For years, The Ashley has been begging the MTV bigwigs to forget about filming the Teen Mom girls. (I mean, how many times can one watch Farrah Abraham ugly-cry in a lifetime?) The Ashley has always felt that MTV was wasting its time filming the lives of the girls, because Tyler Baltierra‘s dad, Butch (and his epic salt-n-pepper-colored mullet…RIP) has always been the true star of the show!
After years and years of focusing on Amber‘s couch-surfing and Maci‘s “accidental” pregnancies, MTV has finally come around and turned the cameras away from the girls and onto Butch!
“Being Butch” was something The Ashley had to eventually recap. After all, it was basically her idea, right?! Let’s get started…
Our look into the World ‘o’ Butch begins in a way that The Ashley could only have dreamed it would…with Butch doing the classic ‘Teen Mom’ voice-over that the girls do at the beginning of each episode. Next, we are treated to a few flashbacks sequences that help us remember some classic Butch moments– such as when he got sincerely offended years ago when someone called him a “juicehead.” He stated that he’d much rather do cocaine than drink beers any day of the week!
Butch stumbles over the producer-supplied voice-over script (he’s still waiting for his last VHS tape to arrive to complete his “Hooked on Phonics” set, apparently), but the script is just perfect. He talks about how he and Catelynn didn’t always get along, and how he was against Tyler and Catelynn’s decision to place their first daughter for adoption.
“I didn’t like it one damn bit!” Butch tells us in the voice-over as clips from 16 and Pregnant play.
We watch a past clip of Butch having his mullet cut off (a scene that still brings a tear to The Ashley’s eye), and him attending Tyler and Catelynn’s wedding.
Now that we’re caught up, let’s see what everyone’s favorite ex-con is up to these days!
Apparently, Butch is all business now. He’s working on starting a fencing business, and is very proud of himself, as he should.
Who would have ever thought we’d see the day where Butch was the only person employed in his family!?
Butch has even got himself a new boo! We get to meet Nadine, whom Butch calls the love of his life! (Somewhere in Michigan, April is swearing in the middle of a cloud of Virginia Slim smoke, cussing out her ex-husband and/or on the phone with a ‘Teen Mom’ producer, trying to make “Being April” happen. Please, Dear God… let “Being April” happen…although something tells me that it would have been way more interesting had it been filmed circa 2012.)
Anyway, all in all, life is pretty good for a sober Butch.
“It’s a bumpy road…but this ol’ engine keeps on truckin’!” Butch exclaims in a voice-over. “Because that’s what it’s like…Being Butch!”
In the next scene, Butch and Tyler are working one of Tyler’s many Teen-Mom-cashmobiles and they refuse to turn off the motor so that the audience following along at home can actually hear whatever quotes of wisdom are spewing from Butch’s mouth.
Butch starts grumbling about being from Detroit, and says that’s how he does it in..the Eight Mile…or something. I’m pretty sure he just immediately launched into the part in that Eminem “Lose Yourself” song where they talk about throwing up mom’s spaghetti. Meanwhile, Tyler is just standing there with his mouth opened in awkward ways.
We head over to Cate and Ty’s house, where Butch has been staying since he was sprung from the clink. Speaking of prison, Butch regales us with the tales of what kind of cuisine he had been eating while locked up. Apparently, you don’t get to eat shrimp and lobster in prison like you do at Cate and Ty’s house. (To be fair, their combined ‘Teen Mom’ incomes are probably more than is allotted by the state for an entire prison full of convicts, though.)
Just then, there’s a rap at the door and– it’s Barbara Evans from Teen Mom 2! (Just kidding but…can you imagine!?) It’s not Barb, but Matt, Butch’s friend.
Butch says that he and Matt have been friends since he was just a young street urchins with only one-page rap sheet!
Anyway, Butch has just put a spread of freshly cooked breakfast meats on the table, so Matt grabs himself a Chinet and starts piling the bacon onto his plate faster than you can say “quadruple bypass.”
Tyler and Cate help themselves to the processed meat treats as well, and Cate decides to bring up a fun topic to discuss over the breakfast table: who (or what) Butch was boinking while he was in prison.
“So did your girlfriends in prison have beards?” she asks Butch, laughing at how clever her joke is. Butch, however, is not amused by Cate’s insinuation that he played, “drop the soap” while locked up. He informs his daughter-in-law how things work in prison.
“If you let your pole get climbed, you’re gonna end up climbin’ one!” Butch says. “They ain’t climbin’ my pole!”
Seriously….WTF are we watching!?
Also…I freaking love this show already.
Butch switches the conversation over to his actual girlfriend, Nadine, who, as far as we can tell is beardless and is probably allowed to climb Butch’s pole. Butch admits that his love for Nadine is “very strong and intense,” and it’s different because he’s never felt anything like that before. In fact, he hasn’t felt much of anything since, say, Reagan was in office, due to him being on drugs all those years. These days, Butch is all about “hugs not drugs” which is actually incredibly refreshing to see.
