‘Teen Mom 2’ Season 11 Episode 5 Recap: Baby Mamas All Drama & Bringing Home A New Boo

“All y’all girlseses, get up ‘er and meet the man that’s makin’ yer mama smile!”

Note from The Ashley: Yes, this recap is late…much like Leah’s period will likely soon be. The Ashley is working on catching up on her recapping. Until she’s finally caught up, though, enjoy this recap of the previous episode of ‘Teen Mom 2!’

The Ashley is aware that she has yet to post a Teen Mom 2 recap from this season. While she would literally rather listen to Farrah Abraham sing showtunes than watch the 280th season of this crapfest, The Ashley has decided to break her recap hiatus and suffer through an episode for you guys.

It appears that, since The Ashley last saw our favorite not-so-underage breeders, not much has really changed. It’s basically business as usual in DumpsterFireVille, with Leah trying to keep her sass-mouthin’ girlseses from ruining things with her new boo, Jade doing everything for everyone around her and Kail having conflict with one of her friends/exes/baby daddies.

First, we go on down to Ye Olde Holler, where Leah has just returned from Costa Rica. Naturally, she invited her new boo, Jaylan to go down to visit her sister Victoria‘s vacation-booty-call-turned-baby-daddy Royer. Despite the last minute plans, Jaylan dropped everything so he could get a lil’ international hammock pickle tickle with Leah.

“I was surprised he agreed to go so ding-dang quick. He don’t even have to work or nuthin’! Take that, Jeremy!” 

Royer (whom MTV is calling “Roger” now, apparently?) finally got to meet his son, over a year after the kid shot down Victoria’s white water rapid of a birth canal. (Oh, and she became engaged again because…well, that’s just what these Messer gals do every three or four years or so.)

Anyway, Leah tells us that having all the beach sex and hammock humps helped her to “get to know” Jaylan better. In fact, on a date night Jaylan asked Leah to be his girlfriend, so they’re “official” now.

Unfortunately Jaylan (and his trouser snake) had to fly back home to Georgia, so Leah goes home to see the girlseseseses. Jaylan’s sent her flowers to welcome her back. 

“No man ever got me no roses to welcome me home. Once my man brought me a possum, but I had to clean it and make stew with it, so that don’t count.”

Later, Leah has her friend Nicole over to talk about Jaylan. (Who the hell’s Nicole? What happened to Kayla with the asymmetrical Kate Gosselin hairdo? Or Cousin Chasity?! WHERE THE HELL IS CHASITY?!! I’m not digging all these new ‘polished’ pals of Leah’s. The next ‘friend’ shown better have a self-pierced eyebrow or a “Live, Love, Hunt” cut-off T-shirt or I’m protesting!) 

Anyway, Leah explains to Nicole that inviting a dude she has only gone on a few dates with to an international vacation with her family was a great way to get to know him.

“Let’s just say Jaylan’s oar got to know my pink canoe real damn good on this trip!”

Leah and her friend are really, really impressed that Jaylan bought a handful of candles at the Dollar General and brought them on the trip to make a candlelit dinner. 

“I think this dude’s the devil!” Leah exclaims. 

“He’s so perfect!” Nicole replies.

Wow, it sure doesn’t take much to please these holler girls…

“And I thought Jeremy was romantic because he would take his work boots off first when we’d do the sex! Who knew guys like Jaylan existed!”

Leah says that she is nervous for Jaylan to meet the girlseseseses, because they’ll latch on to him like Addie to a sugar packet. Currently, Jaylan is coming up to The WV every week, making the eight-hour drive to see Leah.

Leah calls up Jaylan, and as they’re chatting, she mentions that she loves his hat. 

“I love you too,” Jaylan replies.


“HAT! I mean…your cat. I mean…your bat? Oh hell, fine, love you too.”

Leah says again that she loves his hat. But then she decides to go for it and just tell him she loves him too. They’ve actually managed to make what was the most-awkward phone conversation already (just because they’re both awkward as all holy hell) even MORE awkward.

Next, we head to Delaware where Kail— who has recently crawled back to this cesspool of a reality show— welcomes Producer Brendan to her home. She explains that she stopped filming for three months because her commitments to the show didn’t align with what she is learning in therapy…or something.

