‘Teen Mom’ Episode 11 Recap: Custody Issues & Giant Eyelashes

teen mom
I spy something creepy in this picture...

This week’s Teen Mom episode was called “Time Out.” Clearly, this is something all of the Teen Moms need: time out from their busy, productive lives of working getting fake boobs, hair extensions and jetting across America. (They’re just like any other teen mom, ya’ll!) Catelynn is exempt from this, as she actually goes to school and has a job and takes care of her real-life responsibilities. Plus, she has all of her natural body parts.

Anyway, Amber is still reeling from her night in the slammer, so much so that she has broken things off with Clinton (or “Clin’n” as she calls him). She wants to focus more on herself and Baby Leah. Amber’s friend, Jessica, calls (why have we never heard of Jessica before? Perhaps Amber met her in jail?) Amber explains how awful jail was (no self tanner!) and how hard it is to have a no-contact order with Gary.

She doesn’t, however, explain why the hell she’s wearing 10-inch fake eyelashes while she’s lounging around her house in sweatpants. What the f*ckety f**k is that about? Are we just not supposed to notice that those are super fake, awkward and out of place?

Dreaming of a second iPad....make it happen, MTV!

Anyway, over in Michigan, Catelynn is excited because she has finished high school! She comes home to read Tyler an email she’s received from Brandon and Teresa. Naturally, she’s reading it on her big, brand new iPad. (I’m going to let this one slide since she has a job, but really? An iPad? I guess that’s what MTV gives out as graduation gifts to its stars?)

They are sad to learn that Carly may not be able to come out to their graduation and they hope that it’s not because Brandon and Teresa don’t want to expose Carly to her toxic birth grandparents. But who wouldn’t like Butch and April? (Other than the Michigan Department of Family Services?)

In Tennessee, Maci’s swinging her new blond hair extensions all over her state-of-the-art kitchen (as you do). Her friend calls to squeal that she saw Ryan canoodling downtown when he was supposed to be spending his custody time with Bentley! Maci’s pissed, understandably, since she gave up the extra time with Bentley to Ryan, and he’s choosing to spend the time going out carousin’ rather than spend it with his son. Even Ryan’s own mama is pissed when she hears that Ryan’s once again going out to “party party” during one of Bentley’s visits. Or maybe she was apalled by his trucker hat and Girls Gone Wild t-shirt. I don’t know.

Dear Brandon & Teresa, they're all crazy...can I live with you?

Meanwhile, Farrah has just returned from the latest trip in her road trip across America to find a new home. She’s decided that she wants to move to Florida with Sophia but Debra is having a hard time with the whole thing because she will miss both of them Sophia a lot.

Deb tells her “not to rush into anything or you will live with regret.”

 The woman speaks from experience: she rushed into a night of sexy time with Michael 19 years ago and, as a result, is stuck with Farrah and her Snotty McHighHorse attitude forever.

Farrah tells Sophia that because she got knocked up at 16, she wasn’t able to do the normal things a teen does, such as get braces. Now that’s she’s older (and swimming in MTV money) she has decided to finally get them. But first, she is going to celebrate her father’s birthday. She says she wants to go to a sushi restaurant to celebrate (sorry Mike, no prickly pear margaritas at this joint). During the birthday festivities, Farrah tells her parents about her plans to get braces, which she claims will help her modeling career. (Again with the modeling crap? Seriously, Farrah has as much chance of being a successful model as Butch does winning Father of the Year.)

Farrah decides that they need to go to a family counseling session to discuss the move to Florida. (It must be nice to be able to drop everything, you know, like work and stuff, and go to counseling whenever your daughter has a whim.) She tells her parents that she’s moving to Florida with or without their permission. Deb suggests that Sophia stay with them in Iowa while Farrah gallivants around the Sunshine State. Farrah doesn’t seem to like the plan that much, but says she will consider it.

teen mom
Cate: "How do you get your hair so greasy?" Monte: "It's a gift from God!"

