‘Teen Mom OG’ Season 7 Episode 14 Recap: A Firing, A Failed DNA Test & A Felon On A Leash

This should sufficiently haunt your nightmares…

On the last episode of Teen Mom OG, we were left in the middle of several big plotlines. The show’s executive producer, Morgan J. Freeman, was about to give Farrah the boot for treating the show’s crews like the crap and for wanting to show her lady biscuits on the Interwebs.

Farrah seems to have no idea she’s about to get fired, so we know it’s only a matter of time before the producers run screaming from Farrah’s house and/or someone ends up in the back of a police car in a straight jacket.

Before we can watch Farrah basically maul the ‘Teen Mom’ producers like a rabid dog, we have to check in with Tyler. He’s still in Arizona, after taking Cate to rehab. Tyler has seemingly found the most “Arizona”-looking spot he can to film at. He is casually lounging in a field of cacti (as you do), while talking to his mom Kim on the phone.

Kim tells Tyler that Amber just walked in the door. Tyler is quick to clarify that Kim is talking about Amber, his unwashed catastrophe of a sister, rather than his co-star Amber Portwood. (This clarification was really unnecessary, of course. Everyone knows that if Amber Portwood were to finally roll herself off her couch, it would probably make TMZ or something.)

Anyway, Tyler is due to head home the next day, but he tells him mom that, if it were up to him, he’d just stay in a tent in the desert. Tyler’s mom doesn’t like that idea because she’s afraid the “Scorpios” will get him. (Apparently the “schools aren’t well” over in Michigan either?)

“There aren’t a lot of scorpios in Arizona, Ma…there are a lot of Capricorns though!”

Honestly, Tyler is probably safer camping out in the desert among the “scorpios,” than if he were to spend the night in his sister Amber’s unlit, trash-filled House of Staph.

Speaking of “things that have Staph,” Amber and her fresh-out-of-the-slammer boyfriend/husband/thing Billy come visit Tyler once he arrives home to Michigan. (They also bring their assorted unwashed sticky children with them.)

Tyler is not thrilled that his sister has brought her jailbird boo and a bunch of kids that will probably steal all of the snacks out of his house. Amber asks Tyler why he’s being “crabby.” (We all know why Amber is “crabby”…and it requires anti-biotics.)

Gee, Amber, I don’t know why this poor guy is a little cranky. His wife is in treatment, his father is in drug rehab and his sister is basically the modern version of that “This is your brain” commercial. I can’t imagine why he’s not tap-dancing through the halls singing.

“The marshmellow’s ain’t the only thing that’s been puffin’…just sayin’!”

On top of everything else, Tyler is still trying to make his children’s clothing empire, Tierra Reign, happen. Without Cate, he’s forced to pack all the orders himself.

Tyler heads to the other room to roll clothing and package orders and is joined by Billy who volunteers his assistance. Billy is quite the catch, really. Not only does he look like a young Uncle Fester (whose family tree almost certainly goes around in a circle), but he’s just been let out of jail for (allegedly) selling drugs. Tyler knows better than to let Billy lay a greasy mitt on the product so he declines the offer.

(On the other hand, perhaps Tyler should consider letting Billy help? He’s probably really good at rolling things.)

“Got drugs?”

After Ty declines his help, Billy takes a quick look around the room (most likely to see if there’s anything he can steal and sell to the pawn shop), and heads out. Amber tries to go in and talk to Tyler too (while also surveying the room for any electronics she can boost), but gets little response from her brother.

Next, we head to Indiana to check in with yet another Amber. She’s in full “pregnancy nesting” mood now, so she and Matt Andrew are preparing the nursery for their baby’s arrival. Amber tells the producers that she and “Babe” have decided on decorating the nursery in an “around the world” theme… with plenty of constellations, lights and travel scenery. (So, basically, this poor kid’s room is going to look like the set of some sort of trash-tastic Cirque del Soliel show?)

“I want him to grow up and know, like, there’s a whole world out there,” Amber declares.

