Jessa Duggar Seewald and her husband Ben keep popping out the “blessings!”

The former Counting On stars recently welcomed their sixth child— which means two things: yet another couch-full of amniotic fluid and a new Duggar birth recap!

Since the Duggars no longer have a reality show to recap (thanks a lot, Josh!) The Ashley is forced to recap this.

Jessa posted a two-part birth story video to YouTube (all while conveniently leaving out the baby gender’s and name to maximize revenue for a future video).

The first part of Jessa’s birth story is absolutely riveting content. She announces that she’s 50 percent effaced while her youngest Dugglet, one-year-old George, randomly wears a helmet— safety first— and stuffs pickles into his face. 

She then regales us with the TMI tale of losing her mucus plug, and her attempts to walk the Sixth Spawn of Seewald out of her body. So far, she hasn’t been successful and the Dugglet remains in her womb. Jessa is hoping to expel the child before her other kids’ Vacation Bible School lets out. (Don’t ya hate it when your unborn blessing doesn’t cooperate with your other kids’ VBS schedule? Sigh.) 

Jessa (who, for some reason, is insisting on filming this video with a clear view up her nostrils) says that she’s tried all of the usual remedies to get the baby out– eating pineapple, snarfing spicy foods, etc., but they all just gave her heartburn. (She did not, however, mention if she tried some sexy time with ol’ Benny to expel the child, which is another common way to induce labor.)

Jessa tells us that wearing stripes makes her feel like “a big whale”…even though she’s wearing stripes. Certainly the Duggar Family Maternity Closet is chock-full of stripe-less frocks at this point, right?

Next, Jessa launches into an absolute riveting speech about her house’s baseboards. WE ARE LITERALLY WATCHING PAINT DRY HERE, PEOPLE!

The only part that’s even close to amusing is when Jessa shows the wall that has photos of each of her blessings, as well as the date they were born and how much they weighed at birth. It’s a reminder that 1) she and Ben actually willingly chose the name Spurgeon for their son and 2) Jessa heaves out some giant-sized Dugglets, with most of them being over 9 lbs.!

Hold on to your pelvic floors— Part 2 is coming next! 

Jessa starts off Part 2 by explaining that she was determined to expel The Sixth Spawn ‘o’ Seewald. She decided to go over to “The Big House” (aka the home of Jim Bob and Michelle) to utilize their air-conditioned square footage and staircase. She’s nervous that No. 6 will weigh 11 or 12 lbs, so she wants to evict it from her Blessing Maker as soon as possible! 

By Saturday, July 26, Jessa said she had real labor contractions blasting through her back, so she was back at the Big House trying to keep things moving.

Jessa— who has given birth on her own couch numerous times— excitedly eyes her parents’ sofa.

Jessa continues to walk up and down the stairs, as she has done to induce many of her pregnancies before. (This time, however, she’s wearing maternity pants and is probably super-grateful that she’s not having to do this nonsense while wearing a floor-length denim skirt!) 

After hiking up and down the stairs 15 times, Jessa tells whatever Not-Jana Duggar girl is filming that she’s feeling contractions in her back.

Despite Jessa’s status as a Duggar Family Super-Breeder, she tells us she still needs to Google to know how close her contractions should be before she leaves for the hospital. (After several home-births-gone-bad, Jessa decided a few babies ago to forgo the homebirths and just have her babies at the hospital.) 

After hours of walking and contractions, Jessa decides to post up on her parents’ couch for a rest. There must be something about a sofa that sets Jessa’s baby-maker on fire, because as soon as she stretches out on that thing, her water breaks… all over Jimmy B’s couch upholstery!

Jim Bob rushes over to film the Kodak Moment, as Jessa tells Jinger (whom she happens to be Facetiming at that moment) that her water literally popped.

Soon all the Seewald spawn gather ’round to get a gander at Jessa’s “water” marks on the couch. She begs one of the Not-Janas to grab her a towel so she can wipe all the fluid off of her nether regions (and Jimmy B’s precious couch). Her other kids just stare at her like she’s a laboring circus animal, but Jessa’s in pain and doesn’t even seem to notice.

Jessa wants to go to the hospital because she knows that once her water breaks, it’s usually not long before the baby is going to be barreling through her lady garden. Before high-tailing it to the hospital, though, Jessa stops in the bathroom to relieve herself, only to find that a big blood clot has come out. That makes Jessa even more frantic to get to the hospital, so she heads out, calling Michelle and her younger sister Jordyn to head over as well.

