‘Teen Mom 2’ Season 8 Episode 2 Recap: Unexplained Sunglasses & an Unexpected Pregnancy

It’s like she’s talking to Jenelle on the phone, dude…

It’s time once again to check back in with our favorite baby machines, the stars of Teen Mom 2! Last week, we were introduced to “new” mom Briana (who is basically just a Floridian version of Jenelle, except that she frequently says “wif” instead of “with,” and she only has two deadbeat baby-daddies instead of three…for now, anyway).

We also got to meet Chelsea‘s new son, Watson, in what was one of the most anti-climatic ‘Teen Mom’ births ever. (We got no oxygen mask, no moaning, no demands for anyone to hold the mother’s foot and no labor shots. #WTFMTV.)

This week’s episode starts out where we left off last week, at Loudmouth Burgers (or “Loudmouff” for those of you following along in Briana-speak). Briana is about to talk to the ho-bag that is supposedly hooking up with her ho-bag baby-daddy Luis.

“But he told me I was the only hoe he was messin’ wiff!”

Harriet Ho-bag was quite chatty, but unfortunately didn’t want her convo with Briana to air on MTV, so we have to settle for Briana’s narration of what was said. Briana tells us that Harriet Ho-bag “told her what she needed to know.”

Um…can we know? That’s kind of the purpose of watching this crappy show– to learn what trashtastic drama your poor decisions have brought upon you so that we can feel better about our lives.

Back at Briana’s apartment, Briana’s mom Roxanne and sister Brittany are watching Briana’s first kid, Nova. Briana flops into the house and tells her family she has a big announcement. Roxanne is immediately on-guard. (Shouldn’t a production assistant be jumping up to remove any and all footwear from the area around Roxanne? You know, just in case?)

Oh, Roxanne…I loved ya in ‘Whatever Happened to Baby Jane’…

Roxanne and Brittany immediately think that Briana is knocked up with twins, but she denies it. Briana tells them that Luis has been laying his sperm snake into some other girl, and the family legit goes crazy. Roxanne basically just starts taking off her earring so she can go crow-bar Luis’ already oddly shaped head, while Brittany is throwin’ nail polish all over the room and cussing. It’s amazing television.

Meanwhile, Briana is just sitting there crying, wondering how a guy she met at a club who boned her for a month and got her pregnant could THROW IT ALL AWAY! I mean, if these two can’t make it, given their fairytale love story and all, what hope is there for the rest of us?!

“If Briana keeps this up, I’m gonna run out of shoes to throw at these guys’ heads!”

Brittany demands Luis’ address and Roxanne retreats to another room (presumably to boot up AOL and print out some MapQuest directions to ensure they shoot the gun into the window of the right house). Briana refuses to give her family the address, probably because she doesn’t want to end up on the news.

Briana tells them that she looked up Harriet Ho-bag on Instagram and later “axed her” during a three-hour phone conversation about her relationship with Luis. The girl confirmed that Luis isn’t interested in humping Briana anymore (which isn’t a surprised, because she doesn’t have the Miss Piggy nose he so desires), and that he is only sticking around for that MTV money the baby.

For now, Briana is ignoring Luis’ attempts to contact her.

“This is a nightmare!” Roxanne exclaims.

“Hold up, lemme just call my hit man real quick.”

Um…your daughter went to the club and probably got knocked up in the bathroom in between dancing to “Like a G6” and that song they always play that demands you “Put your mothaf**king hands up!” What the hell did you expect, Rox?

Roxanne starts crying hysterically, thinking about how the burden of taking care of yet another one of Briana’s illegitimate children from a loser dad is going to kill her. Briana really knows how to pick ’em!

Speaking of girls who know how to pick loser baby daddies, it’s time to check in “wif” Jenelle. When we last saw her, she was standing in front of a hotel, wailing about how she has no friends and only has that pesky Kaiser in her life.

Since then, though, Lurch has managed to somehow fetch their rental house keys. (He probably went to the rental agent’s house and mouth-breathed on her windows until she finally just gave him the keys.)

“A bed without bars? I didn’t even know those existed!”

The rental house is already furnished (so we won’t be treated to any of Jenelle’s “more classier” decorations). Jenelle and Lurch arrive at the new house (and even bring Kaiser in from the car). There’s no Crib of Doom in this house, so Jenelle will have to figure out a location to plop the kid for a few hours (or, like, 15) each day.