(For some reason, Ambie’s got her hair all wrapped up in some sort of turban thing that makes her look like Miss Cleo. Perhaps she’s paying for all this “around the world” décor by being a Psychic Friend?)

“I see plenty of child support payments in your future…”

Across town, Gary is relying on his own sort of psychic friend (a.k.a. a DNA test) to tell him which yutz that his mother went to Pound Town with about 30 years ago is his father. As we saw last week, cartoon sweater enthusiast Jody took a DNA test with Gary (at the amazing store called “Any Lab Test Now!”) to see if he fathered Gary.

Gary hoofs it (in his DAD BOD tee) to the mailbox and sees that his DNA results are waiting for him. Gary is nervous, so he has Kristina open the results. As she opens the letter, Kristina is quick to assure everyone that she’s never had to read a DNA results letter. (She knows who her baby-daddies are, which is a rarity on this show, honestly.)

“Wow, this must be what Maury Povich feels like every week…”

Sadly, the lab results state that Jody is not Gary’s father. Gary is disappointed because he now has no clue who his father is. (Do you know how long it’s gonna take for Gary to scan the “Indiana’s Most Wanted” list in hopes of finding someone who has the same facial features as him!?)

Gary says his mom “might” know who his real dad is. (Jesus God Leah, just how many men made a deposit into Carol’s “love bunker” during this time period?!)

Kristina encourages Gary to talk to his mom, but Gary is now regretting going behind Carol’s back and taking the test with Jody. Now he has to break the bad news to Jody and try to get more info from his mother.

Down in Tennessee, Maci is getting ready to strip down and rough it in the wilderness while appearing on another reality show. (She doesn’t specifically state what show it is—just that she has to survive in the wild and has to be naked..so here ya go.)

Maci only has a few weeks to learn how to survive before she heads to Nicaragua, so she decides it may be a good idea to go outside and hack some wood and rake leaves or whatnot so she’s ready when the time comes. She’s even hired a coach to help her get ready for the survival part. (She could always ask Farrah to help her get ready to be naked on camera!)

Maci tells Taylor she’s anxious about having to take her clothes off because she’s a “super modest person.” Taylor isn’t too concerned about his wife baring it all on TV because he knows the show blurs out almost everything. Maci insists that Taylor’s going to be proud (and turned on) when he sees his naked (and most likely mosquito-bite-covered) wife on the TV.

“This one ain’t gonna last an hour unless they got some Bud Lights stashed under a bush or sumpthin’!”

Finally, we get to the meat of the episode—the big Farrah/Morgan showdown! Let’s get ready to ruuuuuumble! Unfortunately, no one had the good sense to drag in a kiddie pool full of Jello for them to “wraaastle” in after Morgan gives Farrah the boot. (No doubt that footage would sell better than whatever sexy-time web broadcast Farrah was planning to do.)

We pick up with a wet-haired Farrah greeting Morgan & Co. at the door. It’s all hugs and smiles…until Farrah and Morgan get down to business discussing her treatment of producers on the show, namely Kristen. (We do not see Kristen, but we can only assume that after her last interaction with Farrah, she was shuttled off somewhere so that she can hug therapy horses and hopefully someday forget the horrors she saw.)

“You don’t snap your fingers and say ‘New producer!’ and we fly one in,” Morgan tells Farrah. (Um…actually, Morgan, that’s exactly what you guys have done in the past…)

“Get in the Porta-Potty and think about what you just said.”

Shortly after Morgan begins speaking, Farrah cuts him off, naturally.

“I am so compassionate, I am so understanding, I am working my ass off just like everyone,” she tells Morgan.

Big Mo can’t even keep his eyes from rolling back into his head when he hears Farrah say this. He tells her that she has little respect and empathy for other people.

Farrah insists that Kristen got what she deserved, telling Morgan that he’s welcome to send Kristen to work with some of the other ‘Teen Mom’ girls so she can “bounce around”  and annoy someone else for a while. Farrah says that there are probably plenty of people who would want to be her producer. (I mean—who WOULDN’T line up to work with this miserable, disrespectful toad!?)

