Proof That America Watches Too Many Reality Shows: Meet Babies Tenley & Bentley

"Waaa! I don't wanna be named Snooki!"

The Ashley  recently came across this article that talks about the fast-growing names of 2010. While The Ashley found the article amusing, she was most entertained by the fact that the writer seemed to have no idea why some of these seemingly odd names have magically wormed their way into the Top 20 baby-name list!

According to the article, the list contains the 20 hottest names of the year thus far (not the most popular, mind you, but the ones that have rose the fastest since last year.)

 The fastest-rising girl’s name of 2010? Um…Tenley. No, really.

"No fair! I had that name first! Why don't you name your kids Six-ly?!"

This writer is probably thinking “what an original name our American parents have created.” Obviously, she’s not a fan ‘o’ The Bachelor (or its sleazy spin-off, Bachelor Pad.) Otherwise, she would have known that the name Tenley magically appeared on the radar as soon as the same-named, always-blubbering, ever-perky, Bachelor runner-up, Tenley Molzahn did. Naming your little girl after a reality show runner-up is pretty lame; however it could be worse, they could be naming the kid after Vienna.

Variations of “Tenley” are also popular (no, not Fiveley or Fourley). “Kinsley” and “Tinsley” (which sound like the names of twin Muppets) are also rising. Yeck.

As for the boys, it just gets creepier. The first and third fastest-rising names for the males are Castiel” and “Eion” (not seriously!) WTF is wrong with you people?! I understand that you don’t want to give your kid a common name like “John,” but does your kid really need to go through life with a name that looks like an eye chart? You’re not a celebrity, stop trying to be fashionable and witty. Just name your kid Jennifer and move on.

Wait, what’s the second fastest-rising name, you ask? You can thank Teen Mom’s Maci for turning a car brand into one of the most-popular future baby names. Bentley is sitting pretty at number two. Come on guys, seriously, you’re naming your kids after a person on an MTV reality show?! When people ask you to tell them why your son’s name is Bentley, you’ll have to explain to them that when you watched a pregnant 16-year-old on MTV give her illegitimate child that name, it inspired you to follow suit and name your kid that. That’s kind of embarrassing, isn’t it now?

Other rising baby names that are reality-inspired? “Sookie” came in at number five for girls (that’s horrible. Any parent that names their kid “Sookie” should be shot.) Not only is it a bad name, but it’s dangerously close to the Jersey Shore character Snooki’s name. Do you really want your precious baby girl associated with a big-haired, foul-mouthed ball of waste like Snooki? Just sayin’….

The names Charlotte (This child is destined to like high-priced shoes and cosmos…) and Dawson (as in Creek?) also stood out.

"Wait, my name is Lux? What the fuck did I ever do to you?!"

Just for shits and giggles, The Ashley is including the Top 20 rising names for boys and girls below. Seriously, there’s only a few that are decent and even less that are actually pronounceable. I mean, what the fuck is a “Maelle?” Is that an extremely bad spelling of Molly? And St. John?! Seriously? That kid is destined to wear polo shirt and Dockers OR a gold toothed grill. There are no other options for a St. John. Bitch please!
The top 20 fastest rising boy’s and girl’s names are below.

1. Tenley
2. Harper
3. Everleigh
4. Martina
5. Sookie
6. Navi
7. Charlotte
8. Eloise
9. Lorelai
10. Ursula
11. Briella
12. Kinley
13. Tinsley
14. Mhairi
15. Leighton
16. Maelle
17. Ever
18. Kinsley
19. Lux
20. Everly


1. Castiel
2. Bentley
3. Eoin
4. Easton
5. Lucian
6. Aarav
7. Zion
8. St. John
9. Kaiden
10. Sterling
11. Callan
12. Leland
13. Harper
14. Mikah
15. Dashiell
16. Eliah
17. Dawson
18. Kayden
19. Lennon
20. Dorian

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