‘Teen Mom OG’ Season 6 Episode 5 Recap: A Prison Pal & Petty Fights in Paradise

Farrah, showing off her "Aloha" spirit....
Farrah, showing off her “Aloha” spirit….

This season of Teen Mom OG is just flying by and The Ashley is trying desperately to stay stationary (Amber-style) long enough to recap this crap as it comes. She is failing miserably at everything she attempts, though (Matt-style), hence the lack of recaps.

Anyway, this week’s ‘Teen Mom OG’ is a Very.Special.Episode. Not because Maci is pregnant or Farrah is treating everyone like the business end of her butt plug; that happens every episode. This is a Special Episode because we will get to meet someone very important from Amber‘s past- her former prison bunkie! Not even The Ashley could dream up such a wonderful plot line. She thanks the Reality TV Gods for sending her this Lil’ Bit ‘o’ Heaven! This episode may replace the one that Gary dresses up as the Over-Eating Easter Bunny as The Ashley’s favorite ‘Teen Mom’ episode ever!

"I better get to go to Hawaii after putting up with Farrah's crap for this long and keeping her from murdering someone!"
“I better get to go to Hawaii after putting up with Farrah’s crap for this long and keeping her from murdering someone!”

Before we can meet Ambie’s prison pal, however, we have to sit through a bunch of other crap, so let’s get started!

The episode kicks off in Hawaii. Farrah has used some of her Backdoor money to pay for her, Sophia, Deb, Michael (and the ‘Teen Mom’ crew, of course) to visit the island state. Jesus God (Leah)– I can only imagine the types of Forever 21 island wear that Deb will be sporting this episode. This could be better than Christmas, New Years Eve and that day that Chelsea Houska peed out her IUD but still wasn’t pregnant, all rolled into one “Aloha” themed-trashheap.

"I should so wear this to Coachella next year!"
“I should so wear this to Coachella next year!”

The Abraham clan starts things off with a stereotypical luau. As always, Debra is desparate to stay in Farrah’s “inner circle” (insert Backdoor Teen Mom joke here), so she just lets her daughter berate her throughout the entire trip, as per usual.

After the luau, Farrah (and her enormous, um, chest pineapples, which are on full display) starts to ponder physics. She is curious as to how water is able to combat gravity.

"Physics is hard...and stuff."
“Physics is hard…and stuff.”

“If the Earth is a circle…how does the water always stay?” she wonders aloud. “Water is a little more heavier than gravity.”

And…scene? Can we just end this right here!? Also…someone please make The Ashley a shirt with Farrah’s face and that quote on it. Thanks.

Debra, who is all dressed up like Little Laura Ingalls in a giant straw hat, knows what her purpose in this scene is (other than to wow viewers with her “badical” fashion sense, of course). She has to bring up Farrah’s on-and-off-again boyfriend thing, Simon. Deb thinks Farrah should ditch Simon.

When you're a thug...but also heading out to the Prairie...
When you’re a thug…but also heading out to the Prairie…

“Every day of your life with him is going to be an argument,” Deb says.

Um…are you new? Did you just meet Farrah or something? Every moment of her life is an argument with someone. How is this any different?

Almost on cue, Farrah demonstrates this by basically telling her mother to hush up because she’s tired of talking to her.

That second before Farrah fires off her Anti-Christ attitude....
That second before Farrah fires off her Anti-Christ attitude….

Later that day, Farrah Facetimes Simon (using whatever “face” she’s currently wearing at the moment), and tells him that she’s going to allow him to be her boyfriend, and that he can come to Hawaii if he wants, even though she doesn’t necessarily want him there. He agrees to come and is willing to put up with Debra and whatever micro-mini bikini she’ll surely be wearing in order to score a free trip.

"We'll still have enough money to pay off my baby-mamas, right?"
“We’ll still have enough money to pay off my baby-mamas, right?”

