‘Sister Wives’ Season 8 Episode 1 Recap: Wedding Plans & an Ungrateful Young Man

"We're back, biotches!"
“We’re back, biotches!”

Your holiday wishes have come true, Sister Wives fans! Kody Brown, his gang of wives and all their kids are back for another season on TLC! We will soon have an answer to that ever-important question: Will the producers of this show be able to stretch Meri’s “Catfish Catastrophe” drama into three whole seasons!? Stay tuned to find out!

The new seasons starts out with engaged Brown daughter Maddie coming to the Brown Compound to ask her little sister, Truley, to be the flower girl in her upcoming wedding. Truely is excited, and her mom Christine uses the opportunity to explain to us how polygamist weddings usually work. Basically, they’re a whole lotta no fun…had in secret.

“Polygamist weddings are very quiet,” she tells us. “There’s not a lot of people that come. They’re religious. It’s a religious ceremony where you don’t invite your friends and family,” she says. “There’s not a bride walking down the aisle.”

Maddie has chosen to buck her parents’ polygamist traditions and will not be fighting four other women for time with a poorly coiffed, egotistical man like her mom and sister moms do. The Browns are excited to experience a different wedding.

“This is our first monogamous wedding,” Janelle says.


"And I ask you, Lord, not to let me smack my sister wife Janelle upside the head!"
“And I ask you, Lord, not to let me smack my sister wife Janelle upside the head!”

“No, we’ve had a monogamous wedding in the family,” first wife Meri snaps. “Me and Kody.”

Awk-ward…well I’m sure it was just an honest mistake on Janelle’s part. Of course she didn’t mean it as a dig toward her rival sister wife, Meri…Hehehe

It’s about time for one of the adults to say/do something embarrassing. While they are refraining from doing any type of cringe-worthy “flash mob” (gotta save something for the wedding!) Christine does deliver a joke that makes you embarrassed for her.

When Kody tells them they’re going to mother-in-laws to Maddie’s future husband, Christine corrects him.

"Come on! You know that was funny, guys....guys?"
“Come on! You know that was funny, guys….guys?”

“No we’re gonna be mothers-out-laws,” she says.

Get it? Because polygamy is illegal?

Yeah…neither do we…

Later, Mykelti is doing her best to steal some screen time from her sister Maddie. She’s on the scene to talk about the man in her life, Tony. Christine calls Kody over to talk about Mykelti wanting to marry Tony, and Kody is not really thrilled about this news.

“She’s escaping something here so we redirected her to St. George,” Kody says. “Maybe she should be living here and they should be…” Kody begins.

“And do a long-distance courtship,” Christine finishes.

Anyone else getting major Duggar vibes here?

Kody assumes Tony is a good kid because he willingly chose to join the Mormon church as a teenager. Still, Kody is not happy that Mykelti is trying to rush into a marriage with him.

“I am concerned that she would try to get married the month before Madison or the month right after,” Kody says.

"I wonder if there's any chance the girls will agree to a double wedding?"
“I wonder if there’s any chance the girls will agree to a double wedding?”

Poor Kody is freaking out at the thought of paying for two weddings within a few months of each other. (Well…that’s kinda why most people don’t have dozens of kids…just sayin’!)

The cost of Maddie’s wedding, plus a wedding for Mykelti would be incredibly hard for the Kodster to pay for. (He’s probably still making payments on Meri’s wet bar after all…)

Later, Mykelti drags ol’ Tony over to the house so that he can meet with Kody.  After dinner, Kody takes Tony to another room to discuss marrying Mykelti.

"I'm just saying that we might be able to get some sort of two-daughters-for-one wedding specials!"
“People are getting tired of the Meri catfish drama! This kid may be our ticket to a whole new season of drama!”

“I don’t know Tony,” Kody tells us. “But I know that he is LDS and a devout Mormon and I know that Mykelti feels safe with him. My biggest questions with him coming to talk about marriage, is why so soon?”

Well….just to refresh your memory, Kod, you were only courting Robyn for four months before you got engaged. Don’t be swinging your wig around like you’re so high and mighty!

"Did you want me to sit over there so we have more room or...?"
“Did you want me to sit over there so we have more room or…?”

After awkwardly squeezing onto a tiny couch with Kody, Tony asks Kody for permission to marry Mykelti. Kody says he thinks that they need more time to get to know each other before they marry. Kody also makes Tony promise him that he would never discourage his children from plural marriage.