Morgan tells Farrah that she’s impossible to keep happy and that, out of the nine moms, she’s the only one who makes the crew want to heavily sedate themselves and contemplate their career path.

“I’m not difficult!” Farrah yells.

Basically everyone in America’s face when Farrah said she’s not difficult…

We know Farrah’s getting mad because her eyes are bugging out and she’s starting to blink uncontrollably. Pretty soon her eyes will flash red and her head will start spinning around, which will be pretty cool to finally capture on camera.

Farrah again says she’s not difficult and Morgan literally just lets out a low growl so that he doesn’t collapse into the giggles and ruin the moment.

“I’m sorry!” Farrah screams. “Shoot me for being f**king who I am!”

“Seriously, girl, don’t tempt me!”

They next delve into Farrah’s participation in the sex industry. Morgan reminds Farrah that she had told the producers that she would not be doing anymore adult videos.

“So web cam to you is adult videos?!” Farrah asks.

Um…?

Finally, Morgan has had enough of this lunatic, and says if Farrah decides to continue doing these sort of jobs (pun intended) MTV can’t film her for the show anymore. He reminds her that the choice is hers—be on ‘Teen Mom’ or jam stuff up her backdoor on camera for cash.

(The fact that this is even a choice that someone has is just…amazing. What a time to be alive!)

“I have no new celebrity sex tapes out there!” Farrah says. (Does anyone kind of love that she had to make sure to throw in the word ‘celebrity’ so that everyone will know how ultra-famous she is? That kind of made me giggle a little.)

“Let’s get up and go outside now!” Farrah tells Morgan who is, of course, already sitting outside with her.

“Why don’t we have this conversation outside?”
“Um…?”

Morgan tells her it’s her decision. This does not set well with Farrah. As we know, Big Red does not enjoy being put into a corner.

“Who are you to tell someone to choose one thing?” she barks. “I don’t have to choose anything!”

Well…that went as well as could be expected…

We head back to Tennessee where it’s training day for Maci. She heads to a survivalist camp to learn how to make fire, cut logs and, most importantly, learn how to keep mosquitoes out of her baby-maker.

Once Maci meets up with her instructor, her first task is to start a fire in under 15 minutes. It does not go well.

“I’ll bet Farrah could show me a thing or two about blowin’ stuff…”

Maci comes close to lighting herself on fire (which would be, of course, the most interesting thing she’s done in several seasons). She is completely lost when it comes to making fire, not knowing what to use for tinder. (After all, her only experience with Tinder up until this point was probably going on the dating app and looking at Ryan’s profile!) Needless to say, Maci fails to complete the task in time.

In Indiana, Gary has invited Jody over to break the paternity news to him. As Gary tells Jody that he “is NOT the father,” Jody is obviously upset. He and Gary both have no idea who else was dippin’ ol’ Carol around that time, so Gary’s father could literally be just about anyone.

“Does this mean I have to return the ‘DAD BOD’ shirt I just ordered?”

Jody is also angry that he paid child support for Baby Gary for years. Kristina encourages Jody to demand a refund from Carol. (She should at least have to pay back the money they spent at “Any Lab Test Now!”)

Back in Michigan, Tyler continues to play Mr. Mom and evidently the footage isn’t exciting enough for the producers so they decide to head over to where the REAL money footage is gonna happen: at dinner with Tyler’s sister Amber and future hoodlum-in-law, Billy.

Kim has her house all gussied up for the holidays (which means she’s just covered the piles of trash with Christmas lights), and the tension is high. (Will the cops come busting through the door with guns drawn before or after dinner?! Who knows!)

Kim inquires about her daughter’s employment, and Amber tells us she will be “shaving dogs’ buttholes and washing their hair” for the rest of her life.

I think that’s nice…

“I done got me a career woman!”