Over in Indiana, Amber and Matt have flipped another house, which gets Amber thinking about buying her own home. Matt looks slightly worried at the suggestion. If Amber spends her money on a home, that means there will be significantly less to pay for all of Matt’s “oopsie” babies. But, on the bright side…at least there will be room for more dogs!

We learn that Amber’s 26th birthday is coming up, and Producer Kiki commends Amber for doing so much in her short life. Wait…what?

Surely the town of Anderson, Indiana, will be erecting a statue to Amber any day now...
Surely the town of Anderson, Indiana, will be erecting a statue to Amber any day now…

Amber encourages all teen moms to invest their money so they are “set for life.”

While that’s all well and good, Ambie, there is one problem: most teen moms don’t have money to pay rent, let alone “invest.” Amber has always had a trusty MTV check arriving consistently in her mailbox, even though we’ve never actually seen her clock any hours of actual work. This speech makes as much sense as having Maci be a spokesperson for preventing unwanted pregnancy.

Oh…wait…

"You'd believe that I didn't know I was pregnant...right?"
“You’d believe that I didn’t know I was pregnant…right?”

Speaking of everyone’s favorite knocked-up knucklehead, Maci is now showing off her baby bump in full view, even though it is just as big now as it was when she “didn’t know she was pregnant” a few episodes back. Even Baby Jayde can figure out that Maci’s “I didn’t know I was pregnant” story is a bunch of crap.

Later, Maci and Taylor go out to dinner. Maci stares longingly at Taylor’s Bud Light (while making sure to show the cameras that she’s only drinking water, naturally), and they discuss that they need a bigger house that can hold all of their “oopsies.”

"When the cameras leave, let me lick the bottle, OK?"
“When the cameras leave, let me lick the bottle, OK?”

“How long before this little sh*t gets here?” Maci asks of her unborn son. (Aww….)

“13 weeks,” replies Taylor.

Because this is ‘Teen Mom’ where everyone has more unplanned pregnancies (and money) than they know what to do with, Maci is able to just go buy a bigger house to fit her ever-growing family. They want to find, buy and move into a new house before the “little sh*t” arrives in about three months. As you do…

Basically the whole episode.....
Basically the whole episode…..

Finally we check in with Catelynn who…The Ashley always forgets is on this show. She’s sprawled out on the couch (Amber-style) and is sans her zebra hoodie. (She does, however, have on a pair of leopard-print pants that she surely wrangled away from Debra at the last reunion taping.)

Things are not jolly in the Baltierra household. Cate is not doing well, and has decided to go to a facility in Arizona to get herself back to a healthy state. Tyler says that Cate bringing a pet pig into this mess may have been what pushed her over the edge.

“The pig was the straw for me,” Tyler says. “That’s where I was done being quiet.”

I am so confused as to what the hell is going on here…

"I can't stand people who don't have jobs! Oh...wait..."
“I can’t stand people who don’t have jobs! Oh…wait…”

Tyler says he’s tired of Cate being in bed all day and having no ambition. This is, of course, rich because Tyler has absolutely no ambition and isn’t suffering from any apparent mental disorder. Producer Kiki comforts Catelynn and everyone agrees she needs to go get help.

(Meanwhile, in another room, some of the other producers are probably trying to figure out how to cut a hole into Cate’s zebra hoodie so that they can install a hidden camera in there to capture all that good rehab footage!)

Back in Indiana, Amber expresses her desire to see Leah on her birthday, even though it’s technically Gary‘s weekend with her.

"To be honest,. I'm scared she'll claw my face off..."
“To be honest, I’m scared she’ll claw my face off…out of habit…”

Anyway, Matt invites Gary, Kristina and Leah over to a surprise birthday party he’s throwing for Amber. Gary isn’t sure that he wants to go because he and Amber have an “interesting” relationship these days. Gary is very careful with how he speaks to Amber because, well, his memories of having a TV thrown at his head as he’s pushed down the stairs has not yet left his mind.

He doesn’t want to fight with Amber anymore, so he will have to think about if he should go to the party.

"Prison cellmate? That's....nice...."
“Prison cellmate? That’s….nice….”

