‘Teen Mom 2’ Season 8B Episode 24 Recap: Wifey Javi & the West Virginia Witches

“That last Reunion was scarier than any Halloween horror you could throw at me!”

It’s time to check in with the “ladies” of Teen Mom 2!

On this episode, the cops are called (and, surprisingly, not to The Land), Javi and Briana spend some quality time together (surprisingly not at da club), Kail introduces us to a new “daddy” (surprisingly not one of her son’s fathers) and despite not being on camera, Adam continues to out-Adam himself — no surprise there.

The only thing more painfully drawn out than Kail’s baby-naming process is undoubtedly MTV’s airing of LAST SEASON’s ‘Teen Mom 2’ reunion… but low and behold, we’ve finally made it to the end of that dark and trashilicous tunnel!

After a tedious few days of contractually obligated filming under one roof, the moms and their assorted motley crews are finally heading back to their respective swamps/crowded apartments/cabins/holler-adjacent humble abodes to keep the merriment and cameras rolling.

First, we check in with Kail, who says she’s ready to put the reunion drama behind her… all while she continues to talk about the reunion drama.

Kail brags to Jo (who is being mobbed by Kail’s litter of offspring) and her “special” friend Dom that she kept her cool during filming and even Producer J.C. chimes in to sing Kail’s praises, suggesting that MTV may need to change the title of the show to “Adult Mom.”

Kids love Jo…he’s like the rappin’ Santa Claus!

Before leaving Kail’s house, Jo says he’s glad he and (most of) Kail’s kids were not present for the garbage-fire of a reunion.

Jo has barely scooted out the door when Producer J.C. turns into some sort of gossiping tween.

“So, what’s up with the whole Javi/Briana thing?” he asks Kail, all while acting like this is a TOTALLY NEW SUBJECT that has never been discussed.

Kail is over it and tells J.C. she’s happy that Javi is bangin’ it out with Briana at Briana’s apartment (all while her mom and sister are probably sitting on the same couch, watching old episodes of Bad Girls Club to try to get fight tips for the next Reunion.)

She says she’s done talking about Briana and Javi.

When no one wants to gossip with you and it’s no fair…

“When he has a girlfriend, he leaves me alone!” Kail says, adding that she will probably never talk about Javi on-camera again.

Ha ha, good one Kail. Yeah, and Flat Tummy Tea really does help people lose weight!

Next, we visit with Leah, who has really classed up her child swaps this season! She’s no longer meeting her baby daddies on the side of a road to exchange youngins; she’s now coming over to Jeremy’s place to fetch her kid!

Leah is strutting her stuff as she walks up to Jeremy’s door. Her hair is freshly curled, and she’s made sure to slather on plenty of that Magic Lipstick she was hawking last season to ensure she’s lookin’ all gussied up for Jeremy.

After Addie tells Leah she wants Jeremy to go trick-or-treating with them the next day, Leah invites him to tag along. Jeremy jumps at the chance to go… “for Addie”…of course.

“Well, clearly he don’t have no problems with that or you wouldn’t be here!”

Jeremy notices how fancy Leah’s gotten herself and seems to want to do some “Monster Mashin’” with Leah after the girls pass out in a candy coma.

Leah’s flirting must be a bit rusty. After telling Addie that she doesn’t like Jeremy because  his last name is “Cow Fart” (Calvert/Cow Fart…see what she did there? Me neither…) Jeremy rolls his eyes, but then remembers it’s possible he could get laid, so he stays quiet.

“Ding-dang! Leah’s lookin’ hotter than a biscuit right fresh out’the oven!”

Leah heads home to do some gossiping with her friend Meghan. (Where’s Producer JC when you need him?)

Leah fills Meghan in on the reunion drama, all while Meghan—who is obviously green when it comes to “The Hollywood” filming and such—can’t stop staring at the camera. Leah compares the Reunion to being on The Real Housewives, and frankly, we don’t know which franchise should be more offended by that statement.

Leah also tells Meghan that she is surprised that Jeremy wants to come trick-or-treating with her and the girlseseses, since he has never before wanted to spend Halloween with her and the kids.

“I won’t be needing no spellbook to snag me an ex-baby daddy, no sir!”