“I mean, I’ll probably need lifelong therapy— which I can’t afford, by the way— from dealing with your drama but, you know, welcome back and stuff.”

Oh, and because the producer bastards hired Baby Daddy No. 3 Chris behind her back and it was no fair. 

Kail then recaps how things are going with all three Baby Dadiii (which The Ashley has decided is the plural form of “baby daddy,” by the way.) 

In news that is shocking to absolutely no one, Kail isn’t getting along with any of her baby daddii. She does not speak to Jo, because he still treats her like the girl who “should be in a cave” rather than the new-and-improved(?) post-therapy Kail. She does, however, still get along with Jo’s wife Vee and they still do their podcast together.

Kail says that she and Javi are good sometimes, and now is one of those times. 

“We’re goood…”

Kail tells Producer Brendan that he’s on “trial” and she will decide if she wants to come back and film or not later. 


When we check in with Briana this episode, she and Brittany have just returned from San Diego where they were getting paid to sit on their Dr. Miami-inflated butts and occasionally partake in group activities filming Teen Mom Family Reunion. 

Nova and Stella, running harder than Briana in an inflatable obstacle course to greet their mom favorite aunt.

Devoin, who also took advantage of the MTV-funded vacation, has arrived back in Florida, too, and to celebrate his return, he treats his girlfriend Jazmine to a put-putt outing with a side of ‘Teen Mom 2’ camera time. 

“Feel free to compliment my character as much as you’d like while the crew is here.”

While talking to Jazmine about the co-parenting progress he and Briana made at the reunion, viewers are forced to watch what feels like five minutes of footage from past episodes featuring a yelling Briana and a frustrated Devoin. Devoin tells Jazmine that after more than a decade, he and Briana are finally on the same page and moving in the right direction.

In fact, Devoin says he’d like to go out to dinner sometime with just Briana and Nova, as Nova has never sat down with both of her parents for a meal… at least not without anyone getting a Hush Puppy heel to the head.

“I don’t care how good things are right now, I’d still wear a helmet if I were you. Safety first!” 

Meanwhile, in California, Ashley is helping to facilitate a cake decorating class for her mom’s company. While she and Bar are still somewhat on the outs, they both show up to Tea’s event– most likely because Tea already promised those attending her class that it would be filmed by MTV. 

We bet Addie Calvert sure wishes her grandma was in the cake decorating game.

During the class, Ashley and her sister, Chris, sneak to the back to get a break from their mom’s frosting tutorial, where Chris pats Ashley on the back for being “in a little better mood” than the last time they hung out/filmed.

“Not gonna lie, you almost made Producer Brendon have a full-blown panic attack and wish he had taken a production job on a respectable show.”

Ashley explains to her sister (once again) that she just couldn’t handle all of the questions regarding her marriage because it’s a “frustrating topic.” Instead of getting into all of the issues on-camera, Ashley says she feels like the best way to handle those questions is to say “I don’t know” instead of going back and forth on where she and Bar stand. 

Regardless of how much her marriage to Bar sucks right now, Ashley says she’s glad Bar is a good dad to their daughter… which he totally should be, considering that’s literally his only responsibility at the moment. 

Over in Indiana, Jade has cleaned house (aka kicked her couch-surfing mom Christy to the curb). Once she’s steam-cleaned the “Christy” smell out of her furniture (a scent that is surely a mix of stale ciggies, Fritos and boxed wine), Jade is looking to find a new house. She wants one that is in a better neighborhood, where her parents can’t come knocking on her door late at night, Big Gulp in hand, begging for shelter and/or gas money.

Jade tells her friend Chau that she put an offer on a house she looked at recently and if all goes well, the house will soon be hers. 

“And if my mom asks, it doesn’t have air conditioning and it’s haunted.”

Jade says she hasn’t had a chance to tell Sean about the new house because their phone time is limited, what with Sean still being in rehab and all. 