Meanwhile, Matt’s talking to some other producer named “Kerthy.” (Where is Producer Heather? We know she’s not at the salon getting her hair done!) Matt tells Kerthy that he’s throwing the party because Amber would never expect it. He wants Amber to feel special.

Matt tells Kerthy that he has an extra special treat planned for Amber’s birthday: He’s someone managed to track down Amber’s old cellmate from prison. And, wouldn’t ya know– she’s not legally required to stay within 20 feet of her household or anything, so she’ll be able to attend the festivities! Kerthy looks slightly amused (and slightly frightened) by the news, but she keeps on a good face.

Matt says that Amber hasn’t seen her prison pal since she left the Big House, and is eager to reminisce about all the “Orange Is The New Black” fun that they had during their lock-up days.

Meanwhile, Farrah is enjoying terrorizing an entire new state of people with her Anti-Christ attitude. Debra is holding tight and insisting on wearing her Little Laura Ingalls hat throughout the entire episode. I think that’s good.

"I'm afraid of the volcano that is Farrah..."
“I’m afraid of the volcano that is Farrah…”

Outside, (Whatever) Michael is lounging around the pool with Sophia and his new girlfriend (?!) Amy. She looks mildly terrified of Farrah. I think that’s good.

Michael is pumping Farrah for info on her relationship with Simon. He’s hoping that she will give him another chance. (Basically, Mike is hoping that his check cleared and Simon will continue to play along with this charade.)

As if this conversation isn’t awkward enough, Deb comes outside in her hat (and booty shorts, of course) and recommends that Farrah not talk about Simon until he gets to Hawaii. Farrah replies with a snotty remark, and Amy is just silent. Sophia, meanwhile, shoots her a look that says, “Better get used to it, lady!”

"You can thank Mommy's teenage pregnancy for this house, Jade!"
“You can thank Mommy’s teenage pregnancy for this house, Jayde!”

In Tennessee, Maci and Taylor have already found a house they want to buy. It’s huge and Maci loves it.

“This is my dream kitchen!” Maci squeals as she thinks of all the Bud Lights she can store in there.

They love the house and decide to buy the house right then and there (as you do). Maci says that she doesn’t want any more “oopsie babies” filling up the house’s extra rooms.

Ha! Ha! Good one, Maci!

"My life is sooo hard y'all!"
“My life is sooo hard y’all!”

They are immediately able to start moving into the new house, and Maci is working to pack up all of the kids’ rooms. It’s hard for Maci because she’s pregnant.

“Carrying around an extra 25 pounds is exhausting,” she says.

Of course, she didn’t seem to notice those extra 25 pounds just an episode or two ago…

That night, Taylor is chugging down beers as he’s trying to put together the baby’s new crib. We see that Taylor has already inked “Maverick” onto his arm to ensure that Maci doesn’t change the baby’s name.

"Can't you just feel better...and stuff?"
“Can’t you just feel better…and stuff?”

Meanwhile, Cate is heading to Arizona to a rehab center. Before she goes, though, she is heading to see her regular therapist. The therapist agrees that Cate’s decision to go is good, and is happy to hear that Catelynn is planning to give up smoking weed.

Catelynn is very upset, and it’s hard to watch. She doesn’t want to leave Nova. Everyone is crying and it’s not funny, so we’re going to skip right along…

Anyone else hearing the "Halloween" theme music when looking at this photo?
Anyone else hearing the “Halloween” theme music when looking at this photo?

Over in Hawaii, Sophia has red lipstick smeared all over her face. Simon has arrived, and Sophia sneaks behind him with a devilish look on her face. She is either going to strangle him or put a flower lei on him. Luckily, it’s the latter.

Farrah, meanwhile, is all dressed up like she’s Mariah Carey. She’s wearing a sparkly cocktail gown (as you do on a beach vacation) and parades into the room to greet Simon. She almost seems to show a spark of happiness behind her dead eyes.

