The “OG” season of Teen Mom is about to come to an end, but not before the gals sit down with Dr. Drew on a tacky pink set to talk about their daddy issues and basically regurgitate all the crap we watched all season! It’s reunion time, y’all!
The Ashley typically doesn’t recap reunions but since she skipped the finale recap, she figures she owes you guys one.
The cast arrives to the set for the reunion. Dr. Drew has a strong cup of coffee in-hand, Tyler and Catelynn have brought Nova and Farrah has brought her backdoor (and bad attitude!) so it’s almost time to get started. Oh, and Maci and Amber are there too.
Farrah seems to have brought her own pom-poms to cheer for…well, herself. As you do.
Dr. Drew comes out on stage, eager to make these girls cry. (He must get some sort of bonus for every girl he can make bawl. The Docta is really good at making people feel crappy about themselves and their crappy decisions.)
All of the original cast members start off on the stage—the original four girls, as well as Tyler, Gary and Ryan. (Surely they had Gary’s recliner and Ryan’s bed wheeled into the studio so they could relax between takes. There’s no way Ryan stayed awake a whole hour to shoot this.)
Dr. Drew talks about how great it is to see the gang back on the ol’ Crying Couch, and then we watch clips of all of the girls basically getting pregnant or engaged. (They also throw in a few Farrah ugly-cries, one or two Tyler fat-shaming quotes and the obligatory “I’M DONE!” from Amber, just for good measure.)
The girls then talk about how weird it is for them to all watch each other’s stories play out. Dr. Drew looks to the show’s wordsmith, Ryan, for some wisdom, but all he gets is a glazed-over stare, as per usual.
Catelynn says that when she has grandkids someday, they won’t believe that she was once on MTV. Um…that’s only going to be in 16 years, hun, and, let’s face it, this damn show will probably still be on the air by then.
OK, that was mean. Let the hate comments commence.
Anyway, the first girl to hit the couch is Maci. Of course, the first thing The Docta wants to discuss is Maci’s decision to quit the show.
Seriously—the girl was gone for one freaking commercial break. Butch has had mullet grooming sessions that have lasted longer than the time Maci was off the show. Can we please move on?
She tells us that she was actually pissed at MTV, not Farrah, because they basically tricked her into doing the season. (They didn’t trick you into cashing that paycheck, did they though, Maci?)
Next they wheel out Taylor, who is having his first interview with Dr. Drew. They discuss how Maci keeps birthin’ babies for different dudes without getting married. Dr. Drew calls them out for stopping birth control, yet calling the pregnancy a “surprise.”
Taylor is pretty awesome; he says he’ll marry Maci when “MTV gives me my next check.”
So, essentially, he wants MTV to pay him to take one for the team and be the dude that finally marries Maci. Taylor just got about 10 points with The Ashley for saying that.
Next, they wake Ryan up from his nap so he can go out on the stage. Dr. Drew is trying to joke around with Ryan, bring up Bentley, but talking to Ryan is basically like talking to a teddy bear…that spits. (Also— why are Ryan’s pupils so big? Is he HIGH! HIGH!?)
Ryan does manage to string together one coherent sentence when he’s asked about Farrah. (It’s painful, however, how long it takes him to spit out that sentence.) He basically says that MTV is dumb for doing a pregnancy prevention show and using a woman who sells her “artificial body parts” for profit as their spokesperson. While this is not untrue, Dr. Drew brings up the fact that women who are single moms have to go through “all sorts of measures” to support their kids.
UM…seriously? There aren’t all that many single moms who make molds of their baby chutes, mass-produce them in a factory and then ship them to horny dudes. That’s kind of just Farrah, Doctor.
They then bring Maci out so she can trash Ryan’s parenting. She says that Jen and Larry act like Bentley’s other parent. She says she doesn’t want to belittle Ryan…while she’s actually in the middle of belittling him. Meanwhile, Ryan’s eye balls are popping out of his skull. I haven’t seen pupils dilated like that since Kieffa was smokin’ “da weed” with Jenelle on Babs’ porch!
