‘Teen Mom 2’ Season 7 Episode 11 Recap: Crying to be Nurtured & the Creepy Ponytail

This should sufficiently haunt your nightmares...
This should sufficiently haunt your nightmares…

Oh, hi Juh-nelle! It’s time to catch up on what’s been going on with the Teen Mom 2 gals since we last checked in. Those of you who sat through last week’s crapisode know that the girls seem to have all kinds of problems– from marital trouble, to heavy backpacks to absentee baby daddies and even sweaty legs! It’s a disaster!

This week, we kick things off with Leah, who is basically eye-balling her pal Kayla‘s baby and trying to her friend to leave the baby with her. It’s been a while since Leah’s put her baby chute to use, so she’s got herself a case of the baby fever. (She does not, however, have itchy legs or the ability to see ‘molecules’ like Jenelle.)

"Just leave the baby here. We have plenty of Duncan Hines frostin' in the fridge!"
“Just leave the baby here. We have plenty of Duncan Hines frostin’ in the fridge!”

Leah asks her pal if it would be OK if she watches her baby. (“I done bought a whole new package of them generic Sweet ‘n’ Lows up at the Walmart, so he’d have something to eat!”) Kayla looks at Leah like she’d rather leave her baby in a cardboard box on the street rather than let Leah watch him.

As per usual, Leah quickly starts bitching about that dern ex-husband of hers (the first one), talking about the BackpackGate video from last week. Leah says she had a chance to talk to Corey about her Ali, the backpack and the video.

"This girl's fixin' to get herself a beatin'!"
“This girl’s fixin’ to get herself a beatin’ right quick!”

Wouldn’t you know it, though, that Corey Tyler didn’t find it shocking that his wife Miranda chose to carry their newborn baby instead of the backpack. All of a sudden, Leah gets a text on her iPhone and she scurries over to see who’s blowing up her phone. Wouldn’t you know it, it’s THAT BITCH MIRANDA!

Apparently Miranda has heard that Leah is off telling every hillbilly west of the Feed ‘n’ Seed that she’s a lazy, non-backpack-carrying bitch. Miranda texts Leah to let her know that she doesn’t appreciate Leah’s kinfolk sending her weird, creepy videos in hopes of getting Miranda “in trouble” with Corey Tyler. Miranda also says that she rarely makes Ali carry her own backpack, but sometimes it’s unavoidable unless she wants to just leave her baby in the car or something. (Obviously, we know this is A-OK behavior for Leah but I guess Miranda isn’t down with that. Go figure.)

"Really? Not even a question about my life or my baby? Geez..."
“Really? Not even a question about my life or my baby? Geez…”

While Leah rattles on and on, Kayla is just sitting there with a sad look on her face. It’s almost like she had hoped that– after she went and had a baby (and got a snazzy asymmetrical haircut), she’d at least be able to be the center of one conversation she has with Leah. But…no….

In Delaware, everyone is carrying their own backpacks and whatnot, but there’s still trouble brewing. Isaac is still missing Javi, who has been off on deployment for a month now. He asks Kail how she feels about Javi being gone. (Jesus God Leah, please tell me the producers aren’t starting to make the kids ask their moms the questions they usually make the moms’ friends ask on camera. That’s just too much.) Kail tries to sidestep Isaac’s question and it’s obvious that Kail is quite happy sans Javi.

"I'm ready to complain about Adam and/or sweat to the oldies!"
“I’m ready to complain about Adam and/or sweat to the oldies!”

In South Dakota, Chelsea is hanging out with her pal Brittany (who, for some reason is wearing a bathrobe and looking like a cross between Chelsea circa Season 3 and Richard Simmons). Chelsea is (once again) talking about changing the amount of child support that Adam pays. She must be as bored with this conversation as we are, because she’s had to draw her eyebrows into an “interested” position to make it look like she cares.

Adam wasn’t thrilled when he heard that Chelsea wanted more money to pay for his kid’s food and clothing and whatnot. (Adam must have figured that instead of money, he could just send extra protein powder or PowerBars to Aubree. Every kid loves to find a protein shake in their lunch box, duh!) He is appealing the child support ruling so that he can pay less money.

"Do I look interested? Or should I wipe these brows off and draw them even higher?"
“Do I look interested? Or should I wipe these brows off and draw them even higher?”

Even Adam’s parent’s seem to know that their son is a power-lifting piece of poop. When Chelsea tells them about the father/daughter dance that Adam missed, they tell her that they’re glad that Cole was there to pick up their son’s slack. (Imagine how red and veiny Adam’s face and head must have been while he watched this scene play out. That kind of makes me giggle to think about…)

When you're basically a corpse but nobody cares...
When you’re basically a corpse but nobody cares…

Finally, we check in with the sweaty mess that is Jenelle. She’s still in New York “seeing doctors” (aka looking for anyone with a prescription pad who can write her and Lurch an order for some happy pills). Since she’s not having any luck getting her clammy mitts on some benzos, she’s upped her list of symptoms to include…well, everything.

She’s dying, you guys, and nobody even cares!

Jenelle and Lurch are pounding the pavement in NYC, visiting doctors and Jenelle has herself hooked up to all sorts of machines, hoping that some doctor will eventually get so creeped out by Lurch that he’ll write her any prescription she wants as long as she promises to make Lurch stop staring at him. (That’s actually a pretty solid plan.)

"Let me know when the doctor's coming so I can moan."
“Let me know when the doctor’s coming so I can moan.”

We get to see some “undercover” footage that was filmed on Lurch’s cell phone in which Jenelle is all sprawled out on an exam table. (She did, of course, manage to put on a full face of makeup– fake eyelashes included!– before crawling out of her death bed to see the doctor.)

