It’s time to catch back up with Kody Brown and his harem of unhappy wives! In this episode, the Brown clan is “Telling All!’
When we last left off on Sister Wives, the Brown family was wrapping up their Hawaiian Holiday from Hell, and 19-year-old Brown daughter Mykelti had just dropped a bomb on her mom, Christine. She announced that after dating some dude for about five months, she was planning to get hitched, and was surprised that her mother wasn’t thrilled with the idea.
Anyway, this week’s episode is the typical “Tell All” episode that ends each season. The Brown adults sit down on couches with a host and answer questions about the season. For this “Tell All,” the Browns will be sitting down with Erica Hill. (TLC must have given sassy Tamryn Hall a season off from having to deal with Kody…)
The first thing Erica wants to talk about is the birth of Robyn and Kody’s daughter, Areola…er…Aerospace er….”Baby Sister.” Of course, Kody takes over and starts talking about the birth. (Heaven forbid the woman who actually gave birth has something to say about it!) Robyn cringes as she watches the footage of herself in labor.
Kody is also in a mood (he must still be bitter that his family isn’t referring to him as “The General” like he had hoped) so he’s especially bitchy this episode. Seriously, he needs to pop a Midol.
Kody sits there stone faced as Christine explains how hard it is to be a plural wife who is giving birth to a baby in a hospital.
Erica asks Kody if Baby Nipple is going to be his last child.
“I’m old enough that I think it’s time for me to grow up and stop having children,” he says smugly.
Wait…what? You had to have 18 children before you came to this revelation?
Unfortunately, Robyn says she doesn’t know if they are done having children, and you know that whatever Sobbyn’ Robyn wants, Sobbyn’ Robyn gets.
Everyone talks about how “feisty” Robyn was this season. The three other wives seem to take great delight in the fact that Robyn finally stopped blindly following her husband’s idiotic orders and started calling Kody out on his crap like the rest of them do. It’s kind of like that scene in “Grease” when Sandy ditches the good-girl clothes for tight leather and starts smoking…only this is ‘Sister Wives’ so sub out ‘tight leather’ for ‘modest maternity wear’ and ‘smoking’ for ‘hating Kody.’
Meri, Janelle and Christine blame Robyn’s defiance of Kody on the pregnancy hormones but it’s quite obvious that Robyn’s behavior has changed because she’s now legally married to Kody and knows she isn’t getting kicked to the curb without him having to pay her some heavy-duty spousal and child support.
The other wives say it was “funny” and “cute” that Robyn was being bitchy to Kody, but Kody gets very mad about it. At first, it seems that he’s joking around, but it soon becomes quite obvious that he’s serious…and a dick.
“I don’t know why you guys think it was so funny that she was mouthy to me,” he says.
All of the other wives stop laughing and just sit there with odd looks on their faces. Meri looks like she wants to punch him. Janelle and Christine are kind of looking at each other, almost as if they are planning to head into the women’s restroom to mock the crap out of Kody when this interview is over.
Is it just us or is Kody being more domineering and awful this season than ever before?
Next, we talk about the (producer-enforced) friendship between Janelle and Meri. We found out this season that, although they have been sister wives for over 20 years, Meri and Janelle have always been about one snide comment away from tearing each other’s hair out. They went to therapy together this season and tried to do some bonding activities to help improve their relationship. (Who could forget Meri’s Little Shop of Thanksgiving Craft Horrors?)
Meri said that spray-painting coffee cans helped her relationship with Janelle, and that she now considers Janelle a friend. (Hey, they both can’t stand Kody, so there’s something that they have in common! Work from there, girls!)
Janelle says that Christine served as a go-between for the pair for many years.
“She really saved us I think,” Janelle says.
Kody, of course, quickly makes the conversation all about him.
“I have these wives, but the real love affair for me is with my beautiful children,” he says.
Um…no it’s not, bro. The show’s called ‘Sister Wives’ because people want to know what it’s like to be married to four unhappy broads, not how you split your time between King Solomon and Baby Nipple and…the Others.
Erica asks Kody if he is worried that his focus on the family leaves a lack of focus between him and the wives. (except Sobbyn’ Robyn). He keeps evading the question because the answer is so obviously ‘yes!’ All of the women looked miserable for most of this season. Even Robyn seemed to realize that life in Kody’s Kastle may not be all flash mobs and baby birthings.
We get a recap of all of Janelle and Meri’s adventures this season, but it’s pretty boring. Basically, Meri continues to boss Janelle around and Janelle continues to go with the flow because…well, she just doesn’t really care about these people.
“Meri immediately knows what she wants and Janelle doesn’t immediately know what she wants all of the time, she has to think about it,” Kody says.
Next, we talk about Maddie and Caleb’s wedding.
“Even though Janelle is the mother of the bride, we are all mothers of the bride,” Robyn declares, as Janelle gives her an awkward side-eye.
Next, we hear from the older Brown children. Maddie says everyone in the family is “baby hungry” and is pressuring her and Caleb to have a baby soon. What the heck? These people have a million kids; they don’t need another one! Let the girl enjoy her youth!
