Howdy, trashbag TV lovers! This episode of
Teen Mom OG er… Teen Mom 2 Teen Mom: The Next Chapter is a VERY.SPECIAL.EPISODE because all of these crapgoblins will be gathering together in one place for some MTV-funded fun! Naturally, because these people can’t breathe the same air for an extended period of time without someone throwing hands, there’s bound to be some hijinks to ensue.
The girls will all be going to a Dude Ranch in Florida for some boot-scootin’, beer and (hopefully!) brawls.
Anyway, this episode kicks off with Catelynn FaceTiming Maci (after slicking her bacon-like side bangs perfectly into place, natch.) She proposes they, like, get all together and, like, go on a “glamping” trip in Florida to celebrate Amber’s birthday. She says this as if the trip’s totally not already pre-planned by MTV and not random AF.
Catelynn came up with this whole idea—location and all— on her own?
Sure, Jan… and Farrah‘s face is total natural.
Anyway, because Maci is down for any excuse to drink for free, she agrees to go on the trip.
Hopefully she’s able to get off of work with such short notice.
Cate reaches out to “the gals” to see if they’re in for a lil birthday/ post-probation party for Ambie. (We all know that no one really gives a honking hoot about Amber’s birthday and that this is just an excuse to get the girls together so they can rip each other’s faces off.)
All of the moms agree to subject themselves to Cate’s glamping getaway, except Ashley, who leaves the group on Read.
When we check in with Leah, she’s telling her friend about the upcoming trip to Florida. She is worried because she says the “the energy was off” between her and Briana and Jade the last time they were all together. (Soooo… basically Leah’s scared that the Brazilian Butt Lift Twins are gonna beat the ever-loving tar out of her as soon as she steps a cowboy boot on the ranch.)
Leah says she ain’t got time for a ding-dang fight with Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dumper and that she’s too old for this crap.
I agree…yet here we are…
Meanwhile, Briana has clearly purchased Fashion Nova’s entire “Western American” collection, complete with flag boots and a hideous cow-print hat that looks like it should be worn by some over-tanned 50-year-old aunt at Becky Sue Ann’s hillbilly bachelorette party down at Big Bobby’s Beer Hut.
Brittany tells Briana she looks like a cow in that getup.
I think that’s nice…
Perhaps Britt thinks there’s a mental health explanation for someone choosing that hat, because she randomly asks Bri how she’s doing on her bipolar meds. Briana says she’s feeling good, but knows the cast trip may be weird with Leah and Ashley there.
She’s sour over the fact that Leah went on Instagram and smack-talked, despite them all agreeing at Family Reunion that “we wasn’t” gonna badmouth each other online.
Brittany doesn’t seem to care at all, although she does look like she’s wondering why her ticket to this dude ranch dramafest hasn’t arrived yet.
Over in California, Cheyenne is talking to Zach about the time they spend with Ryder and how annoying it is that she has to be the “boring school time parent” while Cory gets to be the fun parent. For some reason, this brings Cheyenne to the conclusion that she needs a vacation…away from Ryder. (You’re really failing on these transitions this week, MTV.)
Before Zach has a chance to pack up his best graphic tees, Cheyenne reveals she’s going on a moms-only trip with the cast to celebrate Amber’s birthday/ freedom from ProBo.
Cheyenne says she’s a little nervous about the trip because, while she gets along with Cate, Maci, and Amber, she knows the girls from ‘Teen Mom 2’ have a different relationship between one another (i.e. they frequently turn their Reunions into UFC fights.)
Cheyenne decides to call Ashley to get her thoughts on the cast trip and Ashley tells her she’s down to go, as long as the top-shelf liquor is flowing and the other moms vow not to twerk-shame her if she consumes too much of it. Cheyenne tells Zach that even though Ashley has to be intoxicated to hang out with everyone, she’s just glad she’s agreed to come.
As soon as Ashley and Cheyenne are off the phone, Ashley tells Bar she has no intention of actually going on this trip to Florida because she knows it’s going to be awkward.
Later on, Cate and Maci arrive at the campsite in Florida– without Leah, who after all these years, still can’t get anywhere on time. (Damn those gas station mini mart lines! I’m sure Leah was just trying to buy a canister of icing to bring as a in-flight snack and got hung up!)
Maci says Leah was supposed to fly outta the holler on her flight, but ended up missing it.
At the resort, Maci and Cate are greeted by a sweaty-assed Cheyenne on a golf cart.
Cheyenne pretends to be part of the working class and tells Cate and Maci that she’ll be driving them to their rooms.
“Like I work here,” she says, before letting out a jolly cackle.
Work? Teen Mom stars? Can you imagine?!
The sweaty and uncomfortably cramped cart ride ends with the girls arriving at a glamping tent.
The girls start stringing together birthday decorations for Amber’s tent, as Cate tells Cheyenne and Maci that she hopes everyone shows up to
sweat and itch celebrate with them.
Catelynn says she hopes Ashley comes because she “doesn’t want her to feel excluded or anything.”
Cheyenne decides they should call Ashley, who tells them she won’t be attending Camp I’m A Damn Good Mom.
Ashley tells the girls that Bar just got home from rehab and she has a lot going on.
(By the way, Ashley says that she told their daughter Holly that Bar was at “Dad Summer Camp” while he was in rehab. As you do…)
They tell Ashley they’re happy things are going well with Bar, but they’re bummed she won’t be there to experience this hellacious weekend with the rest of them.