"I can deal with the bad attitudes and the screaming but...the booty shorts? Really, Deb?"
“I can deal with the bad attitudes and the screaming but…the booty shorts? Really, Deb?”

“Hello-ha!” Debra greets Simon.

It’s totally awkward between Deb and Simon, but luckily, it’s time for everyone to go on a boat ride. Sophia has now stripped down to just a coconut bra and grass skirt which is mildly disturbing and completely inappropriate. It almost seems like a set-up for To Catch A Predator or something. I keep expecting Chris Hanson to come out and ask me if I want some lemonade or something.

"Where's a shark when you need it?!"
“Where’s a shark when you need it?!”

The entire motley crew loads up onto a boat. It’s like the beginning of Gilligan’s Island. Farrah, of course, is Ginger, due to her ridiculous sparkly gown. Simon is Gilligan because…well, you have to be a total idiot to date this woman. Deb would, of course, be MaryAnn, who is always in Ginger’s shadow. (This would give Deb an excuse to wear pigtails so win/win!)

The gang is sailing around, and Farrah is talking about how she loves it when “clouds touch mountains…or whatever.”

Can Farrah be Gilligan and Ginger?

I'd drink too, Simon...I'd drink too...
I’d drink too, Simon…I’d drink too…

Simon is just sitting there, taking in the sights, and Farrah gets angry that he’s not baby-talking to Sophia and telling her how great she is. Farrah literally demands that Simon tell Sophia that she’s doing awesome at fake-driving the boat and Simon complies.

He’s most likely hoping that Sophia accidentally veers too far right and dumps him out of the boat, allowing him to swim to shore.

Farrah isn’t satisfied, of course. She keeps yapping about how Simon isn’t talking and how annoying he is. I can’t imagine why this man doesn’t want to talk.

"Phew...I thought Matt just bought a bunch of new cars with my credit card!"
“Phew…I thought Matt just bought a bunch of new cars with my credit card!”

In Indiana, Cousin Krystal is taking Amber to get her cat claws done for her birthday. Amber has no idea that, back at home, Matt is setting up a surprise party for her.  Everyone is there– Leah, Amber’s family and even Gary has made an appearance.

Unfortunately, Matt didn’t have “the smarts” to have all the party guests park around the corner, so Amber sees all of the cars parked in her driveway and starts to put things together.

Amber walks in and pretends to be surprised. She, is, however thrilled to see Leah at the party. As Amber is greeting the party guests, Matt is sneaking a girl into the house. (Something tells me this isn’t the first time this has happened in his life…)

This scene was basically just for The Ashley....
This scene was basically just for The Ashley….

It’s Amber’s long-lost prison pal, Nicole. Amber is totally shocked to see her, and shows this by giving Nicole a kiss right on the lips. They hug for along time, and exclaim how beautiful the other looks. (You have to remember– the last time they saw each other, they were using Jolly Rancher-infused shampoo and wearing state-issued sweatshirts.)

“Oh my god, babe, you’re in clothes!” Amber cries.

I’ll just let you interpret that statement however you see fit…

Also…is this the infamous “SugarFoot?” If you don’t have any clue what I’m talking about, click here. I always pictured SugarFoot being meatier and wearing a hairnet. Go figure…

"Can you believe all our other junkie bunkies are flunkies!? They all went back to the slammer!"
“Can you believe all our other junkie bunkies are flunkies!? They all went back to the slammer!”

Apparently Nicole and Amber are the only people from their prison posse who haven’t been locked up again.

At the party, Leah is all dressed up in a costume, which includes a shell-coconut bra (and thankfully a shirt under it). Amber tells her that it’s inappropriate, and Gary warns Leah of growing up too fast. Oh, I see what ya did there, MTV editors! Touche!

"I was told there was going to be birthday cake?"
“I was told there was going to be birthday cake?”

Things at the party are going great. There are burgers a’grilling, wine a’pouring and everyone is dancing. Amber looks very happy, and takes an opportunity to introduce her prison “bunkie” Nicole to the crowd.