Later on, Jade and Sean have a quick video chat, during which Jade reveals she’s been looking at houses. Sean– who says he’s making a lot of progress at rehab– is excited about possibly coming home to a new house featuring plenty of places for him to kick back and play video games….oh and hang out with that blond kid who is always around. What’s her name again? Clover? 

“Any chance we can turn the dining room into a beat lab for my sick rhymes? Um…hello? HELLO!?”

While talking about rehab and whatnot, Jade notes that Klowey is grouchy because she’s tired of being ignored and/or yelled at. Jade ultimately walks into the bedroom and attempts to guilt Kloiiiii into talking to Sean.

Careful, Jade… your Christy is showing.

Sean tries to have a conversation with Klowwie, who at this point, is in full-blown tears. Sean finally gets the unhappy tot to simmer down after promising to bring her home a surprise. (I’m sure the gift shop at The ‘Hab is just stellar. I see a “My Daddy Got Sober and All I Got Was This Lousy Shirt” tee in your future, kid!)  

Back in Delaware, Kail has discovered “really upsetting” news about Vee. She calls up Leah (who, let’s be honest, shouldn’t be dishing out advice to absolutely anyone).

Why why WHY must Leah make this face in nearly every photo and video she takes?! Does she think she looks cute and casual? She actually looks constipated.

Leah tries to tell Kail about all the sex she had in Costa Rica, but ain’t nobody got time to hear that. 

“Um, yeah, OK but…back to me…”

Kail ignores Leah and just jumps right into the fact that she found out that it was Vee who leaked news of Kail’s pregnancy with Lux (years ago), and not that damn Jenelle Evans, as Kail always thought. 

Naturally, the WaWa King of Drama, Javi, is right in the center of this mess. When he and Kail were fighting, he alluded to the fact that Vee had betrayed Kail at some point. Kail texted Vee and Javi together and demanded to know what’s up. Vee later admitted to being the person who told Javi about her pregnancy. (Kail had previously believed it was Jenelle who told Javi.) 

Apparently, four years ago when Kail was knocked up with Lux, Vee told Javi about the pregnancy so he didn’t look stupid because he was apparently in the dark that Kail (to whom he was still legally married to at the time) was carrying the spawn of another man.

I mean, Javi has dated two of the five girls on ‘Teen Mom 2.’ I think that ship sailed long ago…

Kail says that Vee and Javi met up at the Target parking lot (not WaWa because it wasn’t that type of meet-up) and she told him everything. Kail claims that Vee not only told Javi that she was “with child,” but also that the child Kail miscarried while she and Javi were still together may not have been Javi’s child. Kail says it is unforgivable that Vee told that lie about her.

Kail let Vee have it via text, and Vee responded by apologizing. Still, though, Kail is unsure if her friendship— and podcast–with Vee can continue. 

“If we hadn’t already bought that neon sign with our name on it, I’d be done for sure!”

Leah— always one to deliver stellar advice— says, “that’s just way too many people puttin’ their hands in conversations they just shouldn’t be.”



Later on, Kail and Javi take Lincoln to see his football coach, who is named Speedy. (Of course he is.) Kail wants to know why the hell Big Papi didn’t share this info about Vee being shady with her years ago, and he blames their bad divorce. 

Kail goes to meet up with Vee (at a very unsavory sounding pizza place called “The Brick”). There’s literally no one else in “The Brick” (which honestly isn’t surprising, given that name) and they play some creepy music so we know this is supposed to be awkward/scary.

All of us after realizing they’re rehashing four-year-old drama in order to have a storyline…

Vee apologizes for what she did to Kail and says that she had just ejected The Spawn of Jo from her Penis Fly Trap and blames post-partum. She says she would never do that to Kail now. Kail accepts the apology but says that their podcast may be done (neon sign or not!)

They vow to be less crappy to each other from here on out! Kail jokes that they’ll have to change the name of their podcast from Baby Mamas No Drama to Baby Mamas All Drama (which, actually, would be a great name for this TV show). 

Later on in Florida, Devoin picks Nova up from gymnastics– on time!– and brings her back to Briana’s house. Devoin invites Briana to dinner that weekend with him and Nova, and Briana agrees to come along. She also agrees that it’s nice having Devoin around to help Nova with her homework because she personally only understands math when it comes to adding tattoos to her body or multiplying cc’s for her butt implants.