Over in Michigan, it’s Catelynn’s last day of high school and her ponytailed teacher, Monte, bids her farewell. I’m hoping that Monte will somehow figure out a way to appear in future episodes. (Maybe it will be like on ‘Saved by the Bell’ when Mr. Belding just happened to find a way to be in the kids’ lives, even after they graduated?) Cate tells Monte that she wants to be a “fun teacher” just like him. She needs to purchase a lot of hair grease and ponytail holders if she wants to make that dream come true!

In honor of her graduation, Catelynn decides to plan a romantical weekend trip with Tyler. She’s sparing no expense: she’s booked the “Sunshine” jacuzzi room at a bed and breakfast (get it girl!) and a private ski lesson to surprise him.

In Amber-ville, Gary and Amber have a meeting with Child Protective Services to see if they can stop being monitored. Gary’s mom comes to Amber’s house (wearing overalls, naturally) to discuss the current no-contact order between the two. She reveals she is terrified of going back to jail and Gary’s mom nods emphatically.

"Amber! What's that crawling on your eyes?!"

Later, Cousin Krystle (and her son) come to visit Amber (and her ridiculous eyelashes). Things are going well until Leah pukes all over herself. Cousin Krystle helps clean up the mess while Amber cleans up Leah and puts her in her bed. Somehow, Amber’s eyelashes have managed to get EVEN BIGGER during this time period. Seriously, it’s getting ridiculous. It’s like a Saturday Night Live skit or something.

It’s time for Cate and Ty’s skiing lesson.  They’re sloshing around the slopes, having a great time and it’s obvious that they’ve moved up in social status from the days where “skiing” consisted of April putting them on a garbage can lid and sending them down the hill.

Later, they head to the bed and breakfast to spend some time together. They say that the place reminds them of their grandma’s house, which is certainly one way to kill the mood. (That and the Amtrak train tracks that literally run through the parking lot of the place!) Let’s hope they visited www.itsyoursexlife.org before the trip and practiced safe sexy time!

Meanwhile, Maci is ready to confront Ryan about his lazy parenting and downtown carousing. Of course, Ryan claims that he never goes out while Bentley’s at his house. (Umm…it would probably be easier to convince us of this if we hadn’t seen the footage of him doing so, like, 10 minutes ago!) Maci storms off and tells Kyle that she needs to cut Ryan out of her life and deal directly with Ryan’s parents, since they are the ones taking care of Bentley anyway.

Hair extensions & fancy dinners: it's hard being a teen mom, ya'll!

Kyle and Maci head to a fancy restaurant (white linens and candlelight, ya’ll!) Um…aren’t they both unemployed? Shouldn’t they be eating Top Ramen over the stove right about now? How do they afford to go to fancy dinners? Anyway, Maci’s hinting to Kyle that she wants to get married. Two weeks ago she wants a baby and now she wants to get married?! Two words, Maci: slow down. You’re scaring everyone, especially Kyle, who looks like he crapped himself when you mentioned marriage. Waiter, can we get some extra napkins over here, pronto!?

Next week is another 1.5 hour episode. In fact, it’s the season finale. (What the hell am I going to do without new episodes of ‘Teen Mom’ to chuckle at?!) Next week it appears that Farrah’s going to cry, Gary’s going to try to get back with Amber and Maci’s going to whine about Ryan. Just another day in Teen Mom-Ville.


  1. I just watched last weeks episode last night. Does Farrah end up leaving Sophia behind with her mom? Yesterday I saw her and Sophia on the cover of a mag with the heading Why I gave up my daughter…or something to that affect.

  2. Just watched the finale and Farrah was likeable. I was proud of her for deciding in the best interest of Sophia. Of course this was last.years news and who knows where Sophia is now but I hope Farrah has an ephiphany and matures and lrns to show respect, gratitude and empathy.

