‘Teenage Newlyweds’ Season 1 Episode 4 Recap: Baby Babble & Being Immature

"I cat baby..."
“I cat baby…”

It’s time to catch up with those crazy teens in love on FYI’s Teenage Newlyweds! On the last few episodes, we have seen them get married, go on honeymoons, and start living their lives together.

Let’s see what those teens are up to on this episode (other than humping like rabbits, of course…)

First, we check in with our Oregon couple, Joey and Emma.  As you may recall, they were in the process of trying to buy a house last episode. This is hard, of course, considering Joey’s main aspiration in life is to sell hay at the Feed ‘n’ Seed, and eat breakfast sandwiches by the dozen.

"Babies are expensive...and stuff..."
“Babies are expensive…and stuff…”

Since they are the only couple on the show that hasn’t discussed having kids, the producers make Emma and Joey go to a baby store and shop for gifts for his cousin so they can force them to talk about birthin’ babies in the near future.

Luckily for everyone involved, Joey realizes that he’s not ready to have a kid.

“If I remember right, it’s like 2 million dollars from birth until it’s time to kick them out to go to college,” Joey informs us.

Do you know how many bags of chicken feed Joey would have to haul to make $2 million?!

Emma says she wants kids eventually, but that they have a lot of goals they have to accomplish first.

"Do you think they have this in my size? Robots are AWESOME!"
“Do you think they have this in my size? Robots are AWESOME!”

“Kids are my goal,” Joey says.

Of course they are. The idea of hard work seems to scare Joey, so he’s banking on staying home with the litter while Emma works. However, due to his aversion to work, we can hardly picture Joey being the stellar stay-at-home dad, cleaning, cooking and tending to the kids.

We can picture it now: after dropping off the kids, Joey is sitting at home, eating Lunchables on the floor, and watching 12 hours of TV, occasionally screaming out, “You are NOT the father!” during particularly exciting episodes of Maury Povich. He would be in heaven.

"I think a child would be better raised by Muppets than Joey..."
“I think a child would be better raised by Muppets than Joey…”

Joey’s parents are not down at all for Joey and Emma having kids right now. They know their son is a man-child who can barely take care of himself.

Next, we swing over to California to see what Brenda and Travis are doing (and/or fighting about) this week. Of course, trouble is once again brewing for our non-agreeing newlyweds. Brenda’s period is late and she doesn’t know what to do (other than wrap up their cat and pretend that he’s a baby, of course).

"If only there were some sort of test I could take to find out if I'm pregnant!"
“If only there were some sort of test I could take to find out if I’m pregnant!”

Umm…maybe go buy a pregnancy test?

Of course, Brenda doesn’t do this because…well, then they’d have no plotline this week. Instead, she Skypes her sister to discuss what will happen if she is pregnant. Brenda says she’s not ready to have a baby, but Travis once told her that he would leave her if she got an abortion.

Kudos to the producers for this dramatic fade-out scene!
Kudos to the producers for this dramatic fade-out scene!

The scene ends with Brenda resting her head on her desk, staring longingly at the birth control pills she wishes she’d taken on time.

Brenda finally decides to tell her husband that she might be pregnant. Travis goes and gets her a pregnancy test…. on his skateboard. In general, I think that if you have to take your skateboard to the store to buy your wife a pregnancy test, you may not be ready to be a parent, no?

"Let's make babies NOW!"
“Let’s make babies NOW!”

Finally, we head to Utah to check in on our baby-making basement dwellers, Halie and George. Unlike the other couples, Halie and George are not pumping the brakes when it comes to having children. George tells us that he got married so young because he wants a family soon.

“If I had a kid right now, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world,” he says.

Halie is totally on board with shooting out a couple of kids ASAP. In fact, she says they want six kids.

When your teen bride gives you that "baby-making" look...
When your teen bride gives you that “baby-making” look…

“I just need to get to know you before you love a baby more than you love me,” George says.

While this is a sweet statement, it is kind of weird to think that George and Halie barely spent any time together before getting married, and now they’re trying to have a baby.

Meanwhile, Halie’s parents are ready for them to have lots of Mormon babies as soon as possible. To prepare themselves to have a litter of kids, Halie and George agree to watch their four-year-old nephew overnight.

“He’s more than a handful, he’s a couple of handfuls,” George says.

On behalf of the entire world, Joey, we ask you not to procreate right now...
On behalf of the entire world, Joey, we ask you not to procreate right now…

Back in Oregon, Joey uses some of his Feed ‘n’ Seed earnings to buy some cheap beers to drink while he and his friend talk about babies. Joey’s friend also got married young.

“I married young because my whole family married young and because I’m lonely. I like companionship,” he says.

Haven’t these people ever considered just getting a dog?

While Joey is talking to his friend, Emma is talking to hers. The topic of adoption comes up. Joey says he is down for adoption, but Emma is not.

“I have many friends who are adopted and they have sh**ty lives,” she says.


“There is a lot of emotion that is completely different than birthing your own child and I don’t think I could handle that emotion,” she says.

"The only positive thing about us having kids is that Emma will have to buy me-- I mean the kid-- toys."
“The only positive thing about us having kids is that Emma will have to buy me– I mean the kid– toys.”

Later Emma and Joey decide to talk about procreating with each other. While Emma is talking about practical stuff, Joey is playing with a hand puppet, as you do. Joey says he would be open to adoption, but Emma is completely against it. She says she would rather not have any kids than adopt.