Butch and Matt talk about Butch’s dad Willie (whom you can learn all about in The Ashley’s 2013 book, Teen Mom Confidential, by the way). Apparently ol’ Willie was the Barbara Evans of yesteryear, yelling at a young Butch and his street youth pals to quit “smoking dope and getting high” and running the streets.
Butch next states that he was never addicted to crack cocaine, a statement that both Tyler and Catelynn dispute.
“I enjoyed doing it because I liked that rush, but I was never addicted,” Butch says of crack.
Tyler reminds Daddy Dearest that, while Butch may not think he was ‘addicted’ to crack, he did once tell his son that he liked crack more than he liked Tyler. (I mean…who doesn’t though, right?)
“I was emotionally, spiritually bankrupt!” Butch says. Tyler tells him that’s the definition of addiction.
Butch has been clean for seven months, and the gang all tells him how proud they are of him for finally getting his act together. Tyler, however, makes sure Butch knows that he hasn’t forgotten all of the hurt Butch caused him over the years.
The next scene takes place at Butch’s new office– and we see that the office isn’t even on wheels! (Raise your hand if you expected Butch’s ‘office’ to be that weird camper he was living in for awhile during ‘Teen Mom OG?’)
Tyler meets some of Butch’s new co-workers, and Butch proudly hangs up a family portrait in his office. We then find out that Butch basically called his business partner, Matt (not the breakfast-food-eating Matt, another dude), as soon as he got sprung from prison.
Since Matt’s wife is apparently a fan of ‘Teen Mom,’ Matt knew all about Butch, but was impressed when he saw that Butch had turned his life around. Matt decided to call up Butch and together they started forming a business.
Unfortunately, though, Butch did not call his new fencing company “Butch Inc.” This disappoints The Ashley just a little, not gonna lie…
Later, we head over to Nadine’s house. In his voice-over, Butch calls Nadine “his girl” (awww) and says that they’ve known each other for a long time, but got together after Butch got out of prison, thanks to Facebook. I’m sure Mark Zuckerberg is just thrilled that he played a part in getting these two crazy kids together!
Butch tells Nadine that he’d like to come spend a few nights with her, and Nadine just shuts that idea right down. She feels that it would not be OK with the Baby Jesus for Butch to start shackin’ up at Nadine’s place.
“We can’t live in sin!” she tells him. Butch lets out a hearty chuckle.
‘Teen Mom’ Producer Kiki suggests that Nadine and Butch get married, so that way they are free to shag in holy matrimony (and free to make a ‘Butch & Nadine: A Teen Mom Wedding Special’, of course!) While Butch would like to have the ‘security’ of marriage, Nadine ain’t having it. She says she’s not ready to get hitched to Butch, but she’s happy to hear that Tyler really likes her.
Somehow, the conversation switches to a random four-day cocaine binge Butch had before he was “locked up.” There’s no reason for the topic to be brought up, and there’s really no transition to the conversation. It just happens…
Butch brings up the conversation he recently had with Tyler regarding the text he once sent him about loving coke more than he loved his kids. Nadine suggests that maybe Butch should go to [MTV-paid-for] counseling with Tyler to try work out some of their issues.
Nadine tells Butch that he screwed his son up plenty, and it’s Butch’s responsibility to try to fix the damage he’s caused.
Um…can Nadine replace Dr. Drew as the host of the ‘Teen Mom’ reunion shows? She makes more sense than Ol’ Pinsky has in years. We can even get her a weird T-shirt/blazer combo to wear for the occasion.
The next day, Butch tells Cate and Ty that he wants to head down to the jeweler to see about getting his girl a ring. There’s a lot that Butch likes about Nadine, such as “she don’t take no s**t.” (Hallmark really needs to come up with a “Thanks for not taking no s**t” card. They’d make a fortune with the post-prison crowd!)
“We also have great sex,” Butch adds. (I guess it’s OK to have sex in sin, but not live in sin? Bibles are confusing…and stuff…)
Tyler gets really weird during this conversation, telling Butch that sex is the most important thing in the relationship and that if a girl “doesn’t lay the smack down pretty damn good” he’s not interested in her.
Um…does this mean that Cate’s a freak in the sheets? Also…does this mean that we now have to picture Cate being a freak in the sheets? I’m getting the same awkward feeling from this conversation that I got when I had to watch Tyler drool over the 50-year-old stripper at his bachelor party a few seasons back.
Butch is just chillin’, having some Coke (Coca- not crack-) and tells the kids that he’d marry Nadine right now if she’d agree. Tyler reminds Butch that he has a history of “acting on impulse” so he encourages Butch to pump the brakes on the marriage proposal. Still, Tyler goes with Butch to look at rings.
