‘Teen Mom 2’ Season 9B Episode 23: Florida Phone Follies & the Field of Dreams

All I can think of when I see Leah’s claws is “I’ll get you my pretty…and your little dog too!”

Well ding-dang-it! The Ashley has really sucked at doing Teen Mom 2 recaps this season. (You can thank the ‘Teen Mom’ gang for that! They’ve been keeping The Ashley way too busy, making her report on their various hi-jinks and shenanigans, and leaving her no time to poke fun at what they do on the actual show.)

In attempt to make up for her shortcomings, The Ashley will now recap the latest episode, before the new episode airs tonight, putting her once again behind.

We start things off down Florida, where Leah and her crew are still on— you guessed it!—vacation! Leah’s sister Victoria has made the trip, but, unfortunately she’s dealing with sickness caused by something she got the last time she left the ol’ holler— an oopsie baby in her tummy!

Leah tells us that her sister is feeling better, which means that she can go participate in whatever random activity Leah is making MTV pay for today! 

Before they can go, though, that rascally Aleeah plucks her mom’s phone away from her and runs through the house, teasing her and trying to read Leah’s text messages to Jeremy (which almost certainly talk about them touching no-no’s and whatnot.) Leah is frantic to get the phone back from her daughter, but soon all of the girlseseses are joining in and accusing Leah of having a boyfriend.

“I done told you youngins already! Playing naked leapfrog is part of my co-parenting relationship with Jeremy!”

Soon, Aleeah— wearing long yellow Lee Press-on Nails usually reserved for hookers and/or moms on this show— is straight-out reading her mom’s texts to Jeremy. Leah chases Aleeah around the house to try to snatch back the phone, all while Addie squeals “Mommy likes Jeremy!”

I haven’t seen this kid that happy since the day she learned to tear open her own sugar packets to snack on!

“She told Jeremy he can butter her biscuit any day!”

“Y’all goofy!” Leah cries. “Get on ’bout yer bad self, go on!” 

(She really said that. The Ashley isn’t making a hillbilly funny here.) 

Addie then tells her sisters that she caught Leah in bed with Jeremy! Leah tries to explain that she was “showing him a video,” Addie is undeterred. She tells everyone that, whatever it was that Leah was showing Jeremy, she did so in bed at Jeremy’s house.

“My school may not be well, but I know fornication when I see it, Ma!”

Finally, Aleeah tells her mother to stop lying to them, and just admit that she’s been playing “hide the hot dog” on the regular with Jeremy. Leah swears to the girls that she’d never lie to them, and says that she and Jeremy aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend…yet. 

“We’re going with the flow, whatever happens happens,” she tells them.

(Something tells me that Leah won’t be “flowing” for long. if they keep humping like rabbits, Leah will be carrying the Spawn of Jeremy in her lady garden within the month!) 

Next, we head over to South Dakota, where, to the surprise of absolutely no one, Chelsea and Cole decide they’re definitely buying the big vacant field of their dreams. While hanging out on the floor of the current DeBoer Cabin, Chelsea asks Aubree if she’s excited about moving to the middle of nowhere. Aubree, having grown up with the comforts of MTV paychecks and such, just wants to know if they’re going to build a mansion. 

“We’re gonna need a mansion, because we all know Cole’s gonna knock you up at least three or four more times!”

Later on at Aubree’s softball game, South Dee-ko-tah Mary arrives. She’s not her normal chipper self, though, as she’s distraught that Chelsea is moving her litter so far away from her. She lets Chelsea know she is “just sick” about Chelsea and Cole taking their truck load of kids a whole 45 minutes away. 

“Dontcha know how hard it will be for me to drive that far in all the snow…dontcha know?”

Mary tells Chelsea the kids are all she has and starts to get emotional right there at the softball field. Chelsea isn’t having any of her mom’s dramatics dramastics though, and assures her things won’t be all that bad. After all, at least she’s moving the family to a piece of land and not actually to The Land. 

Later in the car, Cole tells Chelsea that his dad is not on board with their eventual move. Chelsea says that her mom “cried about the land.” (Again, not to be confused with The Land, where crying— and raking— is a daily occurrence.) 

Chelsea and Cole make a pit stop to marvel at the empty field they now own while Watson makes a run for it in the distance. 