Hey– she may be on death’s door but she still has Instagram photos to take, y’all! She can’t be looking like Leah after a bender!

"Lord give me strength...and also benzos!"
“Lord give me strength…and also benzos!”

Lurch assures Jenelle that she has no reason to be scared because, “I’m here witcha!”

Later, Jenelle (the former heroin addict, mind you) is mad that she had to be stuck with a bunch of needles for “some sort of acupuncture.” The nurse injected something into Jenelle’s sweaty knee, and it caused her to double over in pain. She’s even madder because the nurse later told her that she had no clue what is wrong with Jenelle.

Wait– so this nurse just started sticking things in Jenelle without having any idea what she was doing? (Then again, she wouldn’t be the first person to stick something in Jenelle and have no clue what they’re doing. Surely that was the case every time Jenelle and ol’ Nathan got their lovin’ on.)

"ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
“ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Jenelle moans and groans in pain as she and Lurch head to the airport. Jenelle reports that her nervous system and muscles are all OK. Lurch suggests that maybe it’s Jenelle’s birth control that is making her all hot and bothered, but Jenelle, ever the medical expert, flat out denies that it’s the birth control that’s making her body go haywire.

It’s obviously anxiety. And MS. And restless leg syndrome. And the bubonic plague. And possibly rabies.

Unsuccessful at getting any type of prescription drug, Jenelle cries her way to the airport, stating that she doesn’t know how she will cope with things.

Um…you’re probably going to do the same thing you always do when you’re stressed out: scream “Leeeeeave me alooooone!” and then hit your friend on the head with a drumstick.

I love this kid.
I love this kid.

In Delaware, Lincoln’s screaming that everyone is a puta while Kail and the boys go out to paint crap at a store. Kail asks Isaac if he thinks that she and Jo should hang out more, and Isaac says yes.

Later, Kail goes up to New York City, but, unlike Jenelle’s voyage to the Big Apple, Kail’s not there to prove that her legs are sweaty. Kail is actually there to meet up with someone about “working in TV” as a career.

When Kail finds out what someone starting out in the TV industry makes per year...
When Kail finds out what someone starting out in the TV industry makes per year…

Wait…isn’t that what she’s been doing for a job for like six years now? You have to give her credit, though. At least she realizes that there will be a point in her life where MTV is not paying her to let them film her birthing babies.

Kail is brought into a TV studio control room. (This has to be MTV studios, right?) Kail says she wants to do on-air hosting, and that she doesn’t really know what to do to get there once she graduates.

Shakirah is still working on that whole 'don't look at the camera' thing...
Shakirah is still working on that whole ‘don’t look at the camera’ thing…

Later, she goes to meet up with her uniquely-named pals Shakirah and JonPaul. They are kind of confused why Kail came up to New York to see what it’s like to work in the television industry, when she literally has a television crew following her around. Shakirah wants Kail to know that hips don’t lie it will be hard for Kail to have a career while being a mom and a wife to a guy in the military.

"I have a 170-lb. weight tied to my foot named Javi!"
“I have a 170-lb. weight tied to my foot named Javi!”

Kail’s friends quiz her about how things with Javi are going. Kail says that things between them are “rough” because she’s living her life while Javi is gone. Shakirah gives Kail some interesting life advice.

“If you’re not where you want to be in life, for real-wise, you’re not going to have anything important to him,” she tells her.

Wait…what now? Shakirah is like Miss Cleo of the new millennium.

Kail seems to know what the hell Shakirah was talking about, because she agrees that, married or not, she has to follow her dreams.

You guys see where this is going, right?

"Really? Not even a 'how are you, Kayla?' Geez!"
“Really? Not even a ‘how are you, Kayla?’ Geez!”

In West Virginia, Leah’s trying her best to figure out a witty way to respond to Miranda’s text. (We could be here all day, folks. You better “set” down.)

Leah says that thoughts of BackpackGate have consumed her, but she’s trying to remember what she learned in “treatment” about staying calm and not calling up your ex-husband’s new wife and screaming like a dingdang banshee at her. Leah says that pre-treatment, she would have texted Miranda a bunch of mean things and stated that, “Ali is not going to lie.”

Wait…what? Didn’t Leah herself literally call Ali a liar like two episodes? Leah needs to keep better notes in her Trapper Keeper phone.

"I'm consumed with thoughts, I tells ya!"
“I’m consumed with thoughts, I tells ya!”

Leah is still hoping that she can someday be friends with that bitch Miranda, but she doesn’t know how to handle it. She breaks down and cries, and Kayla forces herself to ask Leah why the hell she’s crying. Leah says it’s because she’s realized that she’s been knee-high in chaos her whole dang life.

“I grew up the wrong way and I didn’t know that,” Leah says. “You only know what you’re taught.”

Basically, Leah is starting to realize that her mama didn’t “learn” her to handle situations correctly, and that she gravitates toward drama over the smallest issues. We could have told her that in, like, Season 2. If only Leah had realized this sooner, she might have a few less ex-husbands right now. Maybe she is making progress, y’all!

The face we all made when we saw Nathan's new hairdo...
The face we all made when we saw Nathan’s new hairdo…

In South Carolina, Nathan is bowling with pals and has somehow managed to make himself look more douchey than ever before. He’s all suited up in a bright orange muscle tank and has his head shaved up into a tiny mini ponytail at the top of his head. It’s a haircut that has only been previously seen on TV on shows such as Cops.

As he bowls, the little ponytail flaps like a white trash flag waving in the breeze. It’s mildly amusing/horrifying.

"Like, I don't even know what to say about your hair, dude. You're embarrassing everyone who knows you."
“Like, I don’t even know what to say about your hair, dude. You’re embarrassing everyone who knows you.”