Kody asks Tony to promise that he will wait 10 months to a year before marrying Mykelti. Tony says he can’t promise that, because he has to talk to Mykelti about it. Kody asks Tony to promise that he and Mykelti will remain “non- sexual” until after their marriage, and Tony agrees to that.

Kody tells us if they do that then they can “have a honeymoon experience that is divine.”

When your future father-in-law keeps talking about you having sex with his daughter...
When your future father-in-law keeps talking about you having sex with his daughter…

Vomit. There’s nothing creepier than picturing Mykelti and Tony getting it on in their honeymoon suite hot tub…except for her father Kody talking about Mykelti and Tony getting it on in their honeymoon suite hot tub.

After Kody and Tony’s creepy talk, they meet up with Mykelti and Christine to discuss the marriage. Mykelti and Tony want to get married in August but Kody and Christine think they should wait until December.

Just then, Tony decides to take the prize from Christine for most cringe-worthy quote of the episode. He tells his girlfriend’s parents that, hey, if they’re going to have trouble paying for his wedding, why not just take a second mortgage out on their house?

The face you make when some punk kid you hardly know tells you to mortgage your house to pay for his wedding...
The face you make when some punk kid you hardly know tells you to mortgage your house to pay for his wedding…

Did you hear that? That was the sound of everyone watching this crapshow attempting to smack Tony through their TVs! Geez, Ton, why not just storm into Christine’s house and start taking items to pawn for cash? Truely doesn’t need that bed, anyway! This is your wedding we’re talking about here!

The next day, Kody and Christine go talk to their friends Dawn and Chris about the marraige. (These are the people who let Mykelti work at their pawn shop, in case you’ve forgotten.)

“It ain’t happening in August,” Kody says of Mykelti’s wedding. “It’s too soon. I got a wedding in June.”

"You were just kidding when you said everything isn't about me, right?"
“You were just kidding when you said everything isn’t about me, right?”

“I know, but for them….it’s not about you,” his friend Dawn replies.

This may be the first time anyone has ever actually said that to Kody…and, of course, he doesn’t seem to understand what she’s saying.

We also learn that, like Madison, Mykelti was denied entrance into the Mormon church because her parents are polygamists.

Christine and Kody call all the wives over and announce Mykelti and Tony’s intentions to marry. All of the wives are shocked, but Robyn and Meri are actually calling Christine and Kody out for their hypocrisy.

“She’s 19. She’s as old as Madison. She really truly doesn’t have to have our approval,” Robyn says.

Some of them do believe, though, that Mykelti wants to get married so quickly because 1) she can’t wait to get freaky with Tony (also…ew) and 2) she kind of wants to steal Madison’s wedding thunder.

"We are not subjecting our friends to five hours with Kody & Co. and not giving them alcohol. It just ain't right!"
“We are not subjecting our friends to five hours with Kody & Co. and not giving them alcohol. It just ain’t right!”

Next, the episode turns back to Madison’s wedding. Some of the gang heads to Montana to look for a spot to hold The Wedding Of The Century.

We learn that the Browns disagree about on whether or not to have alcohol at the wedding. Maddie and Caleb want booze, but they are a bit worried that their cowpoke friends might get all liquored up on free Redbull and Vodkas and cause a ruckus. Kody doesn’t want alcohol served at the wedding because a lot of people in their religion don’t drink.

"I mean...they can still pay for the wedding, though!"
“I mean…they can still pay for the wedding, though!”

Maddie tells us that, while she likes to get her parents’ input on wedding details, she’s basically just going to do whatever the hell she wants either way.

They next head over to the bakery, where they decide that Caleb’s groom cake will be shaped like an elk. (As you do.) To make things even more disgusting, they insist that the elk cake be red velvet inside and filled with huckleberries so that it looks like there are elk blood and guts spilling out of it when it’s cut into.

Nothing truly celebrates love quite like a cake made to look like an animal with its interns torn out, does it?

When you have to talk to your most-hated wife and it's no fair...
When you have to talk to your most-hated wife and it’s no fair…

After the blood-spattered cake has been decided upon, they still need to fill some airtime. Why not drag out Meri’s catfishing story again!? Kody and Meri are set up to talk to each other about the catfishing experience, and how it has impacted their marriage.

We find out that Mariah still isn’t talking to Meri…but she is allowing Meri to dogsit her dog because, well, she’s Mariah and it’s ALL ABOUT HER (except when it’s about Kody, of course. Or Robyn.)

Because this is ‘Sister Wives,’ Meri and Kody decide they need to go see the family therapist and discuss their dead marriage. Meri says she feels like she is doing her life completely on her own. She says that Kody told her that he would not cross a burning bridge for her. Kody says he doesn’t remember that, but he does remember Meri telling him to hit the bricks and get out of her life.