“I’m telling you, Chels….if we build it, they will come…”

While Chelsea sets her sights on building from the ground up, Kail has elected not to purchase her own chunk of vacant land and instead buy a house that’s already built. Kail calls her friend and tells her it would have been nice to “build with a partner,” but being that her dream man won’t even appear on TV without having his face blurred, it’s highly unlikely that he’d be willing to build a house with her. 

“Here mom, let me give you some tips on how to pick a real winner.”

Later on, Kail meets with a realtor to check out her potential new home. Even though it’s not the house of her dreams (because it doesn’t Chris lying naked on a bearskin rug in front of the fireplace), Kail likes it. She’s thrilled that it has a big yard for Chris to play fetch with her children in and tons of fireplaces for her to burn Chris’s belongings in when he ultimately pisses her off again. 

“Maybe we could put a big fire pit in the middle of this room so you can destroy some of the larger items, too.”

After checking out the new love shack, Kail calls Leah, who is dealing with the fallout of her girlseses looking through her phone and discovering texts between herself and Jeremy. 

“If my kids went through my phone, they would just see all the photos of wedding couples that I photoshopped mine and Chris’ faces onto!”

Leah tells Kail she’s worried about the girlseses thinking that there’s something going on between her and Jeremy. On the bright side, because of those dang “not well” schools in West Virginia, the girlseses were likely only able to decipher about half of the words, so Leah is probably getting worked up for nothing. 

Of course, to further confuse things for the girlseses, Leah tells Kail she wants to invite Jeremy to come along on their group trip to Hawaii. We’re already cringing at the thought of all the “we got lei’d” jokes to come. 

“Wait’ll Jerm sees me out there shaking my coconuts!”

Meanwhile, in Indiana, Jade is settling into her new home, after hightailing it out of house Number 2 this season in order to get away from her baby daddy Sean. Speaking of Sean, he is living it up in the other house with color-change lightbulbs and unfortunately, access to social media—the latter of which he is taking full advantage. 

The amount of money Sean has left in his account after blowing his cash on lightbulbs and drugs.

Sean goes on and on to his followers about how happy he is to be free from his relationship with Jade, despite his depressing set-up in their empty house screaming otherwise. 

After hearing about Sean’s one-man show online, Jade says she’s worried that he’ll do something crazy since it seems to her that he’s back on drugs. At school, she tells her friend Corie that Sean doesn’t understand why she won’t let him see their daughter. 

“I’d be more than happy to send over the recordings of him rambling nonsense while squatting in an empty house to justify my case.”

Jade says she should’ve dropped Sean long ago and is embarrassed that she stayed with him as long as she did. 

Later on, Jade calls her mom and tells her that people are going after her online about “taking” her kid away from Sean, though she’s just concerned about how Sean’s actions will impact Klohie, who, as we’ve mentioned before, is already dealing with a lot given her whole name situation. 

“I wish I was as much of a real Indiana woman as Amber Portwood! Then I could handle this social media harrassment better!”

Back in Florida, Leah’s youngins are in the pool, happily beating the tar out of each other with Fun Noodle toys (as you do). Leah’s mother Mama Dawn is dressed in her “vacation house dress” and is supervising the kids while Leah and Victoria talk inside.

“Hey all y’all kids, ya quit whackin’ on each other now, ya hear?”

Later, Addie runs inside and is eavesdropping on Leah and Victoria’s conversation. She is caught, and tells Leah that she wants her mom and dad to get married again.

In the next scene, we see that Leah and the girlseses are back in The WV, and their Florida vacation is over. However, she’s already planning on her next travel destination. She tells the girlseseses that they’re going to go to Hawaii next. She tells them that “Kell” is going to come with her three boys, and also Mama Dawn will be there. (Yessss! You know Mama Dawn’s fixin’ to wear some of her finest muumuus for the trip!) 

The girls seem only mildly excited for the next trip. Leah assures them that they’ll be doing a lot of fun things.

The faces of kids who have gone on too many vacations…

Addie asked if her dad can mooch a free vacation too, so Leah calls him up to see if he wants to go to Hawaii with them.

Jeremy picks up the phone and says, “Hey girl heeeey!” to which Leah responds, “Hey boy heeeey!” (I think that was their private parts talking?) 

