‘Teen Mom 2’ Season 5B Episode 10 Recap: A Brand New Baby & Same Old Adam

"Oh boy, anotha graaaaankid!"
“Oh boy, anotha graaaaankid!”

Grab your Pitocin shots and put your feet up (in the stirrups)–because we’re having a baby tonight folks! That’s right– get ready for a Very Special Episode of Teen Mom 2. These occur when one of three things happen: Someone beats the BeJesus out of their boyfriend/spouse/mother/baby-daddy; someone gets all hopped up on The Drugs and MTV couldn’t find a way to hide it, or someone shoots a human from their loins, which is what we’ll be treated to tonight. For a show that is supposed to “prevent” pregnancy, there are sure a lot of people crapping out new babies on the regular, no?

Anyway, we kick things off with Jenelle, who is just days away from delivering her next child. She is still reeling from her big fights with her “ti-tosterone ragin'” boooooyfriendNathan, and her mom Barbara, but since she’s about to have a baby shower, she’s decided to put her angry feelings aside and collect all of the free loot. Jenelle has invited all of the local degenerates and Carolina hoodlums to share in her baby joy. (OMG– will Trashbag Tori make an appearance?! I mean, somebody’s got to bring Baby’s First Illegally Obtained Prescription, right?!)

"I hope someone got the baby a green wetsuit top so he can match his dad!"
“I hope someone got the baby a green wetsuit top so he can match his dad!”

Babs is very proud of the cake she’s purchased for the shower. “Welcome Baby Kaaaaisah!” the cake reads. As the ladies file in, we realize that nearly every single one of Jenelle’s friends has 1) bad eyebrows or 2) a baby, or both. Seriously, did MTV just stand in the Oak Island Waaaaahl-mart’s baby section and offer people free cake if they’d come and pretend like they’re Jenelle’s friends?

Jenelle opens all of her gifts and then everyone leaves. Jenelle heads home with Jace, but later that night her water breaks. She calls Babs to come pick up Jace so that she and Nathan can head to the hospital. Of course, since Nathan is a total drunken degenerate and isn’t allowed to drive, Jenelle is forced to drive herself, leaking vagina and all, to the hospital.

Here’s a good rule of thumb ladies: If the man you choose to have a child with isn’t legally allowed to drive you to the hospital to give birth, you shouldn’t be having a child with him. #TheMoreYouKnow

Anyway, as Jenelle and Nathan are driving away to the hospital, Bab yells, “Be cahhhful! Don’t speed!”

You know Nate totally made Jenelle stop at the 7-11 to get him some cigs and a snack!
You know Nate totally made Jenelle stop at the 7-11 to get him some cigs and a snack!

If only we had a dollar for every time Babs or one of Jenelle’s drug counselors told Jenelle “don’t speed!” Or heroin.

Jenelle is chatting with Nathan on the way to the hospital, talking about how the water broke at the perfect time, i.e. after they got a bunch of free stuff at their shower. Nathan, however, is mute because he barely had any sleep, having just gone to bed at 4 a.m. after working a long shift playing video games until his eyes glazed over.

Next, we head over to Delaware to check in with Kail. She and Javi talk about their fight over Jo and the vacation. Kail is sad that Isaac will be leaving and going to Jo’s house for six weeks. However, Kail plans to use the time without Isaac to go back to school. She wants to get a degree so that her kids will have a better future. (After Kail graduates, she should help Maci out. That chick’s been in junior college since Bill Clinton was in office! Seriously.)

So...many...kids...
So…many…kids…

In West Virginia, Leah is still butt-hurt that Corey accused her of not taking Ali to therapy enough. She tells her cousin (?) Chasity how she “done told the therapist” what Corey had said about her missing the therapy sessions, all while hordes of kids crawl all over her and Chasity. She then tells her cousin that she and Jeremy are getting along a lot better these days, but she feels bad that Jeremy is in the middle of this whole Corey custody court mess.

So do we. So do we….

Finally, we check in with Chelsea, who is busy plucking lip hairs off the faces of South Dakota’s finest. Later, she and Other Chelsey are scrolling through social media when they discover that Adam’s ex, Taylor, has posted a “selfie” of her and Aubree together. Chelsea’s angry that Taylor is trying to get attention by posting a photo with Chelsea’s kid, so she calls Taylor a “f**kin’ freak.” Chelsea decides to text Taylor and let her know that she’s crazy, and to demand that she stop posting photos of Aubree.

Chelsea needs to tan more people so she can get her iPhone screen fixed.
Chelsea needs to tan more people so she can get her iPhone screen fixed.

