‘Sister Wives’ Season 12 Premiere Recap: Everyone Hates Tony Even More Than They Hate Kody

“Get ready to shell out the dough, Kod! I’m gonna wreak havoc on your checkbook!”

It’s been a long time since we’ve seen Kody Brown and his gaggle of unhappy women on Sister Wives, but finally TLC is bringing us a new season of the polygamous pit of misery that is the life of the Brown Family.

To kick the new season off, we are treated to a little recap of the previous season. As you may remember, Maddie became the first Brown daughter to get married, but Mykelti was right on her heels, as her boyfriend Tony had just proposed. The couple was eager to get hitched, despite only dating for a few months. Mariah came out as gay, and Kody and Meri basically admitted that they can’t stand each other.

We start this episode off with Tony’s family coming to have dinner with Mykelti’s family. Of course, Christine is frantic that Tony’s family will be disapproving of their polygamous lifestyle. Everyone is making sure to continue to point out that Tony’s family is Mexican, and that his parents speak “poquito” English. Start your engines, guys, we are about to see some really bad high school level Spanish coming our way this episode.

Donde esta la biblioteca?!

“The only good thing about the language barrier is that they won’t be subjected to Kody’s musings like the rest of us are…”

Christine is nervous that, due to the language barrier, everyone will just be sitting there, snarfing down their Stouffers lasagna and watching Kody twirl his hair because no one will understand each other.

“It’s the mixing of the cultures, and blending of things,” Mykelti tells us.

They are all acting like Tony’s family has been living in a hut in Mexico for their entire lives, and will be getting their first glimpse of life in America.  Tony already told everyone that his parents and grandparents have been in the United States for decades, yet everyone is acting like they will be coming in wearing sombreros and riding burros.

At least Kody didn’t order some of his “background kids” (aka the offspring that never get airtime) to dress up like a mariachi band in order for Tony’s parents to feel “more at home,” so there’s that…

“I’m sorry Kody, but I just think your idea of getting some maracas and singing ‘Feliz Navidad’ to Tony’s family would be disrespectful.”

All of the parents agree that Tony likes to push people’s buttons. That’s basically code for “does his best to be an ass at every possible opportunity.”

Tony said some of his family thinks it’s pretty cool that Kody is a polygamist. When the world “idol” is mentioned, Kody is just over the moon. He puffs up his shoulders and struts around the kitchen proclaiming himself to be “macho.”

Tony’s family is in for a real let-down when they get a load of their “idol.”

When someone thinks your oaf-of-a-husband is some sort of ‘idol’…

During the setup for the dinner, Kody, the polygamous idol of our generation, gets mad because no one took his seating suggestion.

He’s getting all huffy and sweaty, and is yelling at Mykelti and Christine, proclaiming that some of the dinner guests are too big to sit that close to each other. (He specifically points out that Tony and his [Muppet-like] brother Lido are “way too big” to sit next to each other.)

Kody is pouting, complaining that the seating arrangement was arranged by “an emotional woman not an engineer.”

“All you emotional women…it’s no fair! I’m not talking to any of you! SO THERE!”

Tony’s family arrives while the Browns are all screaming at each other about where to put the tables and chairs.

Christine is the hostess of this event so she made a special drink. The drink is called a “Tokelti” and it is a mix of Tony and Mykelti’s favorite flavors (coconut water and orange juice.)

“If you think a couple of these Tokeltis and some reheated meat lovers’ lasagna is gonna make up for the table shenanigans, think again, Christine! Think again…”

Tony does not drink the Tokelti. He is probably waiting for the VIP beverages to be brought out, because we all know that only the finest food and drink can pass through the lips of Tony, King of the Mooches.

Christine asks Tony’s mother to tell her some stories of when he was a child. Tony’s mother, Maria, says that Tony always got into trouble as a kid. Christine says Mykelti was also a trouble-maker.

Christine tells us that Mykelti wants children immediately after she’s married but that she and Tony have a “financial plan” they are going to try to stick to first. We don’t get to hear much more about this “financial plan” but there’s a chance that it somehow involves Christine taking out a second mortgage on her house.

