‘Teenage Newlyweds’ Premiere Episode Recap: Wedding Bells & Waiting for Lovin’

"Do you promise to be loyal and faithful at least until your 21st birthday?"
“Do you promise to be loyal and faithful at least until your 21st birthday?”

MTV never really took advantage of the hit show that Engaged & Underage could have been had the network continued with it. Luckily for us, the FYI network has picked up the idea of following couples who are under the age of 21 on their quests for marital bliss.

We start out by meeting the couples. First up is Halie, 18, and George, 21, a Mormon couple from Utah. They met while George was on a mission trip, of course, but it seems like it was Halie who pursed George. After spending a couple weeks together, they continued their relationship from a distance, so they’ve actually only spent a few weeks in each others’ physical presence.

George tells us that one of the biggest reasons they want to get married is so they can have sex. As you do.

"As long as we don't talk to each other, we're great!"
“As long as we don’t talk to each other, we’re great!”

Next we meet Brenda, 19, and Travis, 20. They are both in college. They say they have a lot of issues since she’s liberal and he’s more conservative, and seem to disagree about everything. Surely that won’t cause any problems down the road. Like Halie and George, this couple is also waiting until they get married to have sex.

Finally we meet Emma, 19, and Joey, 21. They live in what Joey describes as a “little redneck town” in Oregon and were high school sweethearts. (Why do I feel like they were that couple in high school that got drunk at bonfires and screamed at each other? You know that couple; there was one at every high school…) Emma and Joey don’t mention that they’re waiting until marriage to have sex, so we can just assume they’ve been, um, “taking care of business” throughout their relationship.

"I know all about sex and baby-making...but I'm still confused where the stork comes into play?"
“I know all about sex and baby-making…but I’m still confused where the stork comes into play?”

Over at Halie and George’s uber-hipster wedding planning event, her parents are all gung-ho for the wedding. Her dad says that, you know, even though they barely know each other, are incredibly young and have not spent any real time together, they were “governed by the same rules and principles” and raised the same way so they should be fine. Halie’s mom agrees that that will be enough to keep their marriage together.

“They’re gonna make cute babies,” her dad says, which wouldn’t really be creepy if Halie hadn’t just graduated from high school like the month before.

Over in California, Brenda’s mother tries to warn her about how hard marriage is going to be but Brenda, of course, already knows everything.

Brenda ain't playin'...
Brenda ain’t playin’…

Later, Travis and Brenda get into an argument over gay marriage. And abortion. And politics. How can they get married when they don’t even agree on basic issues?

Brenda’s sister is worried because the couple has such opposite values. Why is Brenda’s sister the only one thinking this through?

Meanwhile in Oregon, the parents of Joey and Emma tell us that they tried to get their kids to do premarital counseling but they didn’t want to.

Emma’s parents seem to be making the best of a bad situation. It’s almost as if they are planning to grab some divorce papers while Emma and Joey are at the courthouse getting their marriage license. Just in case!

"I don't need a JOB! What I actually need is a nap, dude!"
“I don’t need a JOB! What I actually need is a nap, dude!”

By the way, Joey is a real catch. He has no life plans, other than being a husband and father.  He doesn’t want to go to school.

“I’ve never really had any career ambitions,” he says.

Emma sits next to him smiling as he says that he would be happy to just work at the Feed ‘n’ Seed store (yesssss) the rest of his life.

While a career at a feed store may allow you to have all the free chicken seed you can haul into your car, it doesn’t exactly equal a lucrative future. I hope Emma enjoys living in a hayloft (and/or her parents’ house) for the rest of her life…or at least until the divorced is finalized.

At a family lunch, Joey is acting like he’s 10. He’s burping, making weird noises and hoarding straws. It’s very…weird. Meanwhile, Emma’s parents keep giving her this look like, “Really?!

That moment when someone explains to George what actually happens during sex...
That moment when someone explains to George what actually happens during sex…

Back in MormonLand,  Halie and George are talking about preparing for their wedding night. Naturally, as Mormons, they have had no experience with The Big S (that’s “sex” by the way), and neither of them have any idea what to do with their baby makers. Luckily for George, he has a friend who has a friend who has read a book on sex. (We aren’t even making this up to be funny—this really happened!)

“I don’t know a lot about it honestly,” George says. “Honestly sex is a big mystery. We talk a lot about how it’s sacred and stuff in church, but we don’t talk much about what it really is.”

While George has no clue what sex actually is, he will soon learn because… the wedding day has arrived!

"I may not have my life together, but at least my hair looks great! Right...?"
“I may not have my life together, but at least my hair looks great! Right…?”

On the day of the wedding, we get to meet George’s black sheep brother, Adam. He left the Mormon church years ago for a life of fornication and Mountain Dew, which means he can’t go into the Mormon temple to witness the wedding. He’ll have to hang out outside with all the other non-believers while the wedding is taking place.

Even though his brother is a heathen, George still loves him and wants him to be a part of his wedding day. He and Halie will be doing a ring ceremony after the temple wedding for Adam’s benefit. While he’s waiting for Halie and George to get hitched in the temple, Adam tells us all about his life as a non-believer. He’s 23, been married twice, is going through a divorce and has two kids. He says he hopes that he can find a love as strong as his brother has found.

Halie and George emerge from the temple, married and ready to party [modestly].

Raise your hand if you're afraid for your wedding night...
Raise your hand if you’re afraid for your wedding night…

Later, George and Halie start their second wedding ceremony (the one that was mainly for Adam’s benefit) and Adam is not showing up. Maybe he’s on Tinder trolling for wife number three?

Over in Oregon, it’s time for Emma and Joey’s wedding but…they can’t find their marriage license. Maybe it’s a sign! Don’t do it, Emma!

Their friend finally finds the license and the wedding proceeds. Emma and Joey say ‘I do’ (to life together, not to getting jobs).

"We did it! Now we can do it!"
“We did it! Now we can do it!”

Over in California, Brenda has chosen to have her mother walk her down the aisle, since her father passed away when she was a young child. It’s quite the affair, full of bright red dresses and rhinestone tiaras and whatnot. They somehow manage to make it through their ceremony without fighting.

Next week, we get to see George freak out over having to have S-E-X!

To read more of our reality TV recaps, click here!

(Photos: FYI)

 

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