Meanwhile, Billy is regaling Kim’s husband Rich with tales from his recent 85-day stay in the clink. Dinner is ready, and Billy (or the “New Generation Butch” as I’d like to call him) is excited to have his first meal in weeks that isn’t served on a plastic lunch tray.

Unfortunately, Billy can’t quite get to the chow line because…he is on a leash. This man is legit TETHERED by the ankle to some sort of charging device that he has to keep plugging into wall outlets. Is this man so poor that they couldn’t give him the wireless ankle bracelet?!?!?

If I hadn’t seen it, I wouldn’t have believed it…

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL ARE WE WATCHING!?!?

Due to his leash (and I can’t believe I literally just typed that), Billy is unable to get his own plate (extension cords are expensive, y’all!) so Amber volunteers to fetch his chow.

I think that’s nice.

With Billy safely plugged into an outlet near the dining room table, Amber starts talking about the other convicted felon in her life, her dad Butch. Apparently, he’s doing well in rehab and is now sober enough to realize what a great big ol’ mess his daughter has become.

Is anyone else wondering if Billy and the Christmas tree are plugged into the same outlet?

Amber says that Butch wants to know why she didn’t take the opportunity to go to rehab when it was offered. (At one point, MTV must have been doling out rehab stays like Oprah gives out cars.) Amber declined the offer, though, because apparently she likes a challenge. She tells everyone at the table that she challenged herself to get off “Adderall” and she accomplished the task.

It was a ding-dang Christ-meth miracle!

“Why does everyone think I’m on drugs!?”

Unfortunately, no one (not even Amber’s young daughter) is buying that Amber is 1) sober 2) only using Addarall. Your mouth says “Adderall” but your picked skin, wild street rat hair and burnt out teeth scream…something else. (On the bright side, it’s probably easy for Amber to count the “sleeps” she has until Christmas….because it’s literally “one.”)

Then, just when you think “Methany Tanner” can’t possibly make her life any worse than she already has, she drops a bombshell on her family. She informs everyone that she and Billy are looking to tie the knot and pop out some more babies in the near future. (I have so many questions! Will Amber bring her own “ice” to the winter wedding? Who will be the ankle bracelet bearer?! Will Billy’s leash reach all the way down the aisle? And…for the love of Baby Gary…can MTV please film this wedding?!)

Kim and Rich nearly blow a fuse after hearing this news. (Thankfully they don’t because that would affect the charge of Billy’s courtroom anklet.) Kim suggests the two pump the breaks, at least until Amber stops the pill-popping. Billy says that if they get married, it will be legal to have kids…or something.

“Where did it all go wrong? Maybe when I let her take Butch’s mugshot to school for show ‘n’ tell?”

This chick legit doesn’t even know how many children she currently has. I don’t think illegitimacy is the big issue here, guys.

Kim begs Amber to wait until she’s been off the pipe…er…I mean pills… for a year before she allows Leash Boy to knock her up. Amber agrees but then informs the entire table that she and Billy still won’t be using birth control.

Well, you’re certainly on the right show!

The scene ends with Kim looking terrified and Amber METHodically cackling. That’s bound to give me nightmares tonight!

We next jump back to Indiana, where the other Amber is trying to decide what color to paint her baby’s nursery. (You KNOW things are bad when Amber Portwood is the most prosperous Amber on this show!)

There are assorted blue paints (and random pets) everywhere, and Amber is feeling the baby kick. She lays back on her trusty GIANT SLOTH (yessss) until the kicking subsides.

“The sloth is my spirit animal,” Amber says.

Like, it’s not even fun when they take the jokes out of my mouth.

“This is legit the only thing in the house I can lay on that doesn’t smell like Matt’s foot sweat!”

Amber talks about how different this pregnancy is from her pregnancy with Leah. (We are treated to a few flashback clips that remind us what a disaster Amber was when Leah was a baby, which is fun. It’s nice to see Gary’s “Belden Lineman Camp” shirt again. Hello, old friend!)

