This week’s episode of Teen Mom 2 picks up right where last week’s epic episode left off– with Jenelle in trouble with the law, Chelsea getting treated like garbage by Adam, and Kail and Leah fighting with their respective rap star/redneck boyfriends. So, basically, business as usual.
First we check in with Leah, who tells us now that the divorce is final, she’s ready to move on with her life and is looking into “getting her learn on” at nursing school. Her friend Kayla sits there listening and it’s almost as if the girl is in some sort of trance. After Leah tells her that she wants to go back to school, Kayla robotically tells Leah, “That.Will.Be.Good.” and “That.Is.What.You.Have.Always.Wanted.” Someone needs a Starbucks (or their “upper”) stat!
Next we head to the depths of the Brunswick County Jail to visit our favorite feather-haired jailbird, Jenelle. She’s finally been sprung from the slammer, telling us she knows an MTV producer local bondswoman who’s agreed to post her bail, since her mother, Barbara, basically told her to kiss off. (“Do ya know how much Fix-a-Flat a thousand dollas could buy, Juh-nelle?!”)
She needs someone responsible to sign for her bond, so naturally she calls her friend Tori, who, sadly probably is the most responsible person Jenelle knows, other than maybe Jace. Good ol’ Tori never disappoints. She arrives at the jail via taxi cab (as you do) because God knows her license has probably been suspended since before Jenelle got knocked up.
The dynamic duo head to an abandoned strip mall and go inside the bail bondsman’s office. (I’m pretty sure the office also doubles as some sort of laundry mat on the weekends.) They meet up with bail bondswoman Angie, who has clearly gotten all dressed up for her big cable TV debut. She’s sporting the best K-Mart Jaclyn Smith fashions that $12 can buy!
Angie tells Jenelle that she owes them $1,000. Jenelle only has $200 that she hasn’t squandered on marijuana/Victoria’s Secret sweatsuits, so she has to set up a payment plan. Next, Angie informs Tori that if Jenelle skips court, she’ll be responsible for paying back Jenelle’s entire $10,000 bail. I honestly don’t know how poor Angie kept a straight face saying that and looking at this girl.
Jenelle pulls the $200 out of her crusty sweat-joggies and bids Angie farewell, telling her, “If I need you again I will definitely call you!” I’m pretty sure I heard Angie tell her, “See ya next week!”
Over in South Dakota, Chelsea says she is all stressed out because of her GED practice tests (um…) so she and her friend Erica head to a diner (all of the local parks must have been occupied that day!) I swear, each of the girls on this show is only allowed to have one filming friend. We see the same knuckleheads over and over again. I’m really starting to get tired of Erica (and her strangely placed eye piercing).
Chelsea tells Erica that she believes that Adam has basically checked out of their relationship. I, for one, am shocked. I mean, there was a promise ring, people! If that doesn’t mean anything, I don’t know what does! Erica, seeing her friend so down in the dumps, tells Chelsea that she has a surprise for her: MTV she has bought them tickets to go see Dierks Bentley that weekend!
Chelsea is thrilled because she always used to listen to his songs while she was pregnant and/or Adam was verbally abusing her. Ahh, memories. Chelsea then realizes that the concert falls the day before she has to go take her GED practice tests. There’s no way Chelsea’s missing this concert. (Is anyone else having deja vu here?) She decides that her poor dad can haul her and all her ragtag friends to the concert in his RV. Don’t worry– she’s going to study on the way to the concert! Because everyone knows that an RV full of screaming, concert-going girls is always the best setting for hitting the books.
Finally we check in with Kail, who’s heading to mediation with Jo to try to get more custody time with Isaac. She is scared that she is pissing Jo off in the process, though. (She better be careful. Jo could totally go all ‘Taylor Swift’ on her and pen some horrible rap song about her!) She heads to Jo’s house to drop off the baby and when she goes back out to her car, Jo pops his head into her passenger side window, uttering a semi-creepy “Hello Kail.”
He demands to know why she’s doing this, and she tells him that it’s standard custody procedure. He informs Kail that he’s “not standard” and that he “raises the bar.” Um, yeah, buddy we saw you and your music video hussy “raising the bar” (and the shots!) in last week’s episode. That’s what got you into this trouble in the first place!
In West Virginia, Leah is heading to check out the college campus. She tells her friend (Kayla again) that she’s a “new Leah,” but Kayla is afraid that the “new Leah” isn’t going to be able to keep up with all these new commitments.
They meet up with a college counselor who tells Leah she can do their “Learning Your Way” program, which basically means that if you pay them enough money, you can basically take any darn classes you want and you’ll still get a degree. The counselor tells Leah that she’ll have to take the ACTs in order to get into the college, which makes Leah nervous because she hasn’t been in school since she popped out the twins a few years back.
Wasting no time, she signs up to take the test the next day. (Um, don’t you want to do a few miles in a “study RV” before you take it? Apparently they’re all the rage in South Dakota!)
