out on a hayride and Farrah tells her sister and assorted friends that she is planning to move to San Jose to open and build her own restaurant (as you do at 19). One question Farrah: if you move away, how are you going to treat your parents like crap? Your miserable tarty comments won’t translate as well over the phone.

Anyway, over in Indiana, Amber’s looking for yet another “apartment,” despite the fact that she already has two (the one that her friend Kim has turned into one big junk pile, and the “pressed wood” one she rented with Gary). Seriously, what 20-year-old with no job can afford three residences?!

Amber mentions that she’s been forced to be a recluse due to her and Gary’s fight being in “all the local papers” (not to mention Star, US Weekly, Perezhilton, the London Daily Mail, etc.)

This is, however the first time that a person on this show has ever mentioned the fact that being on ‘Teen Mom’ has changed their life, or even acknowledged the show’s existence. It’s as if Amber’s broken through the “fourth wall” on a sitcom or something. She said she can’t walk down the street without having people scream mean things at her and Leah. The Ashley actually feels really bad for Amber. She’s kind of a prisoner in her own home. (All three of them!)

It’s moving day for Maci and Kyle. They’re unloading [brand-new] furniture to move into their “apartment.” Bentley’s birthday is right around the corner so when Ryan shows up to drop off Bentley, Maci tries to figure out what the plan is for his birthday party. Ryan’s can’t even pretend like he gives a rat’s patootie about the whole thing and just yawns the whole time Maci’s talking. (Anyone else get the impression that Ryan checked out of the whole ‘Teen Mom’ thing a long time ago?)

Meanwhile, Catelynn and Tyler are calling around, looking for jobs. Catelynn gets on the phone with a “jewelry boutique” (how does a business like that stay afloat during a recession?) to see if they are hiring. It’s here that we get a clear show of Cate’s French tip nails. Let’s stop here for a moment: if they are really so destitute, how the hell does Catelynn have the money for expensive fake nails? Any girl can tell you that going to a nail salon and getting French tips with “design” or “flower” costs big bucks. By showing such a clear shot of the nails, it’s almost like the editors were secretly trying to tell us that these kids are just pretending to be poor.

"Um...under 'previous jobs' all it says is MTV in big letters?"

A few days later, they are out and about, applying for jobs. Catelynn heads to the “jewelry boutique” to turn in her application. Tyler heads to a pizza place, where he has an interview with the owner. This guy (who I’ve named Big Tony) is not playing; he asks Tyler some hard questions and makes sure he knows that this job involves lots of hard work and there won’t be time to be fiddle-farting around.

Tyler informs him that he’s totally ready for the job because “he loves pizza.” Big Tony is encouraged by Ty’s enthusiasm (and no doubtedly the extra exposure his pizza place will be getting for employing an MTV star) and hires him.

Over in Maci Land, Ryan’s still in a ‘mood’ and meets up with Maci to pick up Bentley. He’s spitting mad (literally, he’s spitting on the ground) that Maci didn’t allow him to hang out with Bentley the previous day (which was his actual birthday). To get back at her, he is refusing to let Maci have Bentley on Halloween (which falls on his Ryan’s visitation day). They get into a heated argument and Ryan drives off in a huff, and Maci supposedly heads to class (however, that’s not what happened in real life. Here’s what actually happened!)

Amber's previous house...just sayin'...

Amber is still looking for a house to live in, so she has a realtor pick her up and take her to a house. She’s not happy with it because there’s a dent above the stove and weird lighting or something.

Um…your other apartment is currently just a pile of trash with a crib thrown in the middle of it. Why the hell are you being so picky? The new house will be a dump within the month.

Amber’s been away from Leah for a few days and is feeling bad. Her cousin Krystle comes over and, after hearing that Amber went out on the town with three guy friends the night before, tells her that she needs to “slow her roll” and concentrate on Leah. Well, apparently, Amber’s not happy and says there will be no slowing of her roll and gets all pissy and yells at Cousin Krystle. (She does this while putting a plaid shirt over the plaid shirt she’s already wearing, of course.) Amber says she can’t drive, therefore she can’t see Leah. (Apparently, there are no Yellow Cabs in Indiana?)

Meanwhile, Ryan is still spitting mad (again with the spitting! Why must he spit in between every other sentence!?) He tells his parents that Maci wants Bentley on Halloween and Ryan’s mom immediately bursts into tears. She says he doesn’t have any rights over Bentley. Ryan’s dad encourages his son to grow a pair and take Maci to court for a better custody arrangement. Ryan seems ho-hum about the whole thing, so his dad informs his that his actions are “ripping his mother’s guts out” and that this whole thing is killing her. But, you know, do whatever you want…no pressure.

Why the long faces, Edwards clan?

It’s time for Bentley’s birthday party and the whole Bookout/Edwards gang heads to the Pump it Up for some blow-up slide fun. Ryan and his entire family are standing there all Farrah-like, looking grumpy with their arms crossed, while Maci’s family is having plenty of happy, Kodak moments. They all take a group photo and Ryan’s side look like they’re posing for mugshots.

Maci, once again, tries to get Ryan to let her take Bentley for Halloween, and after Ryan won’t budge, she informs him that she’s taking him anyway. Ryan’s had enough and says he is going to take Maci to court. This all happens before they even wheel out the birthday cake.

"Just one more season, dad...one more season!"

Later, we see Maci and Kyle taking Bentley trick-or-treating. How freaking cute was Bentley in his Barney costume? I want to make a T-shirt and capture that cuteness on cotton!