Nathan’s pals bring up the fact that Jenelle has been jetsetting all over the country and that Kaiser has not been accompanying her on all of her vacations. Nate says he has no clue where the hell his son is while his ex-soulmate is out traveling the country with her booooyfriend. For all he knows, Jenelle may have FedEx’d their son to Chelsea to have her watch him. After all, kids are a drag to bring on planes, dude, so there’s no way Jenelle would bring Kaiser with her.

“I have no clue what’s going on with my son,” Nate tells his friends.

There's so much "NO" in this photo...
There’s so much “NO” in this photo…

Nate’s girlfriend Jessica has pulled herself out of Hot Topic long enough to attend the bowling festivities. She gives an update on the assault charges she has filed on Jenelle. She does this while wearing a sweatshirt that she’s had embroidered to say “N&J Swole Mates.”

No, seriously. You can’t even make this crap up.

The swolemates state that they are going to continue to pursue the assault charges, even though Jenelle is trying to use Kaiser as a pawn in the fight.

"Hey guys, my mom says everyone has to be out of here by 4 so she can watch her stories!"
“Hey guys, my mom says everyone has to be out of here by 4 so she can watch her stories!”

Over in South Dakota, Adam is busy battling Nate for the title of biggest douche on this show. He’s all fired up because he has a lifting competition. For some reason, the competition is taking place in someone’s parent’s basement…or something. I’m pretty sure that they just found a basement full of old exercise equipment, set up some folding chairs and invited every meathead in South Dakota to come lift crap.

"These kids are hurting my street cred, yo!"
“These kids are hurting my street cred, yo!”

Adam has both Paislee and Aubree there to watch him lift stuff, but he seems bothered by the fact that his daughters are cheering loudly for him. Aubree is being completely adorable as she proudly cheers for her dad, but Adam seems embarrassed that he got stuck “babysitting” the kids during an important lifting competition.

After Adam is awarded first place (for being the meatiest meathead in all the land), Aubree decides to confront him about standing her up for her father/daughter dance. She asks him where the hell he was, and Adam tells her that he was busy “doing this.”

Um…do they make the meatheads all line up a day before the competition? Why would him lifting on Saturday have anything to do with him taking Aubree on Friday?

Even Aubree thinks Adam’s answer is lame. She tells him that all her friends had dads who actually showed up for them, and Adam promises that he’ll come eat with her at her school soon. She basically gives him a dirty look, probably knowing that if Adam ever were to show up, he’d start powerlifting teachers on the playground in an effort to show off his muscles.

You make about 500k a year, girl...fix your dingdang phone!
You make about 500k a year, girl…fix your dingdang phone!

In West Virginia, Leah is still trying to figure out what to say to that dern Miranda. It’s taken her a day to respond (most likely because she couldn’t see what she was writing due to the ding-dang glass on her phone’s screen being so splintered.)

After reading the text aloud, Leah sends it off to Miranda, letting her know that if her youngins tell her something, you better bet your britches she’s gonna listen to them. Leah actually handles the situation fairly well. (She doesn’t run over to Corey’s house and start throwing backpacks full of Sour Patch Kids at Miranda, so there’s that…)

When your son's ex-wife is crazy as hell...but that's none of your business...
When your son’s ex-wife is crazy as hell…but that’s none of your business…

Corey, meanwhile, is chatting with his dad about his ex-wife’s latest complaint. Corey says he has no clue what the hell Leah was even mad at. All he knows is that it had something to do with a backpack and a video, and that luckily, he didn’t have to set up his deer cam to make sure Leah and her kinfolk weren’t creepin’ over to their house late at night to attack Miranda or anything.

Corey seems surprised that Leah and Miranda were able to communicate like adults.

"How are we seriously still talking about that stupid backpack!"
“How are we seriously still talking about that stupid backpack!”

Corey states that he and Miranda want to eventually go to co-parenting counseling with Leah in hopes that it will help them communicate even better.

Meanwhile, Jenelle is continuing her quest for benzos, despite the fact that she is on death’s door. She and Lurch have collected Kaiser from whatever highchair he was stuck in while they were in NYC, and are heading to yet another emergency room.

"Ya watch all those walking deads! Whatya expect, Juh-nelle!"
“Ya watch all those walking deads! Whatya expect, Juh-nelle!”

Barbara hasn’t heard from her corpse of a daughta in a while, so she calls up Jenelle to see if she’s still alive. Jenelle tells her mom that she’s still in the hospital, but that she’s been having night terrors and bad dreams where Lurch dies. She also talks about a dream that she had in which Kaiser had to have brain surgery. (Maybe it was that ‘dye in the baby’s head’ procedure Leah was talking about a few seasons ago?)

Barb suggests that the bad dreams may not be caused by Jenelle’s assorted deadly illnesses. Instead, she thinks that Jenelle may just be watching too much “of that Walkin’ Dead movie!”

"It's seriously like no one even cares that I am moments from death!"
“It’s seriously like no one even cares that I am moments from death!”

Jenelle says that she did manage to get her claws on some anxiety meds, so Barb is now free to bring Jace over to her Castle Chaos whenever she wants.

“I thought ya were real sick?” Barb asks.

Jenelle confirms that she is, indeed, dying but she still wants to see Jace.

Once she’s home, Lurch leaps at the chance to go pick up Jenelle’s bounty of pills. Jenelle, meanwhile, reads online that the anxiety meds may cause addiction. She is worried because she was once addicted to the “purest form” of pain pills, heroin. Lurch doesn’t like to hear that his soulmate was once addicted to heroin.

“I’d rather you be a crackhead,” he tells her.

It’s nice to have goals….

Well, maybe if Lurch waits a season or two, he’ll get his wish?

"Kegels and crack, got it! Gotta keep my man happy, dude!"
“Kegels and crack, got it! Gotta keep my man happy, dude!”