Give us an idea of what Mykelti can look forward to on the honeymoon, Tony…

After both families squeeze elbow-to-elbow and slop down their lasagna and Tokeltis, the women retreat to the kitchen to clean up as Tony and Kody and some of the others relax in the living room. Tony tells everyone that Kody is lucky to have four wives because they should all be in the kitchen cleaning up after him.

Kody agrees and they toast to having been born with a penis. Tony tells Mykelti that he is “very OK” with the women-folk doing all the housework and taking care of their men.

Mykelti looks like she can feel the lasagna chunks rising as he says this.

“But really though…is that ‘mortgage your house to pay for the wedding’ idea still on the table or no?”

Not to be outshined, Meri decides she needs a plotline for this season, since, as we all know, that whole “catfish” storyline is more tired than Kody’s Hair Club for Men charge card.

She decides to “secretly” (aka with a big crew of cameramen and production staff) go visit a bed and breakfast in Utah that was once her grandmother’s home. Meri tells us that she’s been obsessed with this house for years and that she wants to buy it. She takes Christine’s mother Annie with her to check it out.

“Just think, no more watching Kody oil his hair up every morning!”

Meri has explained her interest in the home to Annie, but not to anyone else in the family. Meri says she wants to buy the place and run it as a bed and breakfast and a wedding venue.

“If we had this place, it would be a perfect place for any of our 17 more kids to get married,” Meri says.

Meri says she really wants to do this but she has to run it by the other adults in the family first because—darn it—her finances are still all tied up with the family. Meri decides to run the idea past Robyn first because she’s the least likely to tell Meri she’s a lunatic.

Meri excitedly explains her idea to Robyn, who just sits there very quietly and tries to be supportive.

“I’m gonna have to shoot out another Spawn ‘o’ Kody to guarantee us another season to pay for this crap, aren’t I?”

While they are talking, Mariah walks in and joins the conversation. Mariah is still quite the treat. She is barely through the door before she starts shooting dagger eyes at her mother and acting like a bratty 12-year-old. It’s nice to see that Mariah hasn’t changed since we last saw her. (In fact, she looks like she literally has not changed since we last saw her. She looks like she’s covered in a coating of grease or something. Hit the showers sometimes, Mariah, good Lord!)

Naturally, Mariah is there to be a Debbie-Downer and shoot down anything that could possibly make her mother happy.

“I just don’t get it,” she tells her mother. “Do you even have the money?”

Meri says she would need the family’s help financially and that Christine’s mom, Annie, would run the day-to-day operations of the place. Mariah just rolls her eyes and retreats to her bedroom to play Alanis Morissette tunes and write angst-filled poems in her journal.

Next, the family takes Tony and Mykelti to look at a wedding venue. Because this is The Wedding of the Century, Mykelti and Tony announce that they are expecting about 400 guests. Naturally, Kody is shocked.

“Wait, Kody, I thought we had agreed that you were gonna mortgage your house to pay for this!?”

“I was never consulted here. This is sounding outrageously expensive,” he says.

Sorry Kody, it’s the Tony show now. You’re just paying for it.

Mykelti starts to get nervous about how much this will cost her parents (because, naturally, Tony expects Mykelti’s family to pay for this fiesta). Tony isn’t worried because he ain’t paying.

“People have big parties all the time,” he tells his bride-to-be.

Um yeah…people who have jobs.

When you’re the only person in the family who works and someone wants you to pay for 4,000 tacos….

Tony says that he and Mykelti will not have alcohol at their wedding since they don’t drink.  He said in his family (which he describes as “Mexican Catholic”), it is traditional for attendees to bring their own alcohol to weddings but he’s going to have to advise them to leave their alcohol at home.

Come on, Tony. They’re gonna need a six-pack to put up with Kody all night. Have a heart.

Unlike Madison, Mykelti doesn’t ask her dad to officiate her wedding. She decides to ask her boss at the pawn shop, Chris, to do it. Kody doesn’t seem to mind. After all, he’ll probably have to get a job working overtime in the Weinerschnitzel drive-thru just to pay for this “Mexican vintage not-too-fancy but at a country club” wedding for 400 people. Who has the time to write a speech?!