Jeremy says he’d like to go on vacation, but unlike Leah and “Kell,” he actually has to work and can’t be off having a “la-dee-dah time” all over the country.

“I don’t want to jeopardize my JOB, Leah!” he tells her. 

“Jeremy Lynn! I won’t have you sayin’ bad words to me! We don’t say J-O-B on ‘Teen Mom 2!’ No sir!”

Next, we head over to Orlando, where Briana is discussing how long it’s been since Devoin has seen Nova. She tells her mom Roxanne that Devoin hasn’t reached out to her. Nova has expressed her interest in seeing her dad, so Briana realizes she has to help make that happen.

Roxanne suggests inviting Devoin to Nova’s gymnastics class the next day, and she goes ahead and texts him to ask if he wants to go. He agrees to go to the class. Bri is adamant that Nova not be allowed over to Devoin’s house alone again, given what happened the last time. (In case you missed it, Devoin played “Marco Polo” with a bottle of Jose Cuervo instead of Nova.)

The next day, Devoin arrives at the DeJesus Coven’s Apartment. Nova’s thrilled to see him, and, to her credit, Roxanne handles things well.

“Did you see? I didn’t even reach for my shoe! I’m growing as a person!”

Devoin (kind of) apologizes to Nova for the pool incident, and explains to her that it’s his fault they haven’t seen each other in a while.  He tries to have “a moment” with Nova, but she’s more interested in playing Connect 4 than connecting heart-to-heart with her dad.

Soon, Bri beams in to make sure 1) Nova is still alive and 2) Devoin isn’t raiding the Covens’ liquor cabinet. She tells Nova she’ll be home soon.

When Bri arrives, the room becomes downright chilly. She barely looks at Devoin, as Roxanne plops on a big, floppy straw hat and tells everyone it’s time to go to gymnastics. 

Soon the whole gang arrives at the gym. There’s a sulking Briana, a straw-hatted Roxanne and Devoin, who is now wearing a fanny pack. That’s quite the party! 

“Do kids’ gyms have a bar? Asking for a friend…”

Briana tells Devoin that he is allowed to see Nova at The Covens’ Den, or at the gym, but he can’t have her at his apartment solo for a while. Devoin agrees to try to shape up. 

That’s all for this episode! To read The Ashley’s other ‘Teen Mom 2’ recaps, click here

(Photos: MTV) 

45 Responses

  1. “Hey, boy hey!”? UGH! So annoying! Leah needs to be careful about exposing the girls to adult issues, but I don’t think she will.

    1. Why don’t you find, hassle someone else who gets on here and posts under 3 or 4 different aliases (since I know I’m not the only one) and leave me alone?

  2. I like Jade’s addition to the show. She balances out the other girls who are able to have homes built from the ground up and go on vacations like the rest of us go to work. Her having to call the cops so she could get her gun and couch and then basically being homeless for 5 minutes with a barely functioning car reminds me of the olden days of Teen Mom. Lol
    Don’t worry Jade, by your third season of the show you should be able to buy your own home. I think Briana is in her season 3 and she is either waiting for her home to finish being built or she just bought one.

    1. I’m confused, but didn’t Jade just buy a house to move into with Kloie after her deadbeat baby daddy kicked her out? She got $ coming from somewhere, am I right?

      1. In the episode from last nite it showed Jade in her house, but I think MTV might have hurried and rented that for her so they had somewhere to film. I figured she probably had some money from the other MTV show she came from, but they didn’t seem like they had much. I wonder if the girls get paid before or after the season airs? or if it’s spread out throughout the season?

        1. I thought that Jade said last week, “I bought a house for me and Kloie to stay in.” But maybe I misunderstood and she said, “I found a house for us to stay in.”

          I honestly don’t know how the $ is paid out, but I suspect it’s all paid at the end of the season.

  3. The coven has talked badly in front of Nova about her father basically her whole life. That child already knows that she can show her father any real affection in front of her mother bcuz mom is do immature and jealous.

