‘Sister Wives’ Season 7 Episode 2 Recap: Military Musings & More Attention for Robyn

No caption needed for this...
No caption needed for this…

It’s time for a special TWO-HOUR episode of Sister Wives! Think of how many Robyn tears and Kody hair flips TLC will be able to cram into two hours of this ridiculous show!

The episode starts out with Meri recapping what has happened since she was catfished…again. (They’re going to stretch this out for the whole season, obviously.)

"I was brainwashed, I tells ya!"
“I was brainwashed, I tells ya!”

Meri thought she was getting close to a sexy dreamboat of a man that she met online…but it turned out to be a woman! We all think Meri was totally planning to leave Kody and the family for this man, but Meri won’t admit it. Instead, she continues to make herself sound like she was brainwashed into being disgusted by Kody by “these people.” (Honestly, Mer, it took “these people” to tell you that your husband was an obnoxious prick?!)

Meri insists that she was “flattered” by the attention that her online dreamboat was giving her, especially since she was rotting away alone in her huge home, with only a wet bar to keep her company during the lonely nights that Kody was off impregnating Robyn. She claims that when she started suspecting she was being catfished, the person she was talking to started making threats and stalking her.

"I love Meri. I'm very supportive...was that convincing enough or should we do another take?"
“I love Meri. I’m very supportive. Was that convincing enough or should we do another take?”

Kody is doing his best to make it appear like he still cares what happens to Meri, and is trying to come off as supportive for the cameras.

“I want her to know we will work things out,” he says.

“We are working on processing it and trying to figure out how to come back together as a strong family unit,” Meri says, adding that’s she still very lonely at times.

"I'd rather be Robyn's nanny than Mykelti's roommate!"
“I’d rather be Robyn’s nanny than Mykelti’s roommate!”

In other news, Brown family daughters Aspyn and Mykelti are no longer living together. The girls have decided that it’s not working out because Mykelti has too many magazines…or something.

In an interesting twist, though, Aspyn is moving into Robyn’s house instead of back home with her mother, Christine.

“Mom and Aspyn are both mother figures and I don’t think they get along,” Mykelti explains when asked why Aspyn isn’t going to be living with her real mom.

Sobbin’ Robyn is probably stoked to be getting a free babysitter! When she shoots the next Spawn ‘o’ Kody from her loins, Aspyn will be there to help take care of it so Robyn can focus on creating more Brown babies with the Kod-ster.

"Live with Meri in the Catfish Castle? Yeah, I'll pass..."
“Live with Meri in the Catfish Castle? Yeah, I’ll pass…”

Let’s stop right here and look at the facts: Aspyn wants to live at home but not with Christine. Meri lives in a huge home and is lonely all the time. Why doesn’t Aspyn just move into Meri’s home? She can saddle up to the wet bar at night and she and Meri can watch chick flicks and girl talk about what a douche Kody is. Why the hell is she moving into Robyn’s cramped quarters? Maybe Meri really is as big of a wet blanket as she comes off as on TV?

"I knew that Robyn was no good!"
“I knew that Robyn was no good!”

Aspyn moving in with Robyn may cause some issues between the sister wives as well. Robyn asks Christine if she’s going to have a problem with it and Christine responds, “For sure I’m going to have an issue with that.”

It’s Christine. Of course she’s going to have an issue with anything that involves Robyn getting something that she doesn’t. Duh.

We also find out that Mykelti has dropped out of college and is going to go live with a family friend in Utah and work at a pawn shop. As you do.

“I’m not ready to grow up” she says. “I’m not ready to finish college. College is hard.”

She is Kody’s daughter for sure!

Janelle, who is one of the only hard workers in the Brown family, is not happy to hear this. She knows that getting a college education is important, and seems upset that Mykelti is wasting a great opportunity to go to school.

"America has the wars all the time and stuff!"
“America has the wars all the time and stuff!”

Meanwhile, Janelle and Kody’s son Garrison has some news. He sits his parents down and tells them that he wants to join the military. He is talking about joining the National Guard and, of course, Kody has to start spouting doucheball facts about the American defense system.

“We are at war constantly,” Kody tells Garrison.

Kody and Janelle want Garrison to wait to join the military until he gets a college degree. They seem to think that Garrison having a Bachelor’s will enable him to basically become Commander-in-Chief of the United States or something.

However, 17-year-old Garrison is determined to join, despite the fact that he’d need his parents’ permission to join. Kody keeps reminding him of this fact during the conversation.

"I would have rather stuck hot pins into my eyes than take you with me to the recruiter's office."
“I would have rather stuck hot pins into my eyes than take you with me to the recruiter’s office.”

Garrison reveals that he went to the military recruiter earlier that day, and Kody is upset that Garrison didn’t bring him along.

UM…who can blame the kid? How embarrassed would Garrison have been with Kody in tow, flopping his hair from side to side and spouting off random facts about the U.S. military. Kody probably would have asked the recruiter if he could have one of those nifty camouflaged water bottles as a parting gift.