Lurch apologizes for cussing out Jenelle earlier that day, and Jenelle just tells him to “CARE MORE!”

“You’re the love of my life,” Lurch declares, adding for kicks, “Even Kaiser.”

I think he meant to say, “Even THOUGH YOU HAVE Kaiser.”

Meanwhile, in South Dakota, Chelsea’s film crew is about to meet Baby Watson for the first time. He’s home from the hospital and the gang all takes turns holding him. (Watson gets his very first name-taggy thing of his life, so it’s a special moment.)

“I just thank my lucky stars that stork didn’t drop me in the swamplands of North Carolina with Jenelle and her crew!”

Since they didn’t capture Chelsea expelling Watson from her nether-regions, we have to hear the birth via a conversation between Chelsea and Producer Mandy. Chelsea says her water broke in the middle of the night, in the middle of a blizzard, and she barely made it to the hospital before Watson came flying out.

(Did anyone else find it absolutely adorable that Cole memorized all the important times of the night: the exact moment the water broke, when they got to the hospital and when she had the baby?)

Chelsea only had to push three times before Cole yanked the kid out. I’m sure she was thrilled to look down and see Cole there this time, instead of ol’ Adam!

“Mathematics students stay to the left, inmates to the right…”

Over in West Virginia, Leah is two days into her life as a college kid. She’s having a great time, learning all the readin’, writin’ and ‘rithmatic and whatnot. (For whatever reason, all of Leah’s classes look like they take place in someone’ s mom’s basement or the visitor’s room of the local jail, but…hey, we all know the schools aren’t well in West Virginia!)

Leah is dressed for success. She’s got her learnin’ lipstick on, and brand-new hair extensions to help her absorb all of that knowledge flyin’ at her! In between classes, she Facetimes her pal Liz. (Again, there’s no sign of Chasity. Perhaps she has some sort of court-mandated obligation to fulfill or something?)

“Just wait until that Corey Tyler sees me all learned up!”

Leah tells her pal all about how Addie, “bless her heart,” was confused as to why she and the twins have different dads, and why her dad didn’t come fetch her at the parking lot like Ali’s dad did earlier that week.

“Addie hasn’t saw him in like two weeks,” Leah says.

(Hey…Leah? Maybe you should try to jump into a second English class? You know, just so you can do some extra learning?)

“She’ll learn,” Liz tells Leah. (Seriously all Addie needs to do is watch about three episodes of ‘Teen Mom 2’ and the whole “different baby daddy” thing will be second-hat to her!)

Finally, we make our way to Delaware to see what Kail is up to. Javi has arrived at her their home, and he goes to try to give her a hug.

“Don’t touch me!” Kail screams at him. “Don’t be fake!”

“This reminds me of when we were married.”

Javi climbs the stairs to go surprise the boys and then just starts sifting through the fridge, looking for treats (and/or a good way to piss Kail off.) Javi pleads that he’s thirsty (which, is, of course, the understatement of the century), and Kail tells him to basically take his dry mouth and get the hell out of her fridge.

“I’ll fix her! I’m gonna drink out of her hose on the way out!”

Javi manages to steal a few sips of water and sits down with Kail to discuss the possibility that he could be getting deployed again. Kail is not happy that Javi has already told the kids about it, given that he’s not even sure he’s going at this point. Javi agrees that he made a mistake and Kail can’t believe that she won the argument so easily.

Back in North Carolina, Jenelle tells us that Nathan hasn’t seen Kaiser in over a month because she doesn’t trust him to watch the kid. (Surely Nate doesn’t have the parental skills that Jenelle and Lurch have. He can’t toss Kaiser across the room or slam the door in his face quite like they can!)

Lurch and Jenelle are dining inside a restaurant and Lurch keeps telling Jenelle how stunning she looks. He is, of course, wearing sunglasses inside the restaurant. (As you do).

He looks like he’s wearing one of those Insta-disguises from the magic shop or something…

There are several reasons he could be wearing the sunglasses: 1) he may be doing his best Sammy Davis Jr. impression 2) he is trying to protect his eyebrows from being eaten by Jenelle’s eyebrows or 3) his future is so bright he has to wear shades!