Down in Florida, Briana gets her talons cleaned up in preparation for Javi’s visit.

While at the nail salon, Briana tells her friend she’s keeping her guard up with Javi even though he’s “a good boy.” That is, he’s “a good boy” until things eventually go south and he is declared Public Enemy #1 by Briana, her mom and her sister. But for now, things are great and no one is at risk of being hit in the head with a stiletto.

Over at Chelsea’s house, the baby fever is not letting up and she and Cole are ready to try for Baby #3. Chelsea says she’s stocked up on ovulation tests and is tracking everything on her phone to ensure she and Cole can pop out more babies to fill their cabin.

(But…if a baby is born in wedlock on a ‘Teen Mom’ show, does its birth even count?)

“Pants down, gimme that sperm, DeBoer!”

Chelsea says it’s weird to actually be trying to get pregnant on purpose. Sounds like someone has been visiting ItsYourSexLife.org, guys!

Finally, we venture down to North Carolina, where Barb is treating her son grandson Jace to a pizza picnic…in the middle of some sort of random road or something (as you do).

The next day, Jenelle tells us she’s “still pissed at my mom and Nathan from the Reunion.”

Does anyone else feel like we’ve been hearing Jenelle say this exact same line for the last five years? I think they’re just inserting old soundbites into new episodes at this point.

Anyway, Jenelle is fresh out of the therapist’s office after discussing her relationship (or rather lack thereof) with her oldest son Jace.

While sitting in a random parking lot, Jenelle calls Lurch (who else?!) to tell him how the appointment went.

“The therapist said that me and Jace need to, like, connect more,” Jenelle tells her husband.

Apparently Jenelle’s eyebrows also feel that they need to connect more?

The therapist also thinks Jace and Jenelle need some therapy sessions together, as well as some sessions with Barb and eventually, some one-on-ones with Jace and Lurch. (Everyone would need to be properly frisked before entering any sort of meeting, hopefully…)

Jenelle says she warned the therapist that Barb won’t be too pleased about those suggestions. She also blames Barb for not having Jace’s best interest in mind, unlike her and David who “co-parent with our exes” well.

Um…nothing says “co-parenting well” quite like fighting with your ex just days ago, in front of your son and a camera crew, during a reunion taping. Am I right?

The therapist also states that it’s a bad idea for Jenelle and Lurch to constantly bash Barbara in front of Jace…and for them to constantly pressure Jace into saying he wants to move onto The Land. Go figure…

“It’s not like I try to fight my exes and their new girlfriends whenever I get around them…oh, wait…”

Meanwhile in Florida, “Daddy Javi” has arrived to spend some time with Briana. He will, unfortunately, have to keep it in his pants for a little while longer, as he is immediately peer-pressured into playing stepdad to Briana’s kids, specifically Nova who guilts him into joining her in a bounce house.

Briana watches as Nova and Javi play together, and you can almost see her trying to squeeze her Nuva ring out of her Dr.-Miami-doctored-vagina.

That move is going to come in handy when you’re dodging one of Roxanne’s pumps, Javi…

Over in Delaware, Kail is joining Jo and his family at a fundraiser they’re hosting to help hurricane victims in Puerto Rico. (Santa Jo to the rescue again!)

While discussing the event, Kail tells Jo and Vee that she’s bringing her “Daddy Dom” as her date. Jo tells Dom he feels uncomfortable calling her “daddy” but she assures him he’ll warm up to it, though Jo disagrees.

A few days later, it’s almost time for the hurricane benefit,  and Kail and crew are primping before they head out. While playing with Lux, Kail’s friend Becky jokes that she, Dom and Kail are “Two and Half Lesbians and a Baby.”

Coming to CBS this fall…

Something tells me ol’ Lurch won’t be tuning in for that show. He’s not so big on “the gays” and such, as we know…

Dom, Becky and Jo get suited up (and, luckily, no one has chosen the same suit from the Burlington Coat Factory, phew!) and the whole gang heads out to the benefit.

Soon, everyone is “Electric Sliding” their way to helping Puerto Ricans get drinking water and stuff. It’s a great time for all, especially Daddy Dom, who keeps trying to casually put her arm around Kail for most of the night. (I think she may have even tried the trusty “yawn arm” move they taught us on shows like “Saved By The Bell.”)