Devoin, after being called the “smart parent” by Briana.

Later in the episode, Briana, Devoin and Nova hit up The Melting Pot to break bread, which they then proceed to then dip into a vat of greasy cheese.    

And just like, a new slogan for The Melting Pot was born.

During their family dinner, Briana feigns interest in Devoin’s “work” and living situation and the two actually manage to get through the meal without yelling/fighting/pouring hot ass cheese on each other. 

“We’re sitting within 3 feet of each other and not throwing insults, so drinks all around!”

Back in The WV, Jaylan has arrived. He walks in and Leah is frazzled, because she has so many “e-mills” to answer. Jaylan robotically walks over and kisses Leah.

OK…does anyone else feel like Jaylan is, like, an alien trying his best to blend in with the humans? His awkward speaking tone, the way he moves…it’s just… weird. I can’t be the only one here, right?

“Activating: Human. Identity.”

Jaylan says that he has a job prospect that might allow him to move closer to the holler, which makes Leah (and her hoo-ha) tingle with delight. Leah says now that she and Jaylan are “exclusive,” it’s time he met the ding-dang girlseseseses! She says she wants the girlseses to know who she was bangin’ exclusively in Costa Rica.

I think that’s nice…

Later, she tells us Jaylan is leaving the hotel he’s been staying at and coming to her house so he can meet the girlseses. Leah goes to pick up the kidseses and informs them that Jaylan asked her to be his girlfriend.

That look you get when you know your mama’s about to get knocked up…

Leah says that the girlseses can meet them if they want.

“Well, no duh, we’ve gotta meet him!” Ali exclaims, pointing out that the dude’s literally already sitting awkwardly at their house, waiting for them.

Leah and her parade of girlseses rip through the door and find Jaylan just awkwardly sitting on the couch, staring at them.

“Activate personality appealing to smaller humans.”

Jaylan tries to put his extraterrestrial traits aside and bond with Ali and Aleeah by saying he’s a twin, too. They are unimpressed.

“I always forget…” Aleah says, bored.

Addie, however, is already looking at Jay and wondering what she can scam out of him. She asks for a ride to get her nails done. 

Leah explains to the totally uninterested girlseses that it was “very important” that she “waited” to introduce Jaylan to them. (Like…at least until they’ve had a few dates and banged internationally…obviously.) 

A few days later, Leah quizzes the girlseses to see if they liked Jaylan. They report that Jaylan “gave off a good vibe,” which makes Leah relieved. 

Back in California, Bar and Ashley head out to (where the hell else?!) a park to spend contractually-obligated time together and partake in some awkward small talk.  

Truly riveting stuff here, guys…

While discussing the weather and whatnot, Ashley and Bar get into a conversation about therapy, which both claim they are open to try. In order to make things work, however, Ashley tells Bar she needs him to have “discipline” in whatever he chooses to do in life. As for Bar, he says he’d like Ashley to improve on communicating– “or something… you know”– which Ashley says she thinks she can learn to do in therapy…or something.

Me, deciding if I should get invested in this painfully drawn-out storyline…

Back in Indiana, Jade picks up Klouuuie so they can head to the closing for their new house. Once again, Kloyyie is in a bad mood, and Jade insists it’s because she’s tired. 

Seriously, does this kid ever sleep? She always seems more tired than Christy after picking up Jade’s post-surgery Percocets! 

New game: take a sip of Christy’s Big Gulp Mountain Dew every time Jade calls out Kloie for being tired…

Jade tries to explain to Klowwie what’s going on, but Kloiey couldn’t care less… because she’s four. Jade tells the kid that this is a “big day” and she’s “hurting mommy’s feelings” for not grasping that.

Kloieiii— who, again, is four years old— then declines Jade’s invite to do a “happy dance” after closing, as well as some post-signing “shake your booty” moves in the parking lot, which only adds to Jade’s frustration. 

She’s not willing to twerk in a parking lot? Are we sure this is even Jade’s kid? 