In a slightly horrifying clip shown during the commercial break, Lurch explains to Jenelle what kegel exercises are. In case you are wondering what those are, they are things you can do to “strengthen your gooch,” according to Lurch.

The thought of Jenelle squeezing her um, ‘gooch’ is now permanently burned into my brain forever. Thanks, Lurch.

“That’s where you flex your cooter or your penis to stop your pee,” Lurch advises a confused Jenelle.

After Lurch finishes giving his hillbilly hard-on tips, it’s time to once again check in with Leah who, undoubtedly, knows all about flexing her cooter and whatnot.

"Come on now, all y'all kids!"
“Come on now, all y’all kids!”

She has her entire litter with her, but soon it’s time to drop the twins off with Corey. They talk about the stupid video again, and Corey states that he doesn’t see what the big deal is about the whole thing. He does, however, say that Leah is now in a better place than she was the previous season, when she was doozing off on baby’s heads and stuff.

"I just can't with the backpack story again, Leah. I can't...."
“I just can’t with the backpack story again, Leah. I can’t….”

Corey says that he filed the new court paperwork because he disagrees with the wording used in the order, not with Leah getting more time with the girls. They both agree to look into co-parenting counseling.

In Delaware, Kail is bringing Isaac to Jo’s house. They talk about how they can get along better. Jo says that he and Kail have managed not to fight for the time that Javi has been gone, and he’s hoping that once Javi reappears, things don’t go back to them screaming at each other like they’re in an episode of “Jerry Springer.”

"Eventually, they all come back to Rappin' JoJo!"
“Eventually, they all come back to Rappin’ JoJo!”

Kail admits that she and Javi aren’t doing all that great in their marriage, so she doesn’t know how he’ll react to finding out that Kail is getting along with Jo and Vee. She vows to get her relationship with Vee and Jo squared away, and then “deal with the rest” when Javi comes home.

You guys see where this is going now…right?

That face Jenelle makes seconds before the crazy starts to leak out of her...
That face Jenelle makes seconds before the crazy starts to leak out of her…

In North Carolina, Barb is dropping Jace off at Jenelle’s. As soon as Babs walks in, we can see that Jenelle is just waiting to start screaming at her. Barb compliments Kaiser’s new haircut (which is creepily cut in the exact same style as Lurch’s moptop.)

Barb tells Jenelle that she’ll need to pull it together and act like a mom for one day to cover for Babs while she goes to see Jenelle’s sister in New Jersey. Jace will be participating in a soapbox derby on March 5, and Jenelle will need to take him.

But…wouldn’t you know it!? That’s the day of Jenelle’s Spring Break trip! How can Barb expect Jenelle to go slum it at a Boy Scouts event when she could be funning and sunning with Lurch for Spring Break!? COME ON!

Jenelle screams at her mom to stop talking. (Anyone else agree that if we’d talk to our moms like that we’d have a backpack full of Sour Punch Kids hit us in the face? Just me? OK.)

"Oh, Juh-nelle, ya kill me!"
“Oh, Juh-nelle, ya kill me!”

Barb just laughs at her bitch of a daughta, knowing that it’s probably better that Jenelle doesn’t go to the Boy Scouts event because she’d just bring Lurch and he’d creep everyone there out.

Jenelle is angry that Barb is daring to go to New Jersey to help her sister. She claims that Barb is never there for her (except, you know, to raise her son and whatnot). Barb hasn’t even made a fuss about all of Jenelle’s medical issues! How dare her not take Jenelle’s sweaty limbs seriously!

Barb has seen her daughter jet-setting around the country over the past few months, with her ailments magically disappearing at the sign of a good vacation.

“Every day you’re at a hospital!” Barb finally screams. “You’re takin’ a plane heeeah or theeeeah!”

Barb reminds Jenelle that when she needed to go to the hospital, Jenelle (that “little bitch”) wouldn’t even take her.

"I need to be nurtured!"
“I need to be nourished, dude!”

Jenelle then busts out the big words she must have recently learned via her “Word of the Day” app on her phone. She yells that Barb wasn’t there to “nourish” her and give her love.

Oh, Jenelle…you were so, so close. I think the word we’re looking for her is “nurture.” Nurture. It was a nice attempt though.

With that, Babs can’t help but crack the hell up. Who can blame her? Jenelle is truly the gift that keeps on giving.

“You’re laughing? You’re sick, dude!” Jenelle screams.

Barb insists that she’s not sick. Well, that makes two of you then.

"Well one thing's for damn sure-- you're not getting Kevin! Er....Kaiser!"
“Well one thing’s for damn sure– you’re not getting Kevin! Er….Kaiser!”

Jenelle then starts singing her classic hit, “When I Get Jace Back,” stating that she’s taking her mom to court to fight for Jace and this time– she’s not on heroin or benzos or anything!

Ha! Take that, Babs!

The episode ends with Jenelle scream-crying and Lurch giving off that creepy, dead-behind-the-eyes stare that we’ve come to expect from him. Babs drives home like a freaking boss.

Next week, Chelsea and Cole get their wedding rings, and Leah gets her first glimpse of Jeremy’s new boo, Brooke.

To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous episode of ‘Teen Mom 2,’ click here!

(Photos: MTV)

 

 

 

 

 

110 Comments

  1. I had a giggle when Jenelle was telling Lurch about her acupuncture experience and cried “I just don’t like things poking me”…


  2. First thihs first, I have loved laughing at some of talks comments for a long time. This is my first comment, because after seeing how much weight she put on, I would bet everything I have, that she is either preggo, or on a methadone program. Methadone wil make a lot of people gain weight. And if she was on any opioids, the obgyn would have put her on methadone.