I mean, there’s always the possibility that he took too many “vitamins” and they had an effect on his pupils, but it’s highly doubtful, given that Lurch is such a pillar of the community and all.

Anyway, Jenelle says she is going to mediation with Nathan the next day because she’s afraid of Kaiser going over to Nathan’s Protein Palace because it’s full of empty beer bottles and liquor bottles and whatnot. (Jenelle only has interest in full liquor bottles, apparently.)

“Dude, are you serious with those sunglasses, dude?”

Jenelle also announces that Nathan recently got thrown in the slammer…again. She hopes that Nathan will get one less weekend with Kaiser and that Nathan’s mom will have to be there for all visits.

In Florida, Briana tells us that ol’ Lu has been informed that the jig is up, and that Briana knows he’s been playing “Hide the Hose” with at least one other girl.

She’s allowing him to go to her house so that they can talk about what happened, what they want to do, and what (if any) antibiotics Briana is going to have to start taking as a result of Luis’ fornication. She tells her family to leave so that they don’t end up beating Luis to a bloody pulp with their Forever 21 pumps.

“His actions are, like, domino-effecting on everybody’s plans!” Brittany declares.

She kicks the fam out (Nova included) and soon Prince Luis arrives. He knocks on the door and seems to kind of be expecting Roxanne to pop out from behind the wall and chuck a vase at him or something. Briana lets him in and Luis starts spewing the lines he rehearsed in the car (OK…on the bus) on the way over here.

When you got caught cheating on your side chick and now you have to go face the music…

“I don’t know where to start to begin,” he says.

He admits he “f**ked up” (and f**ked Harriet Ho-bag), and tells Briana his actions were stupid and childish.

Luis is barely able to force the next words from his mouth.

“I.Want.Us.To.Be.Together.And.Go.On.With.The.Plans.That.We.Had,” he tells her robotically.

Briana tells Luis that their dreams of moving in together after a few months of casually dating will now never happen. She’s an independent woman (well…except for the fact that she lives off her mom, of course), and she doesn’t need to be with Luis just because he knocked her up!

(Why, oh why, can’t Brittany, Roxanne and Nova all come dancing through the door right here, waving their fingers at Luis and singing “All the Single Ladies”?)

“Would you be faithful to me if I wore my hair like this? I’ll try anything!”

Luis begs for another chance, but Briana says she’ll “eat herself alive thinking he’s out doing stuff.” (Well, he will be, of course…) She says it would be a toxic environment for her and Nova. She starts to cry because she knows she’s going to have to co-parent with another loser.

Don’t worry, Bri! He’ll probably split before you even pop that placenta out!

“I’ve been down this route and I don’t wanna go through it again!” Briana cries.

Um…then stop picking loser baby daddies. Or, better yet, stop getting knocked up!

“Um…yeah, sure, I’ll stick around…”

Since their dreams of a fairytale life together have been shattered, Briana casually suggests that they place their lovechild up for adoption. Luis, the devoted dad, declares that adoption is not an option.

“I might be a liar, I might be an a**hole and I might be a dick but I am all about family.” Luis declares.

This may be on-par with that line uttered by the Great Kieffer Delp: “Bein’ a felon ain’t illegal.”

I LOVE LUIS!

Briana decides that the baby will just have to be raised up in a “f**ked up situation.” She then reminds family-man Luis that he was all about her marching up to the ol’ abortion clinic just a few short months ago.

Luis realizes she’s kind of got him there.

“Hey, I’ve got a punchcard for the abortion clinic that’s almost full. If I bring in one more girl and I get the next one free! Can you blame me?”

“Well, uh….that was then!” he declares.

Briana tries to woo Luis with all the perks of adoption.

“You can still be in the baby’s life,” she tells him. “You just won’t be taking care of the baby.”

Um, girl, that’s exactly what he’s planning to do without putting the kid up for adoption.

“If you was to leave and not be around, I’m stuck with these two kids!” she tells him.

W-O-W.

Be sure this Kodak moment makes its way into the baby’s memory book! And Nova’s too!

Briana says it’s no fair that because she’s a girl she can’t be the deadbeat parent.

“You are a strong independent woman,” Luis says. (Cue the “Single Ladies” dancers!)

“Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! ‘Cause if you liked it you should have put a ring on it!”

“Even if I wasn’t here, you can do it.”