"If Garrison goes to college, can he take Kody with him? Please?"
“If Garrison goes to college, can he take Kody with him? Please?”

Anyway, Kody and Janelle are understandably concerned that their son will get deployed if he joins the National Guard, but Garrison understands that this will likely happen and seems OK with it. In fact, he seems happy to deploy, which makes sense because he will finally be free of Kody if that happens.

“There’s a chance that he’s going to see deployment in the next four years,” Kody says. “That is the reality we have to understand.”

“America has very many enemies,” Garrison says.

Yeah, he needs that free schooling more than we thought!

Later, Mykelti is packing up to head to Utah to work at the Ye Olde Pawn Shop. Who needs a free college education when you can instead help people hawk their old TV sets?!

“I am still worried about Mykelti moving to St. George, Utah, and this is why…I still think she’s a kid,” Kody says.

Well…so is Kody, to be honest.

"Can we call security on these lunatics?"
“Can we call security on these lunatics?”

We spend a few minutes watching Mykelti wait on people at the pawn shop. Of course, Kody and Christine (who are probably the two most annoying parents on the planet) have to come in on Mykelti’s first day to razz her. As always, Kody thinks his hi-jinks are hysterical, but everyone else is just rolling their eyes and wishing someone would throw a net over Kody and take him away to a padded cell.

"Give us cheap stuff or we will never leave you alone!"
“Give us cheap stuff or we will never leave you alone!”

Christine and Kody go into the shop and Kody tries to pawn the ugly watch Robyn gave him as an anniversary present. When the pawn shop owner basically tells Kody that he doesn’t want his crappy watch, Kody decides he wants to buy an $800 TV…for $600! He annoyingly haggles until his friend who—mind you, just gave Kody’s daughter a job and a cheap place to live—finally agrees to sell him the TV for $600 and take the loss. He probably just wanted to get this idiot out of his damn shop!

The next day, Meri has to go to the gynecologist to get the results of some tests she took.  Meri has a history of cancer in her family, so she is nervous (but not nervous enough to take her “husband” Kody along for moral support).

"Meri in gyno stirrups? Now that's a picture even I don't want to think about!"
“Meri in gyno stirrups? Now that’s a picture even I don’t want to think about!”

We get good news and bad news during this scene. The good news is that Meri’s tests have come back clear and have revealed no serious issues. The bad news is that we have to see Meri with her feet up in the stirrups during the examination. That’s a haunting image that will linger in our minds for years to come.

That night, Garrison has Janelle gather the family together so he can announce that he passed the physical and has officially joined the military. Robyn is not thrilled.

“I don’t like the idea of our boys being soldiers,” she says, adding that she wishes she could hide Garrison’s enlistment papers like she hid her brother’s enlistment papers years ago. (At least we think that happened years ago. It is Robyn, so this may have happened last year for all we know.)

"We really need to join forces to take down Hair Boy!"
“We really need to join forces to take down Hair Boy!”

Because we still have space to fill in this two-hour crapisode, Janelle and Meri decide to go to therapy to work on their sister wife relationship. Janelle and Meri have known each other for 25 year and have basically wanted to claw each other’s eyes out for most of that time.

At therapy, the counselor makes Janelle and Meri switch places and speak from the other person’s point of view. Janelle gives it a good effort but Meri is kind of a biotch…as per usual. After therapy, Janelle and Meri decide to “take what they’ve learned and put it into practice”… by going grocery shopping. Apparently, they’ve never shopped together, out of fear that one of them would attempt to beat the other over the head with a frozen leg of lamb. Safety first!

While shopping, Janelle keeps trying to reach out to Meri…and Meri continues to be a biotch.

"I'm special!"
“I’m special!”

The next night at the Brown compound, the family throws a huge, elaborate baby shower for Robyn.

Um…at what point do the baby showers stop? After 20 kids don’t you have enough supplies?

Kody says they’re throwing the shower for Robyn because she’s had a hard time “feeling special” during her pregnancy.

Wait…what? Robyn is literally the only person in this family who is made to feel special on a daily basis. The whole family seems to revolve around Robyn and her feelings. WTF?

Fairly certain Janelle is writing 'You people need jobs' on her plate...
Fairly certain Janelle is writing ‘You people need jobs’ on her plate…

The only good news is that the shower makes Kody scurry away for the night, so the women are able to enjoy some Kody-free fun. There is a ton of food and shower games. The women talk about how nice it is that everyone knows they are polygamists because normally a shower like this wouldn’t be possible for a plural family.

Next time on ‘Sister Wives,’ Janelle and Meri try to work together and decorate for Thanksgiving, while Kody continues to be the biggest turkey reality TV has ever seen…

To read our episode of the previous episode of ‘Sister Wives,’ click here!

(Photos: TLC)

21 Responses

  1. So in one scene Kody says they support Garison going into the military so it will pay for his college, but in the rest of the show they keep saying they want him to get his degree before enlisting. Do they not realize the military is not going to pay for a degree you got while you weren’t even enlisted? And what about Garrison’s last year of high school?