Amber tells Andrew that she’s the happiest she’s been in years. Well, she’s certainly calmer…for now, anyway. But… Andy better not turn his back while standing on top of a flight of stairs…

In Tennessee, it’s the day before Maci heads off to the jungle naked, so she’s spending some one-on-one time with Bentley. While sitting in a pallet fort, Bentley tells Maci that he doesn’t think she’ll be able to stick it out during the show if her partner happens to quit. Maci reminds Bentley that she’s a strong independent woman that don’t need no man. Just like Bentley’s father, Ryan, she’s no quitter. (See what we did there?)

“Just think, Bentley, if I had never signed that contract with MTV, we might’ve been living in one of these!”

Later, Maci’s friends throw her a “Good Luck in the Jungle” going away party. Maci tells her friend she’s going to be gone for 16 days, 14 of which she’ll be without any contact with her family. Maci’s looking forward to having Taylor take care of the kids alone, because now he’ll understand what it’s like to have to drink beer in closets…or something.

In Indiana, it’s time for Gary and Jody to confront Gary’s mom Carol about her promiscuous past. Carol comes in and is just the epitome of holiday spirit! She’s wearing red, white and green ribbons in her hair. And, no, not regular hair ribbons but curling gift ribbons…like the kind you tie on your gift bag when you’re trying to act like you’re not reusing it.

#HairAccessoriesForThePoor

“It’s not my fault so many people want a piece of this!”

Surprisingly, Jody is not wooed by Carol’s hair adornments. Instead, he takes it upon himself to spill the beans about the DNA results before Gary arrives. Carol reminds Jody that he knew there was a possibility he wasn’t Gary’s dad. Jody starts to cry at the table and Carol dismisses his feelings with a simple “sorry.”

Oooh, Carol, girl you’re cold!

After Gary gets there, he asks Carol how many men could potentially be his father and she assures him there was only one other man it could be. Gary said it was be nice to know who the guy is, but Carol doesn’t offer any leads. She does reveal that she was a…wait for it…a teen mom when she had Gary.

I feel like Elton John should poke his head into the door of the pizza place right now and do a verse or two of “The Circle of Life.” It’s kind of fitting, no?

Carol apologizes that things didn’t turn out the way Gary and Jody wanted it to. She reminds them that she “can’t change” who she let diddle her back in the day.

In Michigan, with Tyler running out of people to film with, he’s forced once again to hang out his pill-popping, pregnancy-pursuing sister Amber. She brings up the idea of marrying Billy.

Tyler tells her that, yeah, it would be nice if Billy had a job and a car…not to mention the ability to move from room to room freely without having to look for a outlet to charge his court leash.

“How is this my life?”

“I don’t think there’s ever going to be a guy that I think is ever good enough for you,” Tyler says.

Um…Ty? Have you seen the “merchandise” you’re attempting to hawk here? Let’s just say if things stay as they are, a jobless, carless convict with a tether cord sounds about right.

Later, Amber and Billy are chatting about getting married. (This episode has literally featured more of Amber than any of the actual cast members on this show…and I’m not mad about it!) Amber, a proper lady, requests that Billy talk to her brother Tyler about things before they get married. (Surely they’ll want to work out the dowry and whatnot—two pipes, a therapy pig and a box of generic mac ‘n’ cheese for Amber’s dog-hair-covered hand in marriage?)

Over at Cate and Tyler’s house, Kim stops by for dinner. Kim tells Tyler that she is praying for him because she knows the next 30 days will be challenging for him. Sadly, Tyler knows that they won’t be hard, given that they are basically just like every other day of his life—someone in rehab, someone away from home, him taking care of everyone else.

While Kim is there, Cate Facetimes from rehab to check in. During the call, Cate tells Nova to draw her some pictures while she’s away and Nova excitedly runs off to get to work.

“Please keep your sister and her thug-of-the-month away from my daughter!”

Shortly after Tyler and Cate say goodbye, Nova runs into the room with her artwork to show Cate. Once she realizes her mom isn’t on the phone anymore, she starts to cry, throws her drawings on the floor and runs to her room. Tyler looks helpless and it’s a very sad scene.

