The Ashley’s Top 10 Moments of ‘Teen Mom’ Season 3

Another season of Teen Mom has come and gone, bringing us laughs, tears and the feeling that our lives would have been better had we just got knocked up at 16 and contacted MTV.

Anyway, The Ashley has scrutinized each moment of this season, so she feels she is well-equipped to bring you the Top 10 ‘Teen Mom’ Season 3 Moments!  Special thanks to the entire cast of the show for keeping me glued to the TV each week. (This show really is like visual crack, yes?) Despite the fact that I poke fun of the show each week in my recaps, I really do love these people. (Except maybe Farrah.)

Here they are…the best moments of the season! Do you agree with The Ashley’s choices?! Tell me!

10.  Farrah Has Trouble Filling Out Paper Work (Episode 1):

Getting a new body part is hard work. Not only do you have to raise money (unless you have a big fat MTV check coming in bi-weekly, of course), but you also have to go to doctor’s and fill out paper work. Farrah learns this the hard way while at a plastic surgeon’s office. She desperately wants a new rack, but a pile of medical paperwork stands in the way of her mammary glory. Exhausted by all of the paperwork, Farrah finally just writes “HERE FOR BOOBS” across the entire form. No. Seriously. She did that. I hope the doctor’s office framed that form and hung it on their wall.

9. Butch Provides Valuable Life Advice (Episode 4):

Teen MomOh, Butch. You’ve made my Tuesdays more exciting, and made my heart flutter every time your sassy salt-n-pepper mullet came onto my TV screen. The life advice you gave us during Episode 4 is surely something that greeting card companies and fortune cookie makers will be using for years to come.

After getting sprung from the slammer, Butch discusses getting sober and tells Catelynn and Tyler, “You can’t do [rehab] for nobody–not my kids, not my truck, not my grandmother–but you.” Let’s face it; if you can’t do rehab for your truck, who can you do it for?

8.  Mama Bookout Delivers a Zinger! (Episode 11):

You can always count on Maci’s mama, Sharon, to  be the one to talk some sense into her daughter. You can also count on her for some great one-liners. During this scene, Maci is complaining about having to deal with Ryan’s drama, and is going on and on about how unfair it is that she has to put up with him. Mama Bookout looks up and delivers the line that all of us viewers wish we could say, “Well…you should have thought of that before you had his baby.” Intheface.

7. Attack of the Tarantula Eyelashes (Episode 11):

The fact that Amber decided to wear ginormous fake eyelashes throughout the entire episode (even while lounging around the house) was funny. The fact that she never once acknowledged the fact that she was wearing them was downright hysterical. They literally looked like a giant spider had crawled onto her face and was attempting to claw her eyes out.

6. It’s Never ‘Barney Time’ For Farrah (Episode 4):

Farrah’s been full of fun ‘tude this season. While on the way to court to deal with Derek’s mother’s plea to see Sophia, her nasty attitude was in full force. Seeing that Farrah was understandably stressed about going to court, her own mother, Debra, tried to lighten the mood and tell Farrah a cute story about Sophia’s newfound love for Barney. Farrah was not in the mood for stories of the Big Purple Dinosaur and basically throws a s**t fit, yelling, “It’s not Barney Time!!” Then she tells her mother that she sucks for not being able to calm her down better.

5. Amber’s Mom’s Tips for Impressing CPS (Episode 7):

We all have trouble with Child Protective Services (oh…wait? That’s not how everyone’s lives are?) On their way to a CPS meeting, Amber’s mother, Tonya, provides tips for getting on the good side of the CPS officials. Among the tips are: 1) Smile a lot. 2) Don’t say the “F” word and 3) (the most important) remember you’re a mom. I hope ya’ll wrote that down.

4. Leah’s Condom Accordion (Episode 6):

Baby Leah got a bit confused during the setup of her birthday party. She picks up what appears to be a small gold accordion and attempts to play with it. We viewers at home, however, notice that it is not a musical instrument that Leah is entertaining herself with; it is, in fact, a string of her dad’s Trojan Magnum condoms! At least we know Gary’s practicing safe sex nowadays!

3. Toilet Training, Farrah Style (Episode 6):

Poor Sophia got a glimpse into what her toilet training days are going to be like when Farrah tries to get her new puppy to go to the bathroom…in the toilet. Farrah dangling the doll-dress-wearing pup over the toilet and screaming “GO POTTY!” was enough to scare the crap out of anyone (except the puppy, of course).