Mykelti and Tony announce that a regular plated “chicken or beef” meal isn’t right for their wedding. Instead, they want to go with “something simple,” like having tacos handmade for 400 people. Mykelti estimates that their grubby friends will all consume at least “10 tacos each” so that means that they’ll need 4,000 tacos. You know, something simple.

“She’s so annoying and entitled…I wonder where she gets that?”

Kody looks like he is going to cry at the thought of it. The catering lady squashes Mykelti’s dream of having special taco makers brought in to make the tacos, because they don’t allow outside food at their venue. Mykelti and Tony are angry, but the catering lady assures them that they are able to make the 4,000 tacos they’ll need for The Wedding of the Century.

Tony tells Mykelti that he wants the tacos and he doesn’t want any of those “white people” tacos either.

“I want tacos with real steak!” he demands. “You know, the good stuff in life…”

Don’t ya just wanna punch him?

Christine and Kody are freaking out, trying to figure out how the hell they are going to pay for this wedding. When Christine points out to Mykelti that what she wants is going to cost an obscene amount of money, Mykelti replies, “I know” while Tony sits there smugly.

Mykelti and Tony are also expecting Kody & the Krew to shell out money so that they can have life-size piñatas made to look like them. No, seriously. Mykelti explains that they will take turns beating the piñata that looks like their spouse at the ceremony.

Something tells me that Kody and the wives will want to be the first in line to beat the “Tony” piñata…

“Oh sure, we can’t afford my bed and breakfast but we can fork out thousands to pay for a Tony pinata. I hate this family.”

Later, Kody and the wives tell the camera that Mykelti and Tony are being unrealistic.

“That boy is outrageous!” Christine proclaims. (Where’s a Tokelti when you need one?! It would be perfect to throw in Tony’s smug face!)

Meri, sensing that the Brown Family Budget will soon be diminished due to the purchases of thousands of tortillas and a shipping crate full of cojita cheese, decides she better stake her claim to some of the money. She sits all of the adults down to tell them about her plan to purchase the bed and breakfast.

“And the fact is that I want it, and I’m Meri, so I should get it.”

While Christine seems excited about the venture, Kody and Janelle look completely exasperated by the whole thing. You can almost see poor Janelle mentally crunching numbers, trying to see if they have even paid off Meri’s stupid wet bar before jumping into yet another one of her Big Ideas.

Kody doesn’t even try to hide his disdain for the idea. He immediately tells Meri that he’s against the idea because a bed and breakfast is “not a big money maker.” (Unlike, of course, that polygamy-themed jewelry company Robyn started.)

“Oh great, another big Meri idea that I have to pay for!”

Eventually, Janelle seems to realize that if she just buys Meri the stupid bed and breakfast, she’ll finally stop yapping about that stupid catfish incident and be out of her hair for weeks upon weeks on end!

Janelle gets on board, but Kody still needs some convincing. Ever the business mogul (sorry, I can’t even type that with a straight face), Kody demands to see a “business plan” before agreeing to let Meri use the money that’s already been designated for bride and groom piñatas.

“It seems like I’m the only sane person here!” Kody tells the cameras after he realizes all of his wives are into Meri’s idea.

That’s a scary thought.

That’s all for this week’s ‘Sister Wives’ episode! Until next week…

To read our other ‘Sister Wives’ recaps, click here!

