It’s time for another episode of 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After? After the last episode’s closing credits—which featured the beginnings of an all-out brawl between The Family Chantel and The Family Pedro—we’re all pretty much here to read about the weaves (and harvested American dollars) going a’flyin’….but we still have to check in with the other creeps on this show too.
First head to Morocco, where Nicole and Azan are two weeks away from their wedding (much to Azan’s dismay.) Nicole’s mom, Robbalee, has flown out to attend the wedding (also, much to Azan’s dismay.)
While Nicole can hardly wait to slip on her strapless gown and spill her bazoombas across the Moroccan desert, Robbalee is less-than-excited for the wedding, as she is still skeptical about Azan and his intentions. (Go figure.)
Robbalee says she’s afraid her “bullcrap meter is going to go off.” (You know what else is going to go off? Azan, as soon as he can figure out a way to get out of Morocco without having to marry this crazy American!)
Robbalee goes with Nicole and Azan to meet Azan’s mom. Azan is afraid that his soon-to-be mother-in-law is going to tell his mother that he was talking to other girls while he was engaged to Nicole.
They make it through the meeting without Robbalee spilling the tea…but probably only because Robbalee doesn’t speak Arabic and Azan’s mom doesn’t speak English.
Next, we head over to the Fire Station of Broken Dreams to check in with David and Annie. David is attempting to use his Grade A grifting skills to swindle some more free rent out of his old buddy Chris. (As we know, David and Annie are currently squatting in an old firehouse that Chris somehow owns.)
Chris informs David that he sold the firehouse that David and Annie are currently living in. (Who knew there was such a demand for old firehouses-turned-squat houses?)
Chris tells the couple that they only have a couple of days until they have to move out. While this may seem unfair, we have to remember that David and Annie aren’t paying Chris to live there. Chris, being the good person that he is, offers to rent the abode-challenged couple another apartment that he owns. It’s small and has no kitchen, but Chris said David and Annie can stay there. It all sounds good to David until…
…Chris tells David he can either pay him rent or work for him in exchange for living expenses.
Wait, are they even allowed to say The “W” Word on this show?!
David basically starts to get all sweaty (more than usual, even) and looks like he’s going to hyperventilate at the thought of having to do actual labor. He doesn’t know what to do!
Meanwhile, his wife is getting downright pissed as she realizes what a useless, lazy blob ‘o’ man she moved across the world to marry.
“What he promised is not coming true,” Annie tells us. “For everything he told me, he lie! He f***ing lie!”
Speaking of people who “f**king lie,” it’s time to check in with Jorge, who is trying to figure out a way to spin his latest lie to his wife Anfisa. While Jorge is almost as good of a liar as David is a mooch, this particular situation is difficult because Jorge is (possibly) lying about an entire human being.
Last week, some rando slid into Anfisa’s DMs and informed her that Jorge is the father of her 10-year-old little girl. The rando baby mama also claimed that Jorge knows about his daughter and has yet to ever help financially with her.
Anfisa is understandably upset that her husband could potentially be a deadbeat dad to a little girl. As per usual, though, Jorge has an explanation.
“I knew this girl in high school and a couple of months after we broke up, she tells me she’s pregnant. But, I’m not the father so I never really bothered to look into it and I moved on with my life,” he says.
Uh, ok. That sounds like a good plan.
Anfisa is worried…not because Jorge may be a deadbeat dad…but because he could end up having to pay child support, which will leave him less money to spend on her.
Way to stay on-brand, Anfisa.
They decide to call up Jorge’s ex-girlfriend and try to get to the bottom of the baby mama drama. She doesn’t answer, so they leave a message.
This has all the makings of a good Catfish episode, doesn’t it? Nev and Max, we need ya!
Next, we head over to Georgia, where Molly and Luis are officially over. Molly kicked Luis out of her house last week. Now, she wants to stick it to him for “using her for a green card.”
This episode is special because it brings Molly’s redneck, ponytailed brother into our lives. He’s quite the treat.
Anyway, Molly tells her brother (whose name escapes me, so let’s just call him S**t-Kickin’ Steve) that Luis is in Jersey. Molly tells S**t-Kickin’ Steve that if Luis gets a green card, she would still be financially responsible for him because she signed the affidavit of support.