Meanwhile, Kail and Jo arrive at the court for their mediation. Jo is sporting a fashionable white collared shirt that straddles the line between “concerned father” and “international rap superstar.” We aren’t allowed inside the mediation room but two hours later, they emerge and Kail tells us that she won the extra time and that Jo is not happy about it. The next day, Kail and Jo decide to make a custody calendar to keep their visitation straight. Jo comes over to Kail’s house to talk about their new arrangement. Naturally, he has his iPod earphones in his ear the whole time. (“Gotta be listenin’ to my sick beats, yo!”)
In North Carolina, Jenelle is sporting that fresh-outta-the-slammer glow, and has spent the night at Tori’s to avoid going home to face Babs. Jenelle tells Tori that her parole officer just “came at the wrong time.” Um, no, you just smoked pot at the wrong time…like when you were on probation for smoking pot. Tori isn’t concerned about any of that though. All she knows is that there’s still time to mooch her way to that Kesha concert, which is happening that night!
Jenelle agrees that the best thing to do in this situation is to blow off her lawyers, parole officers, and what not, and go shake her tail head feathers at the concert. (I mean, hello, this is Kesha we’re talking about here.) Jenelle reminds us that Kesha is her favorite artist ever and that she sings the lyrics to all of Kesha’s songs all day long. Yes, the lyrics to that musical classic “Tik Tok” also had a profound effect on me and my life as well, so I get it.
My question here is…why the hell are we over halfway through this episode and have not yet seen one glimpse of Babs’ face?! Hell, at this point, I’ll settle for hearing her voice cackle over the phone!
Anyway, Jenelle and Tori decide to go to the concert, and scurry inside to change out of their PJs, which seriously look like they haven’t been washed since the Olsen twins were still crapping in diapers on ‘Full House.’ (This whole scene is fake, of course. It was all recreated. To see photos of Jenelle and Tori’s actual concert experience, click here.)
Speaking of concerts, Chelsea’s heading off to her own concert, so she goes to drop Aubree off at South Dee-ko-tah Mary’s house. Mary is all kinds of inquisitive today- asking Chelsea “So, is it gonna be a late night for ya?” and “Have you been studyin’ for the test?” Chelsea tells her that they’ll be out late and that she hasn’t really had time to study, what with all the Adam chasing and hair curling and whatnot. (But, hello, that’s what the RV is for, duh!) Then Mary asks about Chelsea’s status with Adam and I just tune out. I just can’t handle that.
The whole time this conversation is going on, little Aubree is in the background screaming “Don’t go! Don’t go!” Again, this kid isn’t even three yet and she’s already the smartest person in the room. She’s clearly spent her share of hours in the “study RV.”
The girls head to the concert and before the RV even pulls out of the driveway, Chelsea’s basically tossed the whole studying idea out the window. “Study, like, later” one of her friends tells her. “Yeah, study, like, later,” another chimes in. They zoom in on the untouched GED study book, and the girls go have a sh*t-kickin’ good time at the concert.
In West Virginia, it’s time for Leah to take her “Learn Your Way” college test. She drops the girls off with Corey, who’s curious as to what type of test she’s going to take. (A pregnancy test? Oh, wait, that’s not for a few more episodes. Spoiler alert!) She arrives at the college and manages to finish the test just in the nick of time. The counselor comes in and takes the test to be graded, coming back 10 minutes later to inform Leah that she has failed.
Luckily, there’s still a chance that she’ll be accepted to “Learn Your Way” college. She meets with the dean who tells her that even though she failed, she is still being accepted. Not only that, but they’re even giving her a scholarship! Hold up a sec…she failed the test and not only does she still get in but now they’re paying for her to go there? Good Lord, I should have gotten pregnant in high school. What the hell was I thinking?!
Later, she goes to hang out with Kayla (after getting a fresh new ‘do to start off her career as a college student). She tells Kayla that she got a friend request from some mysterious guy who apparently knows Corey. She adds him and we’re left to believe that we will be seeing more of this guy in the very new future.
After getting chewed out by her lawyer for going Kesha-ing rather than calling him back, Jenelle now has to go home and face Babs. She tells us she has to go home because she misses the free food Jace. Babs is waiting for her, croaking about how she hasn’t seen Jenelle in a week. Jenelle blows up at poor Babs, telling her it’s her fault that her car got repossessed, her phone got shut off and she failed out of school, since Babs didn’t come bail her out. I’m sorry, what?! If I were Barbara (if only!) I’d be flinging scalding hot doughboys at my bitch-of-a-daughter’s face for saying that to me.
Jenelle’s upset that she’s always getting blamed for failing her drug tests. Seriously? Seriously?! This has got to be an episode of ‘Candid Camera.’ There is no way that someone is really this delusional.
In true 10-year-old mentality, Jenelle announces that she’s running away. She leaves the house with just the clothes on her back and no money. Good Lord, Jenelle, you can’t even run away correctly. When I was a kid and I told my mom I was “running away,” at least I had the good sense to pack a backpack and steal some Capri Suns out of the fridge before I left (i.e. hid in the front yard bushes for like an hour before coming back inside).
Next week, Jenelle writes a love letter to her parole officer, Leah starts dating her Facebook fantasy boy and Kail and Chelsea break off their relationships.
Did you miss last week’s recap? Catch up here!
(Photos: MTV, Facebook)