Top 13 Stupidest Quotes From ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ Season 1

This one gets an honorable mention for sure...
This one gets an honorable mention for sure…

Bachelor in Paradise came to an end last night, leaving The Ashley quite depressed. Every week she anxiously awaited watching dramatic knuckleheads talk about how they hated drama. It’s also fun to watch love (and sexually transmitted diseases) blossom right before our very eyes each week!

Anyway, The Ashley will have her recap of last night’s ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ finale up very soon, but until then, she would like to recognize some of the classic quotes that this show brought into our lives. From the stupid, to the just plain ridiculous, here are The Ashley’s 13 favorite quotes from ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ Season 1!

bachelor-in-paradise-clare-zack13. Everyone (Every episode):

“YOPO! You Only Paradise Once!”

Whoever came up with this phrase should be burned at the stake. Seriously.

Bachelor-In-Paradise-Christy-12. Christy (Episode 6):

“I want to go home because there’s no one here for me. But I’m going to leave it in God’s hands.”

For the record, God has more important things to do than to worry about finding you your next threesome partners. Just sayin’…

Kalon Bachelor in Paradise11. Kalon (Episode 4):

“I want to zipline right into her t*ts.”

Kalon uttered this line when he was thinking about going on a date with Michelle. He may not have found love in Paradise, but Kalon always delivered extremely crass (and super funny) lines about the other Paradisers.

danielle bachelor in paradise10. Danielle (Episode 3):

“I guess the rose is in Marquel’s garden now.”

Danielle only said about five sentences during her entire stay in Paradise, but somehow she managed to utter one of the most cringeworthy quotes of the entire season when discussing how the guy she like, Marquel, held the future of their “relationship” in his hands.

Clare Bachelor in Paradise9. Clare (Episode 1):

“We walk out onto this vista. I don’t even know what a vista is, but we walk out onto it.”

Um…it’s the thing you just walked out onto. Honestly, it’s a good thing that she didn’t end up with Juan Pablo. Imagine if they had been allowed to procreate! Thank goodness that condom was waterproof!

Elise Bachelor in paradise

 

8.  Elise (Episode 2):

“But I was thinking of you the whole time!”

Elise used this line while explaining to her “beau” Dylan why she made out with another guy in the ocean, despite the fact that she and Dylan were a couple. Shockingly, this line did not help Elise win back Dylan’s affections.

bachelor in paradise7. AshLee (Episode 1):

“Everyone knows that Graham is into me! I’m the only normal person here besides him.”

AshLee, who is quite possibly the most unstable person to ever appear on a ‘Bachelor’ franchise show (and that’s saying a lot) uttered this sentence during the first episode. She said this to a few of the other girls, who were luckily too stupid to realize that AshLee was insulting them by saying this.

Clare Crawley6. Clare (Every episode, right before causing drama)

“I don’t have time for drama!”

Guys, here’s a tip: If you ever hear anyone say that they don’t like drama, run! Only people that cause drama say stuff like that. #TheMoreYouKnow

Robert Bachelor in Paradise5. Robert (Episode 6):

“That’s my BAE.”

When Robert called Sarah his “BAE” it kind of made you throw up in your mouth a little bit, right? After he said this, I was embarrassed for him, Sarah and, actually, his whole family.

Christy Bachelor in paradise4. Christy (Episode 5):

“We’re going to drink tequila and..um, other booze known here.”

Poor, poor Christy.This attempt to sound cultured while she went on a date with Jesse failed miserably. Surprisingly, it had to do with alcohol, which seemed to be the one thing Christy knew a lot about. This is the same girl that wailed that everyone on the island wasn’t drinking enough.

michelle money bachelor in paradise3. Michelle (Episode 5):

“Can you believe how big your quads are?”

Although we viewers LOL’d at Michelle’s attempt to hit on meathead Cody, her pickup line apparently worked. After she told Cody that she admired his oversized quad muscles, he was hooked and wouldn’t leave her alone.

sarah and robert bachelor in paradise

 

2. Robert (Episode 4):

“I think it’s remarkable that Sarah still wants to find love even though she only has one arm.”

This one left all of America staring open-mouthed at their televisions, yelling, “Really?!” While Robert most likely didn’t mean for his comment to sound this way, he basically implied that it’s strange for someone with a disability to want to find love.

1. Lacy (Episode 1):
“I don’t know who to take on my date. Um, I’m 80/40.”

There is nothing that could ever top this quote. Lacy wins!

Lacy bachelor in paradise

The Ashley had a hard time narrowing down all of the quotes. If you think she missed a really good one, leave it in the comments sections!

To read The Ashley’s ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ recaps, click here!

(Photos: ABC)

5 Comments

  1. Hahaha, this article could have just been Lacy quotes. Every time she spoke I face-palmed. Poor girl. And remember “Try-on-asaurus Rex” and her trying to pronounce stalagmites and stalactites? /sigh/


  2. I really feel played watching this show! I believe it was a lot of ‘re enactment going on. I am a huge reality fan, but this was edited or just plain stupid!!!

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