‘Welcome to Plathville’ Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: Pathetic Putting & a Pinky Promise Ring

…here we are, continuing to watch this show/understand this family.

Feeling masochistic and in the mood to watch some very blond people make questionable life choices and creepy faces on-camera? Let’s head on down to Plathville!

This episode of Welcome to Plathville starts out with Max picking up Lydia to go shopping for a “pinky promise ring” for Moriah. (As you do…) Lydia won’t tell her mom what she and Max are up to, but Kim “trusts them.”

Excuse me?!

Kim doesn’t trust the kids to read the newspaper, but she apparently trusts her daughter’s boyfriend to take out her other daughter on a secret trip? Plath parent rules are wild. 

We’re sure the camera crew following your little blond spawn around town has absolutely nothing to do with your sudden ability to trust…

On the way to the ring shop, Max lets us know that he and Lydia talk on the phone on the phone weekly about Lydia’s mystery man. 

“Hehehe, I’m in jeans AND in a car with a boy!”

Meanwhile over at Ethan and Olivia‘s house, Ethan takes out his anger on a bag of mulch and some hedges. As he aggressively gardens, he continues going back and forth about his possible move to Tallahassee. He also reflects on the fact that emotions in his house growing up were treated the same as sugar: strictly banned by his parents.

Ethan, pretending to bury his parents the same way they taught him to bury his feelings.

Ethan is now left to figure it out as he goes– and it’s not pretty. 

Next, we check in with Moriah, who has booked her first singing gig! (And a certain awful Plath mom has yet to receive her invite.)

“Don’t tell mom, but the family band is back together. Without her.”

As promised, Olivia and Micah are helping Moriah by joining the band so she doesn’t have to take the stage alone. 

Remind viewers again why you didn’t want to include your mom in this?

Back at the ring store, Max explains that he wants to get Moriah a pinky ring to say, “I pinky promise to be with you.”

I need a moment…

While Max browses the bling, Lydia practically drools onto all the cases, dreaming of the day someone (perhaps her mystery man?) slips a “pinky promise” ring on her empty finger and she can ride off into the sunset with him, leaving Kim, Barry and Barry’s creepy mug behind.

Poor Lydia…both figuratively and literally…

“No, it’s not for her, it’s for her sister. The one with great pinkies and an alarming amount of crop tops.”

During a trip to the fittingly named Tired Creek Golf Course, Micah and Ethan discover the facility doesn’t rent clubs. They are very disappointed, to the point that they may have even uttered, “Oh, H-E-double hockey sticks!” under their breaths.) 

“You should meet our family.”

Micah decides to call Kim to ask if they can borrow Barry’s club and also pick up Isaac. Kim is on board, which means she will soon change her mind or go for a power play of some kind.

Right on time, during the drive over to Ma and Pa Plath’s house, Kim says they must pick up Isaac at the Plath front door. Cue Ethan noping the hell out of this situation and pulling a U-turn. 

“I will crash this car before I willingly see my mother.”

To keep Ethan from barrel-rolling out of the vehicle, Micah pipes in, suggesting that maybe if he goes to the door and Ethan stays on the road, Kim will let both Isaac and the golf clubs leave the compound. Ethan agrees to try it, so the towheaded twosome drive towards the compound to spring Isaac. 

As Micah and Isaac flee from the house, they state the obvious tell Ethan “that was some bulls**t.” Apparently Kim didn’t love the trickery, but still let Isaac go. More importantly, she relinquished Barry’s club.

They arrive at the golf course and trying golfing for the first time. It does not go well.

At points, various Plaths are just running around the course, holding Barry’s golf club (blond hair flapping in the breeze). The other golfers all seem to be confused as to what’s going on. (They probably think these guys are filming some sort of Scandinavian prank show or something.)

Ethan finally found something he does worse than marriage: golf.

Nevertheless, the trio of bros have a grand ol’ time. It’s like The 3 Stooges, but blond.

That explains a lot.

Later on, Moriah invites Kim over to her and Micah’s house, this time to actually come in and stay a while. In the first real motherly act we’ve ever seen from Kim, she brings groceries. She then asks Moriah if she’s pregnant. (Maybe she tuned in to last week’s episode about the birth control?)

“This is a room, but not the one I commit sins in with my boyfriend.”

After confirming that Moriah is NOT currently carrying Max Jr., Kim moves the conversation to Moriah’s music and her band. Moriah informs her mom that the band consists of herself, Micah and a mystery keyboard player. Lying about Olivia being in the band isn’t Moriah’s only deception, as she spends the rest of the conversation skirting around any real details. Can you blame her? 

We close out the episode with Ethan and Olivia, and it’s sad, even for these two.

Ethan can’t see himself ever being happy living in a big city and Olivia keeps packing, because she can’t see herself ever being happy in a small town near Plathville. Ethan finally speaks his mind and tells Olivia SHE is the one who changed. 

He’s not wrong. Olivia agrees she has changed and begs Ethan for just one year living in an apartment in Tallahassee. Ethan can’t commit to that plan and Olivia tells him she’s worried she’s “outgrowing” him.

They end much the same as they have all season, with nothing resolved.

“They have golf courses in Tallahassee, right?”

Ethan probably went to trim some trees or work out his anger on cars. Which begs the questions, where the hell would Ethan take out his misplaced emotions in an apartment?!

A sneak peek of next week’s episode has Max asking Moriah about her “skimpy” clothing. 

“Does your confidence depend on showing you a**?” Max asks. 

“Y’all better pray for Max!”

To read The Ashley’s previous Welcome to Plathville recaps, click here! 

(Photos: TLC) 

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