Back in The WV, Leah’s crew has erupted into chaos! The twins are getting their Halloween makeup put on, while Addie ditches her usual dinner of sugar packets and months-old Pillsbury icing to chomp into a cameraman who is dressed as a hamburger.

Thank the Baby Jesus that man didn’t dress up as a Lunchable or all three girlseses would have been gnawing at him!

When your mom forgets to buy you canned raviolis…

After Leah scolds her youngest daughter for cannibalizing the producer, the twins get into fight over a spell book. (Seriously, I never thought I’d get to type that sentence!)

The twins are both dressed as witches, and they both want that ding-dang spell book! Soon, girlseses are flying everywhere, as Aleeah pushes Ali down and almost takes Addie with her. Aleeah apologizes (probably because she’s knows she’s ‘bout to get a whippin’ for hurting her fragile sister), but Ali kicks back at her in disgust.

Leah don’t got time for no spell book squabble, y’all! She’s got her second baby daddy coming any minute and she has yet to transform herself into a sexy, yet sensible adult witch! She grabs the spell book and tells Aleeah she’s calling her father, Corey Tyler, to tell him what’s happened.

“All y’all kids, just stop it, now, ya hear!?”

Aleeah is scared at the thought of Daddy Corey (not to be confused with Daddy Dom) finding out what a rascal she’s been, so she starts crying and kicking things. Leah shuts herself into the bathroom to call up Corey, who is clearly not thrilled that he’s being bothered to straighten out a squabble over a spell book. (He answers the phone, “Yeah?” after all…)

He goes ahead and disciplines his daughter, threatening a two-week grounding and telling her to “lose that attitude right now!” (I’ll bet Barb wishes she could call up Corey Tyler any time she needed to tell Jenelle to lose her damn attitude!)

In the end, everyone gets to be a witch and go trick-or-treating, even Leah, who’s hoping that her costume will have Jerm “bewitched” by the end of the night.

While trick-or-treating, Addie is caught by Leah trying to go to a house for candy twice.

“Look at you, tryin’ to double dip!” she tells Addie (although Jeremy turns around because he thinks Leah’s talking to him…and she very well could be, given the recent sexual tension between them!)

Wait…is that David? What’s he doing in West Virginia?

Next, we head to The Land, where a 911 call is being made. (So, you know, business as usual…)

Jenelle is calling the police on Jace’s behalf. She tells the operator that Jace called her crying, claiming that Barb had hit him.

This sounds like a job for Corey Tyler to straighten out, no?

The police are sent to Barb’s house, and the next day, Jenelle and Lurch regale producers with the tale of what happened in Barb’s House of Wayward Grandchildren the night before.

Jenelle says that Jace confessed he had lied and that Barb really hadn’t hit him. Despite this revelation, Jenelle says she still fears for Jace’s safety and wants to take her mom back to court over custody of Jace.

And the “Give Me Back My Son” storyline marches on…

In the aftermath of Jenelle’s 911 call, Barb tells the producers about Jace’s latest behavior issues and how he’s been getting out of hand.

“I don’t want Jace to get put unda Juh-nelle and David’s spell!”

Barb says all Jace wants is for everyone to get along but she just doesn’t see it happening. Barb is worried about Jace’s future and is determined to make sure he grows up properly, aka far away from The Land, and in her custody.

Speaking of custody issues, over in South Dakota, Chelsea is moving forward with getting the court to require Adam’s visitation with Aubree to be at a supervised center. Adam has just been thrown in the slammer for domestic assault (again) and Chelsea has had it with his nonsense.

Chelsea says that she wants Aubree to have a relationship with her father, but her safety is the most important thing. As we all know, Adam is unpredictable. The only “safe” thing is the assumption that he’s wearing a shirt too small for him, walking around in a cloud of protein drink residue and reeking of gym sweat and bad decisions. Oh, and drugs…

“I still can’t believe I used to let him touch me with those methy mitts of his! I need to bathe in Lysol just thinking about it!”

