Well, if you were ever wondering what kind of heat Jake from the Bachelor was packing in his pants (and you know you were, us girls always wonder what the ‘nice guys’ have down there!), you got your chance for a peak on last night’s Dancing with the Stars. I felt like someone’s dirty uncle just looking at him.
Monday night was Movie Tribute Night on Dancing with the Stars, with each couple evoking the look and feel of a different movie classic. While the idea and costumes were cute, the night fell short in the way of talented dancing. It did, however, score high on the bouncing body parts scale. Though the show is currently featuring the World’s Best Body Part Bouncer, Pam Anderson (hello, Baywatch beach runs!), unfortunately, most of last night’s bouncing body parts were attached to Niecy Nash.
Niecy Nash, the annoying lady from “Clean House” who always has a gigantic flower plastered to her head (Haeley Vaughn’s mentor, perhaps?), was jiggling all over the floor last night, to the point where it was even mentioned by the judges.
Also bouncing around was Jake’s junk, held down only by a pair of tighty whities. The Bachelor was assigned to the movie “Risky Business,” enacting Tom Cruise’s famous pantless scene. However, Jake’s white-ass legs reminded me more of the Foster Farms chickens than of Tom Cruise.
According to Entertainment Tonight, Jake was under his partner’s Chelsie’s order to drop trough, telling them he said to her “Whatever you think, boss.” With Vienna as a fiancé, it’s good that you are already thinking that way, Jake. No doubt she’ll be handing out the orders on when you need to drop your Dockers once you get married.
Other than that, it was not a very exciting night on DWTS. Kate Gosselin sucked pretty bad and will probably go home to her eight abandoned children. (I feel so bad for those kids, having one fame-whore for a parent is bad enough, but these kids are stuck with two!)
Hopefully, in the future, Jake will keep his man-parts in his pants, saving poor Tenley and Gia the horror of having to relive those Fantasy Suite nights from their time on the Bachelor. Vienna, it’s all yours.