They haul Ryan and Maci offstage, and bring out Amber.
Dr. Drew says that now that Amber is out of the slammer, she’s become a totally different person that is fighting for joint custody of her daughter with Gary. She admits, however, that she shouldn’t be drinking, or be engaged, during the first year of her treatment.
Dr. Drew is asking all the right questions. He brings up how Amber’s fiancé, Matt got drunk and punched the wall, and was a “superfan” of ‘Teen Mom’ before meeting Amber. He isn’t even trying to hide his disapproving facial expressions. You can almost see the “WTF?” in his pupils.
Still, however, Amber is defending her relationship with Matt.
“We have a good relationship,” she says. “We’re not beating on each other!”
Well…that’s an improvement, I suppose.
Next, they wheel out Gary so that Amber can ask about custody. (You can’t have these conversations off-camera, after all.) Amber talks about how she had to grieve her old relationship with Gary to move on (all while Gary has a weird, creepy smirk on his face because this conversation is making him feel like ‘da man.’)
Gary talks about his relationship with Kristina. He admits that she was married when they met, and then they flash to the crowd. They focus on one lady in the crowd, who scrunches up her face and you can almost hear her thinking, “Awww helllll naaaaawh!”
Apparently, Kristina lied and said that she and her husband were separated, but it turned out that Gar-Bear was actually Kristina’s mistress.
That’s a sentence I never thought I’d write. Gary was someone’s mistress.
Later, they bring out Amber’s brother Shawn, who is making his first appearance on a reunion show. (Way to go, Shawn! You finally got that free trip to New York!)
Shawn said that he was very against Amber getting engaged so quickly, but Amber assures him that she and Matt plan to wait a year before getting hitched. Dr. Drew asks Shawn if he’s talked to Matt about his concerns. Shawn says that he hasn’t really had a chance.
WELL….HOW ABOUT NOW?! Matt, Come on down!
They throw Matt out onto the stage. (He probably had to take a break from stuffing free Handi-snacks and string cheeses into his pockets in the green room.)
Matt states that “you can’t believe everything you read on the Internet.”
Anyway, Matt reveals that he and Amber were planning to just be friends, but when they met (and Matt basically moved into Amber’s house uninvited) they became romantic. Thirteen hours after Matt met Amber in person, they decided to move in together.
“We met each other, we liked each other…it’s simple,” Amber said.
Matt says that he doesn’t have a custody agreement with his own kids…that he doesn’t speak to his recovery sponsor…and that he still drinks.
Dr. Drew’s head is probably spinning right now.
Amber, however, is starting to get angry at The Docta because she feels that he’s attacking her and Matt. She walks off the stage, even though Dr. Drew isn’t saying anything untrue.
She could have at least screamed “I’M DONE!” Just for old times’ sake…
She finally lets Dr. Drew and Matt come backstage to talk to her. She’s afraid that she will explode and wants to calm herself down before coming back out on stage. She comes back to the set, and Amber talks about how she wants a pre-nuptial agreement before she and Matt get married. This makes Shawn happy but, no joke, Matt looks kind of shocked.
Shawn says that Matt and Amber are spending too much time together, and that Matt should go out for a “few hours” every day to “do his own thing.”
Or, you know, get a job…
It’s about time for Dr. Drew to wrap up the first part of the reunion. Next week, Farrah and Catelynn will hit the couch to chat with the Silver Fox! Stay tuned!
To read more of The Ashley’s ‘Teen Mom OG’ recaps, click here!
I am just getting to watch this. Couple of observations: Gary is a complete arse. He’s rude and condescending and manipulative. He treats amber like she is a child which quite honestly can’t really help her anger management situation.
Did catelynn actually say that their producer is the godmother of their child?! Really? The person who is paid to exploit you for drama is who you want to raise your kid if something happens to you and Tyler?
GOOD GRIEF Farrah is THE WORST. She’s rude and spent her entire first episode fussing about how she was off the show and now she’s back on but whatever she already went to counseling for it whatever.
