The Men of 16 & Pregnant: The Official Scum of the Earth

The (young) and white trash version of Reese Witherspoon & Ryan Phillipe

So we are about five episodes into the second season of 16 & Pregnant. Last season, I watched every episode and wondered to myself why these girls would have chosen these guys that they were with. True, they didn’t choose to get pregnant with these guys (well, they didn’t use protection so I guess they did), but the chose the guy, period. These guys are immature and lame.

Well, this season’s crop of baby-daddys make last season’s losers seem like dream boats.

These girls must have done some extensive research to find these douchebags. They are the creme de la creme of loser-ism. The first baby-daddy we met is Andrew, a Class A crudball who has been dating Jenelle for three years. (Jenelle is the one that looks like a white-trash version of Reese Witherspoon.)

Andrew lives far away, but not far enough to keep his sperm away from Jenelle. He spends his free time calling her names, not working and overindulging in Pabst Blue Ribbon. After the baby is born, Andrew is –surprise– MIA. Jenelle later finds out this is because he has gotten (another) DUI and has been in jail. Fabulous.

Then there’s Josh from Episode 2. He breaks up with his girlfriend, Nikkole, when she tells him she’s pregnant. Fabulous. She’s devastated, naturally, because apparently a boyfriend who’s been expelled from school, cheats on her and fights with his baby’s mother DURING LABOR is a guy you’d want to have around. Awesome.

Let’s not forget the boyfriend from Valerie‘s episode. I can’t remember his name so let’s just call him Douche. She can’t even get this outstanding citizen to admit that he’s the father, despite her plea of “It’s your baby! We had lots of sex and didn’t use anything! It’s your baby!” Oh, Valerie, I can already hear “Jerry! Jerry!” in your future. Amazing.

"My daddy's a douchebag!"

I think Chelsea from Episode 4 takes the prize for finding the most craptastic boyfriend yet. Adam is insistent that the baby have his last name, and shows a real interest in the kid..for like two minutes. He goes MIA and eventually sends this poor girl a text that reads “It’s over for life you fat stretch-marked whore, tell me what I have to do to sign over the papers for that mistake.” Fantabulous.

This week’s episode deals with Lori. Her boyfriend seems semi-human but still possesses douchebag-ery qualities. Cory changes his mind whether or not he would like to give up his child like he’s deciding what juice to have for breakfast.

When they agree on adoption and sit down to look at potential families to give their child to (which is, you know, kind of important), Cory can’t be bothered, constantly looking at his cell phone and saying “They’re waiting for me at the bar.” Yeah, Cory, no biggie, you’re just deciding on a family for your child, it’s not a big decision like which flavor Jello shot you’d like. You’d better go.

Ladies of all ages, please take note: condoms good. Douchebag boyfriends bad. And when you choose to have a baby with one of these losers, it’s like giving yourself herpes….you’re infected with them for life!


    1. No, dear, the herpes = the boyfriend losers, not the babies.

      You are clearly Douchebag material yourself. Do us all a favor and don’t breed, kk?

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