“Ahhh hell naw!” he replies.
“What I think is…that he thought that I had a lot of money,” Molly says.
She said she did some investigating and found photos of other women on his phone and found out that he had been talking to other women online.
“He needs to go home. He needs to be back in the Dominican so I don’t have to pay for his ass anymore,” Molly says.
Over in Miami, Russ and Paola find out that Pao’s grandmother has died. They are devastated but can’t go to Colombia for the funeral because they just recently returned from there.
“After the miscarriage and then my grandmother passing away, I feel lost and it’s hard,” Paola tells us. “Living in a country where you don’t have family has been so hard for me.”
Since it’s no fun writing about dead grandmas and sad things, let’s just move right along…
In Morocco, Nicole and Azan are trying to file the paperwork for their marriage license. They plan to marry in 10 days but…they run into a problem. Azan visibly sighs with relief.
Nicole brought all of her paperwork including a police record. However, Nicole brought a copy of the police record and not the original. They tell the couple this will not do, and that Nicole has to go back to the U.S. to get the original, verified police record.
Don’t ya hate it when that happens?!
Nicole realizes that, in order for her to do all this, they have to change the date of the wedding and Azan is barely suppressing his smile. He probably paid the lady at the registrar’s office to say that. If we see that same lady wearing a new watch and with her hair and nails “did” in the next episode, we’ll just assume that’s what happened.
Meanwhile, sad sack David and his poor (both literally and figuratively) wife Annie head over to the STORAGE FACILITY that Chris is offering to let them live in. To be fair, it’s some sort of apartment in a storage facility (or something) but it still sounds miserable. David would be helping to run the storage facility in exchange for him living in the apartment thing.
They go in and David talks to the teenager that would be his boss if he takes the storage unit job.
“I don’t know if I want to manage a storage facility,” David says. “That’s a $10 an hour position and I have a masters degree.”
The teen looks at David like the turd that he is.
The teen tells them that the apartment is sparse. There’s no stove, the windows don’t open, and there’s only enough hot water for about a two-minute shower. Annie is not into it.
“If I have to live in apartment where I cannot cook, then I cannot make my happiness life in America,” Annie says. “If David make me live here, I will go back to Thailand with or without him.”
She says if she had known what a bum David was, she never would have married him.
You go girl!
No…seriously…go! Run! Get as far away from this loser as possible.
Now that we’ve gotten all that out of the way… it’s finally time for the showdown between Pedro and Chantel’s families!
Last week, things were getting very heated during a dinner with The Family Chantel and The Family Pedro.
“Every time I’m around The Family Chantel, they are thinking wrong about my family and me,” Pedro says.
River is sitting there looking like someone killed his cat while Chantel tries bridge the gap between the families. Chantel’s mom immediately starts asking Pedro’s (alleged) sister Nicole how things are going at the apartment with Pedro and Chantel.
Pedro is mad because Chantel is airing their dirty laundry to her family. Nicole accuses Chantel of lying.
Pedro starts talking to (and pointing at) Chantel’s parents and River feels he’s being disrespectful. He starts to square up to Pedro and Pedro stands up, yelling, “WHAT YOU SAY?!”
That’s when the fun begins!
Pedro comes toward River, and River hits the light hanging above the table. After that, everyone kind of stampedes and we see Pedro punch River. Soon, The Family Chantel and The Family Pedro are in some sort of mosh pit, with punches, hair and food flying everywhere!
(It kind of looks like when the Peanuts gang gets into a fight, and all we see is a brown mess of cartoon dust to demonstrate a rumble.)
When the families break apart, we see Chantel’s mom has done plucked the damn weave right off of Nicole’s head! (Hell, she probably sent the money that paid for it, so…it’s kind of hers anyway, right?)
River is being held back by a producer, Chantel’s mom is running into the other room with her hairy treasure and Pedro is kicking plates off the table (as you do).
Chantel breaks out is hysterical sobs that are, honestly, worthy of a Telanova performance.
“It’s like my husband and his sister came to attack my family!” Chantel wails.
Next week, we might find out if Jorge really is the father of that child. We also get to see Chantel’s mom scream for immigration to come get Pedro. Fun times!
To read our previous recap of “90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After?” click here!