OMG she’s ridiculous and needs to have her ego constantly petted and pumped up and her parents are serious enablers.
Also, is there any part of her face that his originally hers?
her nose. for some reason she does everything but that honker.
Did Ryan dye his hair?! Lol, it looks like his grays are gone in that screen shot of him. Maybe he borrowed Leah’s dye for the baby’s head..and her pillses!
He did look very grey.
amber is so desperate for someone to love her that she cannot see what a fool she is being. i have always rooted for amber, i think she is doing the best she can given her situation and a lot better than most would.. i just hope she wakes up with the matt situation and sees him for what he is – a creep who is totally manipulating her and will end up bringing her back down. and i have no words for gary; he thinks he is hot shit and he is just another lazy scumbag. i hate it when he lectures amber on stupid small stuff.. he is so condescending to her and acts like he is super dad. leah has a bit of a diva attitude so i cannot wait until she starts calling gary out.
What kind of speed is Rhiiiine on? Dude’s pupils were PING-GING! He did not yawn once. There is definitely something different here
Where is Gary’s facial hair GOING? Is it because he’s so large and his hair follicles are getting spread further & further apart by his vast and unrelenting weight gain? It’s DRASTIC, folks. Compare to an old season. Where. Did. It. Go?
I’m really confused about Rhiiine’s drug of choice. The pupils say speed or amphetamines, but the can-tie-his shoes-while-he’s-walking bit says… something else… maybe prescription drugs like Leah? Not sure what to think.
he was just evicted, something expensive…
I just re watched the final episode. It has a scene where Ryan sits at a table with a friend and they talk about Maci and Taylor and he is saying how Taylor is a good guy. He is TOTALLY high in that scene, no doubt in my mind. He looks exactly like a person strung out to the extreme, trying not to look strung out. Total concentration and stumbling over his words in an effort to form coherent sentences.
and he is pushing 30 and still has no job & living with mommy and daddy. Why do so many parents allow this to happen to their kids? By giving them so much, they stifle them from growing up
I said all along that Amber was still a loser, when she got out of prison and was still looking for easy money, interviews, Dr. Phil etc. I knew she didn’t change. She’s drinking she is NOT sober, my prediction is she’ll be an alcoholic after User Matt is done with her. He purposely sought Amber out on Twitter because he was obsessed with Teen Mom. Easy loser Amber took his bait. I can’t process how blind she is, she has low self esteem? She has NO self esteem. Another telling item, is Amber said Matt hasn’t gotten any money yet, which means Amber is supporting Matt, he pays for nothing and hasn’t seen his young children since Amber paid for him to move to Indiana. As soon as the MTV checks stop, he will be gone. What losers, it’s painful to watch her deteriorate. Someone help her, her mother who is still slurring her words, or her fame hungry brother Shawn someone help her please!
I’m still rooting for her, but you are right. Things aren’t looking good.
I don’t know about Shawn, he may be slightly fame hungry but no worse than Kuzin Kristil. Shawn is the only person whose always seemed to have Ambers best interest at heart.
I hope for Boo boos sake, that Matt isn’t a superfan of teen mom’s in order to be a child molester. A desperate single mom is a child molester’s first target.
Amber has dug in her heels and will refuse to see the redflags about this guy. A girl on twitter last week just exposed all the lies he was telling her…that he was a professional poker player graduate of MIT, and a millionaire. This guy isn’t cute, he won’t get a job, and is an alcoholic who drinks and is violent. What will it take for Amber to learn? I just hope my instincts are wrong about him, but as someone who has worked with child molesters, my radar is going off.
I wonder if simon is still with farrah after the last time we saw him… he couldn’t have jumped any faster out of that cab!
Apparently they are currently in Mexico vacationing. Don’t ask me how i know that. Fell down the internet rabbit hole 😉
That’s because Sophia was acting like a complete, spoiled brat and Farrah does nothing to correct her. That kid is a hellion. You couldn’t pay me to be around her.