  2. I feel sorry for Meri. She always looks like a sad sack. Maybe she didn’t sign up for this. I feel bad about her gynecological problems. Perhaps caused by having sex with a man who has multiple partners. Of course his junk doesn’t fall off……

  3. Do any of these women work??
    Does the daddy machine work?
    All of these mistresses need to get out and get lives away from kodster and sobbin Robyn

    Take their brood and go live normal lives, instead of this abnormal life

  4. Does The Ashley have any inside scoop on the Hawaii trip Meri took recently, or any news on the Sailor she was hanging out with and took a selfie with?!

  5. It deeply saddens my heart that Kody didn’t want Mariah to go that University because “he had other kids to put through college” while they’ve either dropped out or didn’t even go. Mariah got the short end of the stick in every aspect of life.

  6. I literally cannot believe Robyn got another baby shower. She’s the center of the universe in that family and she’s STILL whining about not feeling special enough? GROW UP!!!!

    When she was pregnant with Solomon the entire family was in turmoil, their entire lives got uprooted overnight, the kids left all their friends, they split up into different houses, Hunter was severely depressed, they were broke, and the only thing she could talk about was how she didn’t get that perfect moment of everyone being excited and happy for her as she announced her pregnancy. What is she, 20 years old?

    Even if they all loved her wholeheartedly and there was no jealousy involved – ummm last I checked, tween and teen boys don’t really give a crap about a pregnancy announcement. Especially when it’s the 18th or 19th time they’ve heard one. I mean yes, it’s the biggest thing going on in your life right now, so it’s a big deal to you….but get over yourself for a second and don’t expect everyone else to do cartwheels for you. It’s not a huge deal in their lives.

    At one point well after Solomon was born, I was starting to come around on Robyn. The other wives had talked about how she was the peacemaker in the family, trying to get everyone to talk out their problems and smooth things out. So I started to look at her differently. But yet again on the tell-all she had to bring up that she STILL resented the family for not giving her that precious perfect moment when she announced the Solomon pregnancy.

    You can’t expect everyone to act and say the things you have envisioned in your picture-perfect fairytale moments. The world doesn’t revolve around you. And you’re old enough to stop pouting and crying to Kody when you feel it isn’t. It’s your 5th child. You’re not going to get treated like a princess.

  7. I literally want to barf evertime cody enters a room like he’s the second coming, and Merie crys so much she’s a break down waiting to happen. These poor children will need therapy for the rest of their lives, by the way, what is codys occupation? Has he ever held down a job?

  8. UM…who can blame the kid? How embarrassed would Garrison have been with Kody in tow, flopping his hair from side to side and spouting off random facts about the U.S. military

    THIS… I literally roared with laughter when I read this.

    1. The best comment on here

      You’re correct they are all fucked up, and dysfunctional

  9. I think Meri is just a bitter, unhappy person who just wants to blame everyone else for what’s wrong in her life. If the catfish had indeed been a man she would’ve left the family so fast Kody’s terrible hair would still be spinning. Stop hiding behind your wet bar Meri and take some responsibility! I also think she’s lucky Janelle even wants to talk to her after years of Meri being jealous and treating her like garbage.

    1. I feel like it’s obvious Kody & Meri roped Janelle into this because she had a house & a decent job that they could mooch off of. Not to mention she did eventually become a baby machine, which I’m sure left Meri seething with jealousy. I hope when the show is over, Janelle leaves these freeloaders. Christine seems content to be #3 wife & the third wheel to Kody & Sobyn, but Meri can’t handle not being #1 Queen Bee.

    2. Hmm.. well, it takes two to tango. Janelle is mostly silent but I’ve seen her open her mouth in a few occasions and realized she was not as easy to deal with as she seems.
      This whole thing stated when they shared a kitchen.
      Janelle, who doesn’t want to spend any time in a kitchen and especially not when making family meals together on occasions (‘Just DON’T ask me!’) has let Kody know she thought sister wives sharing a kitchen was abusive (that’s what Corey told another plural family). Meri had organized the kitchen and Janelle didn’t like that.
      Meri felt strongly the towels had to be kept on a certain location and before they knew it, they had succesfully frustrated the succes and happiness of their plural family, over towel locations. Kody wasn’t able to handle it or handled it wrong.
      Poor Christine was thrown in mix and probably never bonded or befriended Meri or Janelle cause picking one side would cause trouble.
      It’s not all the plural marriage, it’s the people in it.
      I think I would get passive aggressive too towards the other lady that would be the reason why I was a part time single mom, bitting my duvet at night thinking about my husband being with her and such.

  10. Meri’s just bitter she has to rely on someone else to take her away from this sham of a relationship. She has no education, seemingly a lot of debt, and hasn’t had a real job or carreer… Aspyn is just rebelling against her mother, or maybe she really wants her father’s attention & she’s more likely to get that hanging out with Robyn. Sounds like all the older kids are doing their part to distance themselves from the family. Makes you wonder what we don’t see on Tv.

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