“I don’t think Adam’s parents would be Aubree in danger on purpose, but he is on drugs and stuff and erratic,” Chelsea said. “If he just showed up at their house and lost his s**t…”

Chelsea drowns her slimy baby daddy sorrows in a Starbucks Skinny Latte, and later, tells Producer Mandy that Father/Felon of the Year Adam, is once again requesting that Chelsea lower child support.

On the most-recent court papers, Adam states that his “situation” has changed and that he’s also trying to start his own business.

“I will not laugh on camera at the thought of Adam starting a business. I will not laugh on camera…”

We can only assume that business is some sort of reverse psychology life coaching. He might actually be pretty good at that; if his clients do exactly the opposite of what Adam has done, they’ll probably do pretty well in life!

Chelsea estimates that Adam is currently about $10,000 behind in child support. (It’s amazing how hard it is to support your kid when that MTV money stops flowing and you have to get a real job…are you hearing this, Jenelle?)

Chelsea tells the producers that if Adam happens to wind up in the slammer for his latest offense, she’ll tell Aubree the truth because she old enough to know her dad doesn’t have his life together…which is, of course, the understatement of the year.

Speaking of not having your life together, we next check back in with Javi and Briana, who are preparing to go on a real date together.

Briana warns Javi she’s going to take a long time to get herself dolled up. (Hey, Dr. Miami can’t fix everything, after all.)

Um…UM!?! Did anyone notice Javi’s new title!?

Not wanting to end up having movie night with Roxanne and Brittany on the couch (aka Luis’ former place of residence), Javi offers to help Briana with the girls to speed things up and get closer to checking into that Ramada Inn they’re inevitable going to end up in.

“It does take a village to raise a God-damn child,” Briana says.

She really should jot that down in Stella’s baby book…

“I’m just trying to get laid tonight.”

As soon as Briana heads into the “bafffroom” to do her makeup, the rest of the DeJesus clan walks in.

Brittany immediately gets mad about some spilled tomato sauce.

Javi tells her not to get her tube top in a bunch, and that it’s a “quick cleanup.”

Brittany does not find Javi’s response funny. She tells him that because he’s “out here tryin’ to wife my sister, you clean it.”

And Javi does.

Javi thinks that, now that he’s cleaned up some spilled tomato sauce, he’s free to bone Briana, but Roxanne has a different idea.

When you’re about to blast your daughter’s next suitor but then you remember he comes with military benefits…

She corners Javi on the couch and says she needs to “ax” him some questions. Roxanne wants to make sure Javi’s intentions are pure (just like her daughter) and we know she means business because she drew on her serious eyebrows for this scene.

Over in Delaware, Kail and Dom are driving home the day after the hurricane fundraiser, when Kail says she’s getting questions asking if Dom is her new girlfriend.

When someone asks us why the hell we still watch this terrible show…

Dom and Kail decline to DTR, though their flirty exchange all but confirms that they’re dating. Move over Jo, Javi and Chris… there’s a new daddy in town.

Until next time, hold on to your spellbooks, kids!

To read The Ashley’s other TV show recaps, click here!

(Photos: MTV)

 

 

 

41 Comments

  1. People say Chelsea is boring but I find Jenelle even more boring. And when she’s not being boring, she’s just being a hard to watch awful mom to Kaiser.


  2. Can’t wait for the next recap. David is scary AF in the kitchen scene about Nathan and the poor kids are all right there. It’s so sad they think that’s a normal way to live. I’m old and only seeing it through the tv, and he was putting ME on edge – I can’t imagine how stressed out those kids must be.


    1. How about the preview of next week’s where is swearing and yelling at the kids for doing kid things? THAT is the REAL David Eason… Not this doting, pretend-decent act he’s been putting on during his scenes (minus the infamous balloon-slashing incident of 2017)


    2. I was glad his mom stated it could be a female OR a male who likes drama when he said his misogynistic comment.


      1. David made that comment about Nathan liking drama like a female in front of his mom, wife, and both daughters because of course he did. Misogynistic pig.