“Adam chose to put his di*k everywhere and get everyone pregnant and now I have to deal with it,” Chelsea says, just as Taylor replies to Chelsea’s text. We get a glimpse at the text, which basically makes Taylor sound anything but crazy, actually. She explains that she’s always treated Aubree well, and that she would hate to have Aubree leave her life for good, since they’ve grown close during the time Taylor dated Adam. And, hey, isn’t it better that it’s her around Aubree rather than the skanky p0rn star wannabe Adam’s been dating?

Of course, Chelsea freaks out and replies that Taylor needs to stop putting the pictures up.

The next day, Adam and Taylor go on a picnic lunch together with their daughter Paislee. They are still broken up (we can tell because Taylor’s little torn piece of paper thingy still identifies her as “Adam’s ex.”) They discuss the Great Picture Caper and Taylor says that Chelsea was being irrational. Adam says that Chelsea was “probably just jealous.” Taylor, who is still obviously after Adam’s junk, says “Jealous of what? It’s not like you and I are together,” to which Adam replies “Nope!” ridiculously fast.

teen mom 2
“Do we have time to ‘coparent’ behind that tree real quick?”

Taylor tells Adam that he and Chelsea need to work on their co-parenting, and then asks Adam how his new relationship is going. He says that him and Jessica are fighting a lot and then asks Taylor if she’d like to “co-parent” with him more. (So…has the word “co-parent” basically just become a code word for “banging the crap out of each other” on this show?) Taylor eagerly jumps at the chance to have her Knight In Shining Affliction Gear back in her arms.

Meanwhile, Kail is signing up for college, and her friend Morgan (who appears to have stopped at Chelsea’s salon on the way over because she is sporting a delightfully orange skin color), comes over to discuss it. Kail is worried about going back to school amongst a bunch of 18 year olds. “They’re not going to know you’re a mom!” Morgan says. (Um, that whole ‘Teen Mom 2’ thing may be a pretty big hint, Mo.)

When your friend walks in with a really bad spray tan & you're trying not to say anything...
When your friend walks in with a really bad spray tan & you’re trying not to say anything…

Kail says she is sad that she isn’t graduating like a lot of her friends, but is looking forward to getting her degree because she “wants a real job.”

A girl on this show actually wants to get a real job outside of MTV? My head is spinning guys, give me a minute…I don’t know how to process this…

Over in Carolina, Jenelle is all hooked up to the baby birthin’ machines. Nathan, who was surely disappointed to find out that the green Jell-O served at the hospital cafeteria did not come in a Dixie cup and have vodka in it, is by Jenelle’s side.

teen mom 2
“Seriously, how does this hospital NOT have a bar!?”

Barbara is also there, watching as Jenelle struggles through her contractions. She’s in a lot of pain and has to wear an oxygen mask. Jenelle tells everyone that she feels like she has to poop, and Barbara encourages her to do that.

Jenelle gets her feet in the stirrups, and starts to push, but there appears to be no doctor there. (Wait…please, oh Baby Jesus, tell me Barb is going to deliver the child. “Push, Juh-nelle! Bayah down and push tha kid out!”)

All of a sudden, the camera cuts out and we see Baby Kaiser for the first time. Wait, we don’t get to see Jenelle grunt the kid out? What a ripoff! I put up with nine months of her whining about her pregnancy and we don’t even get to see the birth of the baby. COME ON!

This is what happens to you if you spend three minutes under the sheets with Nathan.
This is what happens to you if you spend three minutes under the sheets with Nathan.

Anyway, baby Kaiser is perfect, and we are treated to a montage of photos of the baby with various family members. A few days later, Jenelle and Nathan bring Kaiser home. Their friends come over and Jenelle bitches about how Babs took over when Jace was born and wouldn’t let her do anything for him because she was controlling.

Um… well, that and the fact that you were “HIGH! HIGH!” like a day after Jace was born.

"It feels so good to be a first-time dad...I mean second-time dad."
“It feels so good to be a first-time dad…I mean second-time dad.”

Jenelle seems to be determined to do better with Kaiser, however. Nathan is actually stepping up and taking care of the baby. (He is, of course, wearing his neon wetsuit shirt again.) Barb is going to drop off Jace to see Kaiser, and Nathan makes it clear that he doesn’t want Babs stepping in and trying to parent the new baby.

Over in West Virginia, Corey and Miranda are heading over to the “law-yer” to talk about getting more custody of the twins. Corey says that the girls need more “structure” in their lives, and that he has his own views on how he wants them raised.

“I put 50 percent effort into making them, just as much as she did,” he says.

"We's both put 50 percent into making them babies...and 50 and 50 make 100...right?"
“We’s both put 50 percent into making them babies…and 50 and 50 make 100…right?”