Butch seems overwhelmed when he walks in the store. This is probably the first jewelry store he’s been to in the last 25 years that he didn’t walk into wearing a ski mask so…it’s understandable. (I’m kidding…well, kind of…)
Butch tells the clerk that he wants to get something nice for his girl, such as a promise ring. Tyler thinks it’s ridiculous for a 50-year-old to give his girlfriend a promise ring, but the clerk is just like, “Hey, if MTV’s payin’ get the lady a big rock!”
Butch says that he once bought Tyler’s mom an opal ring…at the Walmart. (Seriously does everyone on this damn show buy at least one engagement ring at Walmart? He and Gary Shirley can high-five over their shared experience next time they see each other.)
The saleslady is pulling out these huge rings with enormous diamonds (hey, she’s getting her commission today, y’all!) She’s telling Butch all these details about the rings, but all he keeps talking about is how shiny “like shooting stars” they are. It’s actually really cute that Butch really cares about Nadine and wants to make her happy.
The ring the lady shows Butch is nearly $23,000.
“When I see a woman in the store with a ring like this, I think, ‘Your husband must looove you,'” Butch says.
Tyler takes the opportunity to brag about how big of a diamond he got his wife, Catelynn. Well, whatdya expect? She’s ‘laying the smack down real good’ for ya, Ty! You at least owe her a big diamond for putting up with your ego…not to mention the weird, sideways-hat-wearing years…. #NeverForget
This saleslady is really going for it. She tells Butch that if he doesn’t get Nadine a big ring, some other dude is going to notice her ringless finger and steal her away from him.
However, Butch is a businessman now. He needs to watch his money (unless they have some sort of “businessman special,” of course) so has to wait a while before getting a big rock. You can just see the disappointment in the saleslady’s face. She totally thought she was getting that big ol’ commission check tonight.
Next, we get another epic voice-over.
“I’m 53 years old, and I lost a lot of time being locked up,” Butch tells us. “Sometimes I feel a lot of pressure to do everything right now.”
Um…can MTV put these voice-overs on some sort of CD and sell them? The Ashley would like to fall asleep to them every night. Thanks.
Later, Butch and Tyler talk about how much Butch has changed, and how he is no longer the douche-snarl he was on ‘Teen Mom’ for years. In fact, the new-and-improved Butch actually has a lot of fans, something the producer makes sure to let Butch know. This makes Butch very happy.
“I’ve got a team behind me, man!” he says gleefully.
After some adorable father/son bonding time, Butch babysits Nova so Tyler and Cate can go on a McDate. Butch is excited to spend time with his grandbaby, and it’s cute to watch him interact with Nova.
It’s time for Butch and Tyler to go to therapy together. They go to the same lady who counsels Tyler and Catelynn, and they talk about the infamous “cocaine text.” Butch doesn’t want to talk about the “bad ol’ days” but the counselor tells him that he has to face what he’s done.
“That dude’s gone, man!” Butch says. “I don’t ever want to go back there again.”
In an effort to get Butch crying, Producer Kiki says that she “just happens” to have the old ‘Teen Mom’ scene in which Tyler talks about how sad his dad makes him ready to play on her phone. She forces Butch to watch it, and he starts bawling. In the end, everyone is crying, and Butch realizes just how much harm he has done to his son. He apologizes to Tyler and vows to continue to strive to be a better man.
After that tear-jerking scene, it’s time to lighten things up a bit. Butch is taking Nadine out for a night on the town. They go to a waterfront restaurant and Butch has even busted out his sport coat for the occasion.
Butch has just discovered the excitement of an MTV-paid-for date. He realizes that, since he’s not paying for the meal with his penny rolls, he can get as much food as he wants. He orders a patty melt, a salad and a bowl of soup, and then tells the waiter to come back in a few minutes so he can “come holla at ya about that steak burger!” You go, Butch! Pump every alloted cent out of that per diem meal!
Butch tells Nadine that he’s no fool– he’s ordering extra food so that he can take it home and eat it later. This free food ain’t gonna last forever, y’all! Get it while ya can, Butch!
Butch and Nadine discuss marriage, and Butch says he has some goals he needs to accomplish before he can propose, like getting off parole and buying property.
Butch then presents his girlfriend with a gift. He gives her a box and Nadine looks scared because she thinks it’s an engagement ring, but it’s actually a beautiful key necklace.
“That’s the key to my heart, right there!” he tells her.
It’s an adorable scene as Butch tells Nadine that he loves her.
“I love you Butchy,” she tells him.
So do we, Butch, so do we!
Butch ends his special with a promise to us all.
“It ain’t no overnight thing, but from here on out, you ain’t gonna see nuthin’ but good comin’ from Butch!”
Can we just skip ‘Teen Mom OG’ and continue with “Being Butch?” Write letters, guys! Let’s make this happen!
To read The Ashley’s other ‘Teen Mom’ recaps, click here!