  3. Am I the only one who thinks it was a bit much the way Briana was acting over Lincoln’s birthday? She dated Javi for only 2-3 months and it was totally inappropriate the way she was so comfortable organizing the party and showing up when she knew it made Kail uncomfortable and had caused problems. I think that REGARDLESS of your opinion on Kail’s behavior, any reasonable person in Brianas situation would have opted out that early in the relationship. Give Kail time to get over it and try to make peace. You’re dating your former friends ex-husband. Petty as it was to flat out not go to her own sons birthday, it was more petty of Briana to step in that early on.


  4. Sure Roxanne, your daughter has already been impregnated twice by whatever human detritus floated into her path, but when a man with a job comes courting, that’s the time to put your foot down and give him the third degree. But not before you let him clean up after your grandchildren and get them changed for bed.


  5. Oh Ashley! Thank you! Forget Joe! You are my Santa! This recap was perfect.
    If I’m not mistaken, I have been reading your recaps for 13 years starting with Laguna Beach. Is that right?
    Please don’t stop! Your recaps make so many people happy!


  6. The shit that comes out of Kailyn’s mouth. Ok Kailyn said her and Dom didn’t have sex. That they were just friends. She’s doesn’t care who Javi dates but is quick to have a fight with Briana. As soon as the news Javi gf is pregnant then all of a sudden Kailyn says she cheated on Dom with Javi. One narcissistic beotch. It’s also reported Dom got tested for stds after being with Kailyn.


    1. You know who else didn’t believe that “just a friend” line?

      Biz Markie.

      Don’t give me that. Don’t even give me that.


  7. I’m a bit disturbed that MTV chose not to edit David out of the entire season , they’ve had plenty of time before this aired. This leads me to believe that he wasn’t actually fired, they just aren’t filming him anymore . If my memory serves correct; mtv stated that they “ ended their relationship with David “ they never said they terminated him. It appears thT mtv wanted to avoid controversy and losing sponsors- they threw us a bone and it all went away. I thought it was strange ( even for Jenelle) when the demand was made to pay his way to the reunion, now it makes sense to me.. they are still paying out his contract and not filming him to please the public.
    If you think about this ( be fair in your mind) David was ignorant and derogatory but, he didn’t point out one person, he didn’t threaten anyone (surprising ).. he made his thoughts on being gay. This great country that gives gays their rights is the same country that give us our rights to believe and worship as we wish, it also gives us our freedom of speech. Sorry Nathan, David does NOT have to be accepting to gays.. I don’t believe he was fired and no longer gets paid; we would have heard much more about it from Jenelle ‘s end.
    Look what just happened to Roseanne, they pulled reruns and everything, by are we still seeing David?


    1. Remember when Charlie sheen was fired?? They showed no picture of him, no old scenes, nothing! They would have to pay him to do that , he was fired!


  8. Omg I was dying laughing about the producer dressing up as a Lunchable and the canned raviolis ??? These people are so garbage and dumb enough to have that broadcasted for millions. Leah has zero control over her kids, hopefully she doesn’t ever have anymore. Jenelle is her typical terrible self, which is tame compared to her homophobic husband. Brianna is a “good girl” letting her boyfriend of two minutes undress her children so she can paint herself up to get smashed. And Kail is a confused, egotistical mess as usual. I’ve never really been a fan of Chelsea but props to her glow up, these girls should feel worse seeing her life compared to theirs lol.


    1. That’s hardly fair to say about Leah, imho. She has three young girls, one of whom has a severe disability. Kids are going to fight and argue. As the youngest of four children, I know this. I do not think it was wrongs for Leah to call Corey. You can see that Gracie realized right away that she was in trouble. They have been struggling to manage Ali’s disease and Gracie’s behavior problems and I feel both are doing a good job co-parenting. It’s excellent for Gracie and Ali to see that mom and dad have their best interests and parent them together, rather than individually. Gracie is disciplined when she behaves badly. The parents have discussed the behavioral issue together and put Gracie in therapy. They’ve done everything correctly thus far.


      1. She probably doesn’t even have kids, or only has one cuz any parent knows that’s exactly how siblings act! You can’t helicopter over them every second of the day! I thought Leah handled it well… It’s parenting!