Briana, girl, he basically just told you he’s about to split. Do you need a house to fall on you to understand what’s going on here?!

To lighten things up, we head back down to The WV, where Leah is complaining to Addie about how exhausting school is. Addie is begging Leah to call Jeremy, so she finally does. Jeremy tells Addie that he’s at his current fiancé-thing Brooke‘s house, and but that he’ll be down the next day to fetch her.

As Jeremy is telling Addie how much he loves her, over and over, and how much he misses her, Leah can barely keep her eyes from rolling back in her head. She’s got that “Mmmm-hmmm” look on her face, and looks like she wants to chuck a can of ravioli at his head for gushing about his kid, who he ditched to go pickle-poke Brooke.

“That’s a bigger load of crap than what’s in my car!”

Later, Leah picks up all three kids, and she’s dying to dish about her school day. None of the kids care about anything other than the Pringles they are jamming into their traps, but Aleeah is especially over hearing about Leah’s 14th attempt at getting herself “learned.”

“I wrote a writing sample today and it was about me being the best mommy I can be!” Leah declares.

“OH my gawd!” Aleeah says, rolling her eyes. “Blah Blah Blah Blah! I don’t care!”

Aleeah is obviously not a fan of Leah’s school tales…

Leah scolds Aleeah for being rude. (Something tells me that Aleeah is going to be getting one less gas station treat in her lunchbox tomorrow!)

Leah pulls over to the side of the road to give Addie to Jeremy, but he’s 30 minutes late for the meeting. Addie has crashed from her sugar high by then, but she still delivers her to him. Addie wakes up and requests that Jeremy take her to Walmart.

“That’s the only place you ever want to go!” Jeremy says.

Well…this is Teen Mom 2!

Meanwhile in Delaware, Kail is back on her phone. We legit spend about 15 minutes a week watching Kail play on her phone. You guys realize that, right?

I do enjoy watching the seasons of Kail’s phone cover change, though…

She calls Soul Sister Kristen and tells her that she has broken up with the mystery guy she was seeing last episode. She says their relationship was on-and-off and now it’s off, so he’s out of the picture for good. (Insert foreshadowing here)

She says she’s super glad she kept her relationship private, and only boinked him when her kids were at their dads’ houses. Kail declares that she’s not in any position to be looking for a relationship now. She’s not looking for any guy (or girl) to romance any time soon.

The next day, Kail drops the kids off at Javi’s and is driving home. She’s chatting with Sterling on the phone. She says that she doesn’t feel good and is very tired.

“Dude, you’re so pregnant!” Sterling declares.

“Not another baby daddy!”

Kail looks horrified and whispers to her friend that she’s filming. Sterling apparently becomes Ricky Ricardo when she outs her friends’ secrets.

“Ay yi yi!” she replies.

In South Dakota, Cole is preparing for a night out, so Chelsea will have both kids. (Or, according to Briana, will be “stuck with two kids.”) Aubree declares that she would like to go out with Cole and his friends, but obviously she can’t.

“Stop crying or I’m sending you to Jenelle’s moldy house!”

She starts to throw a fit, and just loses her s**t. Time-outs are threatened and numbers are counted but the fit continues. Her iPad is taken away, but the fit continues. They finally arrive home, and Cole can’t stop laughing, which pisses Chelsea off.

I guess now we see why Briana doesn’t want to be stuck with two kids!

In North Carolina, Jenelle has arrived at her home away from home– the county courthouse. As per usual, she has Lurch in tow, and she’s heading to her mediation to try to pluck some of Nathan’s parental rights from him. Nathan (sans his man-bun) arrives at the courthouse, but he declares he’s “done with the cameras!”

“For a small fee I could be persuded to tell a few jokes and do a short tap-dance routine…”

We aren’t able to go into the court room with Jenelle & Co. but an hour later, the assembly of degenerates file out of the courthouse. Jenelle tells us that Nathan agreed to the terms of the new visitation agreement. Nathan is suddenly a Chatty Kathy, telling the producer that the “brat got everything she wanted, like always.”

He starts telling everything that went down inside the courtroom. He says they both have custody, but his visits have to be supevrvised and that now instead of getting Kaiser three weekends a month, he has him every other weekend.

Wait…does Nathan even know that every other weekend is less than three weekends a month? He seems to have no clue.

