Amber’s Boozin’….Does That Mean Gary Will Be Bruisin’?

teen mom
"If I would have known you were going to take my picture, I would have tanned my face and put on some eyeliner...oh, wait."

OMG. Even I had to laugh at the cheesiness of this title!

So, Life & Style Weekly, the redheaded stepsister of US Weekly and People Magazine has run yet another cover of Teen Mom Amber Portwood.

'Bad Mom Amber'...LOL!

They straight-out refer to her as ‘Bad Mom Amber.’ The Ashley isn’t denying their claim; she just thinks it’s funny that that’s how they introduce her on the cover. LOL.

Anywoo, it seems that AMBO has been hitting the bottle lately (I guess that’s better than her hitting Gary, right?)

The trouble is that AMBO is underage, so getting photographed drinking straight out of the vodka bottle gangster-style probably won’t help her case with Child Protective Services when she tries to get Baby Leah back.

As you may remember, AMBO was telling US Weekly last week that  losing Baby Leah to Gary is “is the lowest of the low. Every night she’s been saying, ‘Where’s Mommy?”

You may also remember that AMBO claimed Baby Leah was put in Gary’s custody due to the photographers outside of her house. (Um, it could also be your violent, raging temper, or your tendency to beat people, or your habit of letting guys you find hanging out inside of the Wal-Mart live with you, but maybe I’m wrong.)

Just sayin’…

So, AMBO is not only a liar but she’s also an idiot who thinks she can go to a party, booze it up and not have it be splashed front-and-center in a rag mag within the week.

The people around her don’t seem like high-class folk, so guaranteed if they see an opportunity to shoot some secret cell phone pics and sell them for enough money to buy some Easy Mac and some crack, they’re gonna take it!

The story in Life & Style goes on with some more delicious details:

According to eyewitnesses, it didn’t stop with alcohol. “She pulled out a bottle of pills,” a source said.

“She said she needs to watch how much she drinks because she’s on something,” the source added.

Well, safety first, AMBO. Good thinking.

This quote is from The Orange One herself. It was found in The Ashley’s current issue of US Weekly.

“I feel like everything is spinning out of control, and I’m trying to put the pieces back together. I have to get myself better so when I get my baby back, she sees her mom as happy as can be.”

Clearly, the way to do that is to pop some pills and knock it back with a bottle ‘o’ cheap vodka (really, Smirnoff, Amber? Couldn’t you have spent the extra $4 and got the Absolute? It’s totally worth it!)

Here's Daddy Long Legs in all his glory!

In other news, AMBO is currently dating a guy named Clint “Daddy Long Legs” Yunker from her hometown of Anderson, Indiana. He’s a somewhat out-of-work MMA fighter who has a stalker ex-girlfriend. (Click here to see the crazy.)

Here’s what The Ashley sleuthed about him: he’s 23-years-old, has a daughter, he’s pretty broke (in October he asked his friends on Facebook if they wanted to cosign [for a car?] for him) and he doesn’t realize that he shouldn’t put his phone number on the Facebook if he doesn’t want a ton of crazy-ass Teen Mom fans calling him!

Also, The Ashley has heard that AMBO was banned from Baby Leah’s birthday party by Gary because of her relationship with “Daddy Long Legs.” Here’s a good article about that. Life & Style reported that:

They were going to do a joint party for Leah’s sake, but Gary got so upset when he found out about Amber’s dating Clint that he uninvited her,” an insider tells the magazine.

“Amber was furious,” says the source, who goes on to explain that Amber is planning to throw her daughter another birthday party, which will also be filmed by MTV.

AMBO furious? I couldn’t imagine. Gary better put on body armour!

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