OK…am I the only one that heard that and immediately pictured a huffin’ and puffin’ Corey “making babies” with Leah in the bed of his pickup truck? Ugh. That’s enough to give ya nightmares, eh?

Anyway, Corey says that he isn’t able to talk to Leah and Jeremy about what he’d like to see changed in terms of the girls’ lives because they freak out. He says that he and Leah were able to “co-parent” great before (mmm-hmm) but that’s only because Corey would give in all of the time and let them do whatever they wanted.

Miranda, as always, is a voice of reason and strength for her husband. She is encouraging him to stand up for himself. Gosh, I love her. After Barbara, Miranda may be my favorite ‘Teen Mom 2’ character.

Rusty Webb has been added to the list of epic 'Teen Mom 2' lawyers...
Rusty Webb has been added to the list of epic ‘Teen Mom 2’ lawyers…

Corey and Miranda meet up with their lawyer, whose name is legit “Rusty Webb” because…of course it is. Rusty Webb tells them that Leah wants more money and decision-making authority over Ali because Corey hasn’t been following the doctor’s orders. Corey brings up that Leah hasn’t been taking Ali to her therapy appointments, so Rusty Webb suggests that Corey file a petition to make Corey the primary parent and Leah a weekend parent.

Rusty Webb says it’s going to be hard to get Leah to give up custody, so we should prepare for a brawl, y’all!

A baby sittin' on a pot eatin' McDonalds. It doesn't get more hick than that, folks!
A baby sittin’ on a pot eatin’ McDonalds. It doesn’t get more hick than that, folks!

Leah, meanwhile, is feeding her youngins’ a nutritious McDonald’s lunch. The camera crew makes sure to zoom in and let us viewers know that Baby Addy is actually sitting on a turned-over pot so that she can reach the table to maul her McNuggets. I guess that qualifies as a booster seat in The WV? I mean, at this point, Leah is just doing these things to provide The Ashley fodder for her recaps, right?

Later, Leah gets a “very upsetting email” from Corey’s law-yer so she calls Jeremy to discuss it. (And, yes, Jeremy is saved in Leah’s phone as “My Hubby and My Best Friend.” As you do.)

Leah tells Jeremy that Corey is seeking full custody of the girls and wants Leah to pay him child support. Of course, this makes Leah very upset, but Jeremy doesn’t seem to be worried. “It’s not like you’re shooting up heroin every night,” he tells her. Leah says that Corey’s request is just a way of him cutting her down, and that she’s always tried to be really good to Corey in terms of the girls. Jeremy says that Corey and Miranda have no idea what it’s like to take care of the twins full-time, and Leah vows to call her “law-yer” about this.

"I just hope Jo doesn't rap Isaac his lullabies again..."
“I just hope Jo doesn’t rap Isaac his lullabies again…”

In Delaware, it’s time for Isaac to go to Jo’s for six weeks. During the drive to Jersey, Isaac tells everyone that he doesn’t want to go to Jo’s. Kail is worried that she will collapse into tears when she has to say goodbye to Isaac. She thinks Jo won’t take care of Isaac the way she and Javi do.

The gang arrives at Jo’s apartment in jersey and Isaac is asleep. Kail’s sad that she doesn’t get to say goodbye to Isaac, so she starts crying in the living room. Vee tries to comfort her and assures her she’ll send her plenty of photos, which is sweet.

Meanwhile, it’s time for another one of Aubree’s cornfield softball games. Adam makes an appearance, with Paislee, and Aubree is thrilled to see him. Chelsea is unhappy that Aubree won’t concentrate on her game now that Adam has arrived. During the game, Adam talks to his friends about his relationship with Jessica. (Wait, why are Adam’s friends at the game? Are there seriously so few things to do in their town that a kid’s T-ball game counts as quality entertainment?)

"Daddy, you could start your own softball team with all of your girlfriends!"
“Daddy, you could start your own softball team with all of your girlfriends!”

Adam reveals that he and Jessica have broken up, and that he has been texting Taylor again. In fact, he invited her to Aubree’s softball game.

Oh, guuuuuuurl. I can’t wait to watch Chelsea slice her cat claws through Taylor’s face! Finally, this T-ball game is getting exciting!

Unfortunately, no one ends up bleeding, but Chelsea tells her dad and Other Chelsey how stupid it was for Taylor to come to the game.