“I’m not giving any custodies up to them!” Nate declares. “I’ll fight ’til the last inch with my teeth if I have to!”

He may even fill the street with uppercuts, if pressed!

“Every last one of you are INSANE!”

The producer reminds Nathan that he had sent a message to Lurch stating that he wanted to sign away his rights to Kaiser. Nathan says that his life was basically hitting the rocks, and he was hitting the sauce and that’s why he said that.

“I’m an adult. I make mistakes. I’m not perfect,” he says.

Nathan? Not the epitomy of the perfect adult and parent? Nah, I don’t believe that!

“Pssh! You say you want to give your kid away one time and everyone holds it against you!”

Nathan says he knows that Jenelle is going to try to worm more child support out of him, and he says that his mom he will gladly pay it if he can see Kaiser.

“She’s just going to keep on going and going,” he says. “This thing is gonna go on for years!”

Yay! That ensures more trainwreck episodes to recap for years to come!

In the car, Lurch says that Nathan doesn’t really like Kaiser anyway.

“I feel closer to you when I wear sunglasses, dude.”

“He doesn’t want to have to take care of Kaiser!” Lurch declares of Nathan.

Um…neither do you people so…?

To wrap things up, we head back one more time to Florida, where Briana is still hoping her Luis will agree to put their baby up for adoption. Roxanne and Brittany are finally going to get their time with Luis. He comes over so the DeJesus girls can berate him for being the low-life that he is.

Brittany blurts out that she’s annoyed she has to be nice to Luis when she doesn’t want to. She says this like she doesn’t know that Luis is sitting right there, trying to stuff in as much free food as he can before the footwear starts flying.

“If this lunch meeting is gonna end with me getting a concussion, at least let me know!”

“Me and my mom are gonna have to pick up the pieces so that you can go and play with your willy!” Brittany tells him.

They all keep saying how it sucks that Nova’s there because they aren’t able to tell Luis how they really feel. Poor Nova is just standing there, knowing that she’s a big ol’ burden that’s keeping Brittany and Roxanne from being able to unleash their madness on Mommy’s latest booty call.

Brittany (sporting her Dr. Miami hoodie, naturally) finally gets up and leaves the room, determined not to whack Luis over the head with a roll of paper towels. Briana’s in tears, and Nova looks like she’s wondering if it’s too late for her to be placed for adoption.

“And if I have to whip my sister’s boyfriend with a roll of Bounty Ultra-Strongs, then so be it!”

Brittany reappears and reminds Luis that she once tried to fight Briana’s other baby daddy, Devoin. It seems like it could be the start of a “Jerry Springer” moment, but Brittany keeps her cool (well, kinda) and tells Luis that she won’t beat the BeJesus out of him unless she absolutely has to.

I think that’s nice.

Briana goes outside to cry, and a random producer goes to comfort her.

On the next episode, Addie doesn’t want to leave her dad and Chelsea wants Aubree to leave her bad attitude behind.

To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous episode of ‘Teen Mom 2,’ click here!

(Photos: MTV)

47 Comments

  1. I thoroughly enjoy how Jenelle actually thinks she is above Nathan or has any room to talk about him getting arrested and being a bad parent because of it..I think it’s been too long since her last arrest that it’s getting to her head. NOT saying Nathan is great though..Kaiser is so screwed either way.


  2. The new season has yet to air in Australia, so these recaps give me life!

    I snorted when reading Lurch’s “my future is so bright, I have to wear shades” caption 😂 He looks like he’s on the run from the law, with a stupid wig and sunglasses. But in saying that, he could well be on the run from the law..

    Is anyone else super tired of Jenelle’s BS Instagram pictures, making out like she’s mother of the year and living a fairytale life with Lurch? What irks me most is the dumbas* followers that give her praise for “turning her life around”. Bish please. If I rolled my eyes anymore, I’d be able to see out the back of my head.


  3. Kail has another thing coming if she thinks she will be able to shut Javi and his family out like she tried to do to Jo and his family. It didn’t work with Jo, he moved to DE to be with Isaac.
    Javi’s family moved there to be with Javi and Lincoln. If she tries to pick up the boys and leave, hell will rain down on that pig snout bitch from both men and she will get the comeuppance she has been long overdue to get.