“She knows all of my ups and downs,” Amber said. “She’s a strong woman and I learned so much from her.”

"My ankle hasn't seen the sunlight in years!"
“My ankle hasn’t seen the sunlight in years!”

Nicole and Amber chat about how great it is that they get to sit together…in a backyard…without having to bend over and cough or anything! Amber blows out her candles and certainly wishes for more cavity-search-free birthdays.

In Hawaii, Simon has gone Missing In Action because he’s tired of Farrah being “fake when the cameras are around.”

Just when the cameras are around…?

Farrah has no idea why Simon would have left. (It’s not like she told him he was annoying and to shut the f**k up or anything…)

Deb takes the opportunity to recognize the irony.

Ok...all of you people are fake. There, it's settled...
Ok…all of you people are fake. There, it’s settled…

“He was saying that I was fake,” she begins, before Farrah just shuts her down and forbids her to talk anymore.

“Mom, I don’t even care!” she snaps.

Yup…I have no clue why Simon would have jumped ship on this Honolulu Hellfest.

"What do you mean we didn't bring the Porta-Potties to Hawaii!? You could have put the bag in there!"
“What do you mean we didn’t bring the Porta-Potties to Hawaii!? You could have put the bag in there!”

Farrah encourages the producers to throw Simon’s bag in the trash. Just then, Simon arrives to pick up his bag. Farrah doesn’t have time for this, so she tells Simon that she’ll send her “minions” out to deliver the bag.

Ugh…if I was Producer Heather I would have given Farrah a great big ol’ “Hawaiian Punch” in the mouth for that remark.

Farrah braids her hair and then sets Simon’s stuff out by the garbage.

Ryan makes a mental note that it would be easy to sneak in and out of Maci's house....
Ryan makes a mental note that it would be easy to sneak in and out of Maci’s house….

In Tennessee, Ryan is dropping Bentley off at Maci’s new house. He can barely keep his eyes open as he tells Maci that the “party is over” after she squats out the third kid. There’s still a bit of sexual tension between them which makes things uncomfortable.

Wouldn’t it be a great plot twist if Taylor came home from the office only to see a pregnant Maci rolling around in a pile of leather-pocketed T-shirts with Ryan!? Now that would be a Very.Special.Episode!

Ryan goes up to Bentley’s room and tells his seven-year-old son that he’ll soon need to get a ladder so that he can sneak his girlfriends into his room.

That was even more inappropriate than Sophia’s coconut bra.

That’s it for this week’s episode, y’all!

To read The Ashley’s previous recaps of ‘Teen Mom OG’ click here!

(Photos: MTV)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

37 Comments

  1. Maci’s “Little Sh*t” comment smacked me backwards. I think the producers probably had made it look as though she was drinking while pg just to stir up controversy in those scenes. The “Little Sh*t” comment disgusted me utterly. WTFreak?! I wouldn’t have been surprised if Taylor slapped her, and I have to say that I certainly wanted to. SHOCKED me coming out of the mouth of someone who clearly adores Bentley, and always has since day one.

    I don’t know what her deal is whith Ryan, but I would never allow my ex-husband into my home. I get that MTV is trying to somehow prove that “exes can get along” unicorn fairyland, i.e. – Deb and Michael’s girlfriend, Gary being at Amber’s party, Butch around Cate’s mom. But it was weird all the same. And yes, tension felt. Those two still have something for each other. Don’t know what it is, but it’s something. Especially because it’s still there even while cameras are on. Maybe it was nice to have Ryan there for Bentley, but it’s disrespectful to Taylor.


