‘Sister Wives’ Season 7 Episode 1 Recap: Meri Explains Her Catfishing & Maddie Escapes Her Family

"I'm back, bitches!"
“I’m back, bitches!”

Everyone’s favorite polygamist family—the Browns—are back to once again try to convince the rest of us that sharing one douchy husband among four miserable-looking women is a great way of life.

The new season of Sister Wives basically begins where we left off last season. As you may recall, last season Maddie found the love of her life, Meri and Kody got divorced so Kody could marry fourth wife Robyn, Meri got catfished, and Robyn got impregnated.

We start this episode discussing  Maddie and her boyfriend, Caleb (who is, by the way, the brother of Kody’s brother’s wife, naturally). Last season, Caleb asked Kody permission to marry Maddie, and we get to watch Kody say this creepy line again.

"I can't believe he keeps saying stuff like that. Lord, give me strength!"
“I can’t believe he keeps saying stuff like that. Lord, give me strength!”

“When you guys get married, I turn her over to you,” Kody tells Caleb.

Geez, Kody. We’re talking about your daughter here, not a sack of potatoes.

Sobbin’ Robyn chimes in to announce that everything is changing. This prompts a recap of Meri getting catfished. As you may recall, last season Meri had basically decided that she had enough of her obnoxious husband Kody and was looking to run off with a man she met online. Unfortunately for Mer, the dreamboat man she thought she was talking to turned out to be a creepy woman.

Since her affair was exposed in the media, Meri had to come clean to her family, and (worse) go back to Kody and grovel for forgiveness. (To be honest, I’d take my chances with the creepy woman, rather than crawl back to Hair Boy, but that’s just me…)

"I'm gonna need the conversation to shift back over to me. I'm carrying the spawn of Kody for God's sakes!"
“I’m gonna need the conversation to shift back over to me. I’m carrying the spawn of Kody for God’s sakes!”

Later, Maddie returns home from Montana, where she had been visiting Caleb. She’s planning to move there before she marries Caleb, but will be living separately from him because…well, this isn’t Teen Mom!

All of the family comes over to have dinner at Janelle’s house, and it’s totally obvious that they are setting the scene up for a big announcement…

Hmm…what could it be? Since Kody’s favorite wife Robyn is already knocked up, it can’t be a pregnancy announcement. There’s only one thing it can be…

Maddie comes in and music starts to play. She announces that she is engaged to Caleb in a rather anti-climatic manner. She basically just lifts her hand up and shows off her ring. We all know that the Browns—particularly Kody—are amused by shiny objects, so everyone gathers around Maddie.

"So long, losers! I'm outta here!"
“So long, losers! I’m outta here!”

Kody announces that he has a great idea for the wedding venue.

“We could rent a campground!” he says.

Ahh, yes! It’s every woman’s dream to get hitched while carrying a bouquet of various bug repellent wands, while Kody chases everyone around with a wire hanger, demanding someone make him smores because he’s the father of the bride.

It’s no surprise that Kody’s campground wedding idea gets shut down.

When you're not sure if your future father-in-law just asked you out on a date or not...
When you’re not sure if your future father-in-law just asked you out on a date or not…

After we sit through a weird five-minute scene where Kody talks about how none of his family members want him in their houses, we go back to Janelle’s house, where Maddie is packing her stuff to move to Montana. Her fiancé, Caleb, comes to help her, and Kody begins acting really weird (even for Kody). He seems to have a slight obsession with Caleb, which the other wives attribute to Kody not having other males around him.

UM!? Doesn’t Kody have about 45 sons?! They are actually probably long-tired of Kody’s obnoxious behavior, so they probably try to avoid spending time with him. Poor Caleb really has no choice but to sit there and suffer through bonding time with Kody.

"No one ever wants to play with me!"
“No one ever wants to play with me!”

“So what are we doing? Do we load up tonight? Or play tonight? You realize I’m playing with you guys tonight?” Kody asks Caleb.

Awkward.

“Dad is in a place where he really likes Caleb and we can’t tell if Caleb likes him back,” Garrison says.

He doesn’t, Garrison, he doesn’t…

Maddie plans to take Caleb out to dinner so he can meet her best friend, Desi. Kody, of course, has no regard for anyone else’s feelings, as per usual, so he decides to crash the dinner and invite himself along.

Kody keeps things awkward at the dinner by continuing to make uncomfortable comments about unloading Maddie.

Christine looks like she wants to hit Kody with a bottle of hot sauce for saying that...
Christine looks like she wants to hit Kody with a bottle of hot sauce for saying that…

“In a few months, I’m going to pass the baton off completely,” Kody says before asking Maddie and Caleb to move to Vegas.

“How much are you going to pay me?” Caleb asks.

Well Caleb, just stick around and I’m sure TLC will work up a contract for you. The producers are probably salivating, thinking about episodes showing Maddie’s life as a newlywed and her first pregnancy. (Of course, Robyn will probably be having her seventh kid by then, so they can both be pregnant together! Think of the ratings!)