    1. Whoops I meant epiphany! I’m not a Farrah fan but watching her feel torn to leave Sophia behind and do the right thing finally made her seem selfless (for a change)

  3. i know when i watch this show i cant get over how much money these kids spend on getting things “done”. Even Catelynn gets her hair colored (a LOT) and her nails are always acrylics. but.. i wonder if she only does it when she is on camera? I know I cant afford even that haha. I love those two tho <3 Farrah and Amber.. are both crazy. And Maci.. still needs to grow up. She likes to play adult.. but then not make any real adult decisions and be responsible about school and life. Kudos to not being a loser like Ryan tho haha

    1. How is Ryan a loser he has job and he going to school and he has a degree. How does that make he a loser he take care of his son Ryan is not perfect but atleast he is trying and he is doing what he needs to do for his son. Atleast he is not allowing his girlfriend to run his life like how Maci allow Kyle to run her. Maci has no job and Kyle is not working they are both living off MTV money they are the real losers maci need to guy to get her to do her school work. Maci needed Kyle to drop off to school like a five year old maci needs a man to complete her Ryan is smart he is saving all his money to buy house . While maci is blowing Throught her MTV money on stupid stuff maci is loser. And she not the girl MTV try so hard to potray her as in my opinion Ryan may live with his parents but he is better and more stable parent in bentley life. MTV will never show you Ryan being hand on with bentley because MTV wants to keep showing Ryan as the bad guy. But there some people who are really seeing Ryan as the one that has matured and is doing his best unlike maci who is living in la la land. With her boyfriend who like look sloth from goonies.

  4. Nicely done Ashley! However I’d like to point out that Amber doesn’t recall her time in jail but rather she spent time in “gel” as she puts it! I pray on the finale that she and Gary don’t let us down by not arguing and ending it with “I’m done”….what a nail biter this will be. But on a positive note for Amber, at least she is keeping her house clean for the cameras while she lounges around on the job. For Maci: I now believe she is jealous of Ryan and at some level uses Bentley as a tool to control Ryan. I like Maci but she is getting on my nerves lately. She acts like she loves her child more than any other Mother in the world. Maybe some of this is because Bentley is more than just a job of a Mother….he is her ticket to earning a lucrative income that allows her & her boyfriend to lounge around playing toy story dress up…fancy dinners…boobs…extensions…new car. It’s true reality..I mean all of us single Moms get paid this much to sit at home with them all day. For Farrah: please please leave Sophia with your parents! It would be the most responsible decision you’ve made thus far. And yes I agree with you Ashley…modeling Farrah??? Hair shows & soft porn pictures in a calendar does not constitute calling yourself a model. Please Farrah get over yourself! You are so conceited and shallow. I would love to watch a future taping of Sophia in 12 years screaming “ok Farrah you know nothing!” Of course you would demand a counseling session and would break out in tears! You will be a very lonely woman and I would suggest getting a dog but I’m not sure you would stay out of your mirror long enough to change its diaper! I do like the show but these girls should have been banned from appearing in magazines and earning the money they earn. This has defeated the whole purpose of this show. Reality is only these 8 Teen Mom girls are living a life that is not realistic. I hope they save this money because this is hopefully their 15 minutes of fame and one day they will have to live like the rest of us single Moms with real jobs and real struggles.

    1. I with you with everything you said about maci and Farrah they are both conceited. Maci is just using bentley as a way to make Ryan life miserable because she is mad that he move on Ryan going out is not maci business. Ryan went out to dinner at 10 clock at night there is no way bentley could of went he was already sleep. Maci herself had said that she and Kyle go out every wednesday for date night so what’s the different between Ryan going out. I doubt that Ryan goes out all time when he has bentley that is probably one of maci lies to try to make Ryan out to be the bad guy. Again Farrah is brat and she is not that cute actually I really don’t think Farrah pretty at all and her personality makes her ten times ugly Farrah could get her education in lowa. Amber is a hot mess

  5. As I was watching this episode I was laughing and thinking to myself, “I can’t wait to see what The Ashley has to say about Those Eyelashes!” Great re-cap….as always 🙂

  6. Oh man…where do I start? First of all, in regards to episode 10 I believe, why on God’s green earth was “Michael/Farrah’s dad” using a disposable camera to take pictures???? Hello Michael, it’s 2011! Farrah probably broke his camera in a fit of spoiled rage.

    Dear Amber, after your child has thrown up everywhere, please don’t ask someone else’s child to give said child a kiss on the lips. Uh no no….no we don’t! Oh and I like how your friend bought a cupcake mix from Big Lots…that’s also a no no.

    1. LOL…I thought the same thing about Leah kissing that poor kid after she puked all over the floor! And then to make cupcakes, when you know your sick yourself! Amber has NO common sense.

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