Anyway, Farrah’s having a hard time doing her culinary school final. She’s stayed up all night working on the business plan for her restaurant, F & S Restaurant. (I’m sure half of the night was spent coming up with that innovative restaurant name.) Debra reads over Farrah’s work and basically tells her that the business plan looks like something Sophia could have come up with and tries to make a few small changes to ensure that Farrah at least passes the class and Deb’s culinary school tuition doesn’t go to waste.

The next day, Farrah informs Deb that she may have flunked her culinary school because Debra “made her change” her fantastical business plan. Farrah’s also upset that her instructor told her that she was bitchy and rude. I do not know this man but if I ever meet him, I will give him a high-five and buy him an ice cream cone.

Farrah can’t imagine why her instructor didn’t like her horrific Asian-Italian fusion restaurant idea. I can’t imagine why either: kung pao meatballs and teriyaki calzone sound just scrumptious.

Despite the fact that she’s been a complete ass-icle to her parents this whole semester, they still take her out for a celebratory graduation dinner. She gets mad when her mom dares to ask Farrah about her school, even though that’s kind of why they’re giving her a free meal in the first place. She tells her mom she doesn’t want to hear people talk. O-M-G. Michael looks like he wants to jump out the plate glass window and sister Ashley is sitting there smirking to her parents, almost like she’s saying “I told you guys she was a rude turdsnapper.”

Despite the Maci/Ryan drama, this episode was kind of boring. Next week, we will hopefully be over all of this “new house” stuff so we can move on to some more exciting drama!

(Photos: OK! Magazine, MTV)

12 Comments

  1. To answer your question.. I also felt bad for the goat! But I’m sure there were lots of people who aren’t completely nasty human beings who gave the goat lots of love. Also, I’m from Wisconsin/Illinois and the best thing about Halloween are the corn mazes! Guess you wouldn’t understand unless you are from here but imagine an entire cornfield being a giant maze. It’s really a lot of fun!


  2. I’ve noticed before that Caitlynn is the only girl that almost never has fake nails on. I am not a fan of the fake nail or complaining about $ while wearing fake nails and fake hair. Sooo…I take note of these things. Anyway, I noticed last week that Caitlynn had normal, young girl, 1/2 bitten nails. So maybe she got them done to look nicer for her interviews? I don’t know…just a thought!
    I’m also under the impression that Amber’s friend pays for that dump apartment and that Gary pays for the other place. Didn’t she say something about how he has to pay for it because he’s the one with the job? Andddd….who watches Leah while Amber’s off being a dead beat mom and Gary’s “working”? Ugh.


  3. Maci and Farrah both have this ego trip going on what maci did to Ryan was mean. As a mother how do you tell the father of your child I can take him and maci is wrong she can’t take bentley if she wants to. Once Ryan goes to court and stop allow maci to play these games she can’t do whatever she wants with bentley. Maci is not looking out for the best interest of bentley it’s all about maci she is too busy trying to replace Ryan as Kyle father. To even see what she is doing is not only hurting Ryan but bentley maci never wanted Ryan and his parents at the party. She just invite them as a pity invitation maci and Kyle made sure to make Ryan and his parent feel unwanted and unwelcome . At Ryan son party maci is the type of girl who wants everyone to do what she wants and as long as you are following her lead. She has no problem I hope Ryan gets a good lawyer and fight for right and get the custody agreement in writing and sign. So maci can no allowed act like she has all the power and right over bentley the ways she does and maci calling Ryan parents naming. Was yet another reason why maci is still is immature brat and disrespect farrah the fact that she can get joy over someone else misery . Just show what a horrible unlikeable person she really is no matter what stormy has supposedly done to farrah which I really don’t think it’s that bad. Stormie has lost her son and is really the only one grieveing over Derek and all she wants is to see Sophia farrah is the biggest bitch in world. And I hope Farrah and maci get their karma back because out of all teen mom girls they are the worst .


  4. Oh snap. Great recap but u should have changed the title to Playing Poor since that’s what Amber n evryone did in this episode n the whole season for that matter lol. It’s weird how Tyler n Cate had money in savings to move but need jobs to pay their bills. Wait, doesn’t it work the other way around or am I stupid? I think Kimbo pays for amber’s trash box apartment. Yeah the one where it looks like an episode of hoarders instead of teen mom. Yep that one. Maybe I’m just gullible n Amber is really paying for 3 houses. Either way at least she isn’t playing poor as hard as everyone else. Her n Gary don even attempt to work. Its crazy. Maci disappointed me a bit in the episode. How can you complain about Ryan suckin at life as a dad n then screw him when it comes to bdays n halloween just to serve ur purpose? Oh cause ur the mom? Um yeah ur cool. Way to go Maci. I wished ur friend boo boo would have actually scared u on halloween. Would have made things a little better. Farrah is stupid. F and S restaurant? Really? Okay can’t even deal wit her….


  5. You have done it again! And by this I mean you totally made me spill my coffee at work. That is if I had coffee …but I don’t so instead I just laughed a little to myself and probably looked like a weirdo.

    Great review! Catelynn & Tyler are the cutest thing to ever come out of the Midwest 🙂 I wish them nothing but the best!

    Keep it coming!<3


  6. Yay, good write up as usual 🙂 Farrah sucks donkey butt and I really would enjoy seeing her fall flat on her face (literally and figuratively) if that wouldn’t affect poor Sophia.

    I think Ryan spits all of the time because he’s always got that ol’ chewin’ tuhbakee in his lip. And maybe Catilyn’s nails are the cheap press on kind from Wally World? I didn’t see them but I doubt it. But yes, I love them too.

    Little Bentley Barney was precious. And yes, haunted corn mazes are a must in the Midwest. It never occured to me that it might seem odd to other people but being from Illinois, they it’s high quality Halloween fun for all.

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