Speaking of marriage, Erica next talks to Mykelti. This season, Mykelti dropped out of college, moved away to St. George, Utah, got a job at a pawn shop, and got serious with some dude that no one really knows. Kody and Christine allowed Mykelti to avoid growing up for a while by getting her a job at the hawk shop, but they had figured that their daughter would eventually return to Las Vegas and go back to school. Mykelti has instead decided to get hitched.
It seems like everyone in the family knows this is a bad idea, but everyone kind of wants to watch it play out for entertainment purposed. Anyone else think that Mykelti is kind of the Jan Brady of the Brown family?
After that, everyone makes Logan feel all uncomfortable by asking him why he hasn’t married his girlfriend Michelle already. Logan and Michelle are obviously uncomfortable, and Logan finally admits that he does plan to propose but he wants it to be a surprise for Michelle so…geeeesh.
After talking to the older Brown kids, Erica talks to the middle Brown children. They say they think Baby Sister should be the last of the Brown clan because they’re sick of babies. These kids are smart!
Erica asks each of the kids if they have thought about plural marriage. They pretty much all say they don’t know because, well, they are only 12. Dayton says he doesn’t plan to get married young at all.
“I’ve got plans. There’s a world to see out there,” he says.
Finally, one of them is making some sense! Aurora says she definitely wants to have a litter of kids of her own someday.
We then go back to Christine, who is sitting on the couch solo so that she can talk crap on Mykelti’s plan to get married. Christine is understandably worried that Mykelti is too young to marry some guy she barely knows. She’s upset that she doesn’t know the family of Mykelti’s beau, and that they got so serious so fast.
Erica brings up the fact that everyone was ecstatic when Maddie rushed into an engagement with Caleb, but that they didn’t have the same reaction for Mykelti. Christine says it’s because they’ve known Caleb for a while and know how stable he is. (Hell, it seemed like even Kody wanted to marry Caleb!)
Next, we rehash the tired old catfish story we’ve heard a million times. Oh my God, we get it. Quit beating on that damn catfish, guys! We all know that Meri was down to leave the Kod man and clan until she found out that her online man toy was actually a creepy woman who was catfishing her. Of course, Meri will not admit to this. Instead, she blames the incident on her being vulnerable due to her legal divorce from Kody, etc.
“It was just a lot of stuff that created the perfect storm,” she tells us.
Christine said she thought with Mariah moving away, Meri would be “looking for something new to do.”
Well…she kind of was, but it’s more like someone new to do…
Kody says the worst part of the whole catfishing saga was the reaction the family got from people on social media. Really? That was the worst part of your wife getting caught trying to book it from your family to bone some other dude?
“People would make assumptions about our family about things they didn’t understand. But, that’s alright. We got haters,” he says.
And then he flips off the camera. Kody is just so dern punk rock, guys!
“They came in and they messed with our marriage,” Kody says. “I think this catfish was a hater that came in with motivation to somehow get a wedge in where we were already weak.”
Erica talks to Meri about her relationship with the catfish. She brings up the fact that Meri said she loved the catfish in some of their exchanges. As per usual, Meri tries to downplay the seriousness of their relationship.
“I cared about who I thought she was portraying him to be because I have a trusting heart and a loving heart,” she said.
Girl, you got played. Come.On.
Erica asks Meri if she ever felt like she was betraying Kody.
“I didn’t know what was going on and what was going to happen and I actually even told this person, I’m not crossing any lines,” she says. “That’s not me and I will not do that. So, the feelings that I had were confusing.”
Kody is busy serial-killer-staring at Meri during this whole exchange. However, he says that he doesn’t feel betrayed by Meri because he believes she was just having a friendship. (He also doesn’t feel betrayed because, well, he couldn’t care less what the hell Meri does.)
“All it is is talking,” he says of Meri’s relationship with the catfish.
Robyn says that she was getting messages from people online insinuating that Meri was having an affair with this dude and she was worried about it. Erica asks Meri if she ever wanted out of the family or the marriage and Meri says at the beginning of her friendship with the catfish she “didn’t know what she wanted.”
She said she eventually, though, it didn’t matter “how crappy” her and Kody were, she wanted to be there for the TLC paychecks kids. Kody and Meri say they are in a better place now. Each of them even plasters on a really hideously fake smile to prove it!
Erica asks Meri about voicemails the catfish released where she is saying she loves him and stuff and Meri basically irks all responsibility for it by saying she was “pressured” into it. Apparently, the Big Bad Catfish and her imaginary crew “forced” Meri to tell the fake man that she was in love with him on the regular or he’d go blab crap about her on social media. She also claims that the catfish “spliced” recordings together to make her look bad.
This is getting ridiculous guys. Do better with your lies.
Next, Mariah comes on to talk about how anyone with half a brain could have seen that Meri’s Twitter romance was faker than Kody’s hair extensions. She tells us that she warned Meri not to talk to this man/woman/thing but Meri didn’t listen so now she must pay! Mariah vows to keep being a bratty snot to her mother until she’s ready to repair their relationship. Ugh, this girl…
The Brown family wraps it up by saying they have pretty much gotten through the catfish episode and that they are ready to move on from it as a family. We’ll believe that when they come back next season and don’t mention it!
That’s it for this season of ‘Sister Wives!’ Until next season….
To catch up on what happened this season, click here!