(Photos: TLC)

34 Comments

  1. I love your comments on the show, they were so funny. I don’t like Tony. He is driving me crazy. He just wants to be on the camera as much as possible I think. I mean no man wants to be involved in every decision about a wedding especially the wedding dress. That one put me over the top that he had to be there when she picked her dress. Plus their logic on inviting guests sounded so dimwitted. I blame the parents for not saying “No” you need to cut back to 200 to 250 guests. That is still a very large wedding. I do think Christine tries to like Tony but it show’s she really doesn’t. They all really don’t like Tony. We all don’t like Tony. So Mykelti must be pretty desperate. She must have been pretty jealous of her sister that got married. Maybe she saw her making money from TLC & wanted a cut of that. I just can’t think of why she would marry him. Plus her eyebrows are so bad. Has she never been waxed! Plus Meri needs make-up lessons really all the women need make-up lessons. I don’t think they wore make-up until the last 10 years if that. I hope Meri gets the B&B so she can get away from them. I think when the show ends then they will say they are divorced for real. For now they are pretending to be together still. The other dimwits have to know and if they haven’t figured it out they are slow as all get out. Meri’s daughter is such an immature brat so to speak. I just want to smack her. It seems like the show focuses on the kids that are messed up. Except for the one who got married previously. Otherwise it’s the weird kids the show focus’s on. The one’s who seem to have it together you hardly ever see on tv. They have plenty of weird ones to focus on I must admit. I wonder how long this show will last. It has been on for a while. Looking forward to next weeks commentary.


  2. This was the most hilariously written article I have ever read. I was literally laughing out loud and crying. I have been infatuated with this show for the longest time and stumbled upon this site by accident – so glad I did! Well done!


  3. First off it’s poquito with an O not an E. Anyways, this show is such a steaming pile of garbage that I am ashamed that I have watched any of it. This is what happens when people who are not intelligent or educated to begin with, get a little bit of money and fame. The Brown family has an unbelievable level of self importance and they really seem to believe they are intelligent people. Like when Cody says something about how the seating was arranged by an emotional woman not an engineer, ummm what engineer was he referring to because I didn’t see any engineer in that room. You have to go to college for that and I know for a fact that neither dimwitted Cody nor any of his unintelligent wives went to college and certainly not for a degree as involved as engineering. You don’t just get to call yourself an engineer because you’re a man and you think that you know more than you actually do. You have to be intelligent and hardworking and actually go to college for 4 years to become a real engineer. He is the epitome of sexism and an over inflated ego. Then you have Mykelti who may well be the dumbest of the not very smart Brown offspring. She is immature and delusional, all of which stems from her clearly borderline IQ level. She is engaged to Tony who is also dumb but smarter than she is so he is able to manipulate her into going along with his controlling, grifting, lazy ways. Tony is such a pathetic loser who, surprise surprise, also hasn’t gone to college but has through this family, found a cash cow to milk off. He gives a bad name to Mexicans everywhere who are overwhelmingly very hardworking, industrious people. Naturally, the mothers who are subservient and uneducated, don’t seem to have much to say about one of their daughters getting manipulated and mixed up with such an obvious, lazy, stupid, unmotivated leech. Can’t wait to see these two morons produce offspring. I give this unholy union 5 years tops, although then again, Mykelti is so dumb she may never realize how much she is being used and manipulated by this fool. This family is filled with idiots who are more interested in ratings than telling their immature and intellectually challenged daughter to run as fast as she can from this lazy, stupid, mooch.


  4. My parents would have killed me if I even THOUGHT about asking them to take out a second mortgage to finance my wedding. I honestly think these two are delusional.


    1. Tony thinks he is so entitled ! Since when does the groom go with the bride to help pick out the wedding dress !! He wants to run the whole wedding, everything is all about him!


  5. The Ashley failed to mention how truly REPULSIVE Tony is. He is immense and well on his way to twinning with his freakazoid brother Lito. The family approved this match and now they are at the mercy of this parasite. Let’s sit back and enjoy the wedding and Kody’s well deserved misery. I do feel really sorry for Christine.


  6. Hilarious write up Holly and The Ashley! Gotta admit, the Meri BnB or “MerBnB” (you can have that one haha) sounds like Newhart but scary hilarious. I can’t wait to see the guests face as Meri tells them about being barren and a catfish “survivor” lol. If sitcoms have taught me anything, she’ll need a hilarious yokel handyman to keep things rolling. Anne sounds like the perfect parental foil to put her hands on her hips and tilt her head when things get cray. There should be a gofundme for Meri’s BnB wetbar for audience interaction and upstream revenue synergy and so forth.


