Greetings Bachelor fans! This week, Ben and his gang of gals head to Ben’s hometown of Warsaw, Indiana! Ben is bringing all of his remaining ladies to his hometown this week so he can show all of the people who ignored him in high school that he’s now basically a pimp.
“I’m really excited to be in Warsaw, Indiana!” Ben says.
That is officially the first and only time anyone has ever said that, I’m certain.
Ben describes his six remaining girls—Lauren, Emily, Becca, JoJo, Caila and Amanda—to his parents while they are eating a diner meal that was certainly prepared by a girthy woman named Bertha.
The six ladies meet up with Ben at the boat dock. Ben takes the girls (who are giggling like buffoons on laughing gas) on a boat ride, and all of them are gushing about how they can’t wait to make Indiana babies with him…or something.
Ben continues to gush about how great his hometown is. While Warsaw does look like a picture-perfect small town in Middle America, it certainly isn’t a boring place to live. We’re talking about the “Orthopedic Capitol,” people! Come on!
The gals will be staying at a house down the way from Ben’s parent’s house. Ben encourages the girls not to stalk his parents and look in their windows, etc because, you know, it could be “Fantasy Suite Night” at the ol’ Higgins house…if ya know what he means!
The first one-on-one date goes to Lauren, who rushes to throw on her down-home duds. She is treated to a tour of all the exciting sights of Warsaw; She gets to see Ben’s high school, his church and the place where Ben had his first kiss.
What—was the malt shop closed for renovations? I was hoping to get to meet Wally and the Beav! My question is how the hell are they going to work a helicopter tour into this snore of a date?
Ben and Lauren stop at some sort of youth center, where Ben used to work. There are a bunch of sweaty kids playing basketball, so Ben and Lauren join in. All the kids are intrigued by Ben. (Certainly their parents are all thrilled that their children are featured on a show where the main goal is for a dude to date 25 chicks.)
Boomer and several members of the Indiana Pacers basketball team show up as well.
The producers are really trying to push that Ben is honest, clean and wholesome. After they show Ben assisting kids, holding babies and comforting crying little boys (no, seriously), Ben and Lauren start smooching away while all the sweaty kids run amok around them. As you do…
That night, Ben says that he didn’t really believe what Leah had said about Lauren. That’s good because Lauren later tells us that she’s…wait for it…in love with Ben.
Back at the house, the next date card arrives for JoJo. She’s thrilled, but Emily is discouraged because she knows she doesn’t have a prayer to make it to the Final Four. Seriously, Boomer the Pacers mascot has a better chance of making it to the finale than Emily does.
Anyway, JoJo meets up with Ben in Chicago, where Ben takes her to Wrigley Field. They run onto the field and throw on Cubs shirts that say “Mr. and Mrs. Higgins” on the back. (Gag.) They’re hitting balls, running around the bases and, of course, sharing romantic moments on the pitcher’s mound.
Ben and JoJo lie down on the field and talk. It starts to rain and soon JoJo is literally just rubbing her no-nos all over Ben right there on the infield. As you do.
Am I the only one that’s praying they get struck by lightening?
Later, they have a romantic dinner on the field.
“I want to take that next step with JoJo,” Ben tells us.
So…is that basically sex in center field or…?
JoJo tells Ben that her feelings for Ben scare her, and Ben talks about how scared he is too, because he’s not sure JoJo would like him (you know, if she wasn’t contractually obligated to).
JoJo assures Ben that she does like him, and informs him that she’s insecure because guys have basically crapped on her in every relationship she’s been in. She somehow manages to work every ‘Bachelor’ cliché into the conversation; she informs Ben that she’s “ready to fall again” and that her “heart is open” and all that crap.
“I, like, want to give myself to Ben,” JoJo tells us.
Now that I’d watch on the JumboTron!
Back at home, though, Becca’s losing her s**t over the fact that Ben isn’t as into her as he is some of the other girls. Everyone else starts to complain about the lack of time they’re getting as well.
Um…you’re the idiots that chose to date a dude who’s dating a bunch of other girls. What did you expect?
The date card arrives and Emily is literally praying for a one-on-one. Doesn’t the Baby Jesus have something better to do than help you get some alone time to French kiss Ben. Good Lord!
Emily’s prayers are answered because she is awarded the one-on-one date. The rest of the schmucks will be stuck going on a group date this week.
The schmucks—Amanda, Becca and Caila—head out on the group date. They drive to some sort of farm and all of them are eager to snag that date rose, because it means that Ben will get to go to their hometown and meet their families.
They head out in rowboats on the lake. Amanda and Becca are stuck rowing together, while Caila and Ben are having a “Notebook”-esque moment. They fly kites and do a bunch of other random things.
“I hope it’s not all about flying kites today,” Amanda tells us.
And…it’s not all about flying kites. Ben explains that he’s well aware that there’s “a lot of weight” to the date rose. All of the girls wait with baited breath to find out if they will be the one who gets the rose (and the remaining time on the date with Ben).
He takes Amanda aside and listens as she explains that she’s never introduced any other guy from a reality show to her kids. Becca gets her turn with Ben next, and she uses her time to complain about how Ben likes the other girls. She seems to know that her time on this show is limited.
“Just don’t blindside me,” Becca begs Ben.
Finally, it’s Caila’s time with Ben and she’s giggling and swinging her (perfect) hair. She then launches into a big, long speech about how she doesn’t have roots in any place. (Basically, it’s her way of telling Ben that she’d be OK with shacking up in Warsaw, Indiana, if he picks her.)