Once Jessa gets to the hospital, she’s still bleeding a lot but everything else looks normal, so they leave her to be “observed.” Jessa says she’s relieved to be in the hospital. (It could be worse, she could be huffing and puffing on some mattress in the closet like her poor sister Joy was during her first delivery! Or, she could be delivering this baby “a la toilet” like her sister-in-law Anna did!) 

Jessa is then presented with the opportunity to get an epidural. As ‘Counting On’ fans know, the Duggar girls used to be very against accepting any sort of pharmacological help to relive the pain of labor. However, during her last few births, Jessa has flung her Fundie birth protocols aside and accepted that sweet, sweet pain relief and now knows how great an epidural can be.

She chooses to get the epidural. 

They wheel her into the room and we see Jessa’s husband Ben bumbling around for the first time after being absent in the video thus far. (Perhaps he had a Christian rap song to record or something and couldn’t miss it just for a baby’s birth?) 

Jessa’s epidural isn’t working as well as it should be, so Michelle gets in there to whisper soothing Fundie thoughts to help ease the pain. 

By 9:30 p.m. the doctor tells Jessa that she can have a baby whenever she’d like now. Ben stands there with the same slack-jawed look he always had while filming ‘Counting On.’ 

Michelle is literally swooning over her laboring daughter, most likely reminiscing about the days where a giant Duggar baby was plowing its way out of her pickle-pocket.

Soon, Jessa’s heels-up-to-Jesus in the birthing stirrups, as Michelle cheers her on (and Ben stands there.)

Jessa’s moaning and groaning as Baby No. 6 is barreling through her baby chute. Finally, the baby is out and someone can be heard remarking, “That…is a big one.” 

Jessa is crying as the baby is laid on her chest.

The baby is healthy and Jessa is relieved to finally be done with the delivery. Ben takes a gander at the baby’s giant head and looks relieved that he was born with a penis and thus will never have to expel something so giant from his nether regions.

Jessa is surprised that she was only in labor for seven hours this time. This is, of course, a much shorter labor than she had when she gave birth to The Spurge, which took two days.

“It was a beautiful experience in the end and I’m so thankful,” she tells us. 

Jessa praises her mom, Michelle, for being there through her whole labor and delivery. (Jinger recently revealed that Michelle has been present at nearly all of her 35+ grandkids’ births, which is actually quite impressive.)

“My mom is such a treasure,” Jessa tells us.

Jessa also praises her birth team, her midwife and the nurses.

Jessa tries to make Ben semi-useful and asks him to cut the baby’s umbilical cord. Apparently, he’s been M.I.A. when it’s been time to cut his other five kids’ cords, and this time is no different. He pleads that he has a “weak stomach for such things.” 

Luckily, Jordyn steps up and cuts the cord.

Soon, Jessa is feeling a fresh new wave of energy (surely getting ready to start making Baby No. 7.) 

We then get our first real glance at Baby No. 6. (Jessa is still not revealing the gender and has yet to reveal his/her name.)

Jessa says that, during the first night after a baby’s birth, it’s always hard to sleep because you wake up every time the baby does and worry if he or she is OK. Luckily, Jessa says, Michelle is there to take care of the baby for Jessa so she can sleep.

If only there was a father of the baby who could take care of him or her!

Oh…wait…

It’s time for the weigh in. The nurse reveals that Baby No. 6 is a whopping 10 lbs. even! That makes him/her the biggest Seewald Spawn to date!

The next day is Sunday, and Jessa says that “Jim Bob” (but really the teen Dugglets) got all of Jessa’s other kids dressed and took them to church.

“I don’t know why I’m so impressed with that, because I know my parents literally raised 19 kids,” Jessa tells us.

After church the Seewald kids are taken to the hospital, where they learn the baby’s gender and name. Unfortunately for all of us viewers (who sat through Jessa talking about her baseboards and mucus plug, mind you), we don’t get to know that information. Jessa promises to reveal the gender and name when she posts Part 3.

That’s all for this recap! To read more of The Ashley’s Duggar recaps, click here! 

RELATED STORY: Pregnant ‘Counting On’ Star Jessa Duggar Seewald Reveals How She Deals with the Negativity She Gets For Having So Many Kids

(Photos: YouTube; TLC)