It’s time to catch back up with the stars of Teenage Newlyweds… and it looks like the honeymoon is over for all of our couples!
We start things off in Oregon, where Emma is working like a dog and Joey is lying around and scratching himself like one. Emma works full-time delivering pizza in the evenings and goes to school full-time during the day. She also does the majority of the house work. Meanwhile, Joey clocks 40 hours per week at the Feed ‘n’ Seed and uses the rest of his time to lounge.
“When I was living with my parents, I never had to do a whole lot of housework,” Joey says.
Well, guess what, Joe? You’re not living with your parents anymore, and it doesn’t seem like you can afford a maid on your Feed ‘n’ Seed salary!
Emma is stressed out because she has very little free time, and what little time she has, she has to clean up after her always napping husband. Emma asks Joey to do his share of the housework, but he has more important things to do. Hey— those video games aren’t gonna play themselves!
Every time Emma asks Joey to do a chore, he seems to lose his ability to hear. He pretends he didn’t hear his wife’s requests because well…Mario Bros…
He’s barely willing to move his big ol’ hooves out of the way while playing video games so his wife can sweep underneath them.
Even Joey’s parents see what a bum he’s being. They know that he doesn’t even clean up after himself right now, let alone do his share of the household chores.
Meanwhile in California, Brenda and Travis are back to doing what they do best: arguing. Brenda tells us that she hates having to tell people that she’s married, because of how she’s judged.
The couple goes out to eat with Brenda’s sister, and she asks them if they tell people that they are married.
“Most people think it’s really awesome,” Travis says, while Brenda’s sis gives him a classic “Ok, Jan…” look.
Marriage is so ‘awesome,’ in fact, that Brenda says she frequently removes her wedding ring when she’s at school so people don’t know she’s married. It’s all very healthy, of course…
Brenda’s sis is full of producer-requested questions during the lunch. She brings up the couple’s “pregnancy scare,” and manages to get them talking about one of the topics they argue the most about: abortion. Travis is very anti-abortion, while Brenda is very pro-choice. While it makes for great TV, it isn’t all that great for a healthy marriage to have such fundamental differences of opinion.
Brenda’s sister suggests they go to counseling. This is, of course, a fantastic idea. In fact, they should take the rest of the couples on this show with them! They all need marital counseling.
Finally we head to Utah to check in on Halie and George. He’s bummed out that he spent all of his money on a trip to Hawaii, but his wife is still sad and misses her family. He feels like he “isn’t enough.” Halie needs to go live with ol’ Joey for a week to really appreciate how great she has it with George!
Luckily, Halie’s parents, sisters, aunts and uncles are coming into town. George doesn’t seem too thrilled with this.
Soon, Halie’s parents and George’s parents arrive at the couple’s basement abode. George’s dad, rocking his fedora, is talking about how happy he is that George has his own place.
“I love it. We can walk around naked!” he yells.
He’s quickly becoming my favorite character on this show.
Halie’s mom is again discussing how much she misses her daughter, and how sad she is that Halie moved away. This is sweet, of course, but it kind of makes Halie feel even worse about leaving home and getting married.
In California, Brenda and Travis are taking her sister’s advice and going to talk to the counselor. The first thing they talk about is the abortion issue. The counselor says she is “so surprised” that they got married even though they disagree on such a fundamental issue.
Travis says that the fact that Brenda even considered having an abortion when they had their pregnancy scare made him question if she’s even the girl for him.
“That is the kind of emotional issue that almost ensures that people don’t get together,” she says.
The counselor is trying to figure out why the hell Brenda and Travis got married. She splits them up and talks to them individually about the issue. They are still completely at odds.
Meanwhile, Emma’s mom comes over to talk to her daughter about the dead weight that is Joey. Emma tells her mom that she’s tired of having to nag Joey to do anything, and she is feeling more like his mother than his wife. She’s also tired of Joey calling her while she’s at work and asking her to bring him a pizza, even if it’s during the dinner rush. (Um…hasn’t this dude ever heard of Totino’s Pizza Rolls? Come on, bro!)
“He wants a flippin’ award every time he folds laundry,” Emma tells her mom, who is just sitting there quietly listening (and most likely trying her best not to scream, ‘THAT’S WHY YOU DON’T MARRY A 19-YEAR-OLD!’)
Emma’s mom reveals that, before she married Emma’s dad, she got married at a very young age to another guy, and that her first marriage made her suicidal. She relates to Emma’s situation, because her first husband was apparently a great big ol’ lump of uselessness like Joey is.
Emma’s dad comes over, and Emma tells her parents that she’s unhappy, anxious and depressed.
Emma’s dad gives her some super-creepy advice on how to get Joey to do chores.
“Just tell him that cleaning house is foreplay,” he says.
Eww…the word ‘foreplay’ should never be spoken to your child.
Back in Utah, all of the Mormons are gathering. George is walking around like a sad sack because Halie is having fun with her family.
“I am feeling like you’re happier with your family around,” he tells her later. “Part of me feels like I’m not doing enough to make her happy. That is just kind of hurting me.”
What does he expect? He moved his child bride away from her parents for the first time, just months after she graduated high school!
Georgie is still sulking because he isn’t the center of Halie’s universe. They’re all sitting down eating and Halie’s mom tells George and Halie that they’ll have to move closer to her when they start having kids. This does not go over too well with George.
“Kristy! We want to be close to both our families, but we have to keep all of our options open,” he smacks back at Halie’s mom, who looks like she’s about to cry.
On the way home, Halie tells George that now her family thinks he’s the “sassiest person ever.”
Sassy George says he feels “second rate” when Halie’s family is around, and says that Halie acts like she would rather be with them than him.
“It’s a scary feeling, like I brought you out here and I’m not going to be enough,” he says.
In Oregon, Joey comes home to find Emma and her parents waiting for him. Her parents decide to speak for her and tell him that Emma is overwhelmed. Joey responds by joking and telling his mother-in-law that her daughter is a “naggy nagster.” Emma’s mother looks like she wants to beat her son-in-law over the head with a Dustbuster.
Emma’s parents suggest counseling for the couple, but Joey just gets up and leaves because he feels like going to counseling might be too much work.
“It just doesn’t seem like something fun to do,” he says.
Emma says this makes her not want to buy a house with him anymore. Um…ya think?! Emma’s parents probably went home to start preparing Emma’s old room for her to move back into.
On the season finale, Emma is trying to get Joey to go to counseling, Halie is still crying about missing her parents, and Brenda and Travis are still arguing over an abortion that Brenda never even had.
To read our recap of the previous episode of ‘Teenage Newlyweds,’ click here!