In Carolina, Babs and Jace have arrived to see Baby Kaiser. Jenelle shows Babs Kaiser’s room, and as soon as Jenelle goes to change the baby’s diaper, Babs tries to give her parenting tips. Babs says she’s glad that Nathan and Jenelle are doing so well “co-parenting.” (Mmm-hmmmm) They let Jace hold the baby and Babs asks him if he likes his new “brutha.” Jace seems to be indifferent.

Next week, Adam gets arrested (again), Jenelle demands custody of Jace (again), Kail is worried that Isaac will like Jo’s house more than her house (again), and Leah  and Corey head to court (again!)

To read The Ashley’s recap of last week’s ‘Teen Mom 2’ episode, click here!

(Photos: MTV)

26 Comments

  1. It seemed like Corey and Leah were getting along just fine with co-parenting til they each married others and started putting there own two cents into the picture. Germy( love that one) is a real jerk!!!!! If he’s not yelling a Leah about ” MONEY , he’s like smirking when he finally gets Leah walking away in tears. He really gets off on that. I think they call It “verbal abuse”. I ve always loved Corey. But since he remarried its like whatever his new wife says is law . He so proud of himself because he sticks up for himself now with Leah. Yeah, sure, cause now he can’t stick up for himself now wit Miranda. And let’s see. He wants more time wth the girls and wants Leah to pay HIM child support hmmmm, just wonder who came up with that great Idea!!!!!!I feel real big about Ali. She’s such a sweetheart! And I feel for the parents too! Who out there thinks they could do a better job, step up. Cause unless you’re there now or have already gone through something so devastating there not much u xxx an critique about. I think that with as young as these kids get pregnant and keep these kids to raise, most of them never had a normal family life and all keep dreaming of giving their kids that family life they’re seeking for yourselves. They lack the tools. I think they’re all really good with these kids . I’m sorry but I for one (and probably not very popular) think they do a fairly good job!!
    Irich


  2. I’ve had so much to say about all of this and now is my chance, here we go. I am fed up with Leah’s attitude. While we can’t say for certain that Corey would be able to handle Ali’s special needs, I’m sick of seeing Leah act like she’s a saint! Leah is absolutely horrible with money and it is disgusting that she runs around burning money while she moans and cries about her bills. Nobody made the choice for Leah to hop into another marriage and add another kid to this already turbulent mix but her! “I can’t provide for/get Corey to provide for me and my twins so I’ll go get married and have another baby, move from house to house, bitch about my husband working all the time and then cry about how I have no money to buy makeup with!” Yes, $200 dollars a month for twins isn’t a lot but Corey is no dead beat. Leah acts like Corey is the scum of the earth all because she doesn’t get her way. Yes, god forbid the man you married, cheated on, divorced, got back with, left again to get married to a man you barely met and had a baby with doesn’t bow to your beck and call! And now, when he wants more custody of the kids you “need a break” from and apparently don’t have the money to support it’s boo-hoo for perfect mommy Leah. Corey had papers. Actual hand held evidence that they threatened to cancel her therapy where as you can only say the “lady at the therapy office said everything was fine”…if that’s your only evidence in court I don’t think your going to like the out come. Look, all of this being said, I don’t think Leah is the worst mom on earth. She got pregnant young and she got pregnant with twins. Then one of those twins has special needs and that’s not easy for anyone to deal with. But she needs to grow up. She can’t play the victim every time she doesn’t get her way or try to blame everybody else or get stuff from others (time, money, etc.) for just being Leah. She is a big girl now, a big girl with three little girls to look after and she needs to start acting like it.


  3. OMG YOU SHOULD’VE ADDED THE PART WHERE NATHAN TELLS JACE “Want to hear something funny? Your mom is wetting her pants right now”. I was just like what.the.actual.fuck.


  4. Kail is on my nerves, as usual. Shes so damn bossy and think she knows everything.ugh. chelsea acts immature, but she is young. And thank goodness shes found a guy now, so she Wont be going back to douchebag. Leah ….o leah, cant stand her. Hope corey takes the episode where shes high as kite to his lawyer! No i dont think he should hv custody ..but he Should if she continues on those drugs! And jenelle..i hate to say it but Go jenelle keep up the work! And maybe nathan could actually Go to work.


  5. Since having my own child, and being a responsible adult, watching this show is near impossible. The recaps keep me going. But seriously, you didn’t comment on the 2/3 shirt Nathan wore to the hospital? I wonder if he is trying to fit in with the nursing Moms. Nipples, nipples everywhere!