    I knew a woman like Kail who had two boys from two different men that were sweet and kind boys. She was the most unpleasant bitch on earth. Those boys had great dads who tried their hardest to be involved as much as they could and she was as much trouble as possible. Those boys grew up and have nothing to do with their mother as adults.


  4. For what it’s worth… kailyn has the cutest boys! And they’re both so sweet and well taken care of. Especially Isaac! I wanna pinch his cheeks and spin him around! She makes A LOT of questionable life choices and seems to be in need of psychiatric medication, but just judging by her kids, she seems to be a great mother. It also helps that both boys have good fathers.

    Remember when Joe was a distant father and it was his parents that did everything?? He’s come a long way. There’s hope for kailyn. It took her a long time to get her bachelor degree… but she did it! I think she’ll surprise everyone.


  5. Luis is such a jerk in this episode, I wanted to reach through the tv and smack him (not to sound like a De Jesus woman….). I thought that what Briana was saying about putting the baby up for adoption was the only logical thiught she’s ever had. It’s very much too bad for the baby that it didn’t happen.


  6. I don’t watch TM2 now that they have added Briana. I feel that her addition to the show insults viewers’ intelligence. We all know ratings were going down last season and bringing in Briana only adds trash drama to the show. We had plenty of that with Jenelle and let’s face it, Chelsea life is boring, but I enjoyed seeing that in between Leah’s trashmobile and Kail Smash. Briana’s story is not a story, it’s a Jerry Springer life. The producers should realize ratings are probably going down because the original target viewer is growing up and the majority of the cast is not. As a result, viewership goes down. Briana is a blatant simple minded attempt to get new viewership by bringing in the most unrefined, nonsensical, trashtastical family on board. I will only read the recaps.


  7. such a good recap! I don’t even have to watch these horrible shows anymore. Superb writing!!!! I laughed out loud a number of times. I honestly prefer to just read your recaps then to actually watch the show!


  8. One more thing that pisses me off about this girls is how easily they make it look to get pregnant! And it’s not for a lot of people and then they go on and on how unexpected it was and blah blah blah……….for a show ‘preaching’ about safe sex NONE of the girls on the show are actually practisizing it! And then you have Jenelle who is just such a b*tch to her children while there is prob a lot of couples who would LOVE and CHERISH having Kaiser as their son. The only responsible parent here is Chelsea, she may have had Watson a bit early for my taste but Cole seems like a really dedicated father and loves Aubree as if she is his own.


    1. If I remember correctly chelsea said she got off birth control to normalize her fertility so her and Cole can start trying for a baby the moment they were married. They were using the rythem method and pull out method of birth control and conceived a few months earlier than the wedding.


  9. Briana has not learned one thing since the filming of this season’s episodes. Not ONE.

    I say this, because I read somewhere recently that while filming she was constantly making remarks about this “fine ass” new cameraman, and thanking MTV for sending his “fine ass” to her house. Therefore, potentially working on baby daddy #3 – before even delivering the one she had in her belly. (Insert sigh…followed by HUGE eye roll here.)

    Clearly, what this girl needs to do, is take the first big MTV check she earns, and like the other girls on the show buy a home somewhere for herself and her kids so she can get OUT of that cramped, man-hating apartment with her sister and her mom.

    If for no one else’s sake, for little Nova, who does not need to be hearing all the “grown up” talk she hears on a regular basis, especially against her father Devoin – who Briana HERSELF chose to be her father.


  10. I can’t believe Bri AND Luis. Now that Bri’s baby daddy is about to split, she doesn’t want their baby anymore. Really? I don’t think that’s right. If you aren’t willing to be a single parent, then you shouldn’t have a child at all. I get that it’s not an ideal situation, but you either want the baby or you don’t. It shouldn’t be conditional. Whether the father is in the child’s life shouldn’t change that. And Luis…my God! He won’t let Bri give up the baby for adoption…but then tells her she “can do it” on her own? Breed responsibly, people!


    1. I’m pretty sure that she just brought up adoption to ad something to her ghetto story line. She never wanted to place her meal ticket….errr…i mean child up for adoption.