  7. You know (not that) deep down, Christine is really disappointed in her daughter’s choice of a husband. (Not like Kody is much better.) She tries so hard to like him and I cringe when I see her and Robyn forcing themselves into laugher at every stupid joke he makes. He is so demanding about his wedding, expecting others to shell out their own money, yet he can’t even save enough to dress nicely for bride. For those who have not seen the wedding pics, you’re in for a treat!


  8. He really sounds so entitled, oh my God, he finally married to TV royalty! I guess the only good thing that came out of this marriage is that she isn’t knocked up by him yet and they are married for over a year so at least he won’t raise such disrespectful kids……yet.


  9. Thank you for recapping this show as I can’t bring myself to watch it anymore. Just reading about Tony makes me want to choke him out. I think Mykelti chose him specifically because she knew he’d be awful to her family. That’s some serious passive aggressive revenge!

    I’m not surprised by the bed and breakfast. That seems to be a popular spin off idea – remember Tori and Dean’s b&b season?


  10. The problem is not just their daughter and Tony being brats with high expectations. The problem is that the adults never grew up and learned to say ‘no’.


    1. Maybe Matt can give Tony some solid advice for his financial plan.
      ‘Yeah, so you are definitely on the right track Tony. You let others pay for your expenses, good. We can look at your manipulative skills a bit more. Squeezing money out of family member’s pockets during an emotional time like a wedding is a good start but I can teach you manipulative moves you can use in every situation. I got your back, bro. By the way, I want to tell you about this great investment, highest return ever. I know this guy that is a proffesional poker player and he is willing (….)


    1. It is still online – I checked while Kody was dithering on about Meri’s business plan.

      Robyn wants a business: OK let’s do it! No plan needed until the very end, but we’re just going to ignore it anyway.

      Meri wants a business: Nah, rather than get you out of my face and in Utah for the bargain price of some old house, I want to be a total douche to show my strength and virility to Robyn.


      1. I was thinking, why can’t the just sell Meri’s house and she live in the B&B. She and Kody are divorced and really don’t like each other, and the others should force Tony & M to have their wedding at Meri’s B&B as help with free advertisement for Meri.


  11. I felt like my mouth was hanging open in disbelief for most of the episode…. Tony is such a loser and Mykelti and him couldn’t be more immature. These people have 17 kids- how on EARTH could they be expected to pay for weddings with 400 people at a country club?? Especially for a couple of teenage moochers that have barely known each other. If the Browns paid thousands for them to have a wedding they are dumb and deserve to be bankrupt.


  12. Hahahahahaha I don’t watch this show & I’m so glad these recaps exist.
    Beating up a life-size pinata that looks like your new bride/groom? What an interesting idea….

    I had tacos at my wedding (make your own) and the price per person was $23 Canadian. Surely they could come up with something similar? Weddings do not HAVE to be outrageously expensive. There’s a few things you can’t avoid, but I will agree that the industry is getting very out of hand.


  13. I’m so glad you’re recapping this! Kody needs to set a budget for all weddings going forward. Give them all the same amount of money and let them figure out the rest. If they want to elope and pocket the rest, good for them! If they want to take out a loan of their own to cover their steak tacos for a bunch of strangers, have at it! The only thing that will need to change is he’ll need to adjust the budget for inflation for the littlest ones since he has so many damn kids.

    Also? I, legit, can’t watch Mykelti and those caterpillar eyebrows make this face /..\ anymore. It’s killing me.


    1. I agree with your wedding plan. The ONLY reason I would be on Mykelti’s side is if Madison got a large sum of money put towards her wedding and now Kody’s b*tching because he didn’t plan to pay for two weddings in two years. I don’t watch the show anymore so I can’t say what happened but it does seem like Tony & Mykelti are a little immature to be getting married.


  14. How about, instead of life sized pinatas, they string up real life Mykelti and Tony, and the whole family gets a swing? Seriously, how old is this couple? They are more delusional than the people who still think Jenelle Evans is a good mom.

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