Didn’t you love when they turned Sophia’s eyes red? It was so funny because it was so accurate.
I was wondering if he was even going to stop and get his bags lol he moved like that car was on fire!
They broke up yesterday. Surprise! 😛
Can we talk about the fact that Amber got upset and ran off the stage, causing her brother to get up and go after her, and her fiancé doesn’t even bat an eyelash as he slides down the couch to get sidled up next to Dr. Drew and continue talking about himself? If there was any question (there really wasn’t) on his motives, this just wrapped it up and put a bow on top.
I know right!
I can’t believe no one else mentioned that, I thought I was the only one that caught that.
Shawn wanted to make sure Amber was o.k.
Matt wanted to make sure he didn’t miss out on any air time.
I don’t understand how someone cheated with Gary…Gary?!?! He’s so obnoxious and disgusting! The fact that Amber and Kristina had issues over him boggles my mind. I think Amber has low self-esteem and after everything she’s been through she’s looking for happiness and fulfillment in the wrong places. She’s come a long way but has also has a long way to go. I really hope she wakes up one day and dumps these losers. I don’t care for Dr. Drew but everything he said to Amber was totally legit. If you are totally confident in your relationship then you should have no problem talking openly about it.
Ryan actually made me laugh. He has no interest in anything besides sleeping and his MTV paycheck. You hit the nail on the head as usual Ashley!!
Thank you, thank you for bringing up Dr. Drew basically calling bull shit on Maci’s “surprise” comment.
In the words of Amber, I’m DONE!
Gary is a manipulator, a terrible human being who preys on girls with confidence issue. Kind of like this Matt character.
Oh Amber. I’m really rooting for you, but it seems like you are lost again. In a slightly better way than before, but still lost 🙁
Gary really, really makes me want to flip out like Amber does. He couldn’t say Leah would be in danger in her care. Sure, he’s worried about if she relapses, but he wasn’t overly worried when Amber was high, and he let her look after Leah. And yes, it’s great that he raised her while Amber was in prison…but she IS his daughter, therefore his responsibility. You can’t expect a medal and keep raising that it was like a dreaded chore, while arguing against shared custody which would give him and Leah benefit of structure while relieving him of some of the burden.
But really, the most horrible thing I have seen him do is in the last episode when he said it would be better if Amber was gone, how he’s sick of her and how she’s basically a bad parent…all while standing right next to his SIX YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, who can remember her mum not being there, and who is obviously loving spending time with her mum. Denigrating a parent in front of the child is a low thing to do, and it hurts the child the most.
I was so mad at Gary when he was saying they’d be better off with Amber gone. What a terrible thing for Leah to hear. It really broke my heart for her :'(
Ambers situation is so desperate and sad, and Matt is just preying on her. This girl is so desperate for love, she basically latched on to the first thing that gave her any attention, no matter how f*ed up and creepy he is. Did anyone notice how when Amber walked off, her brother followed but Matt just scooched over to get closer to Dr. Drew like oh she’ll be alright, this is my time to shine on the couch with Dr. Drew
Yes!!! Thank you for reminding me about Amber walking off and Matt didn’t even think twice about Amber he just hopped to the side of the couch like he was so excited to be the center of attention! This guy is ALL red flags! Amber take your “love” blinders off and seriously look this situation!
ALL red flags ist the perfect way to put it. AMBER, please read and listen! Then re-read and re-listen!
Someone needs to find the lady with the priceless facial expressions and give her her own show!
