9 of the Hardest (Valentine’s Day-Themed!) ‘Teen Mom’ “Would You Rather?” Questions Ever: Play Now!

“Ya know ya want to be my sweethaaaart Docta Drew!”
“Barbara, kindly remove your hand from my rear end…”

Roses are red…violets are blue…The Ashley knows you have no life, so here’s something you can do!

It’s Valentine’s Day! It’s time to celebrate the ones you love (or love to hate)! You can light some candles, open a bottle of champagne and spend time with your soulmate/baby daddy/ that girl who’s ready to move to Dover….or you can take The Ashley’s extremely demented Valentine’s Day-themed Teen Mom “Would You Rather?” quiz!

Once again, The Ashley has dipped into her demented brain (which is half full of cinnamon red hots and Hershey’s kisses today), to force her readers to choose between two impossibly hard ‘Teen Mom’-themed scenarios! If you don’t have a boooooyfriend to enjoy living in the street with, or it’s not conjugal visit day over at the county jail, this will give you something to fill your time while you’re waiting for your Mama Celeste Pizza for One to heat up in the microwave!

(Warning: This quiz, while just for fun, is not for the faint of heart! If you’re easily offended, you may want to skip this quiz and go clutch your pearls somewhere else!)

On with the heart-themed creepiness…(also…if you pick the “other” option…you’re probably not the right person to take this quiz!)

(Photos: Instagram, MTV, Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images, ANDREW YATES/AFP/Getty Images;

36 Responses


  1. I might be weird because the Farrah closet insta videos sounds interesting LOL I could get a laugh out of all her ramblings at least.


  2. Jesus H Christ this is the best/worst one yet! Almost all of them were so difficult to choose from and I refused to pick ‘other’!

    The Ashley…I’ve always wondered, do you come up with these off the top of your head or is there some sort of insanely demented journal that you jot them all down in throughout the year to pull from? Either way your mind is frightening and I love it ?.


    1. Ashley is quick to report what goes on with the birth-control challenged MTV women, AND she is fantastically hysterical.

      No complaints from me!


  3. Wow! That was a tough and sickening quiz. If y’all will excuse me, I need to go barf now.???? PS. I’m so glad I have a phone with vomit emojis on it now.


  4. Chris getting a face tattoo. Kail not seeing that she is bringing the 2nd off spring of this fool. Your kids have half his dna.


    1. Sometimes I think the same thing, and then I remember how he beat and executed a french bulldog for NOTHING, and suddenly I couldn’t give a flying fuck about his “feelings”


      1. You know Sir Nibs is the board troll…right? Most of the time we’re actually fond of him. Good job! You took his bait! ?????


  5. The Ashley is the Marquis de Sade of our time: the stories/ideas are utterly gross and sickening yet we come back for more every time


      1. Heather, we can start a support group for those of us who answered all of the questions. I think we’re going to need it.


  6. I made it to the second one! Then I just couldn’t! The Ashley, you are EVIL! And I love you! Happy Valentine’s! ?

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