    1. Which one is Paisley? Is that Adam’s number 2? I thought her name was Taylor. IDK but I am glad I have sons. I can only brush my own hair, I have no skills at all. If Adam had Paisley/Taylor/whatever the heck her name is over night, he probably just sucks at fixing hair. That and he prob made no effort to try to learn.


    1. Mature? Like texting and driving, smoking with her kids in the car, letting her kids dump sweet n low packets in their mouths and eat tubs of icing? Yeah, mature all right.


  3. It is so obvious that either Kail does not care in the least about Javi or she she doesnt know how to show emotions.

    She needs counseling or she will never have a normal relationship with ANYONE including her sons.


    1. I think she was happy to have Javi leave, she quick jumped and got her entire body done. From her chin to her stomach and butt. She seems so cold and vain. Secretly I think she is still in love with Jo.


      1. You think she was happy to have Javi leave…..wow, thanks Captain Obvious. Did the fact that they are getting divorced give you the first clue?


  4. The doctor shopping that Janelle is doing is classic addict behavior. She is blacklisted probably on her Medical records so she is trying to find a doc that won’t see it or won’t care to get whatever she can get her hands on. She was pissed about acupuncture cause it wasn’t meds. I love your reviews of the show but I think the “oh hey Janelle” has taken it course.


    1. but babs literally says “oh hi Juh-nell” every time she sees jenelle! like every season every episode ever!


      1. Yeah..
        Its obvious that she is disgusted with her daughter.
        Shebis an ungrateful little snot. Telling her son she had to give him to Barbara because she didnt have a home. She gave Jace to Barbara because her boyfriend & using drugs was her top priority not her son. Just like when Barbara said that her & Nathan fighting is a bad environment, drop him & you can have your son back; but fighting with Nathan is more important.
        Now Barbara has to drive to over 30/45 minutes to drop Jace of & then again to pick him up & being yelled at & disrespected everytime she does it.


  5. So Kali has come up with a new one. “Let’s see. The show has covered mostly everything at this point- drug abuse, domestic violence, child abuse, porn movies, etc. What hasnt been done that I can do to put the attention back on me? I know! I will come out as a lesbian! Yeah that’s it!”


  6. I have nothing but genuine hate for Jenelle, plain and simple. She is not a mother, she is nothing but a baby chute on legs and heroin (don’t tell me she’s not because come on everything she’s done and been doing is drug seeking). The fact that she uses and manipulates those boys to suit her but yet had zero regard in terms of getting off drugs while pregnant, and the fact that she reminds me very much of my own “birth giver” that also put herself and whatever man first makes me want to slap her. But I digress, her treatment of the woman that saved HER son from foster care because he tested positive for drugs (admitted by her!) makes me want to trade mothers; Babs may have her faults but she has crawled through fire for this ungrateful selfish narcissistic slunt. An alleged neighbor claims that she miscarried from drugs and I’m sorry but that would be mercy for the poor unborn one. Rant over, I needed to get that out before I found myself wielding a mason jar (scumbags were bragging about getting away with it btw) People complain about Chelsea’s baby voice but I would rather that all day everyday over a psycho child abusing druggy.


  7. From ROL

    Jenelle Evans‘ boyfriend David Eason has been a father figure to her two sons, but he may have overstepped his boundaries. On the season finale of Teen Mom 2, Eason scolds his girlfriend’s sons.

    While in the car on their way to fish, Eason yelled at Jace, 6, for screaming.

    “Hey! No screaming Jace,” he fired. “You’re 6 year’s old. Do not scream like a little girl. It’s not funny or a joke to scream like that. It’s so aggravating.”

    When Kaiser, 1, began crying, Eason grabbed him and attempted to calm him down.

    “Son I wish you would quit screaming,” he said before telling a friend, “He just won’t never stop screaming unless you give him exactly what he wants all the time. He takes after his daddy, he’s a little screaming b***h.”


    1. Oh Christ on a bike

      Where the fuck are the cps
      Why ate the mtv crew standing back and doing fuck all
      This is child abuse


    2. Oh my God! Wasn’t he absolutely horrible to those boys!?! Even how he and Jenelld roughly tossed Kaiser and kept yelling at him was hard to watch.


      1. MTV had to stop filming and tell him it was not okay to say you beat children on international television. Adam was so thrilled it made him look better he created ‘Uncle bad touch’.
        This guy is just another perfect excuse in the making for Juhnelle why she didn’t get Jace back.
        She doesn’t want him back, actions speak louder than words.
        Juhnelle needs rehab, much therapy, medication and parenting classes before she is anywhere ready to really want Jace back.
        I don’t consider her anywhere mentally stable before she stops dating recently still addicted jailbirds.
        A guy that has been truly stable over 6 years… maybe. She needs a strong but loving man. Not an oppressor that makes her feel safe cause she is untreated unstable.


      2. Dave seems like he is chemically imbalanced. He seems like another opportunist (who is really surprised by that?), who tells Jenelle exactly what she wants to hear, so that he can stay on television. Jenelle needs to fear for her safety and the safety of her boys (but we all know she gives ZERO shits about that). The way that David speaks to her mother is terrifying. He has no respect for his “soul mates” mother, which should be a bright red blinking flag to Jenelle, but she takes it as he “loves” her, and he cannot stand to see her hurt by her mother. To me he looks like a ticking time bomb (you can see it in his soulless eyes), and one day he is going to beat Jenelle (or one of her kids) to a pulp. HE IS CRAZY!

        And did anyone notice the way Jenelle was trying to manipulate Jace? I honestly feel like Jace is afraid to say the wrong thing to her or David, so he just sits there and is like Meh Meh yells too much, just so that Jenelle won’t freak out on him. The amount of manipulation that comes from Jenelle to Jace is appalling. She’s too stupid to see that her ditching Jace to party was all documented on 16 and pregnant, and it wasn’t because Jenelle didn’t have a house to stay in.


