‘American Idol’ Top 7 Recap: Creepy Go-Go Dancers & Crappy Filler

There are only seven singers left on American Idol! Normally, around this time in the season, FOX cuts the showtime down to an hour or an hour-and-a-half. But because they’re being super-greedy this season, they are still requiring us to watch two hours of mildy interesting filler. (Yes, I know that they don’t actually require that we watch the full two hours but…we have no lives. What else are we going to do?!)

Anyway, the show starts out with a tribute to the most-recent “fallen” ‘Idol,’ DeAndre. Everyone’s shown crying and remembering the good times they had with him. Um….they know he didn’t die or anything, right? He just got kicked off a TV show. No need to bust out the sad memorial music. Good Lord….

After the ridiculous DeAndre montage, we get to follow Tommy Hilfiger as he takes the Idols into the closet to pick out some more horrific clothes for these poor kids to wear. I just keep waiting for the week where everyone has to go to Kohl’s to pick something out of J-Lo‘s new clothing line to wear. (Hello, product placement!)

This week’s theme is “Recent Songs,” so when Skylar goes up to sing, we know that she’s either going to sing a Carrie Underwood, Miranda Lambert or Kellie Pickler song. It’s a given. Naturally, she “picks Pickler.” I should have bet money on this.

It's like a bad "Twilight" movie set...

While the song was a worthy effort (and we learned that Skylar plays the guitar!) it paled in comparison to her amazing performance last week. When she steps out of the typical country genre, and instead picks a “regular” song and puts a twang on it, she really excels. Regardless, I still love this girl.

Next up was Colton, who chose to sing “Love the Way You Lie.” For this performance, they busted out all the cheesy effects: white smoke billowing in the background, a white piano…all we needed was Fabio draped across the stage and it would look like the cover of a damn romance novel. The song was kind of a sleeper, but, of course the judges loved it.

"I think skipping that bathroom break was a bad idea..."

By this time, we had already seen two of the seven singers but still had well over an hour to fill, so they wheeled out Phillip and Elise to do a duet, complete with psychedelic graphics moving to the beat in the background. After about a minute or so, I felt kind of sea sick and was thinking about taking a Dramamine.

They sang the Gotye song “Somebody That I Used to Know.” (You know, the one they play on every radio station like twice every hour.) It was a perfect fit for Elise’s voice. Phillip, on the other hand, sounded super constipated during the entire performance.

Next up was Jessica, who chose a lesser-known song called “Stuttering.” The judges were swooning all over here (Steven even told her that he “forgets where he is when she sings.” Um… you never know where you are, buddy. Let’s just be honest.)

On the right, the best part of the whole night.

Up next was Joshua who delivered what was my favorite performance of the night. He gave the gospel-esque ballads a rest for the night and instead chose an upbeat Bruno Mars songs. His was the only performance that I rewinded  and watched again. (I’ll admit, half of that was so that I could watch the skanky go-go dancer make strange sex faces again in the background. I think she was trying to look sexy but it just kind of creeped me out!)

Colton and Skylar then came back out to do a duet. Why do they keep pairing the same people together every week? What are they going to do when someone else is eliminated? Pretty soon we’re going to have to watch as Randy duets with Ryan, and Jimmy sings with J-Lo to fill space! First we have to listen to the judges give crappy critiques to her, then him, and then once again together.

How many times can they force us to listen to them tell a contestant “it was beautiful” or “it was just OK for me dude”? Listening to these judges makes me want to throw a brick through my TV….or at my face. I think unconsciousness would be better than watching this crap.

Afterwards, it was Holly‘s turn. She chose to sing Pink’s song “Perfect.” When she sings the word, it sounds fine, but when she speaks it, it comes out something like “Peaaar-fact.” Must.Refrain.From.Making.Fun.Of.Weird.Accent.

Honestly, I felt this was Holly’s strongest performance to date. It sounded very natural and not pageant-like or forced like some of her other performances, but the judges panned her.

Up next was Phillip, who chose to sing a Maroon 5 song that sounded exactly the same as every other song he’s done during this competition. While he sounded less constipated during this performance than during his duet with Elise, his schtick is getting old…fast. He needs to do something different (and soon) or he’s going to be getting the hook.

Um...really? REALLY?!

Elise closed the show with a performance of Lady Gaga’s “You and I.” Before we discuss the singing, we really needed to address whatever the hell she was wearing on her bottom half. Was that a skirt? Beaded curtains? A mangled black swan attached to her hip? Seriously, Tommy Hilfiger needs to be drug out into the street and shot for putting her in that dress.

The singing, however, was top notch. The song was perfect for her voice.

Going On: Joshua, Elise

Could Go Either Way: Skylar, Colton, Jessica

Going Home: Phillip, Holly

(Photos: FOX)

One Response

  1. OMG…would you get out of my head!!! I thought the same thing when Hollie was singing…I totally mocked the way she pronounced “perfect” but then when she was singing I was amazed how it sounded. How can they sing without the accent? Oh and don’t EVEN get me started on Elise’s dress….I’m just glad the “pouf” was positioned on the side of the dress and NOT the front. Ya get what I’m sayin???

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