The Ashley is struggling to catch up on her recapping, due to MTV deciding to air two episodes of Teen Mom 2 last week, and one this week. (They’re trying to kill The Ashley, I’m convinced of it.) She will be recapping Tuesday’s episode next!
Our heroines are still dealing with the effects of COVID-19, which has already ruined everything from vacations to book tours (but not Briana‘s booty calls, surprisingly). The girls are still filming themselves, due to the film crew being unable to travel so prepare yourself for some more riveting, self-shot footage.
We kick things off in Florida, where Briana and Brittany are awaiting the results of Brittany’s COVID test. (You may remember that, during the previous episode, the girls were concerned Britt had contracted the virus after she went off and had a “la-dee-dah time” with her booooyfriend and came back sick.)
Whether or not Britt has a potential deadly virus that she could pass on to Briana’s immune-compromised mom or her kids isn’t even the worse thing Briana is facing right now. She tells us that, sadly, this virus has really “put a damper on” her personal life. (Soooo…does that mean she’s no longer banging her ‘mystery bae’ in the townhouse complex bushes?)
Briana tells us that her relationship with her mystery bae is down the toilet. S
he had to end things with him because of lockdown.
Also in the toilet is Stella’s pee. Briana has decided to use her time in lockdown to potty-train Stella, so she just sets the plastic potty right there in the living room.
A Def-Leopard-shirt-wearing Briana (who must have raided Chelsea‘s closet of “T-shirts of bands we have never heard of”), tells us that she’s tired of the potty-training and that it’s not going well.
Later in the episode, Brittany cheers because she doesn’t “got Corona!” She twerks next to the towel rack in celebration of being disease-free.
The Coven meets in the kitchen to discuss the virus, and the fact that the state of Florida is about to reopen.
“We were one of the last states to close and we’re one of the first states to reopen,” Roxanne says.
Brittany declares it’s because Florida and its people are “f**king dumb.”
Briana is relieved that Nova will be going back to school because she says she’s “not equipped to be a homeschool teacher.”
Um…that’s the understatement of the century, Bri.
Next we check back in with Jade, who’s been on lockdown for two months and has somehow managed to retain some sanity despite spending that much time with Sean.
Right as Jade approaches the end of her rope, the state of Indiana announces that non-essential businesses can re-open, which means she can leave her Mario-Kart-playing boyfriend at home and get back to earning a living
for the both of them.
Jade tells Sean she’s excited to get back to work and that she can’t understand how he’s handled the quarantine so well.
“Seems like you like it,” Jade tells him, to which Sean proudly admits he does.
Jade tells Sean it’s probably best for him to continue staying home to keep an eye on Cllowi once she goes back to work, as if she actually had to worry about him suddenly getting the urge to become a productive member of society.
Later we see Jade walk in to her salon to find everything covered and clean, just as she left it months before. As her first client rambles on about school closures and socialism, Jade tries to remember how to do her job after being away for so long while also keeping her mask from sliding down her face. New challenges aside, Jade is pumped to be back in her “sanctuary” and looking forward to getting people “Slayed By Jade” for the rest of 2020.
She says although things were bad at the beginning of the year, she believes everything will only get better from here.
Meanwhile in South Dakota, the DeBoers are still committed to that social-distancing life, which means they fill their days with making origami and doing daily drop-ins at the construction site of their new home. Because she can only fold so many paper dinosaurs and film so many social media videos from the plywood catwalk, Chelsea decides now is a perfect time to try for Baby Number 4.
Chelsea says she talked to her doctor to get her “recommendation” given the current pandemic and her doctor, who is trying to secure the bag, ensures her that now is a perfect time to get knocked up.
While Chelsea contemplates conceiving her Baby Number 4, Kail tends to her Baby Number 4 that she’s currently carrying by doing an at-home glucose test. Kail decides to have Isaac film the process, presumably for an independent study or a weirdly specific scouting badge he’s trying to earn.
After Kail draws some blood, she reveals that Isaac asked recently to stay at Jo’s house longer in order to visit with Vee’s family. Unfortunately, Kail says, she told Isaac no because if she were to let him stay with his dad for an extra week, he wouldn’t be able to see Lincoln or Lux for three whole weeks.
Kail says co-parenting with Jo has been a bit of a struggle over the last few months and, while she previously claimed that Isaac was old enough to make his own decisions regarding who he spends more time with, she only feels that way if Isaac wants to spend that extra time with her.
Later on, Kail talks to her therapist about the issue with co-parenting and she eventually calls Jo to apologize. The two talk it out and actually manage to have a positive conversation. We later see Kail drop the boys off with their dads and, with the extra time to herself, she decides to research home births and ultimately decides that’s the route she wants to take for when Baby Number 4 comes barreling out of her hooter.
When discussing her homebirth plan with her midwife and after getting another ultrasound, Kail learns that her baby is breech, with means legally in the state of Delaware, she cannot have a home birth. Kail isn’t giving up on her home birth plan just yet and says she is hoping that the baby will turn before her next appointment.