    3. Watching those scenes made me realize how little Kaiser actually cries. That is a huge sign of neglect. Neglected babies learn at an early age that no one will care if they cry, so they learn to self-sooth.

      Lurch even got aggravated when Kaiser laughed. I don’t understand how anyone can find an adorable baby giggling aggravating.


        1. I also believe that screaming he does is because that’s ALL he ever hears. Nobody talks to him, he yells.


    4. Omg I can’t wait for Ashley to recap that episode. Ugh that entire scene made me sick the way he talks to the kids. He is sooo controlling. My heart breaks for Jace and Kai 🙁


  8. Wow…I didn’t think it could get worse than Nate, but ya know Juhnelle, Lurch is the pick of the litter (as in TRASH). Best moment of the episode was Babs laughing at the ‘nourish’ comment. Bravo to MTV for that scene. I can’t wait for the next recap!


    1. She will blame it on editing.
      If she wasnt so insane & trashy there would be nothing to edit.
      She probably did 1 thing like feed her son & got mad they didnt add that to the scene.

      Barbara said if you leave Nathan you can get Jace back, well she refused because Nathan was more important (how did that work out?)

      She moves every few months, why not move closer to Jace so he can stay in the same school? Yeah she puts her kids 1st


    2. I know it wasnt this episode, its the new 1 BUT….

      Lurch made a comment that Jace was just a “chunk of change to her” (Barbara)

      What is he talking about?
      I heard Jenelle doesnt give her mom ANYTHING for supporting Jace.
      She puts her mom down for working in Walmart, 1 time Barbara asks her to do something with Jace she says she cant, but you want your son back, she complains Barbara does nothing for her because she wanted to go see her other daughter. I guess she was obligated to raise your son so you can get high high high.


    3. Nathan is dumb and abusive….Dave is big, dumb and abusive. Who do you guys think has worst taste in men? Jenelle or Amber?


      1. Tough call, but I’m going with Jenelle. Although Matt is an extra-strength douche, Amber hasn’t had as many uhhhh…..(men?)….OH! okay, she hasn’t had as many “male suitors” as Jenelle. Another thing, I don’t think Amber would take very well to being physically assaulted. I’d guess that she would be doing the azz-kicking!


  9. Another excellent recap. There is no need to watch the actual episodes. This is much more entertaining. Why the hell does Janelle need to go on Spring Break? Spring break from what?? God bless Babs. I swear I would’ve have given Janelle a real reason to need medical help a loooongg time ago. The level of disrespect and delusion in this one is absurd. Lurch makes my flesh crawl. I can just imagine him lurking around, mouth breathing all heavy, making everyone in the vicinity uncomfortable.


    1. She had a gig at some Spring Break destination.
      Free holiday and pocket money in disguise but you could argue she had to work.
      People need to do something while pretending to be in disillusion only their latest run in with the law was the reason they were not accepted to a medical school.

      Thought the word ‘continue’ to work in the medical field was funny too.
      a. You don’t work
      b. Nobody wants to have you anywhere near their patients or their medication.


  10. I think its hilarious that MTV keeps showing Lincoln saying puta every episode. That downright makes me cry tears from laughing so much. That kid is cute.


    1. isn’t it hilarious?! and he always says it in that adorable high pitched baby voice…and Isaac just sits there and shakes his head. I love those 2, they’re so cute and funny


  11. one episode leah says, ali, why would u lie like that? next, it’s ‘ali would never lie’. just shut up leah. jenelle wants custody but she’d just be looking for babysitters all the time for jace as well as kai. it was so mean on last night’s preview though, nathan telling her she’d gained 30lbs, who’d want to be with her? um, and u look like you’ve aged ten years in one from all the steroids and your old ass, ass kissing gf looks like she got smacked in the face with a frying pan sooo. so sad to see how much aubree cares about adam after all the shit he’s done to her. and i love how he made it a big point to go to lunch and post it real quick lol


    1. sheesh! Nathan can be brutal!…I haven’t seen the preview yet, but from what’s been shown over the years hes such a jackass, and says some of the meanest and dumbest things ever documented on television….but hey, that’s what she signed up for! He showed abusive tendencies BEFORE she got pregnant! I just hope they didn’t produce a mini Nathan with Kaiser…hopefully the poor thing only inherited Nathans looks and nothing from Jenelle or Nathans personalities.


      1. yeah, he actually said, as if i’d want to be with you now, you’ve gained what, 30, 40 pounds? wtf!? there’s plenty of reasons not to want to be with jenelle, but that’s not one lol. after she had the baby, they were at a restaurant and i forget what jenelle ordered but nathan said, eat up ms. piggy, oink oink. he’s obsessed with looks, as evidenced more now by his new ‘swolemate’ and obvious use of steroids. not to mention, like adumb, he’s always at the gym, obsessed with working out every day. there’s worse things, but the roid use is disturbing. he already has brain damage that causes short temper and suspiciousness, steroids can only intensify those things. add a screaming toddler and missing his gym time, it’s as bad a recipe for disaster as jenelle in general is. just poor kai.


  12. Jenelle doesn’t want Jace back. If she did, she would be doing everything she possible could to be a real mother. She wouldn’t be ditching something that is important to him in order to go party on spring break. Instead, she wants to play the victim and act like Babs, not her own behavior, is the reason she doesn’t have custody of Jace.

    I love how one second she is telling Babs she has plans to party that she made 2 months in advanced that are more important to her than her son, then the next she is screaming at Babs for not caring about her bitch-of-a-daughter and her “medical problems”. So, I guess she is sick enough that Babs should be seriously concerned, but not too sick to party?