Good Lord, could they sit any farther apart?
Good Lord, could they sit any farther apart?

Meri confirms that she said that, but tells us it didn’t really count because that’s when she thought she was going to run away with her Catfish Lover and live happily ever after, away from Hair Boy and his mob.

The episode ends with things not looking so great for Meri and Kody. They both seem to hate each other, and may only be staying together until they can decide who gets custody of that wet bar!

Until next week…

To read our recaps of the previous episodes of ‘Sister Wives’ click here!

(Photos: TLC)

30 Responses

  1. I turned it off a quarter of the way in and jumped back in when the cake was being chosen. A rather boring episode for it to be a premiere. The buzzards are circling.

  2. I stopped caring about this show when the family were at a conference and Meri was asked about the husband / 4 wives ratio and not a wife / 4 husbands. Meri said something like why would you want to have four men for , in a jokey men are a pain kind of way. When I heard that I thought but why would you want 4 wives. After all, we’re terrible drivers, we nag, we take forever to get ready and we don’t like sport. That was when I realised men and this religion are still controlling women and brainwashing them into thinking this is a fair marriage. I’m glad the kids don’t want to follow the example of their parents. Kody is so controlling. Meri can do what she likes, other than the emotional ties, why can she not do all of those things Kody has always stopped her from doing by a few choice words.

  3. I find it shocking and appalling that the LDS church won’t let Maddie and Mykelti join because they come from a polygamous family. Especially when people are leaving the church in droves and here are two girls who come from fundamentalism saying we want to be apart of your church. Honestly it would be great PR for the church to have such visible members.

  4. Oh how I missed these recaps. Tony fits right in with the cringe worthy comments. He sounds just as punchable as Kody.

  5. Do the parents not see how as soon as their kids turn 18 they are all OUT THE DOOR?? Either to college or getting married. Not to mention none of them what to be sister wives or have sister wives. Such a mess.

    1. I know it’s common for millennial kids to live at home off mom and dad until they are in their 30’s, but kids moving out once they reach adulthood at 18 isn’t really a novel concept and certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

    1. Well, in an ideal world I wish my daughters would loose their virginity about 6 months before they get married (with the same guy, that is 😉 ). Plenty of STD’s and losers who will hurt them around.
      But we all know that is not going to happen in today’s society. Or really the best thing for their happiness, I think. The time that women just had to lie down and let it happen are over and we should be glad it is, for wives and husbands. Think I heard multiple times that in the old days, there was a huge chance your daddy wasn’t your daddy. Cause mommy and daddy had to stay married no matter what and found a “work around” to be somewhat happy. But luckily, divorce is accepted nowadays and I’m not looking at anyone now, X Brown.

  6. We call my husband’s in-laws from his first marriage the “out-laws.” They’re awesome, and love the term. I don’t support teen marriage under any circumstances, but Mari and Robyn are right. They have a double standard, and your adult children really don’t need your approval. I would have kicked that guy out of my house after he suggested taking out a second mortgage! Seriously, GTFO with that obnoxious entitlement!

  7. Am I the only one who thought Tony’s voice sounded like a demented munchkin? It was so distracting every time he spoke!!
    I’m so sick of Meri. Also way to keep it real Kody talking about divine honeymoons (gag). Maybe he and Jim bob Duggar could have an inappropriate seminar?

  8. This recap makes me wish I had TLC! Sometimes I wonder about people on these reality shows …. you have 24 hrs in a day 7 days a week and 20 people to choose from and an hour time frame to fill with footage for …. like … 20 weeks year … max … and THIS is the image you choose to broadcast to the world? Seriously??

  9. This was great. Perfect rehash. I was stunned when Mykelti’s boyfriend made the comment about taking out a second mortgage on the house to pay fort he wedding. If he wants marriage so badly, why doesn’t HE pay for it?

    1. First he insults her parents by assuming they are poor, to claim their savings afterwards.
      I’m afraid Tony and her first time will not be worth all this in the end. I hope she will reconsider this before she ends up unhappy or divorced.

      Why do these kids think their parents should pay a lot for their big weddings anyway? Their parents are used to have a private and simple ceremony that costs way less and there are a lots of siblings. When those kids want a big wedding, maybe they should pay for it themselves a bit more. We paid our wedding ourselves, we never asked our parents for money for it. Our money, our wedding and not 4 parents pushing things they want cause they are paying too so no arguments, I can highly recommend it.

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