Teen Mom OG star Maci Bookout says there’s not much that can scare her these days. After all, she’s already had a child shoot from her loins (on TV, in cartoon-form) at the tender age of 16; gone face-to-face with whatever face her ‘Teen Mom’ foe Farrah Abraham was using at the time; and co-parented with Ryan Edwards.
Because of all this, Maci (oh so humbly) describes herself as a “badass.” She’s decided to leave the leather-pocket-T-shirt-filled home she shares with her husband Taylor McKinney and their brood of oopsie babies to venture into the Central American jungle to live for 14 days without food, clothing or…(gulp) Bud Light.
She’s heading to be Naked and Afraid, y’all!
Fans of ‘Teen Mom’ watched last season as Maci dished on the “survival show” she would be appearing on. During one episode, we watched as Maci built herself a survival shelter…out of wooden pallets surely stolen from the local Food City…as you do.
She also trekked her oldest “oopsie baby,” Bentley out to her Pallet Palace to explain to him how badass she is because she was able to parent him solo while his dad napped Bentley’s life away. Because of this, she said, she would never quit on ‘Naked And Afraid.’
She also hired a survival expert to teach her to build fire and throw hatchets and whatnot.
As the episode kicks off, we learn that this is a special edition of the show that has invited two “super fans” to live out their dream of facing blazing hot temperatures, dealing with more bugs than Kieffer Delp’s green hoodie ever had, all while wearing no clothing and hanging out with a stranger.
Sounds like fun!
Before heading out to the jungle, we get a little introduction from each of the participants. Maci tells us that she knows she can survive out in the wild. After all, she says, she’s been camping MULTIPLE TIMES a year, guys. She’s got this in the bag!
We’re also told that she was a teen mom, though she conveniently leaves out the part about being on ‘Teen Mom.’ #NetworkContracts
Maci tells viewers she hates when people tap out of the competition early. (Pay attention here, as this is important.)
“I mean, it’s gonna suck for sure but I’m not gonna quit,” she says.
We then get to meet Justin, the guy whose exposed trouser snake will be swinging in Maci’s face for the next 14 days. Justin is an ICU nurse and outdoorsman originally from Hawaii.
After factoring in their experience and qualifications, Justin is given a Primitive Survival Rating (PSR) of 5.3 out of 10.
Maci is given a PSR of 4.3. (Um…I guess she got a few points for being a celebrity?)
Next, we see Maci and Justin head separately to the middle of nowhere in Nicaragua. They are boated out to their location, which looks nice…from the water. It’s some sort of beach-like area, with plenty of dense jungle behind it.
Soon, it’s the dreaded moment whenMaci has to strip off her trusty Converse and clothing. After the producers have wrestled away her “Things That Matter” tee, Maci finds herself naked…and afraid.
Let’s stop here for a minute. The Ashley has never watched an episode of this show and would like to go on record to say that she has respect for anyone who even attempts this ridiculousness. So please do not bother leaving comments in regard to how The Ashley shouldn’t criticize Maci, since The Ashley just sits behind a computer all day writing about ‘Teen Mom’ and being lazy. That’s already been confirmed to be true.
Anyway, back to the jungle…
A naked Maci meets up with Justin, who is doing his best to pretend that he’s just reading Maci’s many body tattoos and not staring at her penis-gobbler.
Maci opens up with, “Are you excited?”
Well, for her sake, we hope not. #Awkward
Maci tells Justin she’s a big fan of the show and is pumped to be on it, though she admits it’s a bit uncomfortable being naked in front of a stranger (not to mention a camera crew!)
Maci and Justin check out their survival gear and decide to head toward fresh water. During their trek to the watering hole (that may or not be full of venomous snakes—fun!), they have to dodge giant thorns at their feet, one of which manages to get Maci.
(Um…is there a rule that these people aren’t allowed to tie leaves and vines around their feet until a few hours in or something? You best believe The Ashley would be weaving faster than Farrah’s hairstylist before a red carpet event—trying to make herself some damn hoof-covers before she ever started walking!)
Maci and Justin trek on, and shortly after, Justin spots some papaya high up in a tree. He and Maci decide to pull a “redneck ladder” and gather the fruit. After Justin hoists a nude Maci in the air, she’s feeling confident that she’ll be able to make it through the entire 14 days.
Later, they encounter more thorns on the ground, and Maci is on the full-on struggle bus. She’s limping through the jungle, complaining that her feet feel like they’re splitting apart.
Meanwhile, Justin doesn’t seem to be too bothered by the fact that he has spikes in his feet. He tries to encourage Maci but she lags behind and admits she may have underestimated this whole experience.
Maci tells Justin her feet feel like they’re going to fall off, so he generously offers to give her a buck-naked piggyback ride. Now there’s a good ice breaker!
Maci launches her nude body onto Justin’s sweaty back and he carries her (and her hoo-ha) through the jungle. Finally the poor guy is like, “Um…do you think you can walk now?” and Maci hops down sadly.
After coming across some angry tree monkeys, Maci and Justin finally reach the water and start to set up camp.
While Justin chops at a tree, Maci attempts to get a fire going. Between the two of them, they get it sparked and Justin celebrates with a fire dance that he dubs his “nut slap.”
Next up, Maci and Justin prepare for their first night in the jungle. They collect branches for their bed…but they soon realize that those branches are full of thorns. Instead of shucking the spiky sticks out of their bed, though, they continue to lay on them all night, for some reason.
Maci says she doesn’t get much rest, due to being poked with thorns, and having to worry about howler monkeys eating her. (And, of course, there’s always the chance that some sort of snapping-jawed bug could crawl up into gentleman greeter and/or “Backdoor” and infect her with some weird jungle disease worse than anything Ryan could have ever given her.)
Maci and Justin make it through to the next day. Justin—a regular jungle Buster Brown— is over by the river, weaving himself some palm frond slippers. Maci, meanwhile, is sitting in the dirt crying. She says she’s trying not to think about going home (or eating her words), but then breaks downs and tells viewers, “it’s really f**king hard.”
After seeing that Maci’s fashion abilities end at making leather pocket T-shirts, Justin offers to make her a pair of shoes like his, but Maci basically tells him not to waste his time, since she’s considering calling it quits. Justin tells her he thinks she’ll regret it if she bows out on Day 2.
Maci says it’s easy as a fan to sit back and watch people tough it out naked in the wilderness, but it’s a lot harder when you’re the one riding strangers naked and being stabbed by thorns.
After a few “Blair Witch Project”-esque closeup shots of Maci crying, she announces that she’s tapping out…after less than two days.
Maci says that she would have left even sooner (is that even possible?), had it not been for her awesome partner. (She really did hit the jackpot in the partner department; that may have been the most positive guy who has ever appeared on reality TV!)
Maci says her goodbyes to Justin, wishes him luck and most likely promises to send him some TTM graphic tees, an MTV swag bag and an autographed photo of Dr. Drew if he’s able to make it to the end.
After Maci’s departure, Justin ultimately suffers a severe machete injury to his foot and has to call it quits seven days early. In the end, Maci’s PSR dropped to 1.3, Justin’s dropped to 5.0 and our want for a full on ‘Teen Mom’ edition of ‘Naked and Afraid’ hit a 10.0!
Might we suggest filming a season of ‘Naked And Afraid’ on The Land where viewers can see Jenelle Evans and David Eason in their native habit? Now that would be something to be very afraid of!
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(Photos: Discovery Channel, MTV)