Pack up your t-shirts and dice because it’s time to pick back up with the cast of Jersey Shore Family Vacation in Las Vegas. When we last left the gang, the show had reached a Cops-esque level of hot mess, thanks to Ronnie and his in-need-of-a-straightjacket baby mama, Jen.
We check back in and see Ronnie getting screamed at by Jen. However, the tirade isn’t the only vile thing to come out of Jen’s mouth. We see her SPIT IN RONNIE’S FACE, and security, worried that they’re all going to end up on the news or, worse, TMZ, escorts her out. (Of course, not before Jen rips off her mic pack and literally SWINGS IT at Ronnie’s mug!)
And we thought the “Raaaahn and Sam Mattress Fight” of yesteryear was dramatic!
While everyone is hawking loogies and getting kicked out of hotels and whatnot, the other roommates go out to dinner to get away from the drama.
We are treated to dramatic scrolling across the screen that says, “After Jen stormed out, police arrived to investigate what happened. MTV was not permitted to film the investigation.”
(WTF, MTV? You couldn’t tie a hidden camera to some random production assistant’s collar or something? I’m disappointed…)
We cut to the next morning as Ronnie explains what happened. He says the police arrived to investigate and said they were charging Jen with domestic violence. Ronnie says he didn’t want to press charges, but the police told him that it wasn’t up to him. Ronnie says he hasn’t been able to reach Jen since she stormed out of the hotel and he doesn’t know where his daughter is.
“Oh my God. This is like Jerry Springer, Maury type s**t,” Nicole says.
(Who ever thought Nicole would be the voice of reason on this show?)
Ronnie says that Jen is planning to take the baby to Oklahoma.
“If she gets on that plane to go to Oklahoma, with a warrant, that’s kidnapping,” Ronnie says, adding that the tabloids have already gotten ahold of the story about Jen’s inability to keep her saliva in her own mouth. (Click here to read The Ashley‘s story about the incident!)
Ronnie’s lawyer is saying that Jen has an active warrant for her arrest.
Jenni tells Ronnie to call the police and have them do a wellness check on his daughter. Ronnie agrees, and then he and the gang all load up and head over to the area near Jen’s house to meet the cops. Ronnie is hoping to fetch the baby while Jen’s getting arrested.
“The squad just need to be there for Ron right now,” Mike says. “It’s Operation: Gym, Tan, Get the Baby.”
I think it’s nice when you name semi-kidnapping missions….
Ronnie and the gang wait at a nearby fast food restaurant while the cops go and check on Jen and the baby.
The cops call Ron and tell him that they can’t do anything, because Jen actually doesn’t have a warrant out for her arrest.
The next day, everyone is getting ready to go out to the club like nothing happened…as you do.
Ronnie says he has to let Jen “spiral” on her own so…why not hit the clubs and drink away our problems? We all know that Ronnie really shines when he floods his problems with a bottle of Grey Goose!
Unfortunately, we are going to be one Guido down for a few days. Pauly D breaks the news to the gang that he has to leave to do a DJing gig. Vinny is almost in tears that his BFF is leaving him for a few days. Before he goes, though, Pauly decides to do zipline ride between two giant buildings in Las Vegas with Ronnie. Mike and Nicole go next, and everyone is having fun, now that no one is getting spit on.
“Ronnie’s relationship drama is behind us, and we are having a blast tonight,” Vinny says.
Meanwhile back in Jersey, Angelina is packing her bags to come to Vegas.
“Oh, this will look good with my new boobs,” Angelina says as she throws an assortment of swapmeet dresses into her suitcase. (Angelina has moved UP in the world, y’all! No more Hefty bag luggage for her!)
Since Pauly is gone, Vinny takes a picture of his face and glues it to a bottle of hair gel (as you do).
No one but Snooki seems happy that Angelina is coming to Vegas. Soon, though, Snooki realizes that inviting Angelina was probably a bad idea. (I mean…Snooki is acting like it was “her” idea but we all know it was the producers’ way to mix in some Ronnie-less drama.)
Unlike the knocked-up-and-not-on-camera Deena, Angelina is not a meatball. In fact, Snooki says, Angelina is a meatloaf—something you can only stand once in a while.
Snooki is trying to let the gang know that Angelina is on her way, non-Hefty-bag luggage in hand, but no one is listening. Instead, Jenni is trying to convince everyone that Vinny should marry his Pauly D hair gel bottle…or something. (Have we become so desperate for story lines that it’s come to this? Do better, guys!)
Finally, Snooki just blurts out that Angelina is on her way. Everyone is pissed, and Nicole insists she only did it because she wanted to be nice. (Well, that and the producers made her, surely…)
Later, the group is having brunch, talking about Mike’s first sexual experience with a bathroom rug (um?), when they get an angry call from Angelina, who has arrived at the hotel. She’s apparently mad that no one is there to greet her with roses and a “WELCOME ANGELINA” banner. She’s standing there with her suitcase(!) cussing the gang out. The hotel seems to have no reservation under “Dirty Little Hamster,” go figure.
“She’s comin’ in hot!” Snooki proclaims.
Vinny hopes that Angelina’s bad attitude will result in a brawl between her and Jenni.
“Can’t wait for JWOWW to fight Angelina today!” he yells.
While Jenni says she’d like to punch the BeJesus out of Angelina, she’s kind of tired from dealing with all of Ronnie’s drama, so she’s going to try to refrain from hitting anyone.
Ronnie will not be able to meet ‘n’ greet Angelina, as he has to go meet with his lawyer to discuss which hot-head parent his daughter will be staying with, etc.
“I would rather meet nine lawyers than meet up with one Angelina,” Ron says.
Meanwhile, a waiting Angelina is getting madder by the moment.
“I’m starting to think that I am a big joke and it’s not cool,” Angelina says.
UM…you’re just now starting to figure that out, Angie? Not the sharpest tool in the shed, are we?
They finally meet up, and Nicole asks Angelina if she is going to be nice to Jenni and Angelina says they have some stuff to sort out first. (All together now, “JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!”)
Vinny offers to show Angelina to her room. Instead, though, he takes her into the stripper shower, which he says is Angelina’s dirty little hamster cage. Angelina is not thrilled with the joke, and proceeds to slap Vinny. He jokingly screams that he’s been assaulted. (Of course, that’s child’s play compared to the assaults Jen and Ronnie are delivering!)
They decide to put Angelina in Pauly’s bed since he isn’t there. They think it will be a good prank for Pauly to come home and find Angelina in his bed. (Of course, Vinny fails to realize that this will mean that Angelina is now his roommate.)
That’s all for this episode! Hold on to your mic packs, because the next one looks like it’s gonna be a doozy!
To read our other ‘Jersey Shore Family Vacation’ recaps, click here!