  4. I can’t believe how these women just up and go on one vacation after another. Huge houses, big beautiful cars. I mean it’s nice that the kids get to grow up in a nice house and get to travel. That’s a good thing. That being said, the only struggles these ladies have are all self imposed or brought on as a consequence of their own choices so it’s really hard to sympathize with any of them so I think this show can be done now. All we are looking at is a bunch of rich people doing boring stuff.

    Poor jade is still in poverty mode though

    1. I have to say Briana is making decent money on Teen Mom now and I respect that she still has a normal job too that doesn’t involve being a “clothes designer” or shilling flat tummy tea. At first I didn’t like her on the show, but she takes care of her kids and is a hard worker.

  5. That kid is going to be a nightmare when she is older, she’s all ready a sassy brat.
    She’ll be the first to make Leah a grandma.

        1. I just asked, but be a bitch. That’s cool. I expect NOTHING more!

          You and @kailandleahkissingbythesea, “birds of a feather flock together.”

          GROW THE FUCK UP!!!

          1. It takes a bitch to know a bitch, and your the biggest bitch in this site.
            Your a crazy bitch.
            Now fuck off as that’s what you’ve told so many on here to do, so take your own advice and fo.

          2. I own my bitchiness. I know I’m one, and I’m proud of it.

            And why should I fuck off because that’s what you want? I have just as much right to speak my mind as you do. And if people don’t like it, tough. If someone wants to start an argument with a bitch, the words “Enter At Your Own Risk” should really flash in their heads before they start because I’m not one to back down from ANY argument.

        2. And I’m not trying to bring down anything. But I do think it’s pretty stupid that someone (like me) who has an unpopular opinion can’t get on here and express it without the majority getting on here having little “bitch fits” because someone disagrees with them.

          Everybody acts like their opinions are the “be all end all” because they are the majority and it’s pretty pathetic.

  6. Kail- 800k house, month in Hawaii with 3 kids.. and meaty fist out to swindle strangers for vet bills to score those D points from Chris. Pathetic.

    Please tell me who the desperate, attention thirsty women are that were messaging Sean with shit like, “I’m here if you need me” or “You’re so cute“. Did that picture up there show someone calling him “Fine AF lil foot? WTF?! I’d rather an army of fire ants gnaw on my asshole than spew sweet nothings to that drug addled loser. ?

    For all the money Leah gets, I certainly hope she focuses on those kids getting a better education than she had. I know, I know.”Biotches” have already come at Leah on the Twitter about her poor grammar and grasp of the English language, and she put her bare foot down in that there mud and ‘splained how she didn’t give a single ding dang care what we thought of her language butcherin’ skills.. but Jesus God Leah, outside of them there hills, you just sound ridiculous.

    Chelsea and Cole have their shit together for the most part. Boring and normal- raising the kids with love and stable environment. Good on them and their families for being so supportive. Especially Glamma Mary and Randy. I know it seems Mary is a little clingy, but some of us out here in no mom land would adore having someone love us and our kids the way Mary loves Chelsea and the kids. Be grateful, Chelsea, she won’t always be around and you’ll miss her when she’s gone.

    The Coven. Blech. Roxanne with lupus and still smoking. Briana’s talent for picking wonderful men. Brittany, seemingly the only sane adult in the bunch. Devoin is trying. He fucks up, but we all do. Briana needs to remember that when she messes up, her sister and her mom pick up her slack. I get the idea that Devoin only has Devoin. Hopefully, they all continue to keep that in mind.

    1. I agree that it is irresponsible for Roxanne to smoke while she has lupus. But she probably thinks like most people who get sick. “Why stop doing what I want to do just to prolong the life of pain I will undoubtedly have ahead of me. If I’m gonna die anyway, why not go out doing what I want.”

      1. I agree that is probably her line of thinking, but with lupus, she’d really do so much better if she quit. She could have a perfectly normal life expectancy if she took care of herself. It’s sad because Nova and Stella should be her motivators to stick around as long as she can.

        1. That’s true. But I’m sure her mind is not running along those lines.

          My mom quit smoking to keep from getting cancer but ended up getting it anyways, and I can’t even begin to count the times she said, “well hell, if I’d known this I’d have kept smoking.”

          She died in 2002 and not a day goes by that she doesn’t enter my mind.