    1. Taylor did not want to marry this chick, trust me. If he wanted to marry her he would have done it even before Jayde. A man knows when he’s found the one. Between her begging and knocking her up TWICE, he probably figured he had no choice. As a woman Id felt like shit and complete desperado that I had to beg my boyfriend to propose. Taylor’s gonna resent her or one day realize, wtf did I get into. I think he’s too good for her personally. She seems like a nag and not very ladylike. I know it’s cool having a woman who likes beer and sports but something also tells me she is also a piece of work behind closed doors


  2. Here’s my unsolicited thoughts: I think Tyler is a sweet, thoughtful kid. I do think he and Cait should get jobs at some point in their lives. I love Macy and Taylor and I honestly don’t think she pretended to not be pregnant in order to consume more Bud Light (but if you feel that way, that’s fine too). I am happy that her and her ex (WTF is his name again) are having semi-normal conversations now. It’s good for Bentley and just good in general. I cannot stand Farrah and often fast forward through her segments. While I think her mom and Simon are money hungry losers I can’t stand the way Farrah talks to them. She’s a complete A-hole. There’s NO WAY that her and Simon have ever liked one another. Why on earth did he go to Hawaii….to be berated by her yet again? Amber and Matt….ugh. Everyone should get second chances in life. Matt definitely sounds like a dirt bag but Amber seems to be trying. Even Gary was nice in this episode.


  3. Farrah is NUTZ, and it blows my mind how delusional this twat is. It’s gonna be interesting to see Sophia in 10 years…and Deb needs less TV time. I completely get why Farrah always tells her to shut up (although its so disrespectful and rude)…everything that comes outta Debs mouth sounds like nails on a chalkboard.


  4. I know I gave Maci hell for this fake pregnancy announcement but Im thinking Mtv made her hold off on announcing it for whatever reason. I know Maci is smart enough as a woman that’s been pregnant twice before to know she is pregnant way before 20 weeks.

    Catelynn needs to get her stuff together. You are a mom and have a daughter to take care of. You don’t have the luxury of sleeping all day when you have real responsibilities. Depression is real, it can’t be snapped out of but it’s also not helping by gorging on food all day, not working, not exercising, not going to school, just laying on a couch all day.

    Ferral Boobraham is hands down the craziest person on tv today. She is insane. This woman needs to be in a padded cell. Simon’s payments must be excellent to continue this gig as a hired boyfriend. I hope there is a loophole that allows him to talk after his contract with her is over. Baby Goo (Deb) and My-Cul act like abused kids afraid of their abuser (Farral). It’s like they walk on egg shells and are afraid of her. They are always appeasing her.

    Amber, Amber, Amber. I know seeing Gary move on and have babies hurt you so much but jumping into a relationship with a 44 year old TM fanatic who preyed on you is not going to help in the long run. I see this ending so bad for her. He instantly came off as a leech who wanted to interject himself into her and Leah’s lives. He made himself nice and comfy pretty quick. He practically teleported to Indiana from Boston. Im scared for Amber because I know when the money is gone and the show is over he is gonna leave her and she’s gonna feel so stupid and hurt.


    1. I agree on everything except I think Maci chose to lie about her pregnancy so she could “explain” why she drank the first few months of her pregnancy.


      1. Exactly. That’s an awfully selfish thing to do. She seemed to crave beer so badly with her Jayde pregnancy that she just said fuck it when it came to Maverick


  5. Dear MTV, This show does not prevent unwanted pregnancy. Just look at your cast. This program has “jumped the shark”. Pull the plug. PLEASE.


    1. Amen! This show glorifies trainwreck behavior and even the “Jersey Shore” cast decided to grow up and pull the trainwreck plug. Teen Mom should have stayed cancelled and TM OG should have never became a reality.


  6. Yes Tyler, it was the pig who did it.
    I’m sure she was just there for a PP (Pet Problem). As many people do.
    Well, in fact it was the pig. The stoned pig with two legs.


  7. Farrah- stop it! I feel the water gravity talk was her try at the Jessica Simpson Is this tuna chicken or fish, but with Jessica it worked because she was likable had a respectable life and didn’t make her money laying on her back. She thinks she’s very special and the way everyone allows her to speak to them only makes her beleive it even more. I won’t talk about sophia because she’s a child and doesn’t know better and never will at this point.