  6. Great recap! However, I believe you are spelling Leah’s husband”s name wrong. I am pretty sure it is Germy… at least that’s what she calls him all the time! 🙂


  7. Is Corey the only one who has kept a stable 8 n come since day one of 16 & pregnant through now? But Corey is a deadbeat…. Well at least he has a job unlike some others on this train wreck


  8. after this season I wanted to add a few things to the drinking game
    drink when
    -Nathan wears something ridiculous (huge gulp if its spandex)
    -Adam is arrested or has a court date
    -someone goes to see a lah yer
    -Adam shows up with no sleeves on
    -Leah or Jeremy seem stoned
    -someone decides to “take time off”
    -Nathan bring up custody of Jace while his daughter lives with her grandparents
    -we have to listen to Taylor ramble on again
    -Leah feeds her daughters off a fast food menu
    -there is a very staged on air convo between the girls and a friend or parent
    -Leah dresses like a 50 year old soccer mom
    -Nathan uses a smart word yet has absolutely no idea what it means and uses it wrong (Jace wont secede over there…. apparently poor Jace is leaving the union)


  9. I used to really like Corey until these past few episodes. Finding out that he only pays $200 a month for twins and then bitches and belly aches about that!!! He is ridiculous!! And he wants custody pfft!!!! He could not handle having those children 24/7. And then on top of everything he wants to throw Leah under the bus?! He has got a lot of nerve!!! I don’t know who sent him papers about Leah not taking Ali to therapy but I believe Leah when she says she takes her. The therapist even backed her up on it. If he wants more time with the girls I highly suggest he start paying Leah the correct amount of child support…he won’t like that very much because then he wouldn’t have money to play with like he does now. Idiot!!!! I don’t know who is worse, him, Nathan or Adam. At least Javi and Jo are acting like adults, if only the rest of the men on the show would grow up.


    1. Leah says the therapist backed her up, all off camera, so really you have no idea if the therapist said Leah is in the right or if the therapist said y’all need Jesus and leave me out of it


    2. I thought that it was the therapist that called Corey and told him that Ali wasn’t going to therapy? Did I mishear it last week?


    3. Cory may be a good father, but he had proven that he is not able to properly care for a special needs child. From the beginning when Ali was a baby, Cory denied that there was anything different about her. While Leah was taking her to doctors appointments and therapy Cory was adamite that Ali was fine and didn’t need it. He has done the same thing with her diagnosis, her school, and her wheelchair. He has been fighting against doctors, therapists, and Leah throughout this whole process. Instead he should have been fighting for his daughter. Cory is still in denial about Ali, he hasn’t accepted her diagnosis and what that means for her future. Leah is not the best mother, I don’t agree with some of her choices, however, Ali would not be doing as good as she is now if Leah hadn’t pushed for it. She knows what is ahead for Ali and is doing her best to make sure has what she needs to make it.


    4. To be fair, Leah couldn’t and doesn’t handle them 24/7 either–Corey’s dad mentioned that Corey has the kids from Friday to Monday. Corey also doesn’t want to take the girls away from Leah, he wants primary custody with Leah getting the girls on the weekends.

      Corey’s really not throwing Leah under the bus very much. In fact, he spoke of her and Jeremy in a more respectable manner away from the children than Leah and Jeremy did in the presence of the children. Does that not concern you? It’s heartbreaking to me.

      The therapist sent him the list of appointments Ali’s missed because she’s concerned that she will be discontinued from the program if she doesn’t start coming to her appointments.

      Also, Javi isn’t acting like an adult. He got pissy at Kail for not demanding Isaac on father’s day. A father should recognize how important that day is.


    5. Just because he only pays $200 in cash doesn’t mean that’s all he pays. My ex-significant other only pays $200/month but he also buys all school clothes and any sports or extra curricular activity stuff he chips in. Puts money on their school lunch card and pays for any field trips. It’s totally possible Corey helps pay for the girls dance classes, therapy and oh yeah…THEIR INSURANCE, which Leah can’t do bc that would require her actually working at a job for more than 90 days.


      1. A Flippin Men!!!!!! Leah thinks she provides everything for those girls, but Corey is the only one between the two that has kept a job since she was pregnant. Remember the season before lasts reunion special when Dr. Drew told her she needed to pump the breaks on having kids and reevaluate her life? Wonder what he will say to her this reunion, because girl obviously didn’t even have a foot near the break. Doesn’t she want even more kids now too? How the hell is she going to pay for them? Is she going to take Corey to court for more child support so she can support her baby making


    1. I was scrolling through Pinterest, and their was a tutorial on DIY tank tops, and they looked just like Nathan’s blue leotard!!!


      1. It looks like he’s wearing a really big thong as a shirt lol I’m missing his frosted hair tips that look like he shoved his head in a bowl of cake batter.


    1. I rewound that 3 times just to make sure that she was actually sitting on a pot………and immediately could not wait to read the recap!!!

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