    2. I said the same thing. It’s wrong to try and give the baby up because it’s no longer the ideal situation anymore. She should have been thinking about all of these scenarios before she was begging for anyone to put a baby in her and not using protection. She’s a terrible mother and with role models like her mom, grandma, and aunt, Nova amd Stella are fucked. And don’t get me started on how inappropriate it was for them to be asking Nova is she wanted to give the baby away. Nova should have said “No, bitch. Im 5. Why you asking me this?”


  11. Lurch 100% appears to be in disguise.

    If Nathan really gave a shit about his son, he would get his shit together and BURY Jenelle in court. She’s a terrible, shitty ass mother. Everyone knows it. She knows it. That’s why she doesn’t have Jace, that’s why she doesn’t hide her contempt for Kaiser, and that’s why she aborted the last one because she wanted a girl. Sorry to tell you JUHNELLE that little girl is going to give you a run for your money when she grows up with you as a mother (if you even still have custody of her at that point). What a shitty, shitty person to bring not 1, but up to 5 kids into this world when she can’t even formulate a complete and proper sentence. Fame doesn’t last forever.


  12. Oh holy mother of all reality shows

    I literally laughed so hard I think I had a little accident.

    This is one of the funniest most well written “roundups” that I have ever read

    You always get it spot on.

    Especially with the ridiculous speech these teen morons use.

    Wif is one of them. Then Leah with her WV backwoods blathering is more than I can take.

    I died when Briana’s mother went looney over the fact baby daddy was cheating. Does she really think we bought into all of that.

    And do these girls ever get off of the couch.? Of course when they are on the couch their feet have to be planted into the cushions. Classy bunch they are.

    Do any of these broads work?

    Listen I was the original teen mom believe it or not 44 years ago. Why do you ask , do I watch this crap. I don’t know. Probably makes me feel better about walking to work back in the day, and doing what a real teen mom does.

    Anyhoo, keep it coming, it’s beyond hilarious.

    Made my day

    COCO


  13. Lurch and chinelle are fucking dissgusting excuses for humans.
    Kail is a nasty horrible lousy person.
    Leah oh my an illiterate idiot


  14. Briana really picked out a winner here! But seriously, what did she expect, she didn’t even know him properly before he knocked her up?! WTF she really knows how to pick them! Hopefully this one won’t just disappear out of his daughter’s life like the first one did (right?)

    Jenelle, Jenelle. Nathan is no saint but don’t act like you and Lurch are the best option for Kaiser. His best option would be adoption or living with Babs.

    OH MY GOD, AGAIN KAIL NOT SEEING IT COMING THAT SHE’S PREGNANT! How many times will she need to lie for people to buy it?! Cuz I’m not buying it at all.

    Again the DeBoer’s only drama is Aubree throwing a fit presumably cuz she thinks she will be replaced with Watson. But don’t worry, I’m sure Cole has enough love for the two of you and any other baby who might follow. And we finally see Chelsea and Cole DO fight(I didn’t see the episode, just from what I’m reading here), it’s just not so dramatic as with other girls.


    1. Yeah, I mean, every couple fights and has arguments. Nobody is perfect, Cole and Chelsea just handle it like rational flipping people.


  15. I honestly can’t work out how Kail’s kids, particularly Issac, have grown into such respectable and kind little guys when she’s such a vicious and cruel woman.
    I mean, we have Issac saying he went out of his way to create help-sheets to assist someone in his class who was struggling with Math, while Kail shrieks obscenities at Javi, won’t even let him have something to eat or drink, and launches herself at whatever baby-daddy/baby-daddy-girlfriend happens to cross her in that moment. Apart from the “puta” incident a few years back, Lincoln and Issac seem to have perfect manners and are both incredibly sweet.

    Yes, Kail’s house is always clean, and the boys are always well dressed, but her attitude is awful (and downright abusive at times, both physically and emotionally towards Javi in particular…) so you’d think the kids would pick up on her habits.


  16. Ugh I have taken to fast forwarding now through Briana’s segment after the first episode. No matter how much her family plays up the drama. Big mistake adding her, her storyline is just bad and she just comes off like a moron wanting sympathy for getting knocked by some loser in a club feigning that she no idea she could get pregnant.

    It is more like she made her life as messy as possible to attract tv producers, because they know trainwrecks are viewing pleasure.


  17. “and what (if any) antibiotics Briana is going to have to start taking as a result of Luis’ fornication.”
    Pure. Gold!!


