By Holly Rasmussen & The Ashley
This week on Sister Wives, the Brown family decides to leave the humidity of Vegas (it wreaks havoc on Kody’s hair) and head to Alaska for a family vacay. Of course, Robyn and Kody have decided to announce the gender of their newest baby (Kody’s 18th kid) to the family while on the vacation.
There will be a few special guests going on the Brown family vacation this time. We find out that oldest son Logan will be bringing his girlfriend Michelle along. She comes from a small family and seems very normal.
Run, Michelle, run! Get out while you still can!
“It hasn’t been too scary,” Michelle says of her experience with the Brown family.
Oh you haven’t seen anything yet, girl! You just wait until you’ve watched these people do a flash mob, or you have witnessed Kody swinging his mangy mop around!
Logan and his girlfriend seem pretty serious. They both tell the cameras that they don’t intend to practice polygamy. Daughter Maddie is also bringing her special someone, her now-fiancé Caleb Brush. (We covered the whole “I’m dating my uncle’s brother-in-law” topic a while back, as you’ll remember.)
Once the family gets to Alaska, they meet up with a “real-life Eskimo” who gives them a tour of the town. Kody makes a few inappropriate jokes about selling his daughters to the Eskimo and it’s super awkward. Also… Kody is wearing a visor. A VISOR! How is this not being discussed!?
That night, chaos erupts when Kody and Robyn’s son Solomon raises his fist like he’s going to hit someone. No one in the family seems to think that there is anything wrong with young Solomon terrorizing his siblings, except for Janelle’s son Garrison, who yells at Solomon for misbehaving.
Solomon is immediately comforted by Meri, and everyone is staring at Garrison like he just burned the kid at the stake. Garrison tells his parents that they shouldn’t be rewarding Solomon’s bad behavior.
Of course, Kody gets pissed off. Solomon is Robyn’s kid and clearly Kody’s favorite. Kody tries to act all big and mighty, dramatically gesturing toward himself and telling Garrison, “I’mmmm the parent, I will parent Solomon.”
When Garrison protests Kody’s lack of parenting in front of the whole family, Kody gets furious.
“Boy, you’re really out of line,” Kody says to Garrison.
(For the record, we here at The Roundup are Team Garrison! He was speaking the truth!)
Later, Garrison tells the cameras that he is defenseless against Kody’s ego.
“Dad’s all-knowing and powerful,” Garrison says sarcastically.
Finally, someone else is getting tired of Kody’s crap. Let’s all hope he writes a tell-all book about his family when he turns 18.
The next day, the Browns decide to go grocery shopping with all 22 members of the family in tow.
“I don’t think we’ve ever done this before,” Kody says.
They must be really searching for story lines if they have to make a grocery store trip a focal point of the episode.
The Browns end up spending $2,500 on eight days’ worth of food. TLC must pay well.
The next day they go panning for gold. Kody must realize the TLC gravy train is going to end soon so he’s searching for other ways to make money. Maddie’s fiancé arrives to meet up with the family and everyone is smashed up against the window staring at him. That has to be traumatizing.
Next, they go on a hike and Kody decides it’s time to talk to Maddie and Caleb about marriage. Maddie looks like she wants to die.
“My little girl’s smitten man, I don’t know what else to say,” Kody says.
Um…how about saying nothing until Maddie or Caleb approaches you? But if that happened, things wouldn’t be all about Kody and that just wouldn’t work in the Brown family.
Later that day, Hunter calls in from his military training academy. He was unable to go on the vacation because he couldn’t leave school. Since Hunter’s on the phone, Kody and Robyn decide to make the baby gender announcement right then. They reveal the gender by having Solomon and Truly open presents that contain either a boy baby doll or a girl baby doll.
And…it’s a girl! Truly is thrilled but Solomon looks like he wants to punch someone…again.
“I’m glad it’s a girl. I love my sisters,” says Hunter. Awwww.
Well this is a bunch of crap. The episode ends right there. We waited all week thinking Meri was going to talk about her being catfished and she doesn’t! She talks about it on the preview for next week’s episode, which is the season finale.
Well played, TLC. You got us to watch this crappy Alaska episode by pretending that it was the episode with content that was actually interesting.
The previews for next week promise that “the real story will be revealed” in regard to the catfishing caper.
“I started talking to this person online,” Meri says in a confessional. “He was just saying all the right things. They have no idea how bad it is. They don’t know what I brought in to the family.”
“It’s weird, some of the words she’s saying make it sound like she’s leaving,” Kody says.
To read Holly’s recap of the previous episode of ‘Sister Wives,’ click here!
(Photos: TLC, Instagram)