Thank you, The Ashley, for making me laugh 🙂 Your recaps are hilarious, as always. I could totally picture Matt stuffing HandiSnacks down his pants and having a few fall out when he went out to meet Dr. Drew. Hahaha!!
this recap was hilarious LOL…As You Do…
Okay…legit question here: everyone keeps talking about Amber’s first year of sobriety. But hasn’t she been sober (…er, not counting alcohol…) for a handful of years because she got clean in jail? Do things start over when someone enters the real world after prison?
right? like 16 or 18 months in prison i think, then out for over a year, seems more like 3 years sober to me
Amber is NOT sober! I’m glad Drew made her say it, what did you learn in rehab? Yes, that you are supposed to be single for at least one year..and you cannot drink if you were addicted to narcotics, you just transfer your addiction, which she admitted she had a hard year with her dad dying..another reason to not drink! She isn’t drinking on special occasions, she is drinking to cope, which is a red flag for addicts
Well I would assume its because she doesn’t have access to drugs and alcohol in prison. Now she’s back out in the real world full of triggers and opportunities to fall back into her old self-destructive ways.
I think its fine for her to have a few drinks..I mean look at what she has to put up with..Gary the hairy fairy and old fart Matt! Lol 😉
All I can say about Amber is… I just can’t. Does she hear what she’s saying? Matt is NOT good for her and she’s really lowering herself to be with him and making excuses to sugar coat/deny how wrong he is for her. Amber needs to lose Matt ASAP and go back to being single while bettering herself because that’s when she made the most progress. Matt is just going to derail her and pull her down with him when Amber could really do great things.
Well I can’t say a person is not good for someone if I don’t know them personally so I don’t think it’s fair to say Matt isn’t good for Amber but I will say this. Amber has gone through a lot and I think the last thing she needs right now is to settle down with someone. She needs to work on herself and work on getting custody of Leah so that creep Gary can’t mess with her head anymore.
matt isnt good for amber but i wouldnt say amber is lowering herself by any means. she has no job (mtv will dry up soon) no friends, no hobbies, no custody, a major anger issue etc etc amber is no catch
I agree. Her friends and family need to tell her, but I think she will NEVER admit she was wrong to be with him She has dug in her heels and will defend him until the end. She used him to help get over Gary, but she needs to dump him, as he is using her big time
How much bigger can Gary the hairy fairy get? Wait…..on second thought, I don’t really want to know.
Matt just creeps me out.
To be honest, I don’t understand how he can continue to gain weight or stay the same size. He is so big right now, that he’d have to be consuming an outrageous amount of calories just to maintain his weight.
I can never concentrate on what Gary is saying because I just can’t get over how big he has gotten and also his hair or lack of
i wonder if he will get surgery soon
I can’t decide if Ryan is just super high when he’s on these shows or if there is just an extreme lack of any kind of personality and this is what it looks like.
He did seem pretty animated when he was talking about how happy he was that Taylor was a good guy with Bentley though.
I’m not defending Ryan at all, but occasionally I wonder if he’s just had it up to here with these shows and doesn’t really want to be on them. Of course he doesn’t HAVE to be on them, but sometimes I think he thinks it’s silly and can’t mask it.
I think Ryan just has no fucks to give about Teen Mom. I imagine the paycheque is the only appeal for him. To be honest I kind of like how uninterested he is in the whole process.
I think that’s just his personality. He is nonchalant about pretty much everything. I think the only time I saw him show any kind of emotion was when Maci was dating Kyle and he got really pissed she told him she didn’t want to see or talk to him because they weren’t getting along.
Maybe he just felt sick after seeing Farrah’s backdoor in real life.
I’be been thinking he looked high this whole season. Not giving a fuck is one thing, but being so “chill” his eyes almost roll back is another. I don’t believe for a second that he is just constantly tired for no reason.
Agreed. It could even be a medical condition, but this definitely goes beyond a normal need for sleep.
And now imagine this guy behind the wheel… shudder
more than likely on opiates. Many kids are in their state
Ryan looks like a crack head who Hates all humans!! Lol
OMG Gary of serial killer eyewear fame, the man who has made me want to write Afflicton and say “Dear Affliction what size is this shirt…I mean really?!!! How large is it?!!” was someone’s mistress……
And Dr. Drew–ughhhh
Right? and Affliction usually runs small (or at least it used to…) does he special order his shirts? Did he write to them and say “I’m on MTV, please make a XXXXXL?”
the knock off Affliction shirts run small, as they were made in China