Finally we swing over to the holler to check in with Leah. The twinseses are returning from staying a spell with their dad. All of the girlseses want to return to their activities but Leah isn’t sure what to do, so she calls Victoria (who we all know is the voice of reason and good decisions in the Messer family. Oh…wait.)
Leah says that she is nervous for the girlseses to resume their normal activities like cheer and dance, so she may start with private lessons first.
After being shut-in with the girlseses for four months, Leah is over quarantine.
Later that day, Leah decides to talk to the girlseses about COVID safety. To do this, she takes them to a deserted park (naturally….) About two minutes into her talk, all of the girlseses are bored and not paying attention. One is eating her hair, one is looking into the parking lot (probably hoping a car comes by so she can jump onto the hood and get away), and one is closing her eyes.
Back in Florida, Briana is stressing about having to put Stella back in daycare so she can return to work. She has to work because she has no money right now. Devoin isn’t able to help financially because he just started working again, but he is showing up to
mooch a free meal see his daughter every once in a while, so there’s that.
The next day, the whole Coven drops Nova off for her first day of third grade. Briana gives her a terrifying pep talk, and Brittany tells her to stay away from boys.
Bri tells us later that it’s been hard to go from living in lockdown to resuming their normal busy schedules of work, school and activities. She wants Devoin to pitch in more and help her.
When we check back in with Chelsea, we’re subjected to the 2020 of segments – aka, exactly what we didn’t ask for. Chelsea shows off a collection of ovulation tests followed by a post-romp catch up sesh between herself and baby
makin’ talkin’ Cole.
During (yet another) visit to their new home, Chelsea and Cole decide now is the perfect time for Chelsea to take a pregnancy test… in a porta-potty.
After “peeing on that stick,” Chelsea says the results of her pregnancy test were inconclusive so she heads home to take another one.
Chelsea’s non-porta-potty pregnancy test turns out to be positive and she and Cole are pumped to have another reason to keep the baby talking coming for a few more years.
Before announcing her pregnancy, Chelsea goes to the doctor to get some bloodwork done. After her test, she learns that she’s about five weeks pregnant. Chelsea and Cole say they know Baby Number 4 will only add to the chaos, but they’re
bored and have nothing else to do looking forward to it.
Meanwhile in Indiana, restrictions have started to ease up so producers inform Jade that they can begin filming with her again. Producer Eric shows up wearing a mask to go over the protocols they must follow and to pass along the C0VID tests that Jade, as well as Sean and Kl-o-i and anyone else who wants to film with Jade, must take before they can get things rolling. Jade grabs the tests from Producer Eric and heads inside to play doctor.
After the results come back (and are all negative), filming resumes at Jade’s house, presumably not during the day, because we all know Sean isn’t doing anything remotely worthy of capturing on film. Meanwhile, Jade continues to get her business back up and running at the salon. She gets home from a long day of grooming victims of the lockdown to find Sean struggling to serve his daughter a fruit cup.
Jade ignores Sean’s struggles and tells him how exhausted she is from working all day. Sean makes himself look even more incapable of adulting – yes, it’s possible! – by telling Jade he didn’t even know she had left for work that day because he was still sleeping when she got home.
Deciding that her daughter is spending her days with a man that has the sleeping schedule of a 15 year-old on summer break, Jade decides to step in. First up: a haircut for Sean so his gaming headphones will fit more snuggly. Secondly: Jade wants to look into putting Clloui into some sort of pre-school so she can be around people her own age (instead of her being around just Sean, who acts her age).
She also tells Sean she’d like for him to start working.
Sean doesn’t acknowledge that last suggestion and instead tells Jade he wants to go back to school to “do music,” but must first get his GED.
What kind of put-that-in-the-crack-pipe dream is this?! Does he want to become an international rap superstar? Rock ‘n’ roll legend? Work in the CD department at Target? What does “do music” mean?
Jade tells him she supports whatever he wants to do, just as long as he does something. Sean tells Jade he supported her while she pursued her dreams and now it’s time for him to pursue his own.
Jade says Sean needs to go out and make it happen for himself and that no one is going to just hand him an opportunity. Sean gets offended, of course, because that was exactly what he was planning to do.
Finally, we head back to West Virginia, where the girlseses have been cheerin’ and dancin’ and gettin’ down with their bad selves for a bit. Unfortunately, though, Aleeah begins to feel sick and Leah is panicked that she has that ding-dang Coronavirus. Aleeah had a temperature of 103.6 which is alarming, but luckily Leah tells us “it’s came down.”
Leah tells us that she’s terrified that Ali will get COVID, and she needs to decide what needs to happen to keep them all healthy.
A few days later, Aleeah is still not feeling well, so Corey Tyler picks both twinseses up and takes them to get tested for COVID.
Later, Corey comes back on-camera to tell us the twinseses are negative “for the COVID” but positive for strep.
Corey says that, only in 2020, would they all be happy to have strep throat.
That’s all for this episode of ‘Teen Mom 2!’ To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous episode, click here!