Luckily, we have Farrah’s anti-Christ attitude to pick us up out of our sad mood. The episode ends with a phone call from Farrah to Morgan informing him that she’s not willing to close the door (or her legs) to the world of adult films. Her explanation is full of the “Farrah Speak” we’re honestly going to miss.

“Web cams and adult entertainment and healthy sex, and sex lives and safe sex is more beneficial and I will always continue to do that regardless if it’s my own show, not on MTV anymore,” Farrah tells him.

Morgan looks like he’s trying to comprehend what the hell this lunatic just said. He tells her to do what she feels is best for her, and Farrah tells him that he’ll be hearing from her lawyer.

We’re then treated to a mini-montage of Farrah’s social media posts confirming her departure from MTV. The tweets are all made up of A+ Farrah speak, of course, with claims of “hate crimes” and whatnot (not to mention the frequent use of the incorrect form of “there,” “they’re” and “their.”)

A message then comes on the screen that states, “Farrah is no longer filming with ‘Teen Mom.’”

So long, dear Porta-Potty…we’ll miss you!

I’m assuming that Tyler’s sister, Amber, will be taking her spot, given how much airtime she got this week? If she can’t have the spot, can we at least give it to Gary’s mom, Carol? I’d love to take a deeper look into her curling-ribbon-covered dating adventures!

Until next week, kids!

To read the recap of the previous ‘Teen Mom OG’ episode, click here!

(Photos: MTV)

 

 

54 Comments

  1. Look up Tyler’s sister Amber’s boyfriend criminal record. Billy Wade Elkins Jr. This is not his first time at the rodeo. Great Father material


  2. My icy, cold, dark heart completely shattered into a million pieces when Nova ran into the room so excited to show her mom the pictures she made for her only to find out she was no longer on the phone. That was tough to watch. Poor Nova.


  3. That’s what I was thinking. I think that’s why Mackenzie wants a baby with Ryan so badly. She really wants Ryan to forget about Maci, But he won’t because he still loves her. Mackenzie is so dumb she doesn’t even see that.


  4. Hey everybody, I’m just now watching last night’s episode. Did anyone else hear Mackenzie say that Ryan has never been an absentee father? WTF!


    1. Mackenzie is delusional. And saying that Maci has never gotten over Ryan meanwhile all he talks about is Maci.


    2. Would ya look at that, a single down vote on everything mentioning how delusional Mackenzie is. Is that you, Macktruck?


  5. Amazing recap – one of the best. I hope you recap last night’s episode too!

    I feel bad for Tyler. When you just look at him and Cate, they are no great shakes. But when you look at what Tyler came from (with maybe the exception of Kim…maybe), holy crap he’s pretty OK. He has a house (3 I think actually), a business, and takes care of everyone. Not too shabby considering that he too could be tethered to an outlet.

    I’m surprised that Jody is not the father. Gary looks so much like him I think (or maybe just because they both sit like giant lumps the same). If Jody is not the father, then Carol certainly has a type, doesn’t she.

    The reason I’m excited to have the recap for last night is so I see what is said about the fact that Maci can’t even take her daughter up to bed in her first big girl bed without taking along her booze (the “hard” in Hard Soda means booze, Maci – you aren’t fooling us by switching from Bud Light).


  6. OMG poor Gary. Carol must backed her poontang up to a glory hole and just let men deposit into her sperm dumpster. What a nasty piece of work. I loved that phrase “which yutz she went to Pound Town with……so flipping funny! I live for your recaps!


    1. Especially the leash thing, that was amazing! I totally missed that, because I always zoned out while watching TM. Thank you, The Ashley, for being awake and alert while watching this show and pointing out the gems <3 I'll keep cackling on 😀


  7. Ayyyy that was my tweet that Taylor retweeted and added his rant to last night. I was completely unprepared for that. It made it to RadarOnline.


