Yes, The Ashley knows that this Teen Mom 2 recap is later than Leah’s period after a meeting with Robbie Kidd, but, hey whatcha gonna do?
Let’s get started, as there are a lot of hijinks to cover and only a little bit of time before The Ashley punches a wall and yells “I’M DONE (with this stupid show)!”
The episode kicks off with Leah and Jeremy heading to drop off the girls with Corey. They pull over to the designated spot in the woods and shovel the girl into Corey’s truck (all while Corey somehow manages to keep his spittin’ regiment in tact).
Corey brings up the fact that he wants more custody of the twins again, and he and Jeremy keep exchanging these weird smirks during this conversation, almost like Corey’s trying to congratulate Jeremy for calling Leah out on The Twitter for her cheatin’ ways, but he doesn’t want to say it because he’s afraid Leah will beat him over the head with her bag of Mary Kay makeup. Jeremy exchanges a knowing smile.
Corey wants him and Leah to both have part of the week and part of the weekend, and Leah agrees to think about it. On the drive home, Leah tells Jeremy that she’s unable to split custody so that they each have four days with the girls because, ding-dangit, there ain’t eight days in a week! (Leah’s birth control packet taught her that fact! Haha, just kidding; we all know Leah doesn’t use birth control.)
Over in Carolina, Jenelle and Nathan are basking in their post-vacation glow. Jenelle’s upset, though, because her mom Babs didn’t make a big “whooptie-do” about Jenelle’s engagement to Nathan. Just because this is like Jenelle’s fifth engagement in two years doesn’t make it any less special, Babs! Come ON! At least fry up a doughboy or two in celebration.
Babs has other things to do, of course, like raise Jenelle’s son, who has taken to calling Babs “Mom.”
If that’s not bad enough, there’s trouble in paradise for Jenelle and Nathan. They got into a big fight with their friends in St. Thomas, so Jenelle obviously has to regale her friend with the tale of what happened. Since MTV couldn’t scramble together a local street urchin to play Jenelle’s friend, Jenelle Facetimes her old pal, Trashbag Tori, to explain what happened.
Tori pretends to be thrilled over Jenelle’s engagement, but brings up the fact that Jenelle and Nathan are pretty much a trainwreck.
“I mean, y’all have y’alls rough edges…”
I’m sorry, what now? For some reason I think that Tori is among the group that believes there are, indeed, eight days in a week.
Anyway, Jenelle tells Tori how Nate’s friends “teamed up” on her and screamed that she doesn’t deserve her kids, etc. This fight caused tension between Nate and Jenelle, too, apparently.
While Jenelle is explaining the fight to Tori, a shirtless Nathan is wandering around the house (possibly looking for his scissors so that he can cut up another T-shirt?)
He hears Jenelle telling Tori the story, and comes around the corner and yells, “Stop it!”
Nathan accuses Jenelle of disrespecting him (all while flexing random muscle groups) and runs into the bathroom to shave his legs.
Tori, who is still on the Facetime, hears everything.
“When are you ever going to get any peace, Jenelle?”
Um…probably when she stops dating and getting engaged to douchebags.
Next, we check in with Chelsea, who is still reeling from the huge fight she recently got in with Adam’s mother. Apparently Ma Lind wasn’t supervising Adam’s visit with Aubree like she was supposed to and Chelsea is pissed.
She tells Other Chelsey that Adam recently got arrested for domestic stalking (as you do), but Ma Lind is in total denial. She told Chelsea that Adam was falsely accused, (“He was framed, I tells ya!”) and that he didn’t stalk anyone and he’s an upstanding citizen. Clearly.
Chelsea meets with her lawyer to tell him about her fight with Adam’s mom. He draws up a request for all of Adam’s visitation to take place in a visitation center. Meanwhile, Adam is meeting with his lawyer.
His lawyer pulls up a seat and makes herself comfortable. She knows she’s going to be there for a while.
“Which case do you want to talk about first?” she asks him. “There are so many!”
They decide to talk about his custody case with Chelsea. The lawyer tells him that Chelsea is saying that he has anger issues and an extreme disregard for the law and the safety of others. (She should have also mentioned his extreme neglect to wear anything other than “bro tanks.”)
Adam’s angry to hear that Chelsea wants his visits to be at a visitation center.
“The visitation center is for drug addicts who can’t even take care of themselves.”
Now be fair, Adam. I’m sure there are plenty of alcoholic criminals there too. You’ll fit right in!
Finally, we meet up with Kail, who is still having a bad time in her marriage to Javi. They are heading off to marriage therapy again, and their therapist is upset to find out that Javi and Kail have not “dialogued” about their fights.
Um…why not just say “talk?” I guess people won’t pay you $150 an hour if you use regular words.
Anyway, the therapist asks them to talk about what they appreciate about each other. Kail tells Javi that she likes that Javi is hard-working. Javi tells Kail he likes that she has passion. Kail is mad that Javi likes her passion. She yells at him for giving her a compliment. The therapist looks like if there wasn’t a camera pointed at her mug, she’d leave the room and yell, “Y’all are on your own!”