2. Gary & The ‘Pressed Wood’ Disaster (Episode 2):

Gary and Amber have just moved into their new rental house and things are going well until Gary has a little mishap with the basement stairs. And by ‘little mishap’ I mean that he literally breaks the floor and falls through the stairs. As Gary protests that the reason he fell through was because the stairs were made of ‘pressed wood,’ Amber screams “you’re so chunky!” over and over at poor GarBear. Gary not only fell into the basement, but also into The Ashley’s heart that day.

1. Ryan Gets An Answer to an Important Question (Episode 1):

This was, seriously, one of the best moments of [crappy] television I’ve ever seen (and I’ve seen a lot of crappy television!) While talking to Maci one day, Ryan finally asks the question that many ‘Teen Mom’ fans have been dying to find out the answer to. Of course, he can’t work up enough courage to actually ask her the question so he texts it to her (while sitting next to her), but that still counts! He asks Maci if her boyfriend Kyle is, in fact, slow. They were the three words heard around the world.

Honorable Mentions:

  • Farrah’s culinary teacher calling her out for being a bitch during Episode 5 was epic, although we didn’t actually get to see it happen on camera.
  • There is seriously nothing cuter than Bentley wearing his Barney Halloween costume during Episode 5. Cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

(Photos: MTV, Radar Online- Barney Photo)

18 Comments

  1. Congrats on your witty rundowns of the show! I don’t get to watch it at the same time-coordinates as you guys, as I live in S-Pain, so I have to wait absolut MONTHS, and also they play the show at a stupidly late time here (2:30 a.m.!) so even though I have insomnia, sometimes I will collapse and miss it. So catching up about these stories here is my fave thing to do when I have a few minutes to myself. My fave characters are of course Caitlyn and Tyler, and also Barbara and Butch, for their outrageousness! I DETEST Ambo, April and of course Farrah, who is a spoiled imbecilic brat who puts on airs and graces. Macy…hmmm…not sure. I liked her BUT something does not “click” anymore. The kids are all adorable, I couldn’t pick my favourite! Love from Sevilla, Spain.


  2. What about in the finale when Amber calls Gary and we see the picture of her in lingerie on the couch and her name in the phone ‘Plain old Amber’?? Pure magic.


  3. I though for sure you would have mentioned Farrahs pro-con list (written on a fisherprice toy-“as you do” :)…Her only con of leaving baby behind with grandma? “Cant give hugs and kisses” And we cant forget Ambers words of wisdome..”You can’t just bitch slap people 24/7″
    But as always I love all your teen mom stuff!


  4. Did it ever come out how much these girls are getting paid by MTV? Im sure it did but i just missed it. Ive wondered if they had to put the money in a trust for the kids or if they got to spend it any way they want.


    1. I read that Amber had to disclose her income to the Judge with regards to how she provides for her child and she stated her income was $280,000 a year. She is paid $140,000 for the first 6 months of her contract & the other half at the end of the year. This does not include iany money earned for interviews, etc. I’m not sure about a trust for the babies. I’m sure something legally has to be put in place for them…I hope so! Not a bad income for a high school drop out that has no experience in her profession as a Mother, huh?


  5. Love your insight on these recaps. They are hilarious! I have to mention Amber always stressing about her 24 hours in “gel”! I love the show but I do hope teen girls understand that the reality of this show is that how these girls maintain their lavish lifestyles are completely unrealistic. Please girls do not idolize these girls of Teen Mom. Without the lucrative income from MTV you would see an entirely different reality..no boob enhancements..new cars…extensions…nice apartments / houses that are nicely furnished…flying all over the country at a moments notice..you will not appear on covers of magazines or befriend Bristol Palin. Whew…Its hard to list all of these unrealistic expectations to young girls that may be idolizing one of these girls. I love the cast of this show but I’m hopeful this is their 15 minutes of fame and one day they will have to actually have to work hard to earn a living like the rest of us. Think about it…they only had a baby while still in high school. Deserving of fame to this extent? But again I too love the show and I admit that Butch & April are my guilty pleasure!


    1. So true! Couldn’t agree more! I love the show as much as the next person but its kind of irritating that all they did was have a baby at 17 and they get this kind of money and attention for it. That’s not reality at all, they should have to struggle as much as the rest of us.


  6. I don’t know what I would do without your hilarious posts about Teen Mom =) They always make me laugh! Loooove that show and never miss it!


  7. If you are immature enough to write “Here for boobs” on your paperwork for the plastic surgeon, you’re probably too immature for fake boobs anyways. Ambo’s eyelashes were bugging me all of episode 11. They were super creepy!
    GREAT POST! Thanks The Ashley!!!

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