  8. -That dramatic ass tomb raider music they were playing during Farrah’s segments killed me

    -Wtf is up Carol’s ass?? She was like the devil during Being Gary and I feel so bad for poor Jody. She couldn’t have cared less how upset he was

    -Billy looks like a serial killer. The way he kept smiling at everything was really creepy


  9. Love the recaps of this show! Agree with all of the comments and there is really nothing I can add. I laughed so hard at the recaps and photos. I always thought Tyler had a “normal” sister, but what a mess she is! Is her self-esteem that low that she picks a loser, with an ankle monitor, for a boyfriend! No wonder all the people are such a mess…..look at the parents!! You reap what you sow. If one parent is insane and a mess….you have a 50/50 chance of being that way. If both parents are a mess….you are doomed. Out of all of these people, I think Tyler and Gary have a chance of leading productive lives and being good parents.


  10. I wish they played all of Farrah’s abusive clips to her during her chat “inside”. Just to see her face and justification. I have only watched the past 2 seasons of this show and she is so cringeworthy on her abuse of the crew. I can only imagine what there was prior to that as well. She is delusional but we kinda knew that.


  11. Sometimes I look at Tyler’s mom and think “Man, she’s so normal and down to earth.” but then I remember she got with Butch and had a few kids by him so maybe not so much so.


      1. To be fair, now that April is clean, she seems pretty OK. And I noticed last night that Cate looks just like her. Was April a hot mess before Butch or did Butch make her a hot mess?


        1. She was a hot mess long before Butch. Cate has mentioned her mom had new boyfriends all the time when she was growing up, and they did drink/do drugs together, which made her neglect her children. Also lots of yelling and fighting between April and her boyfriends that Cate grew up around. She got with Butch after Cate got with Tyler. Would be very creepy if it was the other way around and Cate started dating her (sort of) stepbrother :/ But thankfully that wasn’t the case.


  12. I never knew how much Carol, Gary’s mom, was such a screw up. This past season has been all about his mom on Gary’s segments. If I was her I would be totally embarrassed. She is practicly throwing a fit because she doesn’t get sex from a man she doesn’t want a relationship with. I feel bad for Gary if that’s all the parent he had growing up. You can see how much of a better life he is giving his kids. And how his wife seemed so genuinely upset that jody wasn’t his dad. She felt so bad for both of them.

    And then there’s Amber screwing her life up every chance she gets. Gary was always the better half of that relationship.


  13. Methany Tanner and Uncle Fester! Yes!!! I’ve been waiting on this recap all week! Tyler’s stepdad looks somewhat blue collar normal and even he was probably thinking how he can get out of the mess that is his step children’s lives. And Adderall my ass, she would look the opposite of how she does now, my vote is definitely meth, heroin seems too classy. Aside from that my only other true cringe moment was Gary’s moms reaction to the test results. When she smugly says “you’ll always be mine”. Have some compassion lady! You just drug poor Jody around for 30 years!


    1. Carol came across so cold and uncaring in this segment! And to think, poor Jody has a charge against for NOT paying child support…. if I were him I would totally make her pay back every cent she collected. And her last comment of “always be mine”…. that was a total slap in poor Jody’s face.


      1. She’s using gift wrap to accessorize, I highly doubt she’s able to pay anyone back for that meal they enjoyed let alone 30 years of child support ?


  14. Hooray for TM recaps! Chelsea/Ashley, you’re absolutely hilarious. Thanks for bringing me a little Christmeth cheer.


  15. LOL, scrap the “original” Amber and put Tyler’s sister on! She’s a much more interesting mess, boyfriend on a leash, you can’t make this stuff up!

    Man, Carol, Gary was convinced Jody was his dad for all this time, at least HINT him as to who it might be! (Even if he is married and prob doesn’t want to know about him…..or doesn’t even know)

    Bye, Felicia, don’t let the door hit ya!

    Maci going on Naked and Afraid seems so random…….but if she feels like she can do it, more power to her!


  16. Fantastic recap. I legit feel bad for poor Tyler. He really does take care of everyone else and seems to get so little in return.