Meanwhile, Jenelle hasn’t seen Jace in over two weeks, so she’s going to her lawyer’s office to “dialogue” about getting custody of Jace. Nathan told her that he would accompany her to the lawyer, but when it’s time to leave for the appointment, Nathan is late. She yells at Nate for making her late, and Nate gets all pouty and announces that he’s not going with her at all. He gets out of the car and Jenelle starts screaming.
She runs back into the house to scream at Nathan that she needs him to go. (Wait—why? Just let him stay home and work on his Hooked on Phonics while you go to the lawyer’s office.) Jenelle starts crying and begging him to go.
“I’M DONE!” Nathan screams, taking a page from the great Amber Portwood.
Jenelle explains that THIS IS FOR HER SON, Jack er…Jace, and that she needs Nathan’s support. Meanwhile, her other son is crying downstairs, having been left alone.
“I don’t even know if it’s worth getting Jace back, since he’ll come home to this,” Jenelle says.
Um…then why not ditch the dude and just be alone with your kids? Just sayin’…
They call each other bitches, and Jenelle is whining and crying off camera. Even the MTV camera men must have been afraid to go upstairs and film the fight, so they just stay downstairs and let Jenelle and Nate’s mics capture the moment.
We go back to see what Leah’s up to. The twins came back from Corey’s the night before, and Jeremy’s working, so it’s just Leah and her three youngins. Leah’s having a hard time tendin’ to the babies, what with Addie peeing all over herself and Leah’s boots. The other girls are completely zonked out, but Leah knows she has to “bath” the babies, so she wakes them up to stick them in the tub. Pee-soaked Addie is already asleep, but Leah manages to get them all into the tub, by 10 p.m.
By 10:45 the babies are bathed, and Leah’s running around like a wild woman, drying off kids, and fixin’ some sort of canned Chef Boy-Are-They-Gross ravioli. (She must have run out of Lunchables and grenade juices.)
The MTV camera men are being kind of dicks. They randomly keep showing the clock so that viewers know how late it is. I kind of love them for this.
Also, why the hell is Leah’s cat blue. He’s just sitting there, looking like a pseudo-Smurf, and you can just tell that he’s thinking about blowing this loony bin and choosing life on the streets. At least homeless cats don’t get a face full of Crayola marker on the regular.
By 11 p.m. the girls are eating their ravioli.
Yup, I have no clue why Corey’s concerned about the twins. Most five-year-olds eat their canned ravioli dinner at 11 p.m. It’s good for them!
Leah finally shuttles the girls off to bed at midnight.
The next morning, Leah shuffles in looking like one of the “After” photos on that Faces Of Meth website. She says it’s because she didn’t get much sleep the night before (what with all the ravioli fixin’ and cat colorin’) but honestly, somehow between the hours of midnight and 7 a.m. Leah’s hair seemed to go through a deep fryer.
Of course, the girls didn’t get much sleep either and are mad that they have to wake up for school after going to bed so late the night before. They have to be at school by 8:15 but by 7:45 the girls are still in their PJs. Leah’s trying to get the youngins fixed up to go to school, but things are progressing slowly.
At one point Ali looks straight at the cameras and basically shames her mom.
“Is my hair brushed? No,” she announces as she shoves a headband over her unbrushed wig.
Leah gleefully announces that they’re actually going to be on time for school today as she drives the kids. (“That dern Corey Tyler ain’t gonna have nothin’ to say about us bein’ late today, kids!”)
Later, she and her mother Dawn go to what seems like the same restaurant she and Jeremy had their fight at during Episode 1. (I can’t be sure until I see the weird food bar.)
The waitress delivers a plate of fried food items and Leah tells her mom that she has no energy.
“I knew when you’s got pregnant with twins at such a young age it was gonna be hard,” Dawn says.
Leah says she is determined that her girls will get on birth control at the age of 13, whether they like it or not. (Um…why don’t you get on birth control, Leah? Stop poppin’ out youngins with unbrushed hair!)
After the Ravioli Night From Hell, Leah tells her mom that she’s thinking about letting Corey take the twins a few days during the week, since it’s becoming too much for her to do alone.
Dawn is against the whole thing, though.
“Y’all just went to court and y’all just got all that settled!” she proclaims. “Y’all can just stop with that mess!”
Something tells me that after Dawn watches this episode, she will rethink that statement.
THINK OF THE BLUE CAT, DAWN!
Meanwhile, things with Kail and Javi aren’t going well. They are still fighting like Jenelle and Nathan, and Javi tells Kail he’s tired of all the screaming. Javi packs a bag and heads to a hotel, desperate to escape the madness.
After he’s gone, Kail calls her friend Sterling to tell her about the fight. Apparently, Kail is now following some dude named Mike on the Instagram, and Javi’s not happy about it. (That’s like a ‘sleep on the couch’ offense, not a ‘pay a hotel room rate plus tax’ offense.)
Kail says it’s no big deal that she followed Mike, but Javi said that he’s done with their marriage. When Kail puts Isaac to bed, Isaac is sad because Javi’s not there to say goodnight to him. Kail calls Javi but Javi doesn’t pick up his phone so Isaac leaves a (heartbreaking) goodnight message. He’s sad that Javi’s not there to give him a hug and a kiss.