“I’ve been molded to be adaptable,” she tells him. “I’m like moss, and I’m looking for a tree to grab onto.”
I’m sorry…what now?
It’s time for Ben to give out the rose. He presents it to Amanda, and tells her that he’s dying to meet her children. That means that Caila and Becca have to hit the bricks so that Ben can go make out with Amanda in peace. They leave poor Becca and Caila to cry into their empty glasses of wine.
“My family’s important too!” Becca wails as she literally trembles.
“I shouldn’t have to feel this way with someone I’m trying to fall in love with!”
Um…you really shouldn’t have to try to fall in love. Just sayin’….
Caila and Becca arrive back at the house to tell the other girls that they got ditched by Ben and Amanda. Becca starts crying again.
“Why am I here?”
Um…to secure the spot as the next ‘Bachelorette?’ Duh…
Meanwhile, Ben and Amanda are taking to the street(s?) of Warsaw.
Ben takes Amanda to McDonald’s (who obviously paid a crap-ton for this spot). Some overly enthusiastic counter woman squeals about how beautiful Amanda is and it’s mildly creepy:
So…JoJo got a private dinner at Wrigley’s Field, and Amanda got greasy fries at McDonald’s? Show Becca this clip—she wouldn’t be blubbering if she knew she only missed out on a McFish with a side of product placement.
Next, Ben takes Amanda to some sort of weird hometown carnival, which is actually just a bunch of Indianans following Ben and Amanda around and staring at them as they eat a funnel cake. Literally, people are just filming Amanda and Ben with their phones and screaming every four to five seconds. They kiss on the carousel and later, a bunch of local kids beat Ben to a pulp with blow-up bats. (That’s actually the best part of this whole episode…and entire season, actually.)
The next day is Emily’s one-on-one date with Ben. All of the other girls seem to know that Emily doesn’t have a chance in hell at staying, so no one is all that worried about her being out with Ben.
Ben and Emily ride around in Ben’s parent’s boat. Emily says she’s thrilled to be there.
Ben tells Emily that she’s going to meet his parents.
Meanwhile at home, Becca’s back on the cross, crying about how Emily meeting Ben’s parents is yet “another blow” to her. She and the other girls sit around and basically talk about how Emily isn’t right for Ben.
Emily and Ben go to his parents’ house, where she is introduced to his mom and dad. She goes to sit with Ben’s mom and keeps talking…and talking…and talking. She’s motor-mouthing about herself and Ben’s mom looks overwhelmed.
Emily explains that she may be young but, hey, she has big dreams and goals.
“I’ve dreamed about being an NFL cheerleader for a long time,” she says.
The mom nods politely.
“She’s a…fun…girl,” the mom tells us. “She’s, um, young and…young.”
Emily then moves on to Ben’s dad. She’s giggling and talking about how she likes “everything” (except vegetables, of course) and the father looks like he’s trying to figure out if this poor girl has legit brain damage or is just incredibly dumb:
Ben’s mom is bursting to tell her son to drop Hannah Montana, so she pulls Ben aside to ask if he thinks Emily’s old enough to be engaged. The mom then bursts into tears thinking about Ben marrying this person.
Emily, however, is oblivious. (I’ll give you a moment to get over the shock.)
She’s rattling on and on about how “right” her relationship with Ben feels.
We know where this is heading…
Ben leads Emily to a private bench (that just happens to be right in front of the house that the other girls are staying at). Ben tells Emily that while she’s “amazing,” he’s just not feeling like spending the next two to six years being some squealing fangirl’s “like, husband, and stuff…”
Emily looks stunned, and Ben tells Emily that their “relationship” was good for him. The other girls are surprised as Emily tells them that she’s getting the boot. Ben doesn’t even say goodbye; he just takes off in the boat and blasts the hell out of there.
Emily starts bawling and she hugs the girls goodbye and sulks off into the Pity Shuttle. (Hopefully a production assistant helped shovel her Hello Kitty luggage into the shuttle before it drove off.)
Bye, Em! See ya on ‘Bachelor in Paradise!’
That night is the Rose Ceremony. Ben is having trouble deciding who to ditch, so Chris Harrison decides to show his mug for a couple minutes extra this episode and go talk to Ben. Chris asks Ben if he could picture all five of the women being his wife, and Ben states that there is one person he knows he doesn’t want to marry.
The girls are freaking out because they know that Ben could ditch them. Amanda’s the only one who is safe, so Becca, Caila, Lauren and JoJo are nervously awaiting his decision.
The first rose goes to Lauren, and the next one goes to JoJo. There’s only one rose left, and he gives the final rose to Caila, meaning that once again Becca has struck out at finding reality TV love.
She walks out with Ben and demands to know why the hell he dumped her. She’s angry that Ben blindsided her, even though she begged him not to. Ben said that he didn’t want to meet her family, so he had to cut her.
Well…Farmer Chris is single again. Just sayin’…
Becca wails in the limo that she doesn’t know why she keeps putting herself in this position.
Um…you want to be on TV?
Next week, Ben will meet the families of Amanda, Caila, Lauren and JoJo. All of the girls will proclaim their love for Ben, and their families will think they’re all crazy for falling in love with some dude they met a few days ago.
To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous episode of ‘The Bachelor,’ click here!