    2. If you thought Leah ‘s kids were out of control i welcome you to observe my boys in their natural habitat lol !! That scene was like a regular Tuesday morning in my house! They’re siblings and they’re kids all hopped up over Halloween ffs


      1. You’re right. There is no way I can be a mother because I don’t tolerate ignorance and disrespect, or need a man to be the authority figure in my home ? If the type of chaos we’ve seen in Leah’s home is regular for you, then we’re going to have to agree to disagree. Leah is a doormat, and is apparently stretched entirely too thin between her children (exactly why she doesn’t need anymore). I fully understand sibling rivalry and childhood tantrums, it’s to be expected. But she has no organization or control with those girls, and it’s sad because they obviously need it.


        1. The “you must not be a parent” comment burns me up Every. Single. Time. As if all parents see things the exact same way.

          Agree with everything else you said as well.


          1. I can’t wait for it to no longer be trendy to wear chaos as a badge of honor in parenthood ? Kids will be kids, I have two, I know this. But on the regular? Nah, my household doesn’t run like that. Downvote away ??


    3. Leah’s girls are out of control. As much as I hate Kail, her boys are very respectful and well behaved.


      1. They are. But they also act like typical boys and I’m sure have fought over a toy or two, just maybe not while cameras are rolling. If they haven’t then she deserves a round of applause cuz she birthed some fucking unicorns. As for Leah’s kids – I guess that’s a matter of opinion, and it seems like she’s taking steps to get to the root of the issue with her daughter who is seemingly acting out.


  9. I was waiting for Jenelle to tell the 911 operator that Barb was just mad because she missed her Swamp wedding.


  10. Yes! New recap!

    This show continues to be a giant dumpster fire. Not much to to say about Chelsea (which is why she gets webcam interviews and Jenelle gets a custom set in NC). Kail and Dom and their little happy lesbian family bit was a bit over the top. Jo was all of us when he told Dom that he would never call her Daddy Dom. She was around for like 6 weeks.

    Leah has come a long way, although I didn’t really like her using Corey as a threat and making him deal with Aleah. And I actually felt bad for the kid. She didn’t mean for Ali to fall and immediately apologized and tried to help her up. Her taking all the blame for the incident seemed a bit unfair. And Leah was very quick to doubt her, which is probably contributing to her attitude. It’s obvious that she feels like she is being overlooked.

    Brianna and Javi…I just can’t. I always suspected their relationship was fake. But, Briana suggesting that Javi get Stella AND Nova changed for bed was ridiculous. Nova is 5 and you claim she is too shy to visit her dad, but a strange man can change her clothes? Javi had to be the one who said no. Unreal. I can only imagine what would have happened if Brittany walked in on Javi undressing Nova.

    Jenelle is a liar and a horrible person. Does anyone remember that a day or two after this 911 call, Jenelle went on vacation…without Jace? She was so concerned for him that she needed to leave town. She didn’t petition for custody after this happened or do anything. As usual, she just talks about getting custody because she think it’s makes her look like a concerned parent. Meanwhile, poor Jace is clearly messed up and Jenelle is more concerned with looking like a good mom than being one. And lol at “we already know how to co-parent” ?


  11. I think that it’s a true testament to The Ashley and Chelsea’s writing talents that we’re all here jonesing (or should I say: “Rhine-ing”?) for more TM recaps, even though we’ve also read all their other articles so we know how most of this shit ends. These recaps never disappoint!


  12. Without trying, Roxanne looks more like a witch in the picture where she’s holding the baby than Leah and the girlses do in full costume and makeup.


  13. I don’t like how they just glazed over the whole 911/Jace incident… I know we heard about it when it happened, and any parents of special needs children totally get it buuut – I felt we coulda used more there… In addition to jenelle eating her words, but hey that’s just wishful thinking cuz she’s always right in her world.


  14. Savage recap – worth the wait. My answer to the question as to why I still watch this dumpster fire of a show is so I can fully appreciate and be able to laugh even harder at your recaps and the comments.


  15. I’m more and more convinced that Javi and Briana’s “relationship” was staged for the show. At least it was by Javi and the producers. Brianna might be too dumb to participate in something like that.

    I want to see a reality show that features each of the DeJesus witches living alone for 6 months, not allowed to contact each other at all. I suspect they’d actually get their shit together without feeding into each other’s drama.

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