Jade continues to just berate Chlowee for being cranky. I mean, the kid’s dad’s in rehab, her mom is always yelling at her and she’s on this trashbag of a show. Give her a damn break!

“Suck it up, kid! This is MY day!”

Jade calls her grandma to tell her the big news, reiterating that she only wants to give her grouchy, sleep-deprived daughter a stable home and sense of comfort.

“But I draw the line at a consistent nap schedule.”

That’s all for this episode of ‘Teen Mom 2!’ Check out The Ashley’s other recaps by clicking here!

(Photos: MTV) 


  1. I stopped watching years ago but a friend at work showed me how hilarious the recaps are here and I’m definitely entertained. Penis fly trap! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  2. I’ve been bitching about this for years. Please fix it, it’s so frigging annoying, sometimes I just pass on reading the Ashley, because I don’t want to deal with the constant pop ups while I’m trying to comment.

      1. Only issue I have is with how TOUCHY the links and photo are. I’m new but half my time here is spent hitting the back button because I attempted to scroll and it instead went to a story or blew up a picture…last time it was Farrah and I felt victimized.

  3. Am I the only one getting Javi vibes from Jaylan? Javi seemed perfect at first, charmed and wooed his way in quickly and then we found out that he had his sneaky motives from before he even asked Kail out.

    1. I was thinking Nathan. It was obvious something was off about Nathan from the start and his “charm” was fake and off-putting. Nathan pursued Jenelle for “fame” and that’s the only reason I can see a guy like Jaylan go for Leah. He’s younger, decent looking, solid career, no baggage – he has options when it comes to dating so why would he go for someone with so much baggage who is tied down to the backwoods of WV? It would be nice if Jaylan is for real and there is a happily ever after story, but it hasn’t played out so well with some of the other future baby daddies with motives.

      1. I chalked up Nathan and Javi to being uncomfortable in front of a camera initially. Both of you make valid points though. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jaylan is no different, though I hope that isn’t the case.

  4. Right. Leah is not a great catch but im beginning to think he may not be either.

    Yeah on paper hes accomplished, but theres more to a relationshit than just job qualifications.

  5. I don’t understand how Kail gets away with just decided when and what she’s going to film. She should honestly be fired. If she doesn’t want to film what’s actually going on in her life anymore (we see it play out online, but ignored on the show), then what’s the point?

    The descriptions of Jaylan being a robot was actually so hilarious!

  6. Something does seem off about Jaylan. Originally I just assumed he was chasing the money and fame train… but now after reading the Ashley’s recap, is this guy *special*?

    I’m not sure if they’re both being very careful about what they’re saying, so it just feels unnatural. But how he’s rushing into everything (Leah mentions J has never been married/no kids) just feels very emotionally immature. Shacking up on international holidays is not the same as living with someone 24/7 plus 3 kids, and one has special needs.

  7. When I scroll on your mobile site, and I pass a photo, the photo opens as a link immediately and interiors my scrolling. This has been going on for YEARS. are you ever going to fix it?

    1. I’ve been bitching about this for years. Please fix it, it’s so frigging annoying, sometimes I just pass on reading the Ashley, because I don’t want to deal with the constant pop ups while I’m trying to comment.

  8. I feel like Jade and Ashley show their REAL life, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Because of that, even if I don’t like some of the things they do, I really want them to succeed.

    But Leah, Brianna, and Kail especially are still SELF PRODUCING, and it makes them BORING and come off as fake or bad acting.

    And that is why this show sucks and is in need of a huge revamp. If you don’t want to be REAL on a REALITY show…..GTFO it.

    1. Totally! Kail just ducks in & out of the season & wants us to believe her life’s got nothing more riveting than watching Isaac pick out tiles.

      I got the feeling Leah’s boyfriend of a month was actually staying with her & not the hotel & that’s why he went so stiff & awkward? I think Leah’s pretty harmless but damn she moves quick with guys! I’m still side-eyeing him buying a house to settle in the WV with a twice divorced single mum with 3 kids who’s not the most intellectual in the way of thinking but …..MTV money in his future!

      Love your photo captions – I read them in the voice of the person, especially Leah’s mum & her ‘romantic roadkill’ 🤣🤣

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