This is melting The Ashley’s cold, cold heart guys.
Kail explains that Javi will be back tomorrow, and Isaac goes to bed sad. Javi comes home a few hours later and he and Kail have a serious talk about getting divorced. They decide that they can’t stay married for the kids’ happiness.
Back in Jenelle’s nook of the woods, things are going swell. And by “swell” I mean she’s sitting in one of her many luxury cars crying over her fight with Nathan. Nate calls, but it’s not to apologize—he just wants her to know why he’s mad. This makes Jenelle turn her car around and go fetch Nathan. (Um…wasn’t she going to be late for her appointment like two fights ago? Seriously, at this rate, she’ll be lucky if her lawyer is still in business by the time her and this crapgoblin make it there.)
Nate comes out, Kaiser in hand, and gets in the car. Nathan calls the lawyer to see if they can still come “even if we’re late” (um…I think we’re passed that point, buddy). The lawyer will still see them, so they head on out.
To pass the time during the drive, Nate tells Jenelle that when she called him a bitch, it made him very angry.
“If God hadn’t graced you with a vagina, I would have knocked you clear into the wall,” he tells Jenelle.
Nope, nothing scary or passive-aggressive about that comment! By all means, Babs should just throw Jace in the car and deliver him to these two hooligans to raise. It’s such a healthy environment! He’ll make serial killer status by the age of 17 at this rate!
Jenelle says that Nate hasn’t been there for her since the St. Thomas trip, and she and Nate agree that they need to go to counseling.
Nate and Jenelle finally makes it to the lawyer’s office. He manages to keep a straight face as Jenelle explains she’s responsible and stable enough to get custody of Jace, even though she was just completely irresponsible and most likely eight hours late for her appointment with him. The lawyer explains that Jenelle will have to show a substantial change in her behavior in order to get custody back. Jenelle tells him that she no longer uses illegal drugs, and that she’s been in a stable house since she moved to Myrtle Beach.
Um…girl, you haven’t even been in a stable house for an hour. That creepy deer head on the wall would have a better chance of getting custody of Jace than Jenelle and Nathan.
Jenelle is nervous that Babs will get angry and withhold Jace from her when she gets the custody papers.
Back in South Dakota, Adam and his trusty hooligan pal Justin are taking Aubree for dessert. They’re tearing down the highway in a big truck until they reach the restaurant, where Adam asks Aubree how she feels about having to go see him at a “big, ugly, unfun supervised center.” In between stuffing her face with ice cream Aubree answers Adam’s completely inappropriate questions. It’s obvious Adam’s asking her these things because he wants her answers to be captured on film.
That night, Aubree comes back to Chelsea’s house and tells Chelsea that Adam promised her that she will go to his house soon.
“He promised me!” Aubree says. “You can never, ever break a promise.”
Unless you are Adam and you promise to abide by the law, of course.
Over in the WV, Corey and his wife Miranda are fixin’ to have a little fun. They go out off-roadin’ and are having a great time. Of course, MTV forces them to ruin the fun by having to talk about Leah and the custody thing. Corey says that he thinks Leah’s house is completely chaotic, and that the girls need to go to bed before midnight and not eat food that could technically be condemned as toxic waste.
At Leah’s humble abode, things are hectic once again. Aleeah’s heading to a cheerleading competition and (shockingly) Leah’s running late. Jeremy’s home from work and will be attending the festivities, but can’t seem to get things under control.
Aleeah’s busy blowdrying her hair (with the same pink hairdryer that Nathan has, for some reason), and is waiting for Leah to come help her. Leah, however, is angry that they are late because, she “woke up early and everything!”
Jeremy demands that Leah clean her car out before they embark on their journey. He says there is nowhere for them to put anything.
“Shove it all in the back!” Aleeah suggests tellingly, and Jeremy acknowledges that this isn’t the first time Leah’s used that strategy.
Leah delicately places Aleeah’s cheer costume on top of moldy looking boxes and a pile of trash in her trunk. Her car looks like something out of Hoarders. Things are piled all the way to the dingdang ceiling, so when Leah places a coat in the back, it falls on top of Addie, who’s already being smothered by garbage. A backpack falls on top of her and she starts screaming for her life.
Jeremy brings up the fact that if they get a wreck, they would probably not even be able to find the kids in the backseat, given all the piles of garbage around them. This gets Leah all fired up and they start screaming at each other.
Meanwhile, trash, jackets and most likely blue cats are smothering Leah’s youngins in the backseat of the Junk Mobile.
“My God, look at all the crap!” Jeremy shouts, before pointing out that he can’t even see out of the rearview mirror.
Leah takes offense to that; after all, she claims, most people can’t see out of their rearview mirror. Hell, in their neck of the woods, people probably don’t even have rearview mirrors! They just stick a piece of tinfoil up there and hope it reflects enough to give them a gander of the road behind them.
Leah gets angry that Jeremy keeps bringing up how insane her car is and it ends with them cursing and screaming at each other. Naturally.
To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous episode of ‘Teen Mom 2’ click here!