Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham has released her first single. Yes, apparently she sings now too. (And by “sings” I mean screeches into the microphone while some schmuck cranks up the autotune to drown out the horrific noise.)
Farrah was kind enough to give InTouch magazine a sneak preview of her debut album. Her single, called “Finally Getting Up From Rock Bottom” is most likely about the dark days she spoke of in her recent interview with the magazine. (Click here to read that article.)
OK, back to this train wreck. As bad as you think it’s going to be, nothing can prepare you for this sh*t-show.
Click here to listen.
In case you were having trouble understanding the lyrics, The Ashley is happy to translate for you:
“Dud.Dud. My stove is out of my ice cream. Sick of day-dreaming about Mark’s ding-a-ling. Now what I’ve had is to just take time to enjoy the moments while I’m in them. Them. I have no regrets for living in a cloud. Clever traffic on the highway but my eyes are up, up UP! My head’s on Thursday.”
I realize I only translated about half of the song, but honestly, I’d rather drag my face across a cheese grater than listen to it all the way through.
I never thought there would come a day where I would say we’ve found a worse singer than Miley Cyrus or Rebecca Black, but I think Farrah trumps them both.
Since we don’t know much about Farrah’s upcoming album, except that this horrorfest will be on it, The Ashley took it upon herself to go over the other tracks that need to be on Farrah’s album.
Track 01 “Whatever…Michael!”
Track 02 “Better Rack Than Maci”
Track 03 “Ballad of the Ugly Cry”
Track 04 “Why Can’t Puppies Pee in the Toilet” (A Very Touching Ballad)
Track 05 “Ain’t No Sunshine [When I’m Around]”
Track 06 “Mother With the Blue Wig On”
Track 07 “Smells Like Teen Mom”
As per usual, The Ashley will continue to post (and make fun of) any more of Farrah’s musical offerings, should they become available. If you’re feeling masochistic and want to purchase this crap, it’s available on Tunes, Spotify and Amazon MP3. It will be also be given to anyone who purchases Farrah’s E-book.
(Photo: Vennas Rogers)
UPDATE: Farrah’s entire album is now available on Amazon. You can listen to snippets of each “song” (I guess that’s what we’re calling them), and if you’re feeling really masochistic, you can also purchase her album using the link below.