  13. Jenelle’s trip makes no sense. If you felt that crappy, why would you go on an out of state trip? The last thing I would want to do is spend money to travel. Just go to the doctor…but it makes if you think she’s trying to get drugs in a state where she’s not on the watch list.


  14. -First of all, I LOVED the way Aubree called out her dad. Aubree is only getting older, and Adam needs to realize that his behavior is only going to make her resent him. She’s picking up on his BS. Luckily for her, her mother grew a brain a few seasons ago, and realized that her and her daughter deserved so much more than a dead beat loser like Adam, and she was able to find Cole. Unless Adam gets his act together (which he wont) I don’t see Aubree having much of a relationship with him once she becomes a teenager/adult.

    -Jenelle is so entitled, diluted and stupid. Her priorities are allll jacked up (remember Ke$ha?). For someone who is ALWAYS wailing about never seeing their son, when she’s given an opportunity to, she chooses spring break over him. And she wonders why Babs won’t give her custody…Babs would be stuck watching him full time anyway. When Jenelle was screaming like a banshee at Babs, it was kind’ve like she was calling out her own awful parenting and projecting her feelings about her being a terrible mother onto Babs. Everything that she said, is how she treats Kaiser and Jace…Jenelle didn’t “nourish” either one of them…She chose partying over Jace, and leaves Kaiser, who isn’t even a toddler, in his crib all day or with whoever, to go partying all day….and Nathan does not care about Kaiser. If he really cared, he would seriously be looking into getting full custody of him. He would stop with all the talk and take action. It would not be hard. Jenelle is clearly an unfit parent.


    1. Come on, dude. Ke$ha is her idol, her life, the very essence of her being. She even wore feathers in her hair! One does not simply engage in hair-feathering. It takes serious dedication!


  15. Jesus god Leah looks rough! Would it kill her to brush her hair, or slap a liitle eyeliner on? She looks like death


  16. I loved this recap!! With that being said it is time for Nathan and his ponytail to step in and remove Kaiser from the situation. I have this horrible feeling that Lurch will seriously injure Kaiser and/or Jenelle. The girl is stupid and I think she has put herself in a very dangerous situation. Her mom is trying to get through to her and Jenelle just refuses to listen to her.


  17. Hey Ashley, we use to see Chelsea at her place of business all the time. But as of now she’s always at home. Does she still work or is she a stay at home mom? No judgement, just curious.


  18. Y’all need to get rid of boring Chelsea
    Her baby voice and constant tantrums from Aubree are no longer worthy on an mtv check
    Her only reason for bring on this show is her constant bitching about Adam, her father is like a bloody old woman banging on all over Twitter.

    Grow up and loose the belly randy
    And what’s with Chelseas face her nose looks huge and so do her teeth


    1. I know she’s so annoying
      And always bitching with her father about Adam

      Leah constantly bashes Corey in front of the ding dang girlies

      Slowly poisoning them against their father and Miranda!
      Insects like Leah, now I can’t stand her
      She’s a bare faced liar and a pill popping lazy bitch

      And don’t get me started on chinelle and uncle lurch

      Wtf goes on when there is no filming, truly scared for those kids safety and we’ll being

      Come on where are the CPS
      Oh right yeah they butt in when it’s to late


  19. I live for these recaps!!! You are freaking hilarious! You’ve got me saying Dear God (Leah) now at random times.

    And Nathan’s hair reminds me of the pinhead character, Pepper, in AHS, Asylum & Freakshow. Keep up the hilarious recapping!


  20. Thank you so much for your hilarious recaps! I cannot thank you enough for calling out all the BS on this show in such a funny way. Guilty pleasure until it’s canceled.

    Though I must say, Kaiser coming on the stairs at the end of the episode to comfort a crying Jenelle actually tugged at my heart strings. That poor boy.

    P.S. We should all have Jenelle’s classic hit, “when I get Jace back” on our playlists. Bravo!


  21. Jenelle is clearly dying from the bubonic plague. A man pushing a cart of bodies will be ringing his bell and yelling, “Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!” in her neighborhood very soon to collect hers.


    1. Bahahaha! If only that were true.
      It looks like Jenelle, Lurch and Tori stopped by to give you some thumbs down. I know Lurch patrols the comments on “Barbara’s” Instagram because he blocked me after I said something about him on there. So I wouldn’t be surprised if they did the same here.

      Hi, Lurch!


      1. It wouldn’t surprise me in the in the least haha. And if that is the case, I fart in their general direction.


      2. Haha, never in my life have I ever wanted to tweet Jenelle…but I had to let her know she was a Pretentious Brat. She blocked me… hahahaha…I think the big word scared her!


  22. 1- The term backpackgate is hilarious. Bravo Ashley!

    2- if I talked to my mom the way Jenelle talks to Babs I would be dead.

    3- Aubree confronting Adam about the dance and him literally not giving a flying **** was one of the saddest moments ever. I will never understand “parents” who claim they love their kids but are never there for them.


    1. Chelsea said it best, he’s a delusional narcissist. Even his parents acknowledged what he did to Aubree was messed up. He cares only about himself. He swears up and down he’s this great father, and MTV makes him look bad. It’s like NO. You stood up your daughter so you could lift weights…and clearly the dance was a big deal to Aubree since she confronted him about it. You can see she loves her POS father way more than he deserves. Plus it was clear as day he was lying when he said he would come eat lunch at her school. Chelsea should’ve taken Adam up on his offer on the 16 and pregnant episode and had him sign over his rights…he doesn’t use them anyway.


  23. A spring break trip? Really? She’s not in school, nor taking her school age kid, meaning that spring break is quite possibly the WORST time to take a trip. Everything is crowded and more expensive. Her whole life is one long break from responsibility, why the hell would you go on “spring break?” It is harsh, but I kind of hope she actually IS dying. The world would be a slightly better place without her.