Meanwhile, in Utah, George’s ne’er-do-well brother Adam arrives with the Problem Child. (To be fair, he actually looks like the kid from Problem Child a little…)

"Six kids? Hahaha, I'll fix that idea real quick..."
“Six kids? Hahaha, I’ll fix that idea real quick…”

“So, does he just like entertain himself?” George asks his brother. (Yeah, this guy is ready for six kids.)

Luckily, the house they are living in has a trampoline and swing set, so Halie and George take the little monster outside so he can play in the dark and tell them what to do.

“I think he just sucks all of the energy out of people and that’s why he’s so energetic,” George says.

They try to get the kid to go to bed but he’s being a wild. Halie gets nervous because he’s being rough with her teddy bear. That joke is just…too easy.

Finally, we head back to California to see if Brenda and Travis are soon going to have a problem child of their very own.

"Um...are you going to strap the baby to the back of your skateboard to get him around, bro?"
“Um…are you going to strap the baby to the back of your skateboard to get him around, bro?”

Travis skateboards back home with the pregnancy test and before Brenda can piss on it, the couple prays for…a steady stream? I don’t know.

While they’re waiting for the results, Brenda and Travis begin to argue about what they will do if the test is positive.

“I really don’t want you to have an abortion,” Travis says.

“If I have a child, I really don’t want it to be this time in my life,” Brenda says.

“Life doesn’t always go as you plan it,” Travis answers.

“Easy for you to say because you’re not the one who would have to give up so much,” Brenda replies. “I wouldn’t get to go to grad school. I probably wouldn’t be able to even finish college.”

"Babies love to ride on skateboards...don't they?"
“Babies love to ride on skateboards…don’t they?”

Here’s an idea guys: Why don’t you wait the three minutes until the results are in?

Instead they keep fighting. Travis asks if she would be willing to place the baby for adoption. She says no. What baby!? You don’t even know if she’s pregnant yet!

And that’s how it ends. We have to wait until next week to find out if Brenda is actually with child. While you’re waiting, be sure to check out our recap of last week’s episode of ‘Teenage Newlyweds’ by clicking here!

(Photos: FYI)



  1. Does anyone else think this show is just a bunch of kids who want to have sex so they got married to make it socially acceptable? It’s like sex and the city except with them exchanging rings instead of just going to dinner and grabbing cosmos.

  2. As someone who’s adopted, I find Emma’s comments very insulting. Im a new mom myself and the only difference between my relationship with my son and my mom’s relationship with me, is that my son looks like me, that’s it. There is still the same amount of love as any biological relationship. I’ve seen this anti-abortion sentiment before and it really confuses me. A person who is unable to care for a child gives the child to a couple who is, where’s the downside? It’s a literal win/win/win situation.

    Then again, there are wait lists upon wait lists of people who want to adopt and I doubt two uneducated teenagers would be anywhere near the top, so maybe Emma should hope to God she and Joey are fertile someday.

    Also, I totally wanted 4 kids before my son. Now, I’ll maybe have another one in a few years. No matter how many people told me, I didn’t believe it. Having a kid is hard, totally worth it, but hard!

    1. Right?! And on the “looking alike” bit, my mom and I are so disimilar that I’ve literally described her as “The least related to me another white woman could appear” and have people be able to find her from that description. (I had bigger feet than her by third grade and we have completely different coloring. Some of my second cousins from the other side of the family are assumed to be my siblings, though.) We have a running tally of adoptive families whose traits are more similar. So far my favorite is the random stub-thumb (functional, just…weird) her cousin shares with her daughter who was adopted from China. And who developed her mother’s hysterical early childhood habit of referring to adults who annoyed her by their first name once they were out of earshot (“Come on Helen, we would have made it back from the playground by dinner”) without having it ever mentioned to her.

    2. I almost threw up in my mouth when her uneducated-self uttered that statement about adoption. My son is adopted and while we are no better than his birthparents, we can offer him things that would have been a struggle for them. His life is far from “shi%^y”
      Hopefully she and Joey can start to look like they can even stand each other and maybe grow up a little before procreating.

  3. This show is absolutely miserable. I wish they had recruited couples who liked each other even a little bit-then I could root for them instead of just having this depressing feeling of impending doom.

    1. Its very rare couples that get married very young (especially after knowing each other only a few months prior) stay together for the long haul. Most people are different from when they are teens, to twenties, to their thirties – it takes a lot to grow together throughout those changes. Add stressors like no jobs (careers), kids, living with parents, etc & it would feel like impending doom for most young couples

      1. I think that’s Murphy’s point – why pick couples who have only known each other a few months, live with parents and have no careers? There are loads of couples who get married at 18/19 – younger than these guys – who have already been together a few years and have jobs and a place to live, even if they are crap jobs/homes. Those couples still have PLENTY of challenges, but at least they have a shot. The ones they have chosen seem to have no chance at all. George and Halie might as well have been on Married at First Sight.

      2. I myself got married at 22 so while it’s not exactly the same-I do know a lot of that growing stress, and now it has been 13 years. But the difference between me and them is I actually liked the person I married. These people don’t as much as smile once or twice at each other.

    2. Omg yes! They don’t even seem to like each other. What we need in another underage and engaged lol at least we got to know them pre wedding and could see why it was doomed lol

  4. I wanted 6 kids too when I got married at 18. Had my son at 20… He will be 13 this Christmas & I’m still completely contend with him being an only child 😉

  5. “I have many friends who are adopted and they have sh**ty lives,”

    Ehh… I think maybe their lives would have been a bit shittier had no one adopted them.

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