    Farrah, don’t let the door hit you in the money-maker (and by money-maker, I mean ass) on the way out.


  17. When I saw Billy’s plug-in ankle monitor, I literally thought to myself “I wonder what the Ashley will say about this?” You did not disappoint! I could not stop laughing!!! Everything that went through my head was literally written here…only much funnier!!!


    1. I think it’s more of a paradox than just being lazy. Sadly, depression makes you feel unmotivated and not wanting to do anything. Ironically, doing something and getting out and about can make you feel better. Hopefully her treatment is helping her. It’s almost like you have to force yourself up and about.


    2. As someone who has suffered from depression quite recently, that is a very unkind thing to say. Depression can be so crippling you can’t get out of bed. Or some days it’s safer to stay in bed, because otherwise you see too many opportunities to off yourself. I seriously had to ride my bike to places just so I wouldn’t have the tempting thought to wrap my car around a tree. Please don’t call people with depression lazy. Also, Cate, is suffering from anxiety issues (as you can see by her constant lip and nail biting) that she probably hides as much as she can from the public eye. I’ve had panic attacks twice and it was horrible, especially combined with a depression. I just wanted to die right there and then, because death would be better than that feeling. Again, please don’t judge depression issues if you don’t know what it’s like.


  18. Michigan Amber…can we just call her Miamber?…is a scary reminder of what Cate and Tyler would be without the TM money.


  19. Have to say my laugh for tonight was Andrew giving himself the upgrade first from cameraman to cinematographer, and now he’s”writing screenplays.” Sure, I am buying that.


  20. Have to say my laugh for tonight was Andrew giving himself the upgrade first from cameraman to cinematographer, and now he’s”writing skills screenplays.” Sure, I’m buying that.


    1. Last night’s episode, Amber’s brother kept talking about how Andrew has a job. How is that? What job in Indiana is he going to work and making a living off of? How is he a cinematographer/cameradude while living with Amber and writing screenplays is not a job. Is he really that many steps above Matt (who was a complete loser)


  21. Amazing recap. Captions= priceless. Poor Tyler. Sad when April doesn’t even seem bad anymore compared to everyone else. Where is Cates Dad? Is he even in the picture anymore?
    Farrah is such a narcissist. She will never see she did anything wrong and blame everyone else. Please never put her on tv again.


    1. Same – the Ashley’s TMOG recaps and user comments are a better use of my time instead of watching the show. Although I’m curious to watch the scenes with Tyler’s sister – the Ashley makes them sound trash-tastically entertaining.

      Watching TM2 is still my guilty pleasure, though.


  22. I actually can’t believe one family (Tyler’s) can have so much drama. Kim seems pretty normal, I can’t imagine her ever being with Butch. Amber is crazy, how did she meet the druggy boyfriend? Everyone seems ok with it, like it’s totally normal to bring home a felon!
    I have very little to say on Farrah, mainly because I don’t want to waste my words. Good bye.
    How much does Leah look like Gary’s mum? I watched Being Gary earlier- what a tool she is. Her reaction at the proposal was very, very odd!! Gary, is like a spoilt, bratty big baby. How/why Christina puts up with him I don’t know- she seems so lovely, kind and calm- just what Leah needs in her life.
    Amber, I honestly don’t get her either! Lovely daughter, who dotes on her mum, only to be slotted in as an when she can be arsed getting out of bed! I know she has mental health issues, but she managed to go and find a boyfriend… I have 5 chronic conditions, and I still manage to look after my children AND work!!


  23. Ashley I don’t know what I would do without these recaps. I was having a terrible day, then I read your recap and realized my life could be so so so much worse. You’re better than any therapy horse!


  24. Holy hell. Tyler’s sister is a mess. She and the boyfriend need to unplug his leash and march over to rehab! How is this chick in charge of children?!?

    I’m surprised Tyler has survived his childhood honestly


    1. I reloaded the page (which I hate to waste the time doing) just to say this:
      Seriously, Tyler has done amazingly well for himself (Even Cate has, honestly). Props to Tyler.

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