    1. Spring “break”…doesn’t that imply you have something to take a break from?? Apparently not in Jenelle’s case!


  24. Babs raises her son, has bailed her out of jail, let her live with her numerous times, shown up in the middle of the night when she’s in a random fight, attempted to get her off drugs by having her sent to the hospital, oh and did I mention raised her child for years. She’s ridiculous with this you won’t give me my son back crap when countless times she has said on the show how she has all these things to do first before she can go for custody. Lurch is hands down the creepiest thing I have ever seen.


  25. I am dying laughing at the captions with the photos! I actually snorted at the Chelsea wiping her eyebrows off and the one of Jenelle below it! ? If I didn’t know this was a show I’d think some writer was on some crazy drugs and it’s hilarious!


  26. Leah would be so much better off if she could just bring herself to be mature enough to be honest about her problems. In the scene where she’s wondering what to text to Miranda, I kept thinking “Why doesn’t she just explain how she claims to be honestly feeling — that she was upset hearing Ali was hurt by the situation and honestly try to reflect that MAYBE that caused her to unfairly blame Miranda? Why doesn’t she admit to Miranda she feels upset reading her text because she always hoped they could maybe become friends some day? Yes, that would require her to admit fault and take responsibility in trying to resolve the problem, but people would be so much more receptive to her if she took that approach instead of always being the victim and exacerbating the problem by blaming others. Things would work out better and everyone would be happier!”

    Same with her pill addiction. If she just honestly admitted what she struggling with people would respect her so much more and be more willing to cooperate and sympathies with her. No one thinks bad of you because you became an addict; they think bad of you because you’re lying about it and endangering your children by refusing to take responsibility and come clean and get help. Just be honest!


    1. Please girl…she can’t even admit she has a live in boyfriend, and his kids, at that house, or at that barbecue. Which is why we only see a small portion of that house and yard.


  27. I can’t with Jenelle. She is absolutely delusional. We can laugh at her all we want but she seriously needs help. Her way of thinking is so messed up. It makes no sense at all. Not to mention, she lets every boyfriend put weird thoughts and conclusions that they pull out of their ass into her head.


    1. I know Jenelle was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she went to rehab, but (and this is just pure speculation based on my experience as a psychiatric nurse) I’m wondering if she was misdiagnosed and has borderline personality disorder. It’s common for people with BPD to be misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder and she meets a lot of the criteria. It would explain so many of her behaviors. Why she jumps from guy to guy and falls ‘in love’ with them so quickly, the manipulative behaviors she regularly uses (such as telling Nathan he can see Kaiser if he gets his girlfriend drops the assault charges), her inability to regulate her emotions, her disturbing thought process, etc.


  28. It’s funny now, but the sad thing is I know Jennelle’s gonna end up dead before 30 :/ that girl is so messed up. It’s sad because she sometimes seems to be improving but all it takes a new boyfriend to get her back on planet bananas.


  29. “I’m consumed with thoughts, I tells ya!” Love it! Seems like the season just started. I sure do love watching this trainwreck!


  30. Any one else notice Barbs sitting in the back seat of her car acting a little weird with they jacket. I can’t describe it but I got weird feelings from it both times I watched it.


    1. Yes! It made me uncomfortable watching her do that. It was weird lol she is getting real sassy lately lol Finally sticking up for herself.


  31. Bless babs for laughing. I would have knocked her square in her face for that. Then took jace and been like see ya in court.


      1. Kaiser needs to be removed from Jenelles care too

        Uncle Benzo is scary and I think Jace is terrified of him

        I fear for the safety of those kids, about Jenelles safety I couldn’t give a shit!!!
        She made her bed she should lye in it, the kids however didn’t ask for any of this, Nathan your a punk ass sperm donor,
        I also notice babs barely interacts with baby Kaiser.

        At least jace has a home, Kaiser has no one, that’s heart breaking


        1. I’ve thought the same thing so many times. We all know now that Nathan doesn’t give a shit about Kaiser’s well-being either….if he did, he would have fought for full custody, not every other weekend.
          I’m so sad for that little boy, it just breaks my heart.


          1. Id give that child the best home and he’d be loved and well cared for, poor little mite didn’t ask to be born, and to top it off he was born in to that horrible dysfunctional family and atmosphere
            I really feel for him bless his heart


  32. I loved the “See where this is going” on every Kailyn paragraph. Are you going to talk about her “Just Friends” kiss with GiGi over the weekend? But I’m sure it’s nothing,because I too open mouth kiss my lesbian friends and share it on snapchat shortly after announcing my divorce. Especially when half the TM2 fan base thinks I like taking dips in the lady pond


    1. Not Gigi, Becky is the “girlfriend”. Becky was dating Kim, also Kails friend, they both have been on the show and watching reruns I kinda wonder if Kail is messing around with both teams at once.


  33. “White trash flag” hahahaha perfect.

    Barbara is the best for keeping it real with jenelle. She definitely knows jenelle is drug seeking. She’s not worried because all of her symptoms were found on Google.

    Just going to say again that i can’t believe Chelsea gets paid for this.

    I laughed so hard when Leah’s friend refused to let her babysit. smart move


    1. When Babs told Jenelle she was watching too much walking dead, I LOST IT! I mean all of Jenelles symptoms DO equate to a walking zombie, so Babs was spot on with her diagnosis.


  34. OMG This article made me LMAO Jenelle is especially such a train wreck!!! Her new boyfriend Lurch!!! Nathan’s hair made me want to pull mine out!! LOL


    1. I like your screenname 🙂 Hell, I can’t blame anyone for WANTING benzos, but Jenelle sure as shit shouldn’t have them. I feel like we can see her next addiction coming in real time…. Those poor kids 🙁

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