While this is going on, Jade makes her way to Amber’s House For Wayward Puppets and the two of them head to the airport together, because Ambie doesn’t like to fly solo. (Apparently puppets don’t count here?)
Once they land, Briana picks them up and the three of them head to camp. Leah eventually makes it to the campsite, too– hours after she was supposed to arrive. She greets everyone awkwardly.
Once everyone has arrived, the girls surprise Amber with a birthday cake topped with ants.
I think that’s nice…
It’s actually kind of cute because Amber seems genuinely happy and surprised that her friends have made such a fuss out of her birthday.
Jade and Maci then give all the moms a bracelet engraved with “Teen Mom Sisters For Life.”
Later that night, the moms throw on some cowboy boots and head out to do some line dancing, but not before posing for a very cringey group photo.
Once inside the River Ranch Saloon, the girls do their best to fit in. Cheyenne orders a chardonnay.
No, seriously. (I’m sure the bar maid was all mad she had to stomp back to the storeroom and grab the one box of wine they keep on-hand for when uppity California bitches come a’vistin’!)
As the honky tonk travesty continues, Amber gets a birthday shoutout from the MC. Jade lets Cheyenne know she’s “the only Black girl in the joint,” and it’s awkward.
Amber reminds viewers that her legs do in fact work when she gets out there and dances her Achy Breaky Heart out!
While taking a dance break, Cheyenne and Briana talk about the ‘Teen Mom 2’ cast drama. Briana says she hasn’t talked to or seen Leah since the reunion, during which Leah left the stage because Briana and Jade were talking about Kail Lowry.
“We all should have some level of maturity to get along because we’re all on the same show,” Cheyenne says. (Hey Chey, I think you’ve had a little too much boxed wine if you honestly believe that!)
Briana then proves why this can’t happen, as she declares, “I don’t care for Leah and I don’t care for Ashley– that’s it.”
Their heart-to-heart is interrupted when Maci rounds up the moms for some mechanical bull riding.
A few of the girls plop their BBLs on the bull and give it their best shot at riding, but everyone fails miserably. (Not gonna lie, I rewound it multiple times to watch Amber fall off.)
Someone screams at Briana to pretend she’s back in that club bathroom on the magical night she let Luis knock her up.
The next day, Jade is stuffing tampons up her nose for sport (as you do), while Amber and Leah chat about probation. Amber pats herself on the back for all of the hard work she put in over these last years to stay out of gel. She tells Leah that she’s still nervous, though, that Andrew will move their son James to California (where, she makes sure to inform us, Andrew has no house or job.)
Meanwhile, Briana and Jade sit down at a picnic table to shovel fried food into their traps and talk about the “awkwardness” with Leah. Jade– a bigger clown that Ronald McDonald Lowell— says she was just “joking” at the ‘Teen Mom 2’ Reunion when she clapped back at Leah for saying she had “no idea” why Kail didn’t want to attend the Reunion. (Anyone who watched the interaction can see that it was obviously not a joke.)
Jade and Briana decide it’s best
for ratings to have a chat with Leah at some point during the camping trip.
Also feeling awkward during this trip is Cheyenne, who calls her dad to let him know she doesn’t feel safe in Florida’s version of Deliverance, noting that she feels like she’s the only Black person in every room/saloon/Pioneer tent she enters. She also tells her dad that she’s seen confederate flags on shirts and in markets, and that it’s making her uncomfortable.
If Chey wasn’t feeling comfortable before, she’s really about to be miserable because that night the moms head out to the confederate-flag-filled rodeo (that’s also packed with people who look like their parents were siblings.)
After some bronco bucking and whip-cracking, Cheyenne and Maci make an early exit, followed by a couple of the other moms.
Later that night, Cheyenne confronts one of the producers (who is also Black) and asks why she’s the only one in the cast who seems to notice all of the confederate flags in and around the dude ranch.
The producer encourages Cheyenne to voice her concerns to her castmates, but Cheyenne says she doesn’t see the point. Still, she ultimately does so, tearfully telling the group she’s been uncomfortable since she arrived. Cheyenne also reveals that she heard some inappropriate comments from people at the rodeo and she tells the group, “it’s too much for me.”
Maci assures Cheyenne that if they’re ever in a situation like that again, the moms will always leave with her. She also admits that they kind of dropped the ball by waiting for Cheyenne to express that she felt uncomfortable, rather than acknowledging what was going on from the start.
As the night goes on, the moms make some s’mores and Briana decides this is the perfect time to address the “awkwardness” with Leah, calling their “friendship” forced.
Leah claims she’s open to having a conversation with Briana, but Briana reminds her they already had one over DM and it didn’t really go anywhere. She also calls out Leah for waiting until the reunion aired to “rant on social media,” rather than addressing her issues after filming.
Even Cheyenne jumps in at this point to tell Leah that she’s a difficult person to get to know. Jade encourages Leah to let her guard down more, especially around the other moms, as they can all relate to each other (on some level). Leah apologies for what went down after the reunion, and Briana appears to be receptive.
“My intentions are pure as f**k,” Leah, who has obviously picked up some new lingo over the last few months.
Later, Leah tells us she’s done a lot of “hilling” and work to become a better person. Now, she wants to work on getting closer to everyone so they really are “Teen Mom Sisters For Life.”
That’s all for this episode of ‘Teen Mom: The Next Chapter!’ To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous episode, click here!