The next day, Maddie is ready to get the hell away from these people. She’s literally just throwing crap into the moving trailer in an attempt to get out as fast as humanly possible. Who can blame her?!

"PLEASE let people buy this story!"
“PLEASE let people buy this story!”

After moving Maddie and Caleb to Montana, the wives and Kody get together to talk to their therapist about Meri’s catfishing scandal.

Kody says he was confused when Meri told them in Alaska that she may be leaving the family. She kind of retells history to make herself look like an innocent victim who was brainwashed by the big, bad Internet man/woman. She even claims that she was planning to tell her family about the catfishing incident in Alaska, but didn’t want to “ruin the trip.”

This is, of course, complete BS, as Meri was still very much involved with her dreamboat lover during that trip, and seemed to be telling her family that she was leaving them for him.

"I can't believe I'm still on this stupid show dealing with these stupid people."
“I can’t believe I’m still on this stupid show dealing with these stupid people.”

Next, Sobbin’ Robyn chimes in to ensure that the conversation becomes all about her.

“It was a constant struggle to know whether or not I believed that Meri was actually having an affair,” Robyn says. “Or she just wasn’t and something else was going on.”

Meri claims that after she tried to break off the relationship “they” stalked her. She apparently told Robyn that she thought her house was bugged and “these people” were following her every move.

Wait..what? What is going on? This is beginning to sound like an episode of ‘Scooby-Doo’ or something…

"Is that man/woman still interested? I'd be happy to pay for Meri's travels to go see her!"
“Is that man/woman still interested? I’d be happy to pay for Meri’s travels to go see her!”

During all of this, Kody looks like he doesn’t care at all. Meanwhile, Janelle looks like she’s plotting her escape from these crazies. Eventually, Kody says that he tried to warn Meri about the “dangers” of online friendships.

“When he (the catfish) started saying love, it was flattering,” Meri says.

Kody doesn’t really let that affect him. It’s obvious that he doesn’t care if Meri was cheating on him or not. He actually looks like he was probably happy to unload her, even temporarily!

Janelle blames the fact that they no longer live in one house for the separation between them. Kody blames it all on social media. Why is no one blaming Meri for making poor decisions!? Everyone is acting like Meri was unable to understand what she was doing during all of this. Meri, as usual, doesn’t own up to her mistakes and is instead blaming everyone else for her bad decisions.

Coming up this season, Robyn will have her baby. Maddie will get married. Garrison joins the National Guard. Robyn and Meri get into an argument. Mariah gets mad at Meri. And Kody, of course, continues to be obnoxious.

To read our previous ‘Sister Wives’ recaps, click here!

(Photo: TLC)

13 Comments

  1. Sooo… how did “these people” get in her house to bug it and/or put cameras in it to watch and listen to her every move… What a liar… geez… Accept you were looking for something better already and when it didn’t pan out to turned back… Man/woman… YOU were looking and got involved… quit with playing the victim…


  2. I don’t watch this show anymore, yet never cease to find Robyn mind-numbingly annoying.

    Thanks for your awesome recaps as always, @ Holly & The Ashley! 🙂


  3. I too feel bad for Meri, she was desperate for love and affection. She was never all that happy to begin with and once Robin came along she was cast off and only brought in for filming.


  4. Are they still banging on about this bloody catfish SHIT
    Ffs sister hoes calm down, go away go get men that actually would love and respect you.

    Kody is having his cake and eating it too.

    He’s making a laughing stock out of the other 3 idiotic fools


  5. Have you ever been married alone? I hope it never happens to you. Picture this! Meri, is home all day alone. No kids, no husband for days on end! Meri, cleans and pickups after herself, correct? Her spoiled daughter isn’t talking to her. For whatever reason who knows, or cares. I can’t stand that kid! Meri, can only pick her own nose so long! You know. Eat so many meals alone. I bet there are days she talks to none of the ‘family’ Not saying getting on the web to get attention is the thing to do. Many people have done it. It seems to help. If they don’t want to meet up. This catfisher screwed Meri. Not literally, just mentally! Meri had some attention! Something she hasn’t had in a very long time! Kody is worthless as a husband! What does this guy do for work BTW? I love the show. Don’t get me wrong! One thing I really love about the show is done of the kids want to continue with the life style. Fabulous, lifestyle! ha ha ha Really? None of the kids in that family think it is so great! These women might as well be single moms. I am expecting Kody to take on another wife at any time now…


  6. But does this mean that Madden is dropping out of college? I haven’t been following the series this season and am getting my updates from here. Thanks!


  7. I do kinda feel bad for Meri – she’s led a pretty sheltered life and probably wasn’t equipped with the ability to figure out when something doesn’t pass the smell test when she was talking to the “man”. I know that she was some sort of youth counselor before, but that was a while ago and there’s a new breed of psychos running around out there. Plus, she’s still saddled with Kody.

    #freejanelle

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