  18. I both literally and metaphorically can’t watch these shows anymore (moved out of country + was losing patience sitting through episodes), but I found this site because I wanted to read some re-caps, and these are the best. Thanks, Ashley!


  19. I’m glad the recaps are back, because I can’t watch anymore. Between Briana, Jenelle and Kailyn, it’s unwatchable.

    Briana the fame whore making a trap baby, the relationship doesn’t even making it past the second trimester. I just can’t, between Briana, her mother and sister, they’re awful, stupid people. I wish there were better adjectives, but stupid and awful sums them up.

    Jenelle’s son Kaiser is so adorable and behaves like a typical toddler. So she slams him into high chairs, shuts him in his room, leaves him buried in toys in a pack and play, just generally ignores him. Unless she’s complaining about him – then she goes ahead and says cruel things about how much she dislikes him and doesn’t want to be around him while he’s sitting right there, looking like he just needs a hug. It breaks my heart.

    Kailyn really only does three things: play with her phone, refuse to talk about things, and make snide remarks to her ex-husband (who is the father of her child and a figure in her other child’s life). She puts her sex life before her children. She’s busy chasing dick and parading it around her kids, then hisses and slams things if anyone tries to even remotely call her out.

    I literally can’t even hate watch anymore. It would be one thing if there were no innocent children involved. But the things that go on are so damaging to those children, I feel dirty if I watch the show now.


  20. I can’t stand Jenelle and I couldn’t believe what she was saying about not wanting to be on birth control. The way her and Lurch treat Kaiser and they want to bring another child into this world. Jenelle has not and never will change. I just feel bad for all the children and future children involved. I cannot stand Kailyn, but unlike the other teen moms she keeps a clean house, has a bachelors degree, pays her taxes, and her children are always clean and well behaved….


  21. Leah: So, how was y’allses day?
    Girlses: Fine.
    Leah: What did youse do?
    Girlses: Nothing.
    Leah: Uh, well where was youse at today?
    Girlses: Schoo…
    Leah: Speaking of school, Mommy went to school today! And she learned so ding dang much! Mommy is so excited to be in school and guess what I did today! Guess guess guess!
    Girlses: Cleaned the house? Found Addie’s toothbrush?
    Leah: No, sillies, why would I do that? I wrote a writing sample that I’m going to be the best ding dang mommy ever because I’m getting learned now!

    It was so pathetic watching Leah talk about school – chill out, Leah. You aren’t the first person to go to college. Heck, you aren’t even the first Teen Mom to go to college. Slow your roll sister. Come back and talk to us when you’re walking to get your degree…


    1. From what people have said online, she isnt even in school anymore. She wuit shortly after. While I admire her attempts, its obvious college may not be for her, and if thats the case, fine, but stop announcing it online and filming it, that way you don’t look like a flake once again. If you do decide to try school again, don’t announce it. You could tell that her girls are tired of hearing about it and even they know it won’t last lol.


      1. With a side “benefit” of being transferred away from Jo so she could ..she thought..shut him out of Isaac’s life. (I pretty much expect her to try to move cross country to get away from all the fathers: two out of three anyway are great dads, but that doesn’t seem to be what she wants.) . Isaac was heartbreaking last night, and I think Lincoln is ‘all right” only because he doesn’t g really understand that another baby is on the way. I think Vee sees a boatload more crap coming their way via Kail’s bad decisions.


    1. it’s too much like watching her 16 & pregant episode. except this time she’s older and has no excuse of being a naive teenager that thinks trapping a man with a baby will keep him around.


      1. Am I the only one thinking each new “SURPRISE!” pregnancy should be introduced just as each “teen” mom was introduced on 16 & Pregnant? “My name is Brianna and i sill live with my mother and sister in Florida. I had plastic surgery last year, though I’ve not bothered going to school, or getting a job yet. I met this great guy at the club and we started ‘dating” and while I found out he was cheating on me, he’s still in my life BECAUSE” . (close up on belly)….”I’m pregnant!”


    2. Yes! I’m so glad it’s not just me. I can’t even hate watch – those three make me embarrassed to be a member of the same species.


  22. Kail Kong has been cruel and insufferable the past two seasons. It’s hard for me to watch and I honestly feel terrible that the children are privy to her acts of disrespect and hatred towards men she isn’t in the active process of building her own basketball team.

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