    Maci- did she really refer to her baby as “little shit” it seems she really didn’t want this miracle and maybe drank hoping her miracle would dissappear. How sad. I really can’t stand her and her whoa is me attitude.

    Amber- you reap what you sew. Enjoy a life of your “daddy may I”game with matt. Gary needs to seriously take care of himself he just seems to get bigger every season.

    Cate- tyler abuses you mentally and probably physically as hinted by everyone warning of his temper. She’s been a punching bag her entire life just look at how her mother treated her when she was 16. I really feel for her and wish she would pack up Nova and make her own life following the aspirations she’s mentioned before and stop being a failure smoking weed on her couch which disgusts me. Tyler the man boy who thinks he’s the greatest gift to the world, who has 0 aspirations 0 education and 0 goals what a winner.


    1. Taylor is so much more likeable than Maci. Maci always had an Im better than everyone here attitude. Taylor seems down to earth and cool. I can see that he is gonna get tired of her shit when the show is done. I think he’s settling by marrying her and getting this jerk pregnant twice. It was painful to watch her beg him to propose like that and the forced scenes where their friends would ask about proposals. He’s gonna wake up one day, in 5 years and wonder what the fuck did I get myself into lol.


  8. Farrah isnt even entertaining anymore. Her Attitude gets nastier every season. Taylor was annoying begging Macy to buy a bigger house. Macy is hesistant because she knows a cancellation is just around the corner. Taylor just wants more land so he can dirt bike in his lesuire when not selling tee shorts with leather pockets and having more trap babies with mrs money bags. Oh well, its gonna suck when they have to start working 9-5 jobs. Taylor will probably leave Macy then.


    1. They kept saying “we work full time jobs” all last season, but I have yet to see Maci in any corporate setting lmao. Where did she work? From home on the couch tweeting? Didn’t she say that’s what she wanted to do as far as work, tweet out consumer info? Lol. Loser. 10 years later, is she still working on her Associates? She could have had a Masters by now.


  9. Okay, I obviously totally mis understood the Farrah comment, I thought she was having a go at Simon, when we he was saying he couldn’t be bothered to go back and get his bag, and I thought she was inferring that HE thought the MTV producers were minions who would do everything for him.

    Every episode I watch the more I dislike Matt. When the producer was asking him why he picked a surprise party as it wasn’t very ‘Amber’ he kind of stumbled over his words and responded “because it’s the last thing you would think of”.

    You could tell he was thinking “Oh cripes, is it not?! Is the game up that I don’t really want to know or be with her?! Got to pretend I actually care, like and listen to…*tries to remember name of which TM girl he finally got to pay attention to him*”


  10. Simon must be getting paid BIG BUCKS to be Farrah’s”boyfriend’ because there is no way her “backdoor” is good enough to make him endure her loving, sweet treatment of him. Every season she get more mean and rude to everyone. She puts herself on another and higher pedestal and the fall will be hilarious when it comes.

    I hope Dr. Now is saving a spot on My 600 Pound Life for Gary. It’s going to be his only hope someday soon.


  11. Funny how none of the other sites mentioned Farrah referring to the MTV crew as her minions. Although I am not surprised because she treats them like they are beneath her. I nearly fell off my chair when she accused Simon of being a crazy bitch. All because he wasn’t gushing over Sophia like she wanted him to.


  12. Love your recaps! What on Earth was Sophia wearing? And all the lipstick? With all the coverage marking the anniversary ofJon Benet Ramsey’s death, I kept thinking that here was another sexually exploited child.