  7. Unpopular opinion but I always feel bad for Devoin… he really needs to file for visitation or a regular custody agreement so Briana can’t hold Nova over his head. He made a mistake. A stupid one and it could have been really bad. But imo everyone should be thankful nothing bad happened and move on. Keeping Nova from her dad like that is just awful to me.

    1. I agree. Briana is not even a smidge close to perfect. She has done lots of questionable things around those babies. And Nova was really starting to get a good relationship going with her dad. You could see he was trying to hold her hand on the walk back to the apartment to get her things and Nova was brushing him off because she knew her mum was pissed with him. It’s too much for a kid. Briana is projecting her own bullshit anger onto Nova.
      Devoin should’ve known better. But I’m sure they weren’t completely alone.

    2. I agree with you 100%. I am really pulling for Devoin to get better. It seems like he has mentally matured as he has gotten older (it’s too bad that Briana hasn’t reached her maturity level as she gets older). I can tell it really pisses Briana off when Roxanne and Brittany defend him…and I absolutely LOVE that!!

      Briana needs to realize that he is only human and that we all make mistakes. And most of us learn from them.

      I honestly wish that Devoin was Stella’s father too because he seems to have more of a connection with her than Luis ever will (and that’s just sad).

    3. Getting drunk and not supervising a young child at a pool would not be overlooked with a judge. It sounds like a very expensive mistake to fix and take many years to be unsupervised with visits. Every time Devoin makes mistakes, Briana gives him time to prove himself again.

          1. I’m starting to think you and this @kailandleahkissingbythesea bitch are one and the same!! And I’m the unhinged, moronic stalker!!! Okay! ??

      1. So, when is Brianna going to be held accountable for her years of parental alienation? She has been putting Devoin down for years in front of Nova. That is also a huge problem in the eyes of a judge. Devoin made a serious mistake and should be held accountable, but Brianna is and has been causing emotional issues for Nova. It’s not healthy to want a child to dislike the other parent.

        1. Agreed. My mom and dad didn’t always see eye to eye, but they kept it between them and NEVER me in it IN ANY WAY!! And they always made sure that if I overheard them arguing that I was to understand, in no uncertain terms that “it had nothing to do with you”.

      2. People that don’t think Devoin screwed up huge probably don’t have kids. He was drunk as hell thats not appropriate.

        1. It may not be appropriate, but he’s a grown ass human being that made a mistake and he knows that.

          That’s not the issue. The issue is that Briana (who, let’s face it, doesn’t have any right to hold the mistakes of others over their heads when she makes just as many, IF NOT MORE, and hasn’t learned from ANY OF THEM) won’t GET OVER IT.

        2. Maxy that’s a grand assumption. I have 3 kids. And I manage to have a few social drinks around them and they haven’t died. If Devoin had access to Nova and time with her since she was a baby and Briana didn’t rip her away and dangle her like a pawn over his head – he would have a better understanding of responsible parenting and responsible amounts to drink while being responsible for the care of a child. I’m sure Devoin didn’t take Nova to the pool that day with the intention to get white girl wasted and have her drown. He’s made a mistake. He finally owned it. But Briana could’ve dealt with it better in front of Nova. And as far as Briana goes – people in glass houses – Nova saw her a drooling mess when she was off her face post surgery. Way to traumatise your kid Bri!

          1. I don’t know how much Devoin actually drank, but it sounded like he was more than a couple drinks. The coven has alluded to alcohol problems prior(who knows how true it is though).

            That’s actually neglect (state laws vary though). I dont live in Florida but a local mother was charged with neglect in my state for leaving two young children in the house and she was passed out from drinking in her truck in the garage (her live in bf came home from work out and called the cops).

            I do agree Briana should not speak ill of Devoin in front of Nova or within earshot.

      3. A judge would overlook it. Nothing bad happened to Nova. Judges don’t consider those types of innocents when it comes to kids and custody. They look for actually child abuse not bad judgement. The point is Devoin shouldn’t have to prove himself to Briana. It’s both of their kid not just hers. Devoin needs to prove himself to Nova and Nova only. He needs to file for custody instead of being on Briana’s terms.

  8. Please someone stop the biker short trend! Chelsea is beautiful but I can’t with those spandex (biker) shorts! The kardashians don’t look right in them either! They look hideous! Big or small just please don’t wear them!

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