  13. Debra’s hat!? WTF! Does Debra have a ban no full length mirrors? I can’t take her seriously. Either she’s a real alcoholic or MTV is making us think she is. She’s never without a glass of wine.
    People say Farrah is better this season. I don’t think that at all. I think she finally scared her whole family and controlled them all with her money. They agree with everything she says and she still tells them to ship up! Lol Except for Simon. He’s got enough money to support himself although we don’t know exactly what he does besides accompany slutty Farrah at her weird “appearances”. Who would pay money to see her face?!
    Why must Farrah make Simon gush over Sophia? There’s not a whole lot to gush about. Why can’t Farrah just come to terms that she is Simon’s Sugar Mama, his booty call & MTV is paying him to see you. MTV probably puts an egg timer on and says “if you can get through 10 whole minutes for the shot, we’ll pay you.”. Every time they “knock boots or Simon knocks on Farrah’s back door ” they’re happy. Simon isn’t interested in her daughter or her family life. He’s just like, “Call me when you’re alone in your penthouse.”
    Now Sophia has her own store. Farrah acts as if she’s running it since she owns it. It looks just like the frozen food store Farrah said she was opening 2+ years ago and all that was there was a sign and a spelling and grammatical nightmarish website. She’s also supposed to have a furniture store. Is this true? Is the frozen food store and furniture open for business? If so, you’d think she’d mention it constantly. She loves to talk about her accomplishments. I bet that Sophia Laurent store remains empty. Anyone can lease a store front and buy a sign.
    And where do I begin with Matt. I just can’t. Why does he always say our money and our house…what money has he earned? If anything it should all be garnished for child support. And at the pet store, she begs him for a cat like she was the kid and he was her father. “Please Matt, can we get a kitty with my own money and put it in my own house?” Then, he acts all manly and says, “Wrap it up” and Amber is excited like a little kid squealing along with Leah.


    1. So right about Matt & Amber in the pet store scene! I felt uncomfortable watching it & just couldn’t put my finger on it! He called her “crazy cat lady.” A similar dynamic played out too in the scene in the backyard at the house they flipped where Amber is discussing her mental health with the producers. She starts to divulge the details of her diagnosis and Matt just shoots her a look and all of a sudden she just yells, “I don’t wanna talk about this stuff.” Kittys or mental health it’s all the same scene now for Matt & Amber.


  14. That scene with Maci & Ryan in the end was so completely full of sexual tension that it’s making me wonder what’s been going on when the cameras aren’t around. After he mentions to Bentley that he will need a ladder he follows up with something along the lines of, “or you’ll have to sneak your girlfriends through the middle of the house.” He smirks as he says it & the camera zooms in on Maci’s face and she is smiling, closed lips, ear to ear. You can just picture young Ryan sneaking 16 year old Maci through Jen & Larry’s kitchen up to his bedroom where the magic of 16 of pregnant all began……ah memories!

    As for Amber & her comment about teen moms & their money. I may have totally misread this scene, but I assumed she was talking about the other Teen Moms from the franchise (I’m talking about YOU Catelyn & Tyler…and Leah….oh and Jenelle…oh hell). But now that I’ve read this, I really hope Ashley you got it right because it’s more hilarious that way. Now if that producer only had the balls to ask her what her advice is about pre-nups….


  15. That’s what drives me friggin crazy about this show. It’s NOT reality because these girls make a LOT of money. They SAY this show is helping with preventing teen pregnancy but you see it now more than ever because these girls expect their lives to be just like Farrah or Duhnelle. Catelynn is literally losing her mind because of this. Maci keeps popping out more kids, HELL all of them do! It’s AWFUL! Why am I PRAYING Farrah goes the way of Anna Nicole Smith? Because that’s where she’s headed. Jesus. And let me tell you something being to Anderson, Indiana many times, what Amber is doing IS successful there. She’s not running a meth lab so it’s an accomplishment. What a ducking trainwreck of a shit show.


  16. Debra always looks so spaced out! Too much Xanax I suppose. Wonder how big of a paycheck SImon receives for playing the part of Farrah’s boyfriend??? Michael’s lady friend needs to run away from this bunch. Can’t get over how Maci can still in on this show after being an unwed mother x3 when Dr.Drew preaches about pregnancy PREVENTION.


  17. I’m starting to think that Farrah says stupid things on purpose to get attention. She can’t be THAT dumb…and I don’t believe she cares about gravity or water at all.

    Maci should do her hair